Freaking out.

Sep 26, 2012

          So...I am beginning to freak out a little bit about all of the changes that I will have to make for surgery.  I have only one more appt (a cardiac clearance), and a surgery 101 course, and then I will be playing the waiting game for my insurance to approve or deny me. Everyone involved in the process, from my surgeon to my patient coordinator, say that there is no reason that the insurance won't approve me. However, that is not my worry.
          My biggest concern is the fact that I have to quit smoking. Sounds stupid, I know, but I have been a heavy and regular smoker for over 14 years. I can't imagine life without smoking. Most people just look at me with an annoyed and confused look on their face, and just say, "It'll be hard, I guess, but just do it". HAHA Just DO IT. Even my boyfriend who also smokes, although not as heavily or for as long as I have, looks at me like I am weak because I am terrified of quitting. (He also supposedly plans on quitting with me) I guess that does make me pathetic, but I don't care. I am scared, and I am finding no support. Sucks. I am so nervous about living life smoke free that I am even trying to talk myself out of getting the surgery. 
          My other concern is the fact that I can only "sip" water. I go through an average of a gallon and a half of water every single day, and of course I guzzle it. If I don't, I feel nasty and tend to get a lot of headaches. How the hell am I going to sip water while out in the 102 degree heat? (I live in Phoenix).
          Maybe I am not ready, because if I was, I would be willing to do anything for the surgery. All I read online are posts from people that are "so ready" for the surgery. And from the sounds of it, they apparently have no doubts and will damn near kill their mothers because they have been "waiting for so long", at least if you believe 90% of the posts and blogs online.
          I, however, am not so perky about the whole thing.I wish I WAS like those people.  I AM excited and am more than willing to take on every change that I must make. No more beer, cane sugar, or carbonated drinks. More excercise, vitamins, etc., but I do not know about quitting smoking or drinking less water.
Lame.
-Angela

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