March 8th, 2010

Mar 07, 2010

I am now 6 months out and feeling fine! I can't tell you how much more I am down because my 6 month post op appointment is on Tuesday and I do not have a scale in my home. I just know that I am much thinner and happier than I have ever been. There are certain kinda funny/not so funny things I am just finding out about how bad my weight had gotten. For example, if I wear a long dress--well, you guys would think its a dress but its actually a long overcoat--I know that from my shoulders down to my ankles is about 61", so when I order one, I get that length. Now, it seems to be too long for me; I keep tripping over myself and I need about a 58" one instead.  I was upset bcause I literally thought I was shrinking. You know what it was? I had so much fat stored on my shoulders and back tissues, that when I lost weight, of course, I lost that fat padding as well. CAN YOU IMAGINE???? I had 3" of fat sitting on top of me like a weight!  No wonder Ihave so much energy and I can move! It makes me sick just to think about it. But on a funny note, last month, I was watching TV and I felt this strange protrusion sticking out the side of my neck and I got really scared. It was hard and was so close under my skin, it freaked me out. I kept thinking, Oh God, what now? What could this be? I was just considering calling the doctor when I touched the other side of my neck; same thing there, too. I laughed so hard, I about wet my pants. You know what it was? My collar bone! I must admit, my journey is getting a bit harder now that I can eat "normal" food. I find myself making the wrong choices but I am getting out of that. I will NOT ruin all the hard work that has been done so far and that is coming. I think I need therapy and so as soon as i can get my son in daycare next month, insha'allah, I will be going every week.  I know that is what I need to do because I have a lot of stress going on and it has been taking its toll on me. For those of you who have wondered, my marriage did not survive and I am filing for divorce this month. Its sad and I never ever thought I would have to but I do. Thats ok, I will be back in the saddle again. I still believe in marriage and hope not to waste too much time single. I miss being a wife.

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