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Kelly had  surgery in 2003. She had eating issues that somehow where not dealt with.  I watched her go through alot.  I saw her through a 45 day hospital admit till a treatment center could be found. I watched as she escaped from it sadly. I took her back and was with her for her feeding tube.  And then she moved away.  Somehow  her eating disorder took over and with alcohol and drug abuse on drop she had a lot of organ damage.  I will miss her and her smail. Knowing her changed my life forever. 

In Loving Memory Kelly Evonne (Stockinger) Hoffman 07/04/1973  -  08/08/2009

Kelly Evonne (Stockinger) Hoffman, age 36, died in Overland Park, KS on Saturday, August 8, 2009. She had moved to Overland Park last summer to be closer to her family.   She was born July 4, 1973 in Portsmouth, VA, to John Richard and Jeannetta (Lutz) Stockinger. Kelly graduated from Loogootee High School in 1991. Since graduation, she worked as a medical billing and office manager. Kelly was a member of St. John Catholic Church in Loogootee.   Kelly lived life to the fullest and loved to travel, especially vacationing in Jamaica. She was kind and caring, always ready to help others. She was very proud of her niece, Madelynne. She enjoyed visiting with family and talking to the many friends she had made from all over the country.   Kelly is survived by her fiance Ronnie Lewis of Overland Park; her father John Stockinger of Grain Valley, MO; her sister Alysen (Stockinger) Abel, brother-in-law Phil and niece, Madelynne of Overland Park; and grandmother Doretha Stockinger of Boonville, IN. She was preceded in death by her mother Jeannetta M. (Lutz) Stockinger, grandparents John A. Stockinger, James E. Lutz, Sr. and Marie C. Lutz Boonville, IN.   Memorial services will be held at 4:30 p.m.Thursday, August 13, at the Porter Funeral Home, 8535 Monrovia Lenexa, KS. Visitation will be from 3:00 - 4:30 p.m. at the funeral home.   A memorial service will be held in Loogootee, IN at the Brocksmith Funeral Home at 2:30 p.m. Saturday, August 15 where friends may call from 12:30 - 2:30 p.m

I am over 5 years out. I married  my highschool sweetheart and the love of my life on October 18,2008. It was beautiful my son walked me down the isle and my kids gave me away and Mikes daughter gave him away. We had it at our hoe it was set up like a castle and the deck over looking the river and arbor in the drive were fantastic.  I have about 10lbs that need to come off.  I still have meat issues and can have bad days if I dont watch I need to get back ove track.

Loss And Gain

When I compare
What I have lost with what I have gained,
What I have missed with what attained,
Little room do I find for pride.

I am aware
How many days have been idly spent;
How like an arrow the good intent
Has fallen short or been turned aside.

But who shall dare
To measure loss and gain in this wise?
Defeat may be victory in disguise;
The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
 

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If anyone has any questions at all--please feel free to ask.

Personal Info - I am 38 years old. I am separated from my hubby- I have 3 wonderful children that I home school, their ages are 14 boy and two girls 12 and 9. I am researching this surgery. I had looked into it before and decided no. I lost close to 100 pounds on my own and had a tummy tuck in 1997. Then had a leg injury and regained that back plus a few of his friends! That surgery I am looking into is VBGB- Vertical Banded Gastric Bypass. It is just like RNY only it has a band around pouch to keep me from being a piggy  and eating fast. Yes I am a fast eater.
02/19/2003 First Consult with Dr Kaderabek. I first met him with my dad, for cancer surgery. (Dad is in remission yippee!)Then ran into him again when my son was at hospital. And he asked me how my dad was doing. And it hit me, he took time to remember, a very rare find. Then we started talking about WLS and he told me to come to a group consult.

03/07/2003 had surgery on right elbow and wrist. To take stress off the nerves. They were going to do both at same time. But we decided the need/ability to wipe one's butt was important! The whole arm/handcuff story is after my August entry.

03/11/2003 Meet with Dr Paul Smith he was great. And had a great sense of humor. He was for mental clearance. After he asked about my arm and heard whole story. He decided I could handle WLS with no problem!

03/18/2003 Called Anthem no news

Called anthem on 3/25/2003 Found out is denied! "I told them I am appealing this."
Said I did not have enough "Diet History" I don’t think they read packet. (Found out later they deny in hopes we give up) I had to add 3 extra pages for my diet history. Called and Dr Office and asked for appeal packet which was a joke. Also called my family Dr. Pfeifer to get appointment for a letter for part of my appeal.

03/28/2003 Surgery for left arm. It was really bad the nerve in wrist was crushed in 3 places.

04/07/2003 Went to Dr Pfeifer (family Doc) told him what was going on and he said not a problem. He wrote a really good letter to Anthem. If any one needs a PCP letter let me know.

04/11/2003 called the appeals department at Anthem. I spoke to Chastity Howell very helpful I told her my Dr Doctor was sending them a letter. She asked if I had a copy of it and to fax it. I faxed it plus a 5 page letter of appeal from me. (Please keep in mind I had to wait 21 stinkin days to appeal (standard practice) No wonder why we get so upset during the appeal process. It just sits there!)

04/14/2003 Called Anthem to make sure they had the info!

 

04/15/2003 Waiting is the hardest part. I am recovering from a surgery so it makes the time between me calling the insurance company pass more easily. LOL

04/17/2003**HOT DAMN I HAVE BEEN APPROVED AND HAVE A DATE****
Chastity (from Anthem) called this morning and said she was going to fax a form to the Dr and I had everything I needed just needed that form. I was approved within 20 min after getting that form. My date is July the 1st; I might be moving that up!

04/18/2003 my date got moved up to 6/9/2003

I got the call they moved it up June 3, 2003. I finally got brave I told MOM she handled it well. She had never had a weight problem (she is a 120 pounds) I told her I never would do this if I did not have a whole person to lose. And I could do it with out it. We talked about everything I have tried. Then she was very supportive. My dad was scared for me. He had gastric resection in 1963! I should put his picture on my page to, he will be 80 in 2004.That is over 40 years out from WLS not to shabby!

05/01/2003 hello everyone I went to my appointment with the dietician today .It was a group setting and we all had so much fun. The meal plan was more food than I thought we would be allowed. I have already weaned myself off Coke, so I would not have a screaming headache after surgery. I also have my pre-op testing set May 13. Then final physical clearance scheduled for May 23.

05/11/2003 Well Happy Mother's Day! I had to go for a MRI yesterday for a lump on my leg (it was a very large mass above the knee), the doctor kind of scared me. He was not happy about me waiting so long to come in for my leg. He said it might have to come out before my WLS. I don’t want it to mess up my WLS I worked to hard to get the date all set. And arrangements for my kids and stuff. Just needed to vent a lil. Oh and my daughter cried to me she does not want me to do this. She is 9, she heard my husband talking about the risks of surgery and why he could not have this surgery. So we talked, now she does not want me to have any type of surgery! She is to smart for her self. On a happy note I have started to get my stuff together for the surgery like vitamins, sugar free applesauce and crystal light and stuff from my diet plan.

05/13/03 well went for my pre-op testing. What fun barium yuck! And rolling on the table was a hoot. (Mental note 290 pound woman rolling on a tiny table) And I got the results from my MRI for the lump in my leg. It is nothing, Thank god! I am doing a happy dance and drinking my water to flush out the barium if you know what I mean.

 



05/20/03 ---15 more days! I have started counting down. I am so excited. I called Anthem today to see about them paying for my consult-They said they would, it made perfect sense to me since they are covering my surgery. I went through my closet and boxed up all my winter clothes. (Very scary) I hope to never see them again. Took my dad to his Dr Appointments today. He told both his doctors that I was having WLS and that he had WLS in 1963. At 78 he doesn't like to be kept waiting. All the self control of a toddler! We went to lunch after. He likes pineapple and cheese pizza! I got tickled at him while we were waiting. He was reading all the signs on the walls and said "You wont be able to do that job after your surgery, you will be to thin".He pointed to the sign and it said-GRAPE STOMPERS WANTED-MUST BE HEAVY AND CLEAN FEET-SKINNY FOLK NEED NOT APPLY- I told him I know it. And he told me he loved me and how proud he was of me to have the courage to do this surgery. That was the best feeling. In this pic I make a good stomper.

05/28/03 --6 more days and counting down. I just got back from the hospital with my 9 year old daughter. She dropped a board on her toe and broke it and received 3 stitches. She won’t be wearing her new shoes; she really worked hard on me to get them. I told my kids no one else is allowed to get sick or hurt or anything before I go for my WLS. I am both excited and a Lil scared at the same time. I am ready! Not packed yet. But I have made my list of what I am taking and a list of stuff my kids are to do while I am at the hospital.

06/02/03 ----Tomorrow is my big day to turn into a LOSER! LOL
Well I am all packed and bowel prep is still cooking. I am not scared amazingly. I worry more about my kids doing what they are supposed to do. And Lil stupid things that prob wont happened. But I guess it is all part of it. My Angel has been wonderful .She has done so much for me. I could never thank her enough. (Thank You so Much PEGGY)And all the messages and email have been wonderful. Thanks to all.

 

Well everyone was asking what it like was. So here it goes. I got to the hospital at 10 and they took me right back. They did the standard check in thing. Then Dr. Kaderabek came in to talk to me. We talked about my tattoo. Then the OR nurse came to get me, we walked down the hall way together. Which was funny she kept her hand behind my back the whole way, LIKE I WAS GOING TO RUN. Not going to happen. The OR was humming and making small talk with me. They started my IV and the nurse told me she was going to strap my legs down .Then I just drifted off to sleep. I must of fought them moving me I remember, the PA saying quit fighting us and me saying the f$%$ word loud. Then relaxing back to sleep. And I remember the tube coming out my nose, not bad not fun either. I got up and walked that night around 8 or so. IT HURT. My drain came out on the second day. And I went home the 3rd Day. The funny thing about the hospital was the PA and several nurses came up to check my and incision and how Kaderabek did with the tattoo. And I was lying in bed dozing and heard a bunch of noise in the hallway. So I called out to ask if they were the yahoo people and they were. So they came in and all introduced them selves to me. They are all members of the support group; they are all very funny and inspirational losers to talk with. I made a several friends there while walking and hope to see them at support meetings.

06/06/03 ---- TTTaaaDDAAAAa
I am home. I am LOSER, A LOSER, A LOSER .I am just a little excited can you tell. My surgery went great .I will post more about it next time just a Lil tired.

06/12/03 - Well I feel great, and eating and drinking well. I am walking further each day. I am not used to lying around so much. And I would love to sleep on my side. I am not used to drinking so much chocolate milk-no nasty emails- it is my protein drink. And my dad is my water police! I get in about 52 oz of liquid a day. I tried eggs 2 times now they sit very heavy so I won’t do those anymore for a while. I have one more Lovenox injection. I made yummy crab salad today-with canned crab meat, low fat cottage cheese and a touch of relish. I chew the crap out of everything. Oh here is funny -I have stinky breath (from Ketosis) my dog wallows me.

06/16/03 - I went for my 2 week check. I don’t have to wear binder as much yeah. He said to wear it if an I going to be doing straining things. I have lost 17 so far, I can tell in my face that I have lost. My dietitian app. went well to. They both say I am doing well. My scar looks really good. I am sticking to my food plan very carefully. I did lick the salt off 2 pretzels, and then gave them to the dog. I guess I need a salt lick.

06/20/03 - I went to Applebee’s for lunch with some girl friends. One of them has the Lap Band. It was funny we all ordered and when the food came. They all stopped to watch me section off my food on my plate. They wanted to see if that was really all that I was having. I brought the rest home for my kids.
I had 2oz of the fish from it. It was very good, and light in taste. Low-Fat Grilled Tilapia with Mango Salsa
07/07/03 - Well all tomorrow I will be 6 weeks out. I feel great! My incision looks beautiful. I am eating well, I have gotten sick 2 times. Once from eating to fast. And the second I think Mr. Pouch doesn't like tofu. Which is okay I am not hot about it either. I have lost over 35#, I have not checked in a while trying not to be a scale slave. I have dropped 2 sizes already. I walk everyday, if not outside then on tread mill.

07/15/03 - Went to dietitian today and to see Dr Kaderabek. All went well.
My weight loss stalled a little due to antibiotics and pain meds I was on for a burn from the 4th. They have increased my food intake to 3 oz. And want me to add in protein bars-tried one today it was a Met-RX Protein plus 31 grams protein-it SUCKED, smelled good first 2 bits were okay then the after taste kicked in. It tasted like I was sucking on pennies. We will be looking for a good one.

07/30/03 - Well I need to better about updating! I am doing really well. I am about 9 weeks out. I am down to 250-from my high of 294. And I have gone from a size 24 down to an 18; yes I did a happy dance. I need to clean out my closet. Some of my clothes, the waist rides on my hips and the crotch of the pants are to my knees. But I don’t mind; just need a few pairs of pants. The tops I will wait to start replacing. Foods, I am doing well with. I could stand to drink more. Meats that are dry cause pain. My incision looks great. As far as protein supplements I have either a shake or 3 cups of milk and a protein bar at night. It helps with the night cravings. I have slowly increased my food to 3oz.

08/07/03 - Thought I would share my stupid moment with all of you. I was driving down the road today with my daughter. She had got some M&M’s. She handed me one to look at. She had a crazy color one in her pack. We decided it was not a winner pack. Well with out thinking I popped it in my mouth. Had it chewed and swallowed before thinking “what the hell did I just do?” Part of it was me being worried and the other was dumping. I did not even enjoy my 2 second cheat, because I felt so bad. I did not think I would make it home. And I had to lie down as soon I as I got here. Felt like I had the flu.

The story of the arm thing. Not my best time of life. I was moving out from husband, and was in wrong place at wrong time. They thought I had broken into a house and robbed it. (Packing and moving stuff in my van, empty stuff –what idiots)I was handcuffed for 2 hours, behind my back. Put hands behind back and add 300# on top. Not good on tendons, muscles and nerves in arms and hands. I complained several times and was told I deserved it because I was fat. Then I ended up getting sick from the pain. Then to add insult to injury I was questioned for 5 hours about my sex life of all things. Then I was let go with a sorry wrong person. If they would have called my husband or my parents it would have been cleared up in seconds. I was pissed and in pain to say the least. Now I have had surgery on both elbows and both wrists-my left one was very bad crushed in 3 places. And I had to reschedule my WLS because of it. My attorney says I have a good case, but nothing will give me back the full use of my hands (I did hair and skin care for a living)–or take away the pain from physical therapy–or help with daily chores that are taken for granted.

09/30/03 - After receiving an email from a friend telling me "Hey Update" here I am. I am 18 weeks post op--down 72 pounds and from a size 24 to a tight 16(you know how clothing companies are no 2 sizes fit the same from different companies-damn them) any way I am shrinking fast :) foods doing well. I can’t eat pork roast Mr. Pouch says “Oh hell no” after 1 bite I know right away. And I have added rice and pasta–don’t like the way pasta sits ,but rice does great for something different , but protein always goes first. I am walking every day; I increase my distance once a week. I want to start an ill weight lifting for toning but can’t because the arm issue. So I just do basic exercises for toning. Yes the arm thing has me down it is affecting my life in ways I don’t like. I am going through occupational therapy to gain strength and function back. I was told I will never be able to go back to a job where lifting or repetition would be an issue. Ticks me off 20 years of work experience down the toilet! They gave me papers for vocational rehab. It blows that I need it!

10/10/03 - Well got some news today that put me into a blue funk. I went to the orthopedic surgeon today; we went over the reports from my arms. The therapist and neuro doc. And it sent me into shock. He told me to fill out papers for disability--with my arms I will never be able to go back into my field. And he doesn't know of a job that I can retrain for, that wont cause damage to the nerves .It really made me want to cry (I cried all the way home, I laid around all day)since I just found a good job. That was going to pay for my school and send me in a different direction. AAARRRGGGG-I knew they were bad but I never imagined this. And he set up for a MRI of my right shoulder he thinks it has a problem.

10/11/03 - Well another year is about to past. Tomorrow is the day I will be 39. I enjoyed watching my mom help my girls find a recipe for a cake for me. They went for a sugar free/fat free cheese cake. So I will still get my protein from it and won’t feel as guilty. This was the first time my mom helped the girls with a cake-my mom is not a kitchen fan. It was a good time for all. My youngest (10) learned the importance of not to lift the beater when it is on. Got mom good. And dad is stealing the mini cakes. It is funny I am already thinking about next year and realized I will have my personal goal or be close to it for when I am 40. It is a great feeling!
Happy Days are coming! Oh 80# gone yipppeeeeee

10/23/03 - Let see :) I am out of my BLUE FUNK over my arms. Did find something I can't do any more is play banjo with my dad. I helped him re-string 2 banjos today and I could not play along after we tuned them. I think we both wanted to cry. We took a long walk instead and talked. Getting sleep helps my mood! Dr Kaderabek and my orthopedic surgeon are working together to get me out of pain. I went to a neighborhood dinner and some people did not recognize me -it felt so good! I talked to SSI on Monday it went well; we will know something with in 3 months. My lost is chugging along even when I don’t feel like it--love this surgery. I am down to 215. My 16's are lose and I can get into 12's (I brought these on sale as my goal pant-I think I will be smaller, no tears here) without jumping and wriggling or lying down to zip them up! Going to do 14 for while. I need to get tops! I feel great! I love steak and salad. I was worried about the protein issue when it comes to my salad eating since I eat less then 4oz ,I love the toppings anyway so my salad is little lettuce and some soybeans and cheese and just enough dressing to coat very yummy--it has to had the crunch factor.

10/29/03 - I got a phone call from the orthopedic doc this morning about the results from MRI of right shoulder and arm. He wants to see me this Friday to schedule surgery for the torn bicep(it was completely torn loose) and set up another MRI for the other arm to be sure nothing got torn in it. Now I am wishing my son was just a little older so he could be my driver. I am trying not to get down, more in shock then anything else. On the good side I was helping mom go through some closets and we came across my wedding gown--it fit, not to shabby after 15 years. Woooohooo and my bra size have gone from 44dd to 40d. Victoria Secret here I come!

11/11/03 - Having surgery on my right shoulder tomorrow. My loss is trucking right along. I am in a size 12 jean and XL tops, still can’t believe how fast it is going. I am very happy.Oh my disability is moving along as well. I wish I did not need it but it is a reality.

11/16/03 - They used bone anchors to reattach bicep. Morphine pump is great. It goes right into shoulder. I made the discovery on my second day of recovering that heavily medicated people (ME) should not be aloud any where near a scale! I got on mine and cried for a good 20 minutes over weight gain of 20 pounds. Before I realized that most of it came from the cryo cuffs that hold about 2 gallons of ice water for my arm and shoulder. LOL

11/21/03 - Well #$^&*(()) Went to doc, really bad news on arm. Having surgery on my right elbow again :( on Dec 9 still having a nerve muscle problems. I am losing my control and function more. Boy I am glad I had WLS before or I would be pigging out right now. Eating way to much and blindly grazing and eating chocolate. And maybe a drink or 2 of Jack but then I cheat on him with Jim! Have not tried drinking yet. Now if I have the urge to eat. I eat my soy nuts or drink or eat a protein deal. I know most people write on here about just weight loss and problems. But my arms were hurt from my weight. No should not say that. The a@@hole policeman who told me I deserved to be in pain because I was fat! Right now sitting here wanting to cry, but don’t want my kids to see. But I am pissed at that schmuck. I can't do my hair. Natural Curly -It is a woman thing, now a guy would just cut it off. I can’t get dressed by my self. I have never been able to hold my nephew in my arms because he is too heavy. Okay now damn it, I am crying. I can even get out of my recliner with out help from my kids! Think god, I home school I could never lay down. They are doing really good keeping up on lessons. And each week each one picks a subject that we work on separately then that kid teaches a class on it. Very proud of them. I am back to walking went 2 miles today. Was supposed to start a thematic unit with them for fitness on Dec 1st –I am rethinking that since I am having surgery again. Oh on the weight loss front. I am fluctuating between 210 and 205, and then it will drop. It seems my body likes to play with 5# then it just drops it. Then it works on the next 5. Yes I might call the doc about Zoloft! OKAY, to you friends that has asked!

11/23/03-Okay this is really embarrassing. I just took my first shower with out help. And I found a lump not a little one a great big one. It is right at the vaginal opening.OUCHY.I think it is a bartholian gland being naughty. I have been having terrible time going to potty. (My youngest stands outside the bathroom door and laughs at my noises!)Yes I am having trouble with my bm's from all the damn pain meds!

11/26/2003--Went to OB--yep another surgery. I will be having my Thanksgiving sitting on my donut!

12/02/2003-Surgery for hematoma in vaginal wall. I don’t wait to take stool softeners now. Don’t want my youngest to get pleasure from my noises! Have to have a sense of humor through all this I have decided.

12/08/03 - Greetings Every Body! Let’s see I am having surgery tomorrow on my left arm. We moved my right to the 26th of this month. I started having severe trouble with my left hand it has been curling. With this surgery he will cut my muscle and move the nerve under it to protect it. Then reattach the muscles. On the weight loss front. I am doing great! I am hovering around the 200 mark. I really want to get 197 and join the Century Club. This surgery is so awesome. I would have never been able to do this on my own> Got to Love it!!!!

12/16/2003-Rememeber this for later- I went to SSI doc today and he hurt me badly. I called my sis case worker in tears and my orthopedic surgeon from the parking lot. Keep in mind also I am in a long case for left arm still.

12/19/03 back to ortho he doesn't think anything got damaged but I am in incredible pain he injects shoulder.



12/22/03- Hey every one! My mom is in St Vincents since Friday Night. While my mom was napping. I went over to the Bariatric Floor today to cheer any body up that needed it. And to wish the nurses a Merry Xmas. I got on the scale and my nurse that I had let out a hoot for me. I am under 200 # and I and an official member of the Century Club. I weighed 195 with my clothes on that are - 102 #!

 

12/26/03-Right arm surgery and shoulder has me in pain we inject it again. And orders a MRI of shoulder.
12/28/03- My mom gets to come home.

01/12/04 - Well I got my cast off my right arm, it is still bruised to the hilt! I find out about my MRI on my shoulder on this Friday. I also went to my doc today and the dietitians. I am not behind in my weight losing! Yippee. They want my to add more oz to my meals or add in another meal. And I have to go get blood work done. And an ultrasound for my gall bladder since the doc thinks it might be being naughty… DAMN IT… I was hoping for no surgery in 2004 oh well. I am not sick, I just feel yucky after eat in the evening. Oh and he said 10 to 20 pounds and I will be at his goal for me...Holy Crap how great is that! Oh and I have gone from a 44dd to a 40 d! :)

Got news from MRI not good the bone anchors are ripped out in shoulder.

01/15/04 - I went for my Gall Bladder ultrasound this morning. It is full of babies. I and Mr. G. Bladder will be having an argument over support! It must be bad, the doctor’s office called me within 20 minutes of me getting home. They are going to call me back this afternoon to set up surgery.

If I find out tomorrow when I have to have shoulder surgery, I want to see if they can do it together to cut down on putting me to sleep. Both docs go to Carmel so I am keeping fingers crossed! I know I am lacking a positive attitude-about not having surgery. But I have to be real. If it is odd ball it will happen to me. It keeps me from having shock later. And I am prepared for what comes my way.

Most important to me is. I want to being to start working out again and walking. And I want to go to support meetings!

01/16/04 - Waiting for Mary to call me still from Kaderabek's office. To set up for Gall Bladder removal. Remember me filing for SSI---Well the SOB'S denied me! It gets better. I went to Dr. Mindrebo for my arms and shoulder. It was the first time I have ever seen him MAD and he cussed! 2 of the 3 bone anchors are torn loose. That is why my arm was so bruised up. From the muscles slapping down as it tears away more stuff. The SSI doc in Anderson did it! I called Sara Allen at SSI. I love her by the way; she is great to work with. She is going to help me file complaints against the doctor. And my doc wanted me to call my attorney and have the doc in Anderson crucified! I called him today to. I checked into having the GB removal and the Shoulder repair done together… Can't do it. Because of the position my orthopedic doc has to put me in to do my arm he is worried he would hurt a fresh cut from GB removal. And I can't have shoulder done first because of if they pull my arm or bump it wrong it will rip it loses again. And I can’t have any more pain shots, cause of the steroids will break to much tissue down. And I need to have a special bra made with an extra cup in back, for the 3 boob I am making on the shoulder blade (Just a bad joke) I have a lump of muscle again from it tearing lose! So after my shoulder I won’t be to any meetings unless I have a ride… He said I will be restricted to my recliner for 3 freaking months. No walking! And I won’t be able to raise my arm to shampoo my hair for that long!

I don’t have time for all this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry had to vent! I have 3 kids and aging parents to deal with.

01/18/04 - Okay I am having a bad morning! It is 6:30 am I can’t sleep. I was waked up at 4:30 in incredible pain and sweating like mad. Damn GB and my shoulder and arm hurts! I had a GB attack and hurt my arm getting up. Having an electric chair delivered Tuesday! Debating if I should call doc today or tough it out till Monday at 9 am. I can’t eat causes bend over and kiss my knees pain. And so I am drinking lots of milk to get protein in and coffee and eating tons of ice, so wish my ice machine was hooked up. Having my hub (we are still separated) stop and get ice on his way to see kids every other day. I wrote a letter to a woman in my support group and it must have got me. Made me cry. Here it is:
Yes what your feeling is very normal. Even my dad was worried about my having this surgery. And he had his in 1963; he will be 80 this year. I told him I half a whole person to lose, and I need serious help doing it, and I had tried everything. I made a list of what my life would be 10 years from now without surgery, with weight gain and mounting health problems. Then made a list of what it could be with it. And I also sat down a wrote a letter to my kids explaining why I was doing this and the big "what if” letter. And then after I read it to myself it gave me peace about what I was about to do.
You’re taking control of your life. It will is and will be a great feeling. The first time to bend and put shoes without having a head rush when you sit up. The first it is easy to shave your legs. The first time you feel sexy in the clothes you have on, without anyone telling you. The first time you can put on jeans and not lay down to zip them up. The first time you can run after your kids and catch them. The first time you can walk up to your spouse /boyfriend and hug them and kiss them with full front body contact without bending forward. The first time you can be hugged by your child and family and they can touch their hands together .The first time you see your reflection in a window as you walk by and you stop and do a double take. I would have none of these first times without this surgery. Oh and the first time your son (mine is 15) tells you your not allowed to look sexy your my mom. When he hears a man tells you. : Wink:
It made me think of my letter to my kids a lot. And how much we have been through last year .With me having 7 surgeries. And I am facing 2 more already this year. And how I need to write them another letter and put it up for them in their Hope chests and baby books. To let them know how much I love them. I could not have gotten through this all with out them. They have been my arms when I have needed them. To help me get up. To cook for me and to feed me when I could not do it alone. To help me shower and wash my hair for me (my 10 year old shampoos great). To help my get dressed and undressed. They get all their assignments done on time and help each other with school stuff (I home school) they even tuck me in at night and kiss my head. I know this has been so hard on them. Losing the house and their pets. It broke my heart as well to have a 15 year marriage crumble away. And go back home to my parents. They have been great support through all this. My dad checks on me way to much. At times I wish this last year was different but then I think we would not be as close as we are right now. Sorry to have rambled just needed to write–I think this is part of my letter for my kids.

01/23/04 - Well I had my gall Bladder out this morning. Lap by the way. I feel so much better. Sore but better. No I just have to heal up so I can get my shoulder fixed and I will be good to go. Oh almost forgot. I got my new driver picture–I love it!

01/31/04 - I am allergic to betadine and adhesives--i.e. steri strips and band-aid and tape. Can ya tell where I am lending with this? I am not happy with Kaderabeks new PA, she is an idiot--wait till I see her Tuesday for my check up. I have already talked to her on phone when she had to call in Zertek (spelled that wrong) and antibiotic. She will get an earful of itchy bitchiness and about reading the chart-I even had a special red tag on my wrist.


02/03/04 - I went to doc again today. My pouch is only at 3 to 4 oz it is suppose to be at 6. So they have decided with me having all the surgeries and more coming up, that need to get in more proteins (72min) Needless to say I have to eat 4 times a day plus 2 protein supplements. And by the time I get everything in plus drinking the fluids I feel like I have done nothing all day but eat and drink.



02/13/04 - OMG I am down 112 Pounds–5 more and I am at goal that my doc set for me. I now weigh 185; I was 297 at the beginning! It is now time for a girlie lunch with my friends to decide what size would look good on me–I am sure they will let me now if I start looking bad! That is what girl friends live for LOL. On a downer note-It is my 16 year wedding anniversary tomorrow. But that is okay. I am glad I am separated-I don’t see me and kids going back. There is nothing to go back to. I can’t go back with him still lying to me. Now it doesn’t affect me. I am so happy now, and then I was before it amazes me. And he is have a hard time with the changes. We are talking about divorce and me having insurance. Oh I am having bicep reattached on the 27th yippee.

 



02/27/04 - My surgery got canceled today. The parts for my shoulder did not get delivered. Then they tried to have done by courier (trashed that spelling) It was a no go. They could only locate them in Florida. So they are having them over nighted. And my surgery is scheduled for Tuesday morning. I am so pissed and down it am not even funny. I would have thought that a hospital would keep stuff in stock. They even called other hospitals. And my doc did not want to chance repairing with out them. And I guess, I did not pay attention to how bad it was or something-- too much crap and stuff I guess. I just thought the bone anchors ripped out no biggy --put new ones in. But other stuff got ripped so now they have to have intramedullary labrum nails with a plate and shaft. When he told me all that .It just went over me like a wave.
The good news is my son did get great with his surgery today-- He even zipped up and down the stairs already. Oh and I weighed in at 179, at the hospital. That is a 120 pound loss.



 



3/26/2004 --had my shoulder surgery on the 2nd. The pictures are so bad of the inside from the damage the SSI doc did it is unreal. I have been sleeping in my recliner like a good girl. It sucks. It does feel good to lie on side and hold pillow, but it hurts, it feels like my shoulder is going to come out my back. I am not allowed to raise my arm to shoulder level yet (4 more weeks) and I have to wear a sling all the time. Then after that I can't raise it past that for 3 months. I wanted to get a bike this summer. I wont be able to with the stress it would put on my arms. I am looking at incumbent bikes for a really cute trike for 2 people. I am on a freakin PLATEAU AND IT SUCKS BIG TIME! But it is okay with all the meds I am on for pain. (Yes I am taken stool softeners faithfully)I can't wait to get to walk. I am going to walk my ass off. Even though I am not losing pounds I am losing inches my 12 jeans are getting big! I still cant get 6 oz in more like 3-4 still and I am trying to eat 4 meals aday.Oh and I bought shorts for the summer --are you guys ready-size medium. I am the same size as my youngest daughter. She is very tall for her age. Oh I got a new program for my computer so I don't have to use my arms and hands. It is called Red Dragon works great. It helps me so much.

4/7/04 I go to my doc on Monday for my check up on shoulder and my son’s knee. Then on Tuesday I go to Dr Kaderabek and the dietitians for my 10 month check. I think I am at goal for him. I have decided to stay off my scale so I don’t chuck it through a window since I have been stuck for a month, there should be a 4 letter word for a plateau. Plateau is too friendly of a word. For something that is so irritating. Maybe something like fudrukerstuck. But I can tell I have lost. So I am not going to chuck it yet.

This bit with my shoulder has got me irritated and feeling bitchy to say the least. It is driving me nutty. Getting my daughters to help me get dressed and undressed is getting old. I want to walk so badly. I hate lying around so much. And sleeping in a recliner is starting to suck(plus side I don’t get wrinkles on my face)I did sneak and lay on my side on a bed--I wont do that again I thought my shoulder was going to come out my back or at least fall off. Good thing I don't have a man right now he would never get any. LOL
and I can’t stand to wear a bra (cause shoulder pain)--good thing they make shirts with shelf bras (I have bought 6 of them). My girls are drooping, actually deflating! They are on a race for my waist. I might looking into plastic surgery for them. Not sure yet. After doing 9 surgeries in 12 months, I don't feel ready yet.
Oh clothes shopping are different. Especially since my youngest (she is 10) has to help me with my tops. I swear she treats me like a Barbie doll. She has me try on all sorts of clothes and bathing suits. More than I would normal try on and really sexy stuff to. I have bought my first mini skirt.

April 13, 2004
I have so much to tell you guys. Well I have been to 2 doctor’s appointments in the past to days. Monday was for my shoulder. They took x-rays of it. Man those nails he put in are freaking long no wonder why I am hurting. We talked about pain management. Oh and 4 more weeks in sling and still in the recliner to sleep but I am allowed to lay down on a bed for a little each day. I will start PT after the next 4 weeks if it has calmed down. I went to my wls doc today also. That dietitian ticked me. She wrote a note to doc that he should scope me. I have gotten sick a couple of times in the past to weeks. I know what it is from. The one time it was beef jerky I swallowed to fast. And the other was pork chop--MR POUCHY hates pork! I will never do it again. I swear I lost a toenail that day from barfing.I talked to him about it and he rolled his eyes and agreed with me. He told me something that blew me away. He said it was a good thing I have not been able to workout since I have lost so fast they would have a hard time slowing me down. I am doing really good he said.
Okay the big news is--are you ready? I met a guy. He is the sweetest most caring and romantic man. He likes to hold hands and cuddle. I did tell him about me having wls and he did not believe me. I had to show him pictures. We have been out 2 times already and he called me from his business trip just to see how my doc appointments went. I am on cloud 9!

JUNE 3, 2004
HAPPY ONE YEAR MARK TO ME
I am down 140 pounds. I have gone from 297 to 157. From a size 24 jean to a 10. I am still on restrictions for my arms, and I hate it. I am trying to decide about plastics now, but I want to wait for 2 reasons. One is I have had 10 surgeries since April 2003. Reason two is I want to see what my body does after my physical therapy and I have interviewed a personal trainer for when I am released. I have months of no exercise to make up for.
I have put a call into dietitians since I am losing rapidly again. I eat all the time, 3 meals a day plus 3 snacks.Oh I am still seeing the guy I wrote about before. He is such a good man. I am so happy my daughters tell me it looks like I have a hanger in my mouth I smile so much.



July 14, 2004
saw my doc yesterday I am at goal-they don’t want me to loose any more weight. I am a loose size 8 jean. They have increased my meals to 6 a day plus 2 snacks to get my loss to stop. It scares me to death that I will blow up like a beach ball! I don’t want to fail at this. And of course while at the dietitians I was sick as a heck. Foaming like a rabid dog. They came in and sat with me while I was foaming and hurling in the restroom, those dietitians are troopers. Evidently some of them had not seen some one with something stuck--it freakin hurts! Which got me a quick ticket pass to the scope train? I have been having trouble eating. Veggies and fruit don’t stay put or sit really badly. And my food intake has decreased. They are sending my chart over to the scope doc, so either the end of this week or beginning of next scope here I come. Its seem odd for me to have this issue this far out--but leave it to me to be odd. Oh I have started physical therapy. Doing a lot better--except for I am grounded off my bike and I am no longer able to swim, but I can get in and look cute. I got in the pool and pulled all my chest muscles and into my arm. Oh and odd moment -went to get my finger sized to get my rings fixed and I was at a 7, 4 weeks ago. Well I went back the other day and he had to keep going down and he said "you go girl". I was at a 6 1/4 down from a 10 ring size. HOLY CRAP. Yes to those who have asked I am still dating same wonderful man. I will post more about scope when I get more info.

July 21, 2004
had my scope I had a polyp growing in ring area.

Doctor Mindrebo has pulled me out of all physical therapy due to increased pain. And has ordered a tinge unit I wear most of day. He has also ordered long arm splints for me to sleep in to keep me from bending my arms up to my chest when I sleep and they will keep my hands from curling.

October 12, 2004
My 40th Birthday! I am so happy even with all the stuff with my arms. My case has been filed in Federal Court. I go to court in November over my disability. Dr Mindrebo has been out of town so I went to another doc and she ordered and MRI and I went to see Mindrebo yesterday. Not good-One anchor is floating loose in joint; one is out of place so I am having surgery tomorrow. He is going to unhook everything and let it calm down for a month and then open the shoulder and put in a metal plate(but that might change).I doesn't surprise me one bit. If it is odd ball medical it will happen to me .On a plus note. I am down 150 and I love my life. I am wearing size 8 and some 6's -I feel sexy in my leather pants. My bra went from a size 44dd to a 36 b -I miss my girls. I bet you’re reading this and wondering how I can be so happy with all this. It is simple life is only as good as you make it. I try to find positive in everything. Yes I have my bad days when my arms hurt to bad to move. But then I see my kids and my parents work together at dinner time like a well oiled machine and I know in my heart that I had done something right. We sit down to eat together every night. It brought us closer together as a family.

January 2005
I know, I know I have been bad about updating and have not been doing well. Let’s see I am maintaining my weight loss and trying not to lose more. I eat all day, kind of scary, it feels like grazing and I worry about blowing up like a balloon. And I will admit it I have eaten a few things I should not have all I can say is paybacks are a bitch, and Mr. Pouchy is one mean sucker! I wear a size 8 jean and some 6's that was from a 24. And bra size from a 44dd down to I can go bra less 36b.I did have an incident that landed me in the ER on January 3. I thought I popped a hernia but instead my bowel twisted. I am still not allowed to exercise and that makes my dietitians happy. They tell me they would have a hard time stopping my weight loss. If you look at my pics the one in black undies (I know racy) I have lost 25 pounds since that picture. My measurements are 36-31-36. I would do this surgery again in a heart beat.
My arms—not fun. I had surgery October 13 they took out my labrum nails out of shoulder not very fun.
On November the 2, I was in an accident with an idiot. I was rear-ended and I was driving down the road. It caused me great pain into my arms and I could not lift them.
Since then I have been to several Neurosurgeons and they had not very good things to say. I am heavily medicated-Morphine, Vicodine, Flexeril and Neurotin otherwise the pain is unbearable in my arms and back. If I do too much during the day, I do good feeding my self at night. I have had a couple of doctors diagnose me with neuropathy and ulnar lessons. And my shoulder is not right it needs attention.
Oh I really like my attorney for my police lawsuit. He is very outgoing and fired up about my case. He is asking way more than I would ever dream. But funny thing is I am not even excited about the $ it means nothing.
I am very happy with my life even with the arm thing. I have seen my kids do great things and become more caring and responsible people. Our family has grown closer together. And I have learned to ask people for help.



February 24, 2005
Lets see I am now 19 months out. I am holding my weight around 140 to 150 depends on time of day. I wear a size 8 and some 6's in pants depending on the maker. I have had one tiny scare with WLS. I had a twisted bowel. They waited and watched it in the ER to untwist, went to see Kaderebek the next day and he said I popped a piece of scar tissue, and since I am so thin in the tummy area my insides get to flip a lot. I had been switched on my medicines so I had BM issues! Yes I know take your stool softeners. I do very faithfully but evidently not enough at the time. It was very painful and it looked like I popped a hernia on my incision line. So now when I feel a lot of activity happening I take extra stool softeners. On a humor side if I lay on my back I can watch gas bubbles’ move around my stomach. It looks like a baby–I had a hysterectomy in 2000. Yes I know too much time on my hands. But when you lay around you discover stuff like that! Like how good your legs look when you hold them up–gravity is not kind. I finally meet someone offs this site I’ve been reading about for a long time (yes Kelly it is you!)It is funny to read about someone for so long and watch them go through their journey and finally get to meet them. So on my WLS I am doing well. I am having a to really work to get in enough calories. On the arm deal –moving forward! I am working with a pain management doc to get me to a level out of pain so I can rebuild some muscle mass. On my love life –I am very happy just dating and meeting new people. Nothing too serious since I have a lot to deal with. And some guys don’t realize that I have responsibilities that will always come first.

 

September 8, 2007
Well I am 4 years out with no regrets. We have had a lot happen that is why I have not updated.   We had a total loss house fire on January 21, 2006. We lost everything, I mean everything. I got out with clothes o my back. My kids had clothes on but all were bare foot. And my parents came out with pajamas and house slippers. It was around 8 pm when the fire was discovered. Thank god we were not in bed we would have never made it out. To read the whole story of the fire and see pictures from after fire you can go to my space account. http://www.myspace.com/AutumnInFishers
 It has taken an over a year to get house rebuilt and it is still not done.  During that time we lived in a hotel for 5 weeks and lived in god awful rental. My dad fell and had to have his thumb reattached and my mom almost died from MAC.  My son ran away from home. Then he ended up getting really sick and went from a size 40 to a size 32 jean.  Which made me get very stressed it was not a good thing. I was throwing up a lot, with massive pain. And if I ate a heavy food it hurt going through my ring area.  So they ordered 2 scopes and then I had to have a enterolysis which is a   [(small-bowel enema) provides still better visualization of the small bowel but requires intubation of the duodenum with a flexible, balloon-tipped catheter. A barium suspension is injected, followed by a solution of methylcellulose, which functions as a double-contrast agent that enhances visualization of the small-bowel mucosa.] 
I was told by the x-ray doctor that I was the very first Bariatric patient he had ever done~~oh joy.  Well my bowels twisted and folded over on themselves and up the stuff came. Then he ordered barium swallow a week later.  And they discovered I still had radio active die in my intestines.  Which meant my intestines were very slow? Which would be common since I am still taking all the pain medicine?  And so they switched my diet around and it caused me to gain some weight back. It scared me very much to gain weight back. But I needed to.   I needed to I got way to skinny and did not look good. Now I need to loose about 15 pounds and I will be happy.
On my personal life the guy I meant before turned into a big dick head. And I lost my best friend because of his ass.  So I started dating a man that has been around for a very long time and it is nice. And he understands all the stuff in my life right now.