Beebear

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I just read my last post.  It's now over a year and a half later and I'm almost 20 lbs up.  Sugar is a daily part of my life and, although it still can make me sick, it's not nearly as bad as before.  I have let myself go in the directlion I promised myself I wouldn't.

Step One - Forgive myself
Step Two - Be kind to myself
Step Three - Move forward

I think I can do this.  I've taken a big step by following through with my three-year study, completeing the huge stack of paperwork and making my appointment to follow up.  I think I'm ready to get out of this denial.  I also want to start going back to group.  I need to make time for this because it really helps me get my head in the game again.  I'll try to check in more often and not let a year and a half go by!

I just read my last post.  4 months out...I was such a baby at that point.  Here I am, 110 pounds gone and I've been below goal for months.  I'm not sick anymore and don't doubt for a minute that I did the right thing.  I never want to go back again.

I still have this voice in my head and it forever yells at me.  Eat Eat Eat!  Sometimes, it such a longing that I can't stand it.  This is what a true addict feels like.  I think I'll always be fighting that voice.  I just can't let it trip me up and slowly gain back the insulation I've piled on year after year after year.  I see that I'm letting sugar back into my life.  It makes me sick now but I don't want to let my body get used to it again.  That will truly be my downfall.  I know myself, I really do.  I make a vow to myself right now to not let that happen.  I will stop letting sugar rule my life.  I will not get bites here and there.  I will not buy yummy camels at the market that I know I can't resist.  I will keep skinny cows out of my freezer!  I know better, really I do.

When I eat something and still have that food longing, I must realize that food will never fill what aches.  

 I've been meaning to do this but have just been keeping everything in my head.  Ugh!  Can't do that.  This has been really a tough journey for me.  There is a screaming person in my head, jumping up and down, telling me that I've made a mistake.  I can't shut it up!  I also do know I've done the right thing, that's the bigger voice.  I'm still early out and I'm sure the little screaming person will get quieter.  I can shut it up, it will just take practice.

On a better note, I have lost 71 pounds and my blood sugar and blood pressure are normal!  That's amazing and it's why I did this all in the first place.  

Okay, enough for now.  Later...