belladolceamore
- Entry for May 11, 2006
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On May 9th 2006 I begain the last of my pre-op testing for my Gastric bypass, I completed my sleep study. I moved on to a long day of pre-op tests and meeting on the 10th. I had blood work, EKG, Exercise consult, stress test, education consult, psycho exam and last a nutrition consult. I prided myself on being educated on this procedure and determine to make the right decsion with God's help.
I am doing this for myself for the sole purpose of living a healthier and happier life. I want to walk the rest of my life, and I am unable to exercise my weight off. I believe this is my only option to sucess. I love my family and friends and grateful for thier love and support. Some do not understand why I must go this drastic, they love and accept me as beautiful. But it is not about beauty or vanity. It about healthiness and happiness. Happiness is different to every person. For me is is living my life and accomplishing life long dreams. Living my life in god's name. Helping others in God's name.
I plan to have the surgery the first week of June, My life is changing all around me. I pray I can handle and accept all changes. The pictures I have posted are current, I plan to post one picture a month after surgery. I am the only person to have this surgery who also has muscular Dystrophy, so I want to use this as a journal of education. I have done alot of firsts, I don't mind doing it again.
I love everyone and pray God blesses everyone. Thank you for the support!
Hola Chongo, me gusta mucho. me canta su panchito!! LOL
- Entry for May 11, 2006
They say the truth will set you free...in most all caes this is very true. In others it can only lead to hardship....in many way as individuals we all need to make our own judgements and hope for the best. Prayer and faith in God only can help and lead your decsion. The truth will not always save everyone. ..not even yourself. I have learned in my short life there are givers and takers....and always believed takers were wrong...but everything in moderation is a pefect healthy mental lifestyle. Being just one or the other is unhealthy...Yes it has taken me almost 30 years to realize this...I hope it's not to late. I have always been a true giver....give until I have no more left....now I have realized I can take and not feel remorse. Why can't we be both in moderation? I can and will be....I have to be strong and not convert back to my old self. Like an addiction love can hurt and you can hurt yourself in the process. Something that you feel is right and only believe thats what God wants. HE wants us to give unselfishly....true but he never said to our own despair. It all seems so simple. Enough about life... I am starting a new one and I want to keep a journal of my experince here.... -
I moved to Texas about six months ago....I still have met few people I can call friends, but amoungst all this my bigest life changes are happening. NOT only did I leave my family and evryone I knew...I am not about to start law school and have gastic bypass surgery. FYI I moved from Pittsburgh area Pennsylvania.
I am not compusive eater, but I am unable to exercise the food I put into mouth whether it is healthy or not. I have a form of Muscular Dystrophy called Cahriot-Marie-Tooth and I wear leg braces. I have never just blurted this out online, not because I ashamed, but becuase its my bussiness. If you love and accept my person then all the other things don't matter. I am straight forward, you either love me or you don't. Regardless of what I may be able to do or look like latter. It's now or never. I love to be helpful, infact i think it drives me...
I get abused by my desire to help others, I think since i moved here I learned alot about myself. I also learn I can make my own life and take what I want for myself. i don't need to wait for life to just happen around me. I can love who ever I want. My beauty maybe deeper then skin, but i know my self worth.
Entry for May 29, 2006 -
Well, it has been awhile..I saw my surgeon and all my pre-op testing are fine and I am schedule to have surgery June 15 2006. YES I am nervous and excited. My whole entire life is about to change. I have been threw many changes in last six months. Uprouting to Texas from all my family and friends. Now starting Law school this week while trying to work fulltime. What I have not mentioned in previous blogs I have CMT (Chariot-Marie-Tooth), a umbrella under Muscular Dystrophy. It is a neromuscular dystropy that affects the nervous and muscular system. I wear leg braces, and have limitations such as running and steps. I am moble and independant. I am stubborn in that sense. I try to accomplish everything myself or I do with out. Everyone has thier on nitch in life. I only mention it as part of my diary. I used to hate that I had a disabilty which made me resent my life. AND now as an adult I look around and marval at my life. It could of been worse. I am very lucky. Actually as hard as it is sometimes, it is a blessing from God. I would not be the person I am without the obstacles. I would NOT trade intelligence over physical abilty or beauty...NEVER!
I had a friend ask me that..would I rather be beautiful or be dumb?physically fit? or intelligent...Honestly I want to be me and ONLY me. I would not give up what I know for anything. Ofcourse if there was no trade offs I would want to be physically healed. But, one thing at a time. I don't know if its my old age coming upon me or the fact i have been threw so many changes that I see things so clear. Trust me not everyday is translucent and manageable. Everyone has ups and downs. What makes a person is how they come out of those challages. People can go threw the same exact situation in life, but I promise you they will not handle it the same. We are all human, incapable of being statues in life. We all have our talents...my best is, i feel is the ability to forgive and still believe/have faith in people. I know that sounds nieve, but so be it.
Where would we be if we all were sinics? Doomed. I strive on differnces and can not get enough of them. To each his own..
It's time to live....
Where do I begin...as some of you know I had my surgery june 15 2006, and I was just released from hospital June 28. I was to be released june 17. So much has happen....yes the surgery was a success, but I had some complications. I am still under docotors care and unable to return to work, or be home by myself. Which sucks. I have moments of energy and then moments of drunkness where I feel powerless physically and mentally.
I am on a rollar coaster.....please stop I want to get off and begin the real ride of my new life!!
The day after my surgery I had a barium test to see if I had any leaks in my new pouch. Everything went fine, but when I return to my room I layed down and few moments later I was covered in blood. The nurse came in and said "oh its just a little bleeding from your incesions" A hour passed and I was loosing alot of blood...I was also getting weak and woosey and had now idea what was happening to me. I was talking to my mom and friends and they couldn't understand me. I was incoherant. They came in and tested my blood, they said "just incase you need blood transfusion, don't worry it's just a percausion." Okay, what did I know. A hour passed and I was not lucent and not responding to the nurses questions. I remeber holding my bestfriend in the world picture in my hand and thinking of my family/friends and him. They rushed me to ICU for a blood transfusion, I passed out and don't remeber much.
I can only tell you what I felt mentally and emotionaly. I was dying, and I saw the perverbaly light everyone spoke of. Ofcourse I have here to tell you my story so I am alive. I believe in God and the words my bestfriend spoke into my ear from Iraq (via phone), he told me God still has plans for me, my friends and family need me, and he needed me. I was needed, I could not leave. From the time I started bleeding to the time I finally received four bags of blood, I held his photo in my hand. I believe and trust in him. I love him with all my heart and soul. He is my bestfriend in this entire world. We may mistreat each other, but in the end we have this bond no one will ever break. God gave us this bond, and he helped save me. I felt all the love and prayers from everyone. I truely feel blessed and thank everyone. I started to regain stregnth and moved back down to a regular floor.
But thats not the end of my story...the next day i developed this mystery fever. I had phenomina, like loosing half the blood in my body wasn't enough. I have to fight for my life again. I got a high fever and a crash team was called, and I was rushed to ICU again. The clergy was called i thought I was gone, AGAIN. I was scared! I spent a week in ICU getting high doses of antibotics. The most well made plans can fail at anytime, like mine did. I was to be home recovering. And begining my new life. No I have been stuck so many times,, I lost count at 30. They finally had to put a pick line in, which is direct surgerical line from your arm into your chest. It connects to your puliminary vein in your heart. I was a hard stick and this allowed them to get blood and give medicine.
I am tired...I will continue my story another time....now that i am home i get moment of weakness....it's a long haul but i will survive. carpe diem te ami mi vida
Entry for May 09, 2006 -
Hello all...Hola todo...Salaam! I would like to say I am a child of God and a student of life. I feel blessed for who I am and having the abilties to see past the grey area of life. Life itself is so unappreciated. We all take something for granted, none of us are immune to this. Man was made in God's image only, we are not pure and holy.
We are man and all born with sin. BUT we all have freewill to decide where our paths will go. Sometimes we have freeways...with cruise control and other times we are four wheeling threw life...preety bumpy ride. and well sometimes there just city driving...stop and go...steps forwards and steps back. I can say I am in control of my Life for the first time. It has taken almost thirty years....
Allot of time we let others lead or drive us around and we loose sight of our passions and dreams. Sometimes those detours in life can make or break you....I can say all my obsticales have made me the good person I am. I answer to God and myself...with that said no one can judge me more then Him. I feel liberated....to be in control driving my own "vehicle" of life...I believe everything has it's time and place in this world. Patience has never been my blessing and very diffcult for me . But thank God he knows what he doing, I am ready!
When you able to love someone completely and unconditionaly without expectations or hopes of anything more then the gift of friendship...then you will know and understand God's love for us all. Sometime HIS plans aren't Our plans and he always answers us, BUT sometimes the answer is NO. He will never give you more then you can handle... Cor 13:1
I want to say God Bless all in this world...I pray for pretection of all our forces deployed and safe return. I want to say a special Thank You to Spc Becerra, Rigo, Guillermo , Chongo and Viktor...Come homes safe and Thank you from a Citizen of the World of mankind.
Hello my family and friends back home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Go STEELERS!!!
I love and miss you all...
