bek4901

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01/03/2010
                  Hi--long time. Still kicking, Still living good. 2009 not so good, My mom passed away last January, I had rotator cuff surgery from a fall-really nasty, I shredded the bicep muscle too. And then I have serious iron deficancy which is directly related to my RNY. I cannot take iron orally, it makes me sick-It's too hard to work in my day, it can't be taken with so many things-And I don't absorb it anyway, so why bother. I took all my other supplements, I just ignored this one....BAD IDEA!!!! My feritan level was a 3. Normal is 200-300. Yeah--I was/am a 3. I am now going to a blood disorder specialist who is also an oncologist. Thank God I don't need him for that, but he's never seen anyone with a level 3 unless the were in a bad way from leukemia. And I had /have no "symptoms", not tired even. We think it's been a gradual thing, accumulating gradually.  ( I am a mediacl oddity) Of course there's been some hair loss, again over time-and low iron can be a direct cause of hair loss. Who knew!!?? That's important. Forget the life threatening affects of ridiculas low iron, it's the hair! I would of done something sooner!! LOL. I'm making light of this, but really-It's serious. I'm in the middle of a series of introveinous iron treatments. I'll be having these once a week for five weeks, then off a month, evaluate the blood, then do it a gain. My Dr thinks this will take about 3 -4 treatments at least, so there goes the whole year---and then at least once a year for the rest of my life. Oh Joy!
                 So the rest of my current life is good, just this anoying problem. Weight is still good, a little weight gain last year around surgery & recovery time. Anyone who has had this surgery knows you're real restricted in movements. And being cold (had Surgery 12/31/08), no walking. About 20#s. Have taken off about 12#s. Clothes still fit good, feel good. That extra 8#s will come off eventually.
                 Still have a protien drink every mornong, still take all my vitamins. Still eat 4-5 small meals a day, like maybe 1/2 a sandwich or a cup of soup. Can't eat too much at once, really hate the awful feeling of being over filled. Hey, there is always food, I will eat again! LOL !
                And this year is going to be good. My son Is blessing us with a grandbabby. He & his better half are due in May. They are wishing for a boy, I want a girl to spoil. But she's told me not to worry, they'll get a girl eventually, no way are they having only one. She doesn't want to raise a spoiled, only child like my son. Whats she talking about??? My baby boy is an Angel.LOL! So it's the circle of life. When God takes something, he gives something. I'm pretty sure me mom had a hand in this. She had God's ear when she was here with us, I'm sure she has it in Heaven too!
               Hubby is good, still putting up with me. He's sooooo lucky!!!
              As I said, Life is good. Some minor problems, nothing we can't handel. A really major, awesome event comming. And maybe I'll remember to update more than every 2 years!


3/18/2008
Hmmmmmmm....Well......I certainly haven't kept up my pledge to "look in" every 2 months. I guess the best I can say is, last year it was June, and this year it's March---so that makes me about 3 months ahead of last year's pace!!? So what's new? Well lots of things in general, but it's the "same 'ol same 'ol" in my weight loss. Wow, I never get tired of saying that. Same size clothes for 6 years--same weight--give or take some either way (see last years post) Funny thing is, I re-read last years post and aside from the date---I could just cut & paste my WLS report! Feel great-look good, enjoying life. Anything that is different or off is not part of WLS, just part of life. Quick news is, hubby is good, son is doing good, finally done with school--in a "serious" relationship (keeping my fingers crossed)--have a job I like (not enough money, but really love this job)--Down side is, my parents are getting older and less able to take care of themselves. The role reversal is hard.The plus side, I am physically able to do things for them that I couldn't have if I hadn't done WLS. The surgery 7 years ago definately improved my life, and has given me the body & health I need now. OK--gotta go__ Until next year!!! LOL Bek


6/21/07

Wow, amazing. I am over 6 years post-op.I weight 189lbs and am 5’5””. I have maintained my loss with no complications. I have a happy, healthy, active life. I will be 52 in September and I will be married 28 years in December. I weigh less than the day we married, less than the day I gave birth to my son. I have developed a serious (LOL) shoe fetish, and I shop til’ I drop. I love clothes. Hubby has added another closet on the front porch. A quick re-hash. My highest weight was 360 plus. I weighed 342 the day of surgery. I had severe sleep apnea, but was fortunate that I had no other co-morbidities. By the time I lost 50 pounds, no more C-pap machine. I have been free of sleep apnea for over 5 years! I have had some weight fluctuation, sometimes almost 10 pounds up and back down. I don’t sweat it, just work it off, or work it down, or wait out “that time of the month”. (I’m going to be the first woman ever to never go through menopause!! LOL) I guess the best way to understand it is this. After the first few times it happened, and I didn’t gain any more, and my clothe still fit, and it went back down—I learned that it is part of my body’s rhythm. One of the great benefits of post-surgery life is becoming in tune with the signals my body puts out. I know what to eat, how much to eat and what to avoid. Do I always listen to my body?? Hell no, I ‘m human. But I sure pay a price when I don’t. And there are something’s that are still written in stone, even after 6 years. NO SUGAR!!!! EVER!!!! (I dump, still---this is a good thing!! LOL yeah rightL) Very limited fat. Protein first, always. I still do protein shakes, I still take vitamin supplements. I still drink 80 plus oz of water or sugar free drink---every day!. Rarely drink pop. But let’s get this straight, I in no way feel limited or deprived. There is too much in life that I have gained to even miss let alone mourn the foods I don’t eat. And after 6 years, the cravings are gone. I’m telling you this really –really-really works. It’s not “easy”, it takes work, and it takes a lot of mental changes.  But if I—a compulsive, sugar addicted 45 year old (in 2001) set in my ways, stubborn & belligerent fat woman can do this-----YOU CAN TOO!!!!! And one more thing! I am a success, and I am not a size 3, or 5 or even 10. I am the weight and size I am meant to be. I am healthy, I am happy. I am no longer morbidly obese and dying. This site has meant so much to me, the questions, the answers, the people. I don’t visit and contribute like I used to. I know I won’t have the time to be around a lot, life really does move on. But I’ll sincerely try to visit every month, not every 2 years!! And if any one ever wants to contact me, please---I’ll answer as soon as possible. Luv Ya!!! Becky

SUCCESS!!!!AFTER 4 YEARS///MAINTAINING 80% LOSS OF EXCESS WEIGHT///NEVER EAT SUGAR//NEVER DRINK WITH MY MEALS//
LIFE IS GOOD
NEW ENTRY____DON"T FORGET TO SEE THE REST IF YOU"VE NEVER READ IT!!!!
05/23/05

Ok, 4 years. Wow, time flies by when you’re living life!!! So I’ve been thinking on what to put in here for a message at 4 years. I didn’t want just a Hey, Hi—Fine, Bye!! LOL!! I’ve re-read a lot of my profile, geeze I’d forgotten so much. I’m so glad I wrote it down. I didn’t remember half of what happened, let alone what I was feeling. So I want to get some thoughts down not only for anyone that might want a glimpse at life 4 years PO, but for me.

Here’s my stats at 4 years—192#, from 360#plus. That’s a loss of 168#, no-regain. I am in size 14/16, that’s down from 4X/5X shirts, size 36 pants, 30/32 dresses. I’m healthy. I can walk-wear clothes that are pretty—I can even get rid of things that still fit. Just because I don’t like them anymore!! I have an awesome shoe collection. I can fit in any seat in any auditorium, any seatbelt in any car or truck will go around me. My hubby’s shirts are too big for me---WOW. I have bones, I have cheekbones, I have a face—Who knew?? Yes I have some sagging, my chin is not as firm as it maybe could be. But I’m also gonna be 50, there comes a time when wrinkles and some signs of aging are just gonna happen. Still—I look better than I did 4 years ago—I’m smaller and weigh less than the day I got married, 25 years ago. I’m smaller & healthier than when I gave birth 20 years ago.

So what do I eat in a typical day? What supplements do I do? What and how do I exercise? Here’s the low down:

I start each day with a protein Shake. I use EAS premium Whey Protein from Wal-Mart—chocolate of course. I like mine thin, so I mix it with about 14oz of water, some de-caf instant coffee (put it dry in with the powder), and some sweetener. Then I blend the hell out of it until it’s frothy. Tastes like a choco-mocha drink. I like it—yummy. And yes water, I’m lactose intolerant—there’s more about that in another entry. I take the first round of supplements, 1 multi, 1 magnesium, 1 potassium, 1 vit C, 1 b-12, sublingual, and 1 iron. I have a cup of regular coffee, w/sf non dairy creamer & sweetener. At 10am I have ½ PB & SF jam sandwich, on wheat toast. By 10:30 I’m starting on my drink bottles for the day. I also take the first 2 of 8 calcium citrate pills for the day. For drinks at work, I like so raspberry lemonade. I mix it myself from Aldi’s brands. Like Crystal lite—but cheaper. I have 2 32oz bottles; I fill them ½ ways and freeze. Then top them off each morning. Stays nice and cold all day. I drink these at work. For lunch I have either a sandwich, I like that thin pressed meat/ham on wheat, usually get about 2/3 of it ate—sometimes only ½--I’ll save it for later. Sometimes a price of fruit—sometimes not—depends on how full I’m feeling. There’s always later! Sometimes I have a small frozen entrée—I like Michelini’s, they’re small and the right size for me. And I never ever drink with my meals, never ever—along with never ever have sugar. Late afternoon snack is a protein drink. More calcium pills. Supper is what ever I’m, fixing for the family, just smaller size. And always protein first. I will probably at some time in the day have some popcorn—I did today, maybe some crackers. I like a good crunch. But oh boy do I stay away from oily/greasy foods. Live and learn. And I ‘ve had to learn the hard way, but it is possible for an old dog to learn new tricks. Bedtime, I have my third protein drink, and the last of my calcium along with another multi. Oh yeah, after supper, sometimes before I try to get in a walk of around a mile. I really do not like exercise, but I do this. I also get on my stationary bike 3 times a week before work. It’s not a lot---but it’s enough for me.


So what can’t I eat? Well as I mentioned above, no sugar ever! I still dump---bad. And that’s a good thing, although the few times it happened, I wanted to die---didn’t seem too good when I was going through it. I also stay away from dairy, became lactose intolerant--—milk & yogurt especially. I will have some hard cheese, and I will eat Pizza—but it’s about 1-2 pieces depending on how it’s cut. Not much compared to how much pizza I used to eat. I have very little sf/candies or cookies. Too much artificianal sweetner makes me gassy, or worse. I stay away from greasy foods for the same reason. I like pork the best—seems to chew up really well. Beef is too dense, I don’t eat it a lot. Chicken in small amounts, but it tends to sit like a rock in my pouch. And the weird thing is, most fish makes me nauseous. Tuna & salmon, ok—but no grilled, or backed, or seafood. I really still like food, and here’s the thing—I eat really good food. Since I don’t have a lot of room, I won’t waste my space on junk. I enjoy what I eat. I don’t feel limited. I still go for protein first—so veggies can be a treat. HUH??, green beans for desert?? Yes I have! At work there is always treats—the dreaded Krispy Kreams—here almost every day! But I ‘m not even tempted—all I have to do is remember the pain of dumping, and there is NO desire. It’s so now I don’t even pay attention, it’s kinda neat!

Now to a gripe about some of my “fellow’ losers. Hey—not all of us are meant to be model thin. Not all of us are gonna get to a size zero. I get really pissed because I see the word failure so often. We should be celebrating what we have achieved. Yes—get all you can out of this surgery—but know this. I am NOT/NOT a failure at a comfortable 192#. I am a success. I have achieved a wondrous loss. I am healthy and fit. I can and do/do anything I want. I have no limits, and I refuse to be but in a box and labeled. Fat bashing is the last accepted prejudice, and even happens with some who have been there. Shame on you. I have the freedom to be anything, and so do you. I applaud everyone who is striving and reaching goals. I have reached mine—and everyday that I maintain this loss---is another day I claim as a goal.!!

Ahhhhhhhh, Life is good!!


>>>Dumping!!>>
05/23/05
About a month ago we went to a buffet. I like buffets because I can have a little tast of everything,or at least a few!!! I don't get me money's worth in volume, but in choices. Anyway, as I've stated lots of times, I do not consume ANY sugar. I also do not drink during my meals. So as I'm sitting there all done and nicely full waiting for hubby, I thought Hmmmmm.....I'll get a diet coke to go. (I also don't drink pop much, so this was gonna be a treat, like desert) Nice little waitress brought it over, and I'm talking, not paying attention. Hubby is taking a long time--went back 2xs while I'm sitting there with this drink to go. Started sipping it--yeah here it comes!! Was regular pop. I'd had onions and garlic---didn't even notice. About 15 minutes into the sipping I got bad abdominal cramps- Of man, was wondering what I had ate that was going thru that fast. I only wish it had gone thru that fast. I got up, and sat right back down. The room was spinning. I looked at hubby and said, "leave--dumping---now" And trust me--that's the way I said it---I couldn't get much more out. He got me out of the restaurant, and to the truck. Thank God I'm lighter, He had to 1/2 lift me into the Ford 4x4--I couldn't climb up. I was shaking, dizzy, had a headache. I rode home--15 miles-- on the floor, with my head in the seat.He got me in the house and to bed, where I stayed almost 2 hours. I also got the dry heaves, even more dizzy, worse cramps, my hands shook so bad--I was so cold. Even my eyes hurt the headache was so intenese. I really wanted to die. This was the worse episode of dumping I've ever had in 4 years. Am I glad I dump?--well--yes it keeps me from eating the wrong things. But when it happens by accident, oh hell no!!!


MY BMI SAY I AM NOW OBESE, AS OPOSED TO SUPER OBESE WHEN I STARTED THIS!!!!!

The Start 1/2/01
I've been married for 22 years to a pretty cool bearded redneck, who is just crazy enough to put up with me, and love me at whatever size I get. We have one great kid, Joe-- just getting his driving license. We have lots of goats, dogs and cats. I've always been "heavy", Lord they wrote obese on my charts when I was 5. Being large is as much a fact of my life the same as being 5'5''. But as I'm getting older, I'm slowing down. Things that I've always done, I can't anymore.My knees hurt, I'm short of breath all the time. And then I developed sleep apnea. Yeah, I use a C-pap machine. Not real sexy, but better than not breathing. I feel betrayed by my body. I guess I thought it would just keep up with me. Until all this, I've never had health problems. I always joked I was the healthiest fat person on earth. Well, not any more. But I was still not prepared for my Dr suggesting this proceedure. We've always had an agreement. If my weight wasn't the problem, we didn't talk about it. So, now we are talking. Anyway, I've had the 1st consultation- on 12/26/00- and I'm waiting for approval from my insurance. I'm really not expecting any problems. And it's giving me time to learn up on everything. I have a lot of nerves jumping around. It almost feels surreal, it's hard to believe there is something that can work.
Well, enough for now. Can ya'll tell I talk alot????

#################################################################
Weigh-Ins
12/26/03>>>>367#
Day of Surgery>>>>4/9/01>>>342#
4/25/01>>>315# 5/3/01>>>310# 5/17/01>>>305# 5/24/01>>>300# 6/1/01>>>296# 6/8/01>>>293# 6/13/01>>>286# 6/14/01>>>285# 6/28/01>>280# 7/12/01>>>>272# 7/17/01>>>270#
7/27/01>>>265# 8/9/01>>>264# 8/16/01>>>260#
8/23/01>>>258# 9/4/01>>>256# 9/20/01>>>249#
10/9/01>>>238# 2/01/02>>219# 7/11/02>>>201#
12/13/02 202# 10/17/03>>>198# MAINTAINENCE!!!
2/17/05>>>192#
BMI
4/9/01---55.2 6/15/01---47.4 7/12/01---45.3

8/16/01---43.4 9/20/01---41.6 10/9/01----39.8
2/22/01----37 7/12/01---33.4
Personal Goals
Under 300#------------------------6/1/01
Under 250#---9/20/01 (What I weighed when I got pregnant 17 years ago)
100# (or 232#)----------01/01/02------------------
At 220# ----02/10/02 (What I weighed when we got married in 1979)

Under 200#--------Maybe, maybe not my body will decide where it's comfortable at------
@192#---5/11/03-----Hmmmmmm I just don't worry about it-----



:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
<<<>>>I AM WORTH THIS<<<>>>
<<<>>>DO THIS FOR YOURSELF<<<>>>
*****************************************************************
Ten Commandments of Weight Loss Surgery

1) Thou SHALT NOT drink with thy meals. This means never. This is cheating........cheating yourself. It washes the food out of your pouch and allows you to eat more. This will slow and eventually stop your loss.

2) Thou SHALT eat slowly, very slowly. This is not a rule for the first few months post-op. This rule is for the rest of your life. If you eat too quickly, you will surely stretch your pouch. Eat too quickly and you will learn the hard way........the nausea is stifling.

3) Thou SHALT take thy vitamins. This surgery is a great tool for weight loss. But, as with all benefits, there are costs.......and malnutrition is one of the costs of this surgery. take a multivitamin supplement every day for the rest of your life. You also need to have your blood checked periodically for B-12 levels.

4) Thou SHALT eat adequate protein. What is adequate! For me I need a minimum of 68g a day.

5) Thou SHALT exercise. JUST DO IT !!!!

6) Thou Shalt drink a minimum of 64oz of water a day--everyday!!! Use a water bottle and carry it with you, everywhere!!! Sip, Sip, Sip!!!!!

7) Thou SHALT eat well-balanced meals. Protein first, veggies and fruit after.

8) Thou SHALT NOT eat sugar in any form....no candy!!!!! If I can give up chocolate, anybody can give up sweets.

9) Thou SHALT NOT modify these commandments to suit thy needs. It will not work. You will only defeat yourself.

10) Thou SHALL love thyself and be happy with the body God gave thee. God did not intend for all of us to be supermodels, and this surgery will not make you one. Happiness comes from within. Be happy with who and what you are.

*****************************************************************

The Rest of the Story!!!

*****************************************************************
02/17/05
New year, way past time for me to add someting to this journal! The end of last year was hectic. We moved back to the country in December--right before Christmas. Can You spell headache?? I swear I will never move again. ThIs is it. When I leave this house it will be for a corner plot!! And no "collectables" are comming with me!! Did I ever tell ya'll I am a pack rat--married to a pack rat--raised a pack rat. Well, now you can see why I'm still un-loading boxes!! But on the other front, my weight has remained stable. I weighed this week (I sometimes weigh once a week, sometimes not)and I'm back to 192#. I've had some fluctuations--up 5#, back down. I was getting out of control with carbs. Grazing through the afternoon at work. All low cal--low fat never any sugar (after alomost 4 years still do not use any type of real sugar!!) But the carbs were getting crazy. And I found the more I ate, the more I craved. I was feeling bloated and puffy. So, I have almost eliminated carb crunchies. No chips, no pretzals, no popcorn, no crackers. I have greatly reduced what I take to work to eat. I am still a compulsive eater/ I will eat everything that I take to work. I have to. So I have eliminated, and reduced. And I'm back to 192#. That is a very good goal weight for me. I have realized I lack the drive to exercise more and scrifice more to push for a bigger loss. Hey, I've lost and manitained apx 80% of my excess weight. I have been in the same size for 2 1/2 years. I feel good, I look good. I can do anything I want. I like my life. Yes I enjoy relaxing and being sedintary. But there is a big difference between "having" to do it because I couldn't do anything else, and "choosing" to put my feet up and read, or crochet or work on my counted cross stitch. I like to do these things!! I still walk, and ride my bike, keeping moving, maintaining exercise is part of my life. Just not the biggest part. And oh yeah--after almost 4 years I still DO NOT DRINK WITH MY MEALS> I NEVER EAT SUGAR>> I'm not always perfect, put these are written in stone rules I have never wavered from. I'm back to drinking 3 protein shakes a day. I got away from that, and with the carb crazies it cost me. So now back to 3 a day, and they help the carb crazies. I faithfully take my supplements, over 2500mg of calcium citrate a day, plus double multi vits--potassium, magnesium, vit c, iron. Well, enough for now--I'll try to visit here more often!!



10/15/04
Well, I'm sure not very good at updating this profile. Life just goes by too fast.
Here I am at 3 years 6 months Post-Op, and all is good. I've maintained the same weight and same clothing size now for a year and a half. I was about 200 pounds overweight at my highest, which was 364# and 342# the day of surgery. By my calculations, I've lost and maintained 80% of my excess weight. Today's current weight is 192#. I only put this here to document where I started, and where I'm at. I refuse to debate or enter into any discussion that has the recurring theme of "GOAL" There are just too many people here, in the chat room, on the message boards, ect. that are obsessed with numbers, and if you (me) don't fit "the" profile "they" have set up, you are not a success, you have not "reached goal". The question--"are you at goal?" really sets my teeth on edge. The awnser is a resounding YES !!!! YES I am a success, YES I have reached and maintained my goal. Point in fact, my goal was acheived when my health was no longer an issue---when the C-Pap machine was put in the closet forever!! When my Dr said--GOOD JOB, you've done it!!No one here knows my personal health and life history, no one knows more about me than my Dr. This is not a woman who minces words. She gave me that thumbs-up on a goal reached. I am a success story she tells. My body is comfortable, happy and healthy. It fits me and my lifestyle. As individuals we need to demand the right to individuality. I am unique, I am great!! WOW, I am on a soap box today!!! Ok--new subject.. Monday I start a new job. By the end of the month we will be moved back out in the country. A lot of changes!!! I'm really excited about this. The job is with a local company that is growing. The oppurtunity for advancement is huge!! I'll be doing the thing I'm good at, customer service and sales. The house is where we lived 6 years ago--at that time we moved so my son could attend a different high school. Now it's back to the country---alot of remodeling!!! Remember the movie--The Money Pit?? I'm living it!!Well gotta go. I'll try more later.



4/9/04
Happy Day To Me!!!! 3 Years Today!!!!!!!!Life is good!!!!

Well so much for adding a note every month--I just don't get that much time in front of the computer. Life is too busy, too full. I'm so much more comfortable with just day to day life, it's no longer a chore to live-- I don't huff and puff vacuuming, or grocery shopping. I can get to the fax machine, bathroom and breakroom at work and not have to stop for air. Wow the novelty of discarding clothes just because I'm tired of them/I don't have to keep them because they are the only things that still fit! I can shop for clothes and NOT buy something because it's ugly, as opposed to having to buy it because it fits! The changes I live with make me unique, not different. The way I eat and drink is just my lifestyle. I'm not the "oddity" at work, everyone just knows. Hey, when we have potlucks, other people now bring in sugar - free items. They have accepted my dietary needs, and want to make sure I'm comfortable. And it's made a lot of people more aware that others will eat their food, like maybe a diabetic. And, some of it is pretty darn good no matter if it has sugar or not. I'm fortunate that I work with management and co-workers that find nothing unusual about my "changes". I guess I just want to celebrate my life my way. By taking time to acknowledge what is different, what I've done for myself. So many changes are measured in small things, but nothing, even the smallest---would have been possible without the surgery. And it is the smallest changes that affect my life daily. Of course I've lost 160#, so that means I can wear my wedding rings, even had them made smaller! My mom gave me one of her rings because it finally fit! I can sit closer to the computer at work, less strain on eyes and back. Seatbelts fit, in every vehicle! I can ride in the backseat of a 2-door car! I can wear my hubbys flannel shirts as a jacket! I can wear his jacket over my coat when I'm cold! I roll to his side of the bed-When the car developed a sag, we knew it was a broken shock, not just because it was on "my" side. I can walk, anywhere, too fast. Hubby doesn't like keeping up. Well, the "small" list could go on and on......the point it, the surgery saved my life, and has let me enjoy a life that was not available before. I thank myself for this gift.


11/20/03 Well,I made a vow I will try to add something about once a month. This month I really do have something I want to get down. Doesn't matter at what point I am at in this journey, that is the word I have to remember. It's a journey of discovery, I havn't reached the end---And hopefully, the Good Lord willing the end is a long way away. Teach an old dog new tricks---Yes you can!! The start of knowledge is the admission that I don't know everthing. I've learned alot in the last 2 1/2 years, but I've lately been reminded (By myself) that I don't know it all. Since I've eliminated dairy from my diet, I've felt tired-irritable. Hmmmm-guess what, my protein levals are so low it's ridicules. Now how did I allow this to happen---ME----who always follow, or thought I followed my min/amounts religiously. After keeping track I figgured out that I haven't gotten in my min/requirement for protein in a long-long time. I just fell into a rut, not eating bad, just not eating right. I never ate sugar, I never drank with my meals, I stayed low fat and low carb and always thought I was eating protien first. Well I was, It just didn't add up to enough. Maybe if I was lucky, on a good day I would get 40g. Woah, way too low. I need to be between 68g to 100g a day. No wonder I felt sluggish. Now thankfully because I faithfully took my supplements and followed everthing else, I didn't have any negative problems. Or maybe that's bad---because I might have woke up and discovered this sooner. So, I've gone on a learning expedition lately and here is what I've learned. And oh by the way---A big Thank-you to Michelle Curran. Her reply to my E-mail and the wonderful information contained in her website is GREATLY APPRECIATED. Michelle shares her hard-earned wisdom with all, at no charge. You don't have to buy from her for her to take an intrest in you. Anyway----I now know not to heat my protein mixes or to pre-mix. I've verified that yes my protein intake was dangerously low. And that I probally wasn't absorbing enough of the protein I was taking. I've started taking B-12 along with my supplements--as I said my intake of those were good. Lessons in all this are: The management of my health is MY business. The medical community can only say, OK--Looks good--- my blood work-ups are always good. I'm the one who needs to take the iniative to see that they remain that way. According to my doctor, I'm not in menapouse yet (I am having the first signs, just not showing up in any tests), I'm not anemic (blood count low, but within normal range), and I don't need B-12. She also thinks I should find a way to eat more dairy--as if not drinking milk or eating chese is making my protein levels low. Eliminating dairy did not make my levels low, but it did wake me up to how low they had become. I guess there was a good side to becomming lactose intolerant! so see, Only I am responsible to make sure that years from now my health is still good. Old Dog Indeed!!!


10/27/03 Just came across this in Q&A. Very informative, wanted to keep in my profile for my reference
Thanks,
I want to share this information with all of you. I had been in contact with a researcher at the Univ. of Pittsburgh, who has been conducting a study on calcium absorption of post-op gastric bypass patients. I found the article on the UPMC website: upmc.com. It briefly stated the research being done, and stated that bone loss was at a high rate following surgery. I emailed the researcher and asked a couple questions about the study, including what type of calcium the participants took. I received the following response: "Dear Ms McChesney: Thanks so much for your interest in our research. We have been recommending that people take 1000mg calcium citrate daily because we also were concerned that calcium carbonate would not be absorbed after the surgery. The calcium in Tums is calcium carbonate. Our patients were taking a variety of supplements but largely switched to calcium citrate. A very similar operation used to be done to treat stomach ulcers. The part of the stomach which produces the most acid is bypassed so stomach acid is greatly reduced. We are also strongly recommending that people maintain vitamin D intake in the form of 1-2 multivitamins daily. Most vitamin D doesn't come from food, but is made by the body during sun exposure. This obviously varies with time of year and what latitude you live on. However vitamin D deficiency has been described in people after bypass surgery who weren't taking supplements. I would also suggest to someone who has discovered low bone density after this surgery that they have their vitamin D level checked. If someone is deficient, osteoporosis therapies will not be effective. There are very high dose forms of vitamin D available as a prescription which are given over a month to build levels up fast. Vitamin D deficiency can also cause muscle aches and weakness if it is severe and longstanding. There are many other supplements including iron and B12 which also need to be taken lifelong after the operation!

10/17/03
Just was diagnosed as Lactose Intolerant. A new little wrinkle. Little, because in the Great Adventure I call my life, it is tiny considering where I've come from. But man, If it was anything but cheese.
I missed 2 days of work with severe abdominal cramps, bloating and gas--and then diahrea. I haven't experienced such pain since I gave birth---the intesity was stronger than what I had after surgery.
My doctor and nutritionist tell me that I have a severe form of Lactose Intolerance. For the nect 4-8 weeks I can have NO lactose, including any Whey products---translation no Whey Protein. I've discovered info on this site that some Whey protein is Lactose free, Maybe I'll give it a try in a couple of months. Right now I don't want to experiment and take a chance on that pain. Then again, I've switched to Soy Protein mixes--sugar free from GNC, they work fine---Probally will just stay with them. It's not like my world will come to an end if I never eat Whey or cheese again.I did put a Little shredded cheese on my taco the other night---not good. I really didn't think there was enough there to matter---but it was enough to cause discomfort.
I'm really OK with this latest diet change. I guess I've has so many, and I already read every label of everything I eat--and I already rarely eat anything I don't make myself---(it's amazing what people will put in their recipies and neglect to tell you---or decide on their own "if I don't know it won't hurt me") My mother-in-law "tried" to "kill" me with a fruit/jello salad. It was sugar free jello w/fruit. She had mixed honey in the fruit, but hey "no sugar"!! I can not tolerate Honey---good thing my sister-in-law told me before the spoon got to mt mouth---yes she had put it on my plate!! So anyway---looking for Whey and lactose in foods is now just like looking for sugar, fat and protein. A way of life.
I'm including the following in case anyone wants some more info:

Lactose Intolerance is the inability to digest significant amounts of lactose, the predominant sugar of milk. This inability results from a shortage of the enzyme lactase, which is normally produced by the cells that line the small intestine. Lactase breaks down milk sugar into simpler forms that can then be absorbed into the bloodstream. When there is not enough lactase to digest the amount of lactose consumed, the results, although not usually dangerous, may be very distressing. While not all persons deficient in lactase have symptoms, those who do are considered to be lactose intolerant.


Common symptoms include nausea, cramps, bloating, gas, and diarrhea, which begin about 30 minutes to 2 hours after eating or drinking foods containing lactose. The severity of symptoms varies depending on the amount of lactose each individual can tolerate.
Some causes of lactose intolerance are well known. For instance, certain digestive diseases and injuries to the small intestine can reduce the amount of enzymes produced.
(My Dietitian tells me this is why Lactose Intolerance is so common in Bariatric, RNY patients. We¡¦ve had an ¡§injury¡¨ to our intestines, it¡¦s been shortened, and the cells that produce the needed enzyme have been reduced.)

Recent research shows that yogurt with active cultures may be a good source of calcium for many people with lactose intolerance, even though it is fairly high in lactose. Evidence shows that the bacterial cultures used to make yogurt produce some of the lactase enzyme required for proper digestion

Calcium is absorbed and used only when there is enough vitamin D in the body. A balanced diet should provide an adequate supply of vitamin D. Sources of vitamin D include eggs and liver. However, sunlight helps the body naturally absorb or synthesize vitamin D, and with enough exposure to the sun, food sources may not be necessary.
Age group/Amount of calcium to consume daily, in milligrams (mg)
0-6 months 210 mg
7-12 months 270 mg
1-3 years 500 mg
4-8 years 800 mg
9-18 years 1,300 mg
19-50 years 1,000 mg
51-70+ years 1,200 mg

Although milk and foods made from milk are the only natural sources, lactose is often added to prepared foods. People with very low tolerance for lactose should know about the many food products that may contain even small amounts of lactose, such as
„h bread and other baked goods

„h processed breakfast cereals

„h instant potatoes, soups, and breakfast drinks

„h margarine

„h lunch meats (other than kosher)

„h salad dressings

„h candies and other snacks

„h mixes for pancakes, biscuits, and cookies

„h powdered meal-replacement supplements (Whey Protein)
Some products labeled nondairy, such as powdered coffee creamer and whipped toppings, may also include ingredients that are derived from milk and therefore contain lactose.
(My Dietitian has cautioned me that @EQUAL contains Whey product)

In addition, lactose is used as the base for more than 20 percent of prescription drugs and about 6 percent of over-the-counter medicines. Many types of birth control pills, for example, contain lactose, as do some tablets for stomach acid and gas. However, these products typically affect only people with severe lactose intolerance.





8/4/03
Well, I tried to post and it didn't go thru---so I'm going to put this here so if it doesnt go thru this time I won't lose it.
Anyway, Just a quick update. As you can see by know I'm 5 days short of 28 months post-op. Looking pretty good and feeling awesome!! I thought I'd just put in a little bit about how a typical day goes for me, and what I've found works for me. I have a few iron-clad rules that I've pretty much followed since the begining. They are about protein and water and sugar. I always eat protein first, and I usally get in my 68grms every day. I always get in my 64oz of water-EVERYDAY--usually more. Now alot of that is Crystal Lite, (well the Wal-Mart brand)And I never drink with my meals. AND I NEVER HAVE SUGAR!! My morning starts with a protein drink, I mix it in the blender and it's like having a Carnation instant breakfast. I don't really have a paticular one, I mix and match and add ingredients---right now Im drinking a chocolate/coffe smoothie, made w/skim-fat free milk, 30grms of protien. By mid-morning break I'm hungry--so I may have a slice of wheat toast w/peanut butter. Lunch is usually a frozen meal--no paticular brand, just one that is the right size, protien content and is low-fat. I try to stay with in my 11 grms of fat per meal---I don't always get this one, but let me tell you if it's too much fat I get gas, or worse!!! And also I've found that too much fat makes me yukky, lethargic. Mid-afternoon snack is either fruit or a few low-fat pretzels. I don't worry about protein at this snack. And believe me I had to train myself to relax on this one. Supper is whatever I make for my family--just a very small size. And always protein first. If I make porkchops- which I can tolerate very well---I will eat the meat and sometimes nothing else. I really like greenbeans, so sometimes I make sure I save room for them. I consider veggies a treat.I have bought myself some real pretty plates, smaller than a regular dinner plate. They make my food the right size serving, and I like the way they look. And always, my water bottle is by my wide. Every nite I freeze whatever I'm drinking the next day, I fill a bottle up about 1/2 way. Then in the morming I fill them up the rest of the way, take both of them. This gives me about 48oz of liquid during the day. I also have coffee during the morning---I do love my coffee, I just do de-caff. I take 2 multi-vitamins, 2 calcium, 2 iron, and 2 vitamin c---1 each in the morning, 1each in the evening. This is the amounts my dctors have decided I need. I also try to walk 2 miles or so a day, either on the treadmill or outside. Now, except for my personal rules about protein,water and sugar, my menu changes daily---just depends on my mood----just like a "normal" person. One of the things I want to let people know, you can have a normal life. You can eat normal foods, you just eat a different amount. I go with my hubby for pizza, a small easliy feeds the 2 of us--I just have one peice. And I chew slow, so I can make that one piece last about as long as it takes him to eat the rest! Is this perfect? No way--I'm not perfect, I'm human, and I make mistakes. The great thing is this surgery works, and as long as I work with it, I'm great. When I don't work it, well it slaps me up a little. I guess I'm a little harder to train than Pavlov's dog!!!! Well, thants enough for now, and that's a little look at my day. Something else to remember, I don't think about food all the time. It just happens.
Like a normal person!
7/21/03
Oh Boy am I behind on this profile!!! It's been over 2 years and.........--Just a quick note, I'm feeling great. I look good. I've stabilized at 190#, or so- Size 16/18. I find for the first time in my life I have the power to make choices. I can choose to be me. That means I can let my body naturally stabalize and look good/feel good or I can choose to work it harder. I have chosen to be where I am now. I have acheived my goal, I am healthy. If it semms I'm explaining this too much, I feel I owe it to others who are searching for their identity to remind everyone---we spent a long time being judged by numbers. I did this to become healthy, and comfortable. It is my decision where that comfort is. And by the way, ALL my doctors are Thrilled and so supportave of my weight. I am in a comfort zone, and I am living my life the way I have chosen. And another thing---I don't think about food, or intake EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY. I just do what has become natural everyday. I can be normal, I can be me. My weight or my eating habits are not the first thing that comes to mind when people are with me. Aside from always eating smaller portions & always having a water bottle in my hand!!!...... and my aversion to sugar, most people never notice. And that was also what I wanted, just to fit in.
So, Love Ya all, and please be good to yourself.

12/13/02

Merry Christmas.! WOW, It¡¦s been 18months since my surgery. Life is so normal. Isn¡¦t that a treat? My life is normal. I look normal. My life is not complicated by being the biggest in the room. If a man turns to look at me, he just might be looking to see someone who looks good. My husband has found a new place to kiss me, my collarbone. A BONE!!!! I have bones!!!I went to see my DR today, for an unrelated malady// I have an allergic reaction to eye make-up// and she was so thrilled to see me feeling so good. She was so impressed that I¡¦m maintaining my weight loss. I¡¦m at 202lbs. I¡¦ve achieved all the goals I set for myself. The first goal was not using my c-pap machine. As I continued to lose, my health continued to improve. As Billy Crystal says, ¡§I feel m-a-v-a-l-u-s¡¨. The arthritis in my knees and ankles is still there, that is something that just doesn¡¦t go away. But it just doesn't bother me. Losing almost 160lbs, has taken the pressure off my joints. I¡¦ve gone from a 5X top and 30plus pants to 16/18 and size large. I rarely wear anything but jeans with zippers. When I hold my jeans up I still have trouble believing anything that small will fit me. My hubby was taking things out of the dryer and put my jeans in my son¡¦s pile. He just assumed they were small enough for him. OK, so he¡¦s not the smartest domestic, (my son is 17 and wears a 29/30 waist), but he made me giggle, and feel good.. And I do look good. Getting back to my Dr. she said 150lb plus weight loss was awesome. What a word for a DR to use. She was impressed and proud of me. I asked her if I should be worried about the 50lbs that are still on my body as excess weight, because quite frankly as I told her, I don¡¦t worry about them or care!. She looked at me and said anyone who would consider me unsuccessful because of their idea of a perfect weight was nuts and should come talk to her. She said she thought I was just fine for me, I felt good-I looked good, and I had the right attitude. I am a success, and my Dr verified it!!!!. It¡¦s always nice to get a stamp of approval. So please remember, we are all individuals. We can achieve our own goals. It is not, and should not be about getting to the ¡§skinniest¡¨ weight . It¡¦s about getting to a weight we can live at, and I do me live. The quality of our lives is what is at stake, not the skimpiest bikini. Happiness is inside us, not on the hanger in a size 6, or whatever. A personal goal for me is 199. Why, just because I¡¦d like to say I¡¦m under 200, the first time since high school---A long, long time.. It¡¦ll happen, or not. I will not ¡§diet¡¨ to get there. I will continue to be normal. Normal for me is not obsessing about food. Sure I ¡§watch¡¨ what I eat, and always will. But it¡¦s a different ¡§watching¡¨. It¡¦s about knowing what food will keep me feeling good, not just looking good. About knowing the protein values the way I used to know the caloric content. Knowing that when I feel a need for ¡§something¡¦, it usually means I need more water. I¡¦ve become very aware of my body and what its signals really mean. And something that has been a blessing, facing my uncontrollable food compulsions and taming them. I am the same person who binged her way to 360 plus, I have the same brain. They operated on my stomach, not my head. But I have the strength to face them. Oh, yeah I¡¦m not always perfect. But I¡¦ve learned not to beat myself up over things. If I eat too much, I sure don¡¦t feel good. There are days my eyes are pretty big. The concept of a full plate is still hard. And I use smaller plates!! But lets get real, my overeating now would have been a pre-dinner snack 2 years ago. And when I feel bad, and I do mean bad---I just know it¡¦s this tool doing what it¡¦s supposed to. Reminding me of my limits. Does it happen a lot? No, I¡¦m like Pavlov¡¦s dog. I can learn, thank God! The other day at lunch I was watching some of the ladies I work with eating the lunch they had ordered in. I really thing my mouth was open. No, I wasn¡¦t drooling, I was amazed at the quantity of food they were consuming. And no, not everyone was overweight. Some were just average. But I could have and would have made 3-4 meals out of what one person had. Amazing. I wasn¡¦t envious. I was more like happy, content. And that pleased me too. I could look at this great food, and realize what a waste it would have been for me. Oh yeah. I started a new job in Sept. I really feel that losing weight gave me the confidence to get a better job. And I was able to get promoted to a good department within the 1st month. My inner confidence and my good feelings of self worth were a direct benefit of my WLS. I was being appraised for my intelligence and there was no ¡§fat¡¨ me to get in the way. Maybe that¡¦s not quite the way to say it, and in fairness to all the people in my life, this ¡§fat¡¨ me was something I always saw---not something they reflected back to me. But being self-conscious like that can project to others, especially someone evaluating you for a job, or promotion. And hey another amazing benefit of this job is how many people have had this surgery. Not all have had open RNY, but there is around 10 of us that I know of, and there is only about 150-200 people working there. Everyone is so open about it and I have felt so free to express myself about it. And no one gets tired of hearing me rattle on about it. I have had a few kind of notice what I eat, since I'm farther post-op than they are. And that¡¦s Ok, because I think it¡¦s important for everyone to know this is about what we can eat, not about what we'll never eat again! I want people to see how I incorporate normal foods into my life. Well, ok so enough for now. I need to write more often so this can be shorter. Happy Holidays and God Bless us, every one!


7/12/02
So much has happened since I last wrote anything. In March I started suspecting I had a hernia. I noticed it first when I was lifting something at work. Not pain like I had always expected a hernia to feel, but a real discomfort. My belly kept feeling tired, like I was using the stomach muscles a lot. Then when I was at the gym doing stomach crunches, WOW, it was like the movie ALIEN. This bulge just rose up out of my tummy. When I went for my year check-up in April, well it was May before I finally got in there, yup--sure enough I had a hernia. Actually a double hernia. OK, so Hmmm... what to do. At BTC they could repair the hernia, but that was all. I had always assumed I would never have a tummy tuck, I just don¡¦t like pain. But hey, since we were going to open up the stomach anyway, why not go for it. After all this was the only shot I was giving myself for this. So My Personal Doc sent me to Dr Marshall in Peoria, Il. Real Nice guy by the way. He does Bar iatric surgery as well as all other types, so he was able to fix the hernias and remove this huge drop stomach I had been left with. I had always carried my weight in front, and when I lost 120#, no amount of exercise could tone up what 40 years of stretching had done. Hey, I¡¦ve always been amazed at how well everything had gone back. My face and neck are good---I¡¦m almost 47 so we¡¦re looking for model tight cheekbones here----but I do look good. And I earned every laugh line and crows foot!!!! My legs are looking OK too, (have some various veins that I didn¡¦t notice before) and I have narrow feet!!! A size smaller Too!!! My stomach did shrink down; after all I went from 32 stretch pants to size 18/20 jeans. But there was a limit to how much I could expect. So I was pretty excited to get this removed. WOW!!!! PAIN!!!! I had forgotten had bad this could hurt. AS soon as I woke up from surgery, all I could see, feel, experience was pain. Now I¡¦m not trying to scare anyone, but this is the truth. I hurt. I cried. They couldn¡¦t get the morphine in fast enough. After I got to my room, believe me-I knew when four hors was up. Sure didn¡¦t need a clock. I don¡¦t remember hurting this much last year, but then time does dull the memory. I only had to stay 2 days. I had surgery on 7/3/02 and was home 7/5/02. They estimate they remove 8-12 lbs of skin and tissue. I had 84 staples and 2 drains. I went for my week check-up yesterday and they removed half the staples and both drains. Man, that feels weird. I didn¡¦t have any drains with my gastric surgery, so it was an interesting experience. The right drains your left side and the left the right. When he pulls them out it¡¦s like your innards are coming too. I¡¦m still taking pain meds but have really tapered off. Oh yeah, they had to put a screen in to reinforce the abdominal wall to prevent another hernia. having bar iatric surgery, especially open RNY can make you a candidate for a hernia. It¡¦s not a sure thing, but the average is 18-20%. I¡¦m still adjusting to not having a super bulge when I sit down. Let¡¦s face it, there are certain parts of my body I have only seen with a mirror for years. To sit and look down and see things is, well --startling, amazing. And this is with a belly band on and with my tummy still sore and swelled from surgery. And oh yeah. I got weighed. 201#!!!!!!! Un-f-ing believable. My biggest goal, dream whatever is to be under 200. I¡¦m going to do it!!!! So, I¡¦ll try to get back here more often. Things are going great, better than I had dared dream. I can¡¦t wait to go shopping. I can¡¦t wait to see what size I¡¦m really in now!!!!! And all the health reasons are not just fixed, they¡¦re great. It is so neat to have my hubby tell me to slow down because I¡¦m walking too fast!! Until later, bye for now!!!!





02/22/02
Well, a new year and it's time for me to get back on this site. I pretty much dropped off in Oct. I had alot of personal issues, not the least being that I was laid off my job. I didn't realize how much of my identity was tied up in what I did. This was also the same time I was getting weaned off prozac. Great timing, HUH?
Then my car went kaputs, my mom got worse, and I was having a pretty tuff time being in the real world. The one thing that still worked though was my WLS. The whole proccess has become so second nature. I have ordinary days. Sure I eat different, but it is normal for me. I don't think about it, I don't obsess about it. It just happens. I don't measure my food, I don't eat differnt that my family. I eat a lot less, but it's just the way it is for me. One thing that I will always stay away from is sugar. I refuse to find out if I'm one of the ones that can tolerate it. I don't want to get sick trying, and even wose would be finding out that I can eat it. I am still a compulsive eater, so I'm not about to open up that can of worms called sugar. Head hunger still exists, but since I can only eat so much, (which is not very much) it doesn't control me. I still do protein first, along with vitamins. But hey, I like my carbs, and I'm going to get them in. By doing that they don't control me. Overall I eat very ballanced. As I said, it's become my new way of life. It's just a part of me, it's not something I have to stress out over at all. So, I'm under 220# now. I've gone from a 4X-5X tops and 28/30 pants., to XL/1X tops and 18/20 pants. I have bones!!!!!Ribs, collarbones, cheekbones, ankles and skinny feet. I've even dropped a shoe size!!! Weird. Did ya'll know there is a hollow in your armpit??? I am having the greatest time ever!!! I love the double takes of people that haven't seen me for awhile. It's great!!! Ok, so now I'm back. I will be checking in more often. Love Ya'll!!!!
10/09/01
6 months Post-OP today! I am down 94# !!!!!!! 6# more to go and I will have lost 100# !!!! This is soooooo awesome!!!!!! 100#, I never, ever thought this was something I could, would ever do! Now, it would be impossible for me NOT to lose 100#. Man, can life get any better!!??? I feel great, no-----I feel FANTASTIC !! I have so much energy, I can¡¦t even compare -- I didn¡¦t have any last year. I don¡¦t need the C-Pap, my knees don¡¦t hurt, I¡¦m not out of breath, (unless I just get off the treadmill!! LOL) Yeah, I joined a gym and I LOVE working out. I feel energized!. Me, who has always been allergic to the very word, exercise. Heck, I didn¡¦t know I had bones underneath all this flesh!!! LOL. I for sure didn¡¦t think I had muscles!!! WLS is a tool, yes----but one that works!!!!! For me, it has given me that something extra I needed to accomplish this amazing loss!!! Easy, NO. A miracle, NO. REAL LIFE, YES!!!! And this reality is better than any dream I ever had!!!!(((HUGS)))) to all, God Bless everyone. You are all a part of my family, forever!! What we¡¦ve shared and will keep sharing is something that will bind us always! Thanks!!!!

9/20/01
Wow, I¡¦ve reached my second personal goal. I am under 250#!!! My BMI is 41.6 !!!!! This is the smallest I¡¦ve weighed since before I got pregnant with Joey. And that was 17 years ago. I am totally amazed with the changes my body is going through. It¡¦s not that I can¡¦t see the difference. I guess that because I see myself everyday, The change is gradual. Like the other day I went shopping with my son. It was his homecoming. I left him (staying by his side while he shops is NOT fun), and wandered over to the large size women¡¦s clothes. I used to have trouble finding anything big enough, and would buy whatever fit. Well I found a pair of pants and jacket in a size 24W. I really liked it. So I tried the jacket on. I have always carried the biggest part of my weight in my belly. So I was thrilled when the jacket fit, and was amazed to realize it was too big!! And they didn¡¦t have it in a smaller size. Unreal, the only thing I was interested in buying was just available in a size that was too large!!!! This was a wondrous day. Even though I didn¡¦t get to buy any clothes, I left the store walking on Cloud 9!!!! The other day at work my friend Dave, another supervisor, came up to me and said ¡§Look, I want to tell you something, just please don¡¦t take it the wrong way. I¡¦ve noticed that you are really losing weight and I just wanted you to know that I think you look good.¡¨ It was so sweet. He wanted to give me a compliment, but didn¡¦t want me to be upset that he was ¡§checking¡¨ me out!!! Ah, life is good, and full of changes. My 6 month anniversary is 10/9/01. I¡¦m going to hold off weighing until then. I refuse to become obsessed with it. I had wanted to be at 100#. I will be close and the changes that are happening are above and beyond what I imagined. I never ever saw in my dreams how much I am enjoying life. Oh sure, I still have problems. Hey---this wasn¡¦t a magic wand. It didn¡¦t correct everything in my life. It is a tool that I use to change 1 thing. My eating habits and that changes my weight. It has taken that burden off of me. It has made me realize I can achieve so much. I have the energy to accomplish so much. I had the desire before; I just didn¡¦t have the energy to do it. I would get so depressed, so down on myself. Well I still don¡¦t get everything done, hey I¡¦m not ¡§Superwomen¡¨, but I can accept that. It¡¦s not because of my weight anymore; it¡¦s just life. What¡¦s funny is I also used it as an excuse about why I didn¡¦t do things and know I am facing real life. Not only do I rejoice in my highs, the fantastic moments---but I have to own up to my shortcomings too. If I don¡¦t finish something, if I don¡¦t complete a deadline, I can¡¦t blame my weight and being tired anymore. I have to accept responsibility for failure. But this realization has freed me to accept and acknowledge what I have done. I have pride in myself, in what I have done for myself. I am worth it, and I am ecstatic that I was strong enough, courageous enough to give me this gift. And accepting compliments is getting easier!!! Especially from myself!!!!

9/18/01
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!
Today I am 46 years old. I feel good about turning another year older. I am looking towards the future. I gave myself a great present 5 1/2 months ago. And now I¡¦m seeing the results. Ok, so I¡¦m not finished---but for the first time ever I know what I will accomplish by next year. No looking back with recriminations of ¡§if I¡¦d started that diet---think where I¡¦d be now¡¨. No broken promises to myself that the coming year would be different. No lie that ¡§tomorrow¡¨ I¡¦ll eat better. I always had an excuse to eat more, to eat that chocolate ¡§just¡¨ today....... You know the story. It¡¦s easy to lie to ourselves that tomorrow we¡¦ll do the right thing---the healthy thing. After all if there was one thing I was guaranteed, it was that tomorrow would never get here!!!! TODAY I EAT, TOMORROW I DIET. Pretty easy way to live. Or should I say exist? Well, no more tomorrows for me. I am LIVING today!!!! This is truly the best time of my life!!!!! Thank you God for giving me the strength to fight this disease of obesity. Thank you God for the skill of the surgeon. And especially, Thank you God for my wonderful family. Wayne has always supported me in whatever I have tried. He held me when I failed, and he never stopped believing in me, even when I doubted it myself. When I decided on this surgery, he was scared, but he not only understood my needs and accepted my decision---he has become an advocate of WLS. He is my champion and I thank God that he led him into my life. And of course I thank God for my son, the child that God gave me. He is the joy and the light in my life. So, yes---I am blessed, and I was blessed even before WLS. But now, life is fun, interesting. I¡¦m doing my life instead of watching it.
So I¡¦m reflective today. Hey that¡¦s Ok--I¡¦m entitled. Pretty soon I can wear ¡§purple¡¨, and tell everyone off!!! Ooops, I already do that!!!!LOL!!!!



9/8/01
Well the good news is that I¡¦ve lost another 2#! The so-so news is that I¡¦ve only lost 2#s. I know that as long as the scale is moving it¡¦s all good...but I guess I just got too used to losing bigger amounts. Of course I should have expected this. The last 2 weeks have not been great. My car is on the blink, it needs a valve job. So we have to take the head in to get fixed and all---I won¡¦t bore ya¡¦ll with the details. But that means we only have the old truck running, and it needs a new alternator---and of course it can¡¦t be the inexpensive one. Sigh!! So we have 3 people going in 5 different directions at once, and what was the thing that suffered? My time at the gym. I didn¡¦t make it at all the week before last, and only once this week. I think I¡¦ll stay away from their scale for awhile. I need to see a bigger loss to boost my spirits, and not getting my exercise in is not going to get me there. On a positive note, my eating is becoming second nature. It feels so natural. I don¡¦t thing about food all the time like I used to. Oh I still get head hunger. But I¡¦m able to recognize it for what it is and accept it. Wayne and I had breakfast yesterday at a restaurant. I was watching a couple of different people eat---I was amazed at the amount of food they consumed. I even half laughed when I remembered that I used to eat that much and more!! And watching people eat. Hmmm.....if I was fascinated and a little turned off watching their eating habits I wonder how I looked to others when I ate. Or maybe no one ever notices because we as a society are so consumed by the food we consume that we don¡¦t see our obsessive eating style. And these were not large people I was watching. Not one of them. I just found the sight of them putting food in their mouths kinda disgusting.
One of the hardest habits I¡¦m re-learning is NOT to clean my plate. I¡¦m always full at a restaurant way before my plate is empty. I either give it to my hubby, or I pile other dirty dishes on it. I rarely take it home, because if I leave it in an edible state on the table I will keep picking at it until I¡¦m miserable. Not eating everything is so hard. I really do best at work. I pack my lunch box and I don¡¦t take anything that is too much. I made the mistake of taking a whole pkg of crackers once and I just about drove myself crazy trying ¡§not¡¨ to eat them. I¡¦m much better when I take just as many as I need for the cheese I bring---not one crumb more. See, I was a binge eater. Not that that was the only time I ate, but once I started to eat something, I would eat it until it was gone. Old habits die slow!!! I really don¡¦t miss any specific food. I don¡¦t even miss stuffing myself until I¡¦m sick to my stomach! It¡¦s kinda like when I quit smoking. The hardest thing was learning to do something new with my hands! Well, eating consumed such a large part of my day; I¡¦m trying new ways to keep myself occupied. Thank God my energy level is so high now. I can get out and around and really feel like doing something besides eating. I ate allot because I was bored, and what else could I do but eat? This disease of obesity fed upon it¡¦s self. I couldn¡¦t do things so I ate instead---and because I ate I couldn¡¦t do things. Well, this will be an interesting week. I need to borrow my dad¡¦s extra car. I have to rearrange my work schedule because I have a meeting in Chicago on Thursday. Luckily I¡¦m going with my Manager--she is driving. T

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