From the start until today

Oct 23, 2010

October 2009 - attended seminar for bariatric surgery and never listened to anything so intently as I did that evening.  I left excited and full of hope.  Finally help.

January 1, 2010 - New changed insurance from open enrollment kicked in and I filled out the packet of info from seminar, went to my doc to ask one last time for support of surgery or to sign request to release records as I had been asking for 6 years, she finally said yes and I had a letter of support in my hands withine 2 days.  Took my entire packet into surgeons office and was given a consult date of 2/11/10.

February 11, 2010 - Consult with surgeon.  I was told I would have to lose 75 lbs. before he would schedule surgery and was given a suggested diet to follow.  Vitamins galore & protein shakes became my new best friend.  By doing what they told me to do and I won't lie, some head banging, some whining, some tough love with myself, changing habits, educating myself and reading any info I could get my hands on how to eat low carb/high protein and lets not even discuss exercise me and the treadmill did not see eye to eye.  I managed to lose those 75 lbs in just about 3 months and was given a surgery date of May 19, 2010.  My husbands birthday, go figure.  I kept the date after talking it over with him and spent the next 20 some days freaking out, worrying, making sure everything in life was in order from work to home to bills/household paperwork.

I stopped nicotine (why I ever did this to myself I don't even understand, just dumb), caffeine and carbonated drinks.  All gone all at once.  Yes I was insane, but pumped up on hope.  It worked.  I haven't touched any of that since January 4, 2010.  One of the smartest things I have ever done. 

May 18, 2010 - pace.  Have been on liquids only for last week, get on scale and make mental note if they don't weigh me to announce real loud that I actually lost 82 lbs before surgery day and keep pacing.  Talk to our son and we decided after he insisted (he is 12 and like his mother) he wanted to sit and observe the surgery like they do on Grey's Anatomy that he would go to school and dad would pick him up after school and bring him to see me with the promise if anything went wrong that dad or a family member would come get him ASAP.  Final run down of my OCD do you know this, do u have this, did we do this, do not burn me if  die cuz I'll haunt you, remember to call ur mom, blah, blah, blah annoying wife things.  I might of slept, not sure because before I knew it the alarm went off.

May 19, 2010 - I had to be at the hospital by 6:30 a.m., I think I just shut off my emotions so that I'd actually make it there and not chicken out.  My husband is wonderful, kind and calm, he tolerated my endless rambles, worries and tears.  Check in and wait.  That 15 minutes was awful until a smiley lady called my name and I went into robot mode, just do as they say and shut up.  I did.  I was on my way to a new healthier me and I was still riding the hope coaster and loving it.

I had open RYN, because of my size I did not have laporscopic surgery.  I woke up to 22 staples and was never so happy to see a nurse in my life.  I was in the hospital for 2 days and had no complications from my surgery.  I went home, blew out some staples doing something stupid for my parents that live with us and we care for and had to pack a small open wound where they pulled the staples for a few weeks until it healed and I was back to work and ready for anything within 3 weeks.

June 21, 2010 - September 4, 2010 were amazing.  Couldn't of asked for a hotter summer in Michigan, spent 2 weeks of July at the family cabin enjoying family/friends, sun and fun.  Was swimming almost every day of this past summer and outside because finally it was hot enough!  I love summer! From 2/11/10 until this moment I was down 182 lbs and I felt like a new person, I have not felt this good since... hell I don't even remember.  None of it came easy, as there are things that I found hard and I'll list those separately in another entry.  But, for the first time in years I was never so sad and vocal about summer coming to an end. 

Labor day weekend and waiting for my boys to come home from hockey practice because we were going to get some things for a family BBQ we were attending the next day.  It was not going to happen.  I did my normal protein shake in the early morning and decided to have something to eat because since I was doing things around the house I did not stop to eat lunch (yay never hungry thing!) so I had some ground beef and cheese and went on doing laundry and cleaning.  I thought oh what did I do to get something stuck and remember thinking I ate to fast and decided to take a break and since it had been enough time since I ate to drink some water.  Huge mistake.

My stomach started hurting me at levels I've not ever experienced in my life.  I kept thinking what did u eat, maybe bad beef.  The hubby comes home to find me laying in bed face down rocking and crying.  It started an hour ago, it'll be fine as it's probably because I ate to fast or something is stuck.  I tried more water and then threw up.  I notice color and internally freak a tad and get up to pace.  6 hours later I am either going to shoot myself and am referring to "I'd rather give birth 12 times over before this pain" take me to the ER now my toleration level is at negative 354 and I keep getting sick and now can't even sit still.  Leave kid with old people and head to ER while I wish myself dead the entire ride and remember thinking well its been one hell of a summer its OK.  I was in that much pain.

ER staff either got tired of me asking for them to kill me or they really seen the intense look on my face and moved fast, I offered them my house, car and the old people I take care of to move faster.  Pee in a cup, Xray and then a scan later they find a small bowel blockage (it was caused by scar tissue of first surgery) and I'm handed a little plastic cup with 2 docs telling me drink this and one of two things will happen:  it will move the blockage (or something of that sort) or make you sick, really sick.  I downed it, I was desperate I didn't even argue that it was oil (brain block of what type, but safe lol) and then was told to wait five minutes and sip this water.  Thirty minutes later same two guys show up and ask me a bazillion questions, I beg for pain killers, they poke at me instead (they were amazing I was just out of it and wanted to not be in pain) and was handed another round of this wonderful oil to enjoy.  I did what I was told and the nurse handed me one of those little pink who knows what they are called, but I call them the kidney shaped puke catchers and continues on her way.  My guts start doing things I never knew existed and I start eying up where I could hide or go to die.  In my head spin I notice a real puke holder...big pink square maybe a wash basin thing, who knows because all I remember is telling the nurse she might want to get me something bigger quick and she put that in my hands and I think I lost 8 lbs into that pink square.  My poor husband.  Guy is still here to and I don't know why, lol!  I do not remember much after that until I was told I would be staying and probably having surgery pretty quick.  I went to ER at 9pm Saturday night and was in surgery by noon Sunday to repair the obstruction.  Again waking up with now 18 staples and cut right down the same just healed incision scar.  I was pissed.

Not pissed at anyone or anything in particular.  I was just pissed.  I felt different after this surgery, I felt sick.  I was home from original surgery in less then 3 days and this one I was in from Saturday night and release the following Friday afternoon.  I only had water on a sponge to wet mouth and then ice chips a few days later then a Popsicle on day of release.  I didn't even realize that until my hubby told me days later.  I was still pissed, I work at a university and I missed the first week of classes....u don't do that.  See how I was thinking, how stupid am I.  I even told the doc on first follow up visit when asked how are you.  I'm pissy.  He is amazing and of course said OK and moved on with the appointment with a smile.  I stared at the wall.  He still smiled as he left the room and reminded me that I was and will be OK and you know it could be worse.  He was right, but I was still mad, not at him, I was just mad.

I go back to work next week after being off since then and I'm ready again.  This time I didn't bother asking to go back early, I was not even mentally ready until recently and yea guess what I had a staple blow out yet again and this round got to pack 3 open wounds.  I'm down to one and it is almost closed as of today and I'll be glad when it is.  

Just last week it hit me when I passed the full sized mirror in the bathroom and took a step back lifted up shirt and stood side ways......holy shit what is happening...no kidding and told my husband I needed to take pictures, I need to compare because I caught this glimpse and the kind man he is went into a line of schmuck talk that blew up my ego and I was like no kidding and he is like don't u see it.  Nope.  That was a week ago.  I am no longer pissed or mad.  I am ready to take on the world again and am so thankful that I had a great surgeon to work his magic on my guts and keep me moving forward and that I have a husband and son who are the best damn cheering team a girl could ask for.  

I can't wait to see what the next year brings and even beyond.

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