ashbee01
My story starts at a young age, and i'm sure i'm not alone in that. I really can't recall when I first realized I weighed more than other kids my age, but I kind of always knew. My first memory of knowing I was "fat" was when I was 7 years old. I still remember laying in bed on Christmas Eve, staring across the room at this tiny little christmas tree that my mom always decorated and put into my room for the holidays. I closed my eyes and prayed that Santa would make me skinny. I prayed so hard and for so long, eventually I fell asleep that way. When I woke up the next morning, the sun hadn't even come up yet. I remember being half asleep and groggy, and running my hands over my stomach, sides and legs. I was hoping I'd gotten the only Christmas present I really wanted--a new, thin body. When I realized that I could still feel the extra flesh and padding, I didn't cry. But I remember how very sad I felt, and the memory of that still hurts. Back then, I truly thought that the fact that Santa didn't bring me a "normal" body for Christmas was a punishment. Surely, I must have been naughty if I didn't get the one and only present I wanted?
Fast forward to age 12. I started puberty at an early age (10 yrs old) and was even more alarmingly aware of how much bigger I was than other girls my age. I started skipping meals here and there, but doing so always made me feel sick. I remember that Easter, I went with my family to a reunion at my Uncle's ranch. I had skipped breakfast that morning and as always, it made me feel weak. I remember telling an Aunt of mine that I didn't feel well and when she asked me why, I told her that I hadn't eaten breakfast. She just looked at me and then said "Honey, you don't need to eat breakfast". The way she said it hurt more like a thousand knives being thrown at me at once. It was obvious she was alluding to my weight. Her daughter (my cousin, whom I looked up to and adored) was a tiny girl and always had been. She was 3 years older then me and a size 2 in juniors clothes. I was a size 14.
I'm a grown woman now, married to a wonderful man and blessed with 2 beautiful babies. I am the happiest I've ever been in my life, and the saddest....if that makes any sense? I have tried for years and years to lose weight. I have spent hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars on personal trainers, gym memberships, diet programs and exercise equipment. I am 5 feet 3 1/2 inches tall and 241 pounds. My lowest weight ever was 154 lbs and even that was overweight for my height and frame. In high school, I was the most active I've ever been in my life----I joined various sports teams, took up jogging and cheerleading, despite being extremely self conscious. I was the kid in school who tried to make everything funny. I felt like having a sense of humor would make up for the fact that I weighed more than my fellow cheerleaders and friends. Thankfully, I maintained my weight pretty well in high school but shortly after I graduated, that all changed.
In the past 5 years, I have gained over 90 pounds. I know that its my own fault and due to my own choices in life. I am not as active as I was, though I try to be. I overeat constantly and I don't understand why. After the birth of my son this past January, I contacted MRSA and was in and out of the hospital and surgeries for 3 months. It was a living nightmare and I have never felt the same. I get sick so easily now and am just now getting over my first ever kidney infection. I am tired all of the time and though I try to stave them off as much as I can, I have already had 2 subsequent MRSA outbreaks. The blisters are painful and embarrassing and every time one pops up, I have to get on a new round of antibiotics. Which results in me feeling weaker and sicker than before. It's a never ending cycle and since this all has started, I have gained another 15 pounds on my already heavy body. I just can't do this anymore and I am feeling tired and defeated. I need help and I have come to realize that the Lap Band might be the help I need. I have been researching and i've spent countless hours reading about the procedure. I am hoping that the Lap Band is the right tool to help me lose weight and keep it off. I don't want to live in this nightmare anymore.....I feel like once I can lose this weight, I can start to improve my immune system and the other health related problems that I have.
I'm ready to take the dive and accept the consequences. I can honestly say that I am not afraid. Joining this website is my first step towards a newer, healthier me and a happy, healthy life. I have 2 children who rely on me and need me to be at my best. I am determined to do that. Step 2 will come this Thursday, as I will be attending my first Lap Band Seminar. I am VERY excited, to say the least. Please join me in my journey towards WLS, I could all the advice and support I can get :)
