Oh my, this is scary!!!

May 04, 2009

(Not really expecting a response from anyone - I just feel it is important to document the good AND the bad aspects of my journey.)
 
Yep, I'm "skeered"!

I wish I knew just what is going on with me. These bad spells that I started having are just getting worse and worse. I had another frightening experience at the commissary this weekend. Thank the Lord DH was with me. I shudder to think where I would have ended up if I had been alone. 

What started with typical hypoglycemic-like reactions...first mild symptoms and then growing to full blown symptoms...has now escalated to some serious symptoms for me...most recently a time where I woke up with DH hovering over me, trying to wake me....other times being so out of it that I'm unable to know who I am or where I am. Didn't start out being that bad, but seems to be reaching that serious stage more and more as time goes on. Used to I could ingest some protein and bring it under control pretty quickly, but that doesn't work quickly enough any more. I really am getting quite scared...as is my husband though I try to hide as much as possible from him and my family.

I just wish I knew what was going on and why something like this started happening so far out from surgery. For the first 18-24 months or so I rarely ever had any problem with anything I ate. I used to brag to everyone (when someone asked) about what an easy time I had had since surgery. Never any problems as long as I followed the rules, ate properly, took my vitamins, protein, and fluids. Never any nausea, vomiting, gas, pain or other things that a lot of other postops had. Oh, there was maybe about 3 times that I ate one bite too much and ended up feeling nauseated for a short while, but never any real dumping symptoms.  

Then, all of a sudden I started having some occasional hypoglycemic spells but was able to recognize when it was coming and take steps to get it under control fairly quickly. Ingesting some good protein always helped almost immediately. I just had to make sure I never left home without some protein (a spoon of peanut butter worked well...some nuts, some jerky, etc) and always kept something in my purse to grab in a hurry. If at home a protein shake would quickly do the trick.

As time went on I started having more frequent and more severe spells and had to quit going anywhere by myself. Tried so hard to hide it from my family as long as I could so they wouldn't worry - always making excuses why I couldn't go somewhere if it meant having to go by myself. Couldn't hide it forever though, because DH eventually witnessed me having a bad spell and the secret was out. It has gotten so bad that I can never go out by myself. I had to quit taking my daily walks because I started having bad spells during my walks. Now I only do that if someone is available to go with me. (That is main reason I got the elliptical and the Wii for home...so I could get in some exercise without having to leave home.)  I really hate that DH has to worry about me because there are so many other more important things for him to worry about right now.  

When people ask if I regret having the surgery or if I would do it all again, I can't really give them an answer right now because I am not sure. I used to be able to answer very quickly with a resounding "Heck yeh, I would do it again in a heartbeat" but that was then and this is now, and I'm not too sure at this point that it was worth it to me to end up with these problems that I have. I want to be able to say it was worth it, but really struggle with believing that it was worth it on the bad days. I try not to give up the hope that it will all work out in the end.

This too shall pass (or I will find a way to deal with it). I was dealing with it pretty good as long as I was able to keep things under control but now it has become unpredictable, comes on more quickly with less time to react, and what used to work to bring it under control no longer works....that is worrisome! 

I know it is taboo to talk about a negative side of the surgery on here. The doctors would prefer people only talk about the up side, I am sure of it!.

In no way am I insinuating that everyone will have these problems. Of course I can't say with 100% certainty that these spells and other problems are related to my surgery, but I find it hard to come to any other conclusion. I do want to say I have no doubt in my surgeon's abilities to do a fantastic job on the surgery itself because I did not have any problems related to HOW the surgery was done, but I do believe that the after affects of having the surgery have taken it's toll on me as time goes on.

I don't know of anybody who has followed the "rules" more closely than I have, so I'm sure it is not anything that I have brought on myself by failing to do something. I have always taken my vitamins (good bariatric ones, not childrens vitamins), gotten in my protein and water, and eaten appropriately.

At this point the only way I can keep these spells anywhere near under control is to eat several small "meals" a day...not because I am hungry but just to try to keep my level from bottoming out. 

Oh...and just to add insult to injury, according to the "statistics" my journey has been a "failure".  

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