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6/25/07- Over 5 years later I am happy to report that I have still maintained my weight loss. I am very proud to say that I have met this milestone and really feel that at my 10 year mark I will be able to say the same. Maintenance is not easy but I do know what I have to do and believe I am doing what is necessary to be healthy. I have known all along that I am ultimately responsible for my health and that if I plan to have continued success, the task lies entirely in my hands. Prior to surgery I did not place blame on anyone or anything else other than myself. No one forced me to choose the double cheeseburger and fries over a healthy chicken breast salad with lo cal dressing. No one forced me to eat the fudge sundae for dessert or eat that 2nd or 3rd or 6th cookie. I have always taken ownership for myself and continue to do so. I feel that it's important for me to be honest with everyone including myself if I want to continue my success. I still worry about gaining, as I feel I always will. I feel surgery was my best decision to help me with my weight but I know it's not always the answer for everyone and I do know that there are many who struggle afterwards. I know it's never easy, no matter who you are.
4/10/05-Happy 3 year anniversary. It's so amazing that 3 years have passed since surgery. I have had great success. Since my last update, I have lost an additional 10 pounds. I believe it to be stress induced. My father has recently been diagnosed with ALS or Lou Gehring's Disease. He had been in the hospital for the past 6 weeks and during that time I had spread myself pretty thin between work, a baby and visiting in the hospital. He is home resting comfortably for the moment. I have a incisional hernia that was aggravated by my pregnancy, and earlier this year did give me some trouble. Since seeing my surgeon, it has been inactive. I hope to keep it this way. I have been instructed to have it repaired prior to get pregnant again, so this is something I must try to work in my life. My weight has been very good. I still worry about gaining. I feel like I am eating too much carbs and not focusing enough on protein and good veggies. I am still losing, but I don't want that to change. It really is true that this is for life. After 3 years, and being successful thus far, I still worry, and I still am aware of what I eat on a daily basis. It's a daily battle.
8/24/04-I am now 28 months post (2yrs 4mo). Since last year I had reached and exceeded my goal and now way in around 150 pounds. I have also been pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl Gianna Carmella, on June 10th, 2004. During my pregnancy I gained only a total of 15 pounds. It was pretty difficult to let myself eat more for the baby. I had some complications with my pregnancy and spent the last 3 months getting daily tests done to be sure that the baby was okay. I had seperation of my placenta and there was great concern of her well being. She was not growing enough and they were concerned that she was not obtaining enough nutritionally. Several times they had thought about inducing me early on, but after amniocentesis, it revealed her lungs were not developed enough to do so. By 39 weeks, my OB decided that we would not wait any longer and scheduled my induction. The whole labor and delivery process went wonderfully....no complications. Gianna came in to the world June 10th, 2004 at 3:15pm weighing in at 5lb 8oz and 18 inches long. After all the worrying, she was absolutely perfect, just teeny tiny. She is growing like a weed. Now that she is almost 11 weeks old, I can hardly remember what it was like being pregnant. I got down to my pre-pregnancy weight within a week after delivering. I can honestly say, having surgery was indeed the best decision I could have made for my life. Had it not been for surgery, I would never have been able to get pregnant. Before surgery, I had abnormal cycles and never really needed to use birth control because I never ovulated. I went back on the pill while I was losing weight and when we decided we were ready to try, I never dreamt it would be that easy. I stopped the pill in September last year and got pregnant on my very first cycle!! Surgery was a true blessing for me and my husband. We got the family that we wanted so badly. Believe it or not, but I am ready to do it all over again. But, I would like Gianna to be out of diapers before we have another one. So, we are going to wait until late fall or early winter of 2005 to start trying for another one.
7/20/03-Well here I am, 15 months post op. I am only 9 pounds away from my goal. I never thought I would get here honestly. These past few months have been going fine. The weight loss has slowed down tremendously, which I knew would happen. My surgeon is overjoyed at my success. I was in to see her in May and she said her goal for me was 164, which I have met her goal! I was striving for something like 155. And I will get there. I still have a couple more months to achieve it. Maintenance is really the key here. My life long job will be to maintain my weight. I do worry sometimes about when I get pregnant. I know weight gain is inevitable when carrying a baby. I just worry about afterward. I will do my best to maintain a healthy diet so I don't gain too much and that I will lose the weight needed afterward. I will definetly have to discuss this with my doctor.
4/10/03-Happy One Year Anniversary to me!! I can't believe it's been a year already. I have tried to take some stress off of myself with food. I have accepted that I am normal now. Normal people don't eat fast food daily and remain healthy. Normal people eat balanced meals. Yes, normal people do have high calorie, high fat, high sugar foods, but not daily. So, essentially, I am normal now. I eat a balanced diet. Yes, I can still treat myself. Before surgery, treats were an every day thing. Now, it's limited. And that's ok with me.
I am down to 179 now. That's 4 more since my last post. I am plugging along. Once the weather stays nice, I will be outdoors busting my butt a lot to get the rest off. Then, sometime this summer, I will go to see the plastic surgeon. I'm kind of nervous about that. I want to do it, but I hate to take off more work, and then there's the whole baby issue. I guess I will know better when I have my consult. Well, that's all for now!!
3/23/03-Just a quick annoucement...I am no longer obese!!! Finally, I am just overweight!! I am down to 183, down 152 pounds. I still would like to lose about 35 pounds to get to my goal. Hopefully it won't take to long...maybe by summer!!
3/3/03-Happy Birthday to me!! Yesterday was my birthday. From here on out, I am not aging. I will be 29 forever!!! I am down another 5 pounds since last post. I feel pretty good, physically and more importantly, mentally!! I dumped big time for the first time since surgery almost 11 months ago. The girls at work bought a big chocolate chip cookie with the frosting for my and another coworkers birthday on Friday. Well, I took a small slice home to tryout, since I was afraid I would get sick. I was really really craving that exact thing. Well, boy did I get sick. It really turned off my craving for an ooey gooey fudgey brownie. So, at least I know that sugar still has adverse reactions with me. Thank Goodness!!!!
2/11/03-Well, yesterday makes me officially 10 months post-op. I am holding steady at 193. My appointment last week was uneventful. The dr was not there. As much as I was dreading see her, I was eager to see her at the same time. I had a billion questions to ask her. I have no idea what her goal is for me. I know what I want to get down to. I wanted to see if she was happy with my progress...I feel like I will never know. My next visit is not until May. Hopefully, I will down another 30 pounds. Oh, their scale was about 5 pounds higher than mine. Last time I was there, they were exactly the same. The nurse said they got a different scale since I was last in. She says I should just go by my scale. So, I am...hey I am not going to argue when mine is weighing lower!!! I am 2 months away from my yr anniversary. That really freaks me out. I feel like I have to be at goal by then. I feel this unreal amount of pressure. The nurse thinks I should see a pyschologist about my weight issues. I kind feel like they think I am nuts. I had expressed to her that I feel like losing 140 pounds is no big deal, no accomplishment. I guess that makes me psycho. I don't know. This is just so amazingly hard. My body has gone through such a metamorphasis since last April, I just haven't gotten used to it. My visit in October was so hostile, I felt like the surgeon had basically said I had failed before I even had a chance to succeed. I haven't decided what to do. I went to support group that night. It made me feel better. I got to talk to others and know what they are going through. I am going to get over my winter blues...
1/23/03-Well I broke the 200lb mark last week. I am down to 198...that's 137 down. It's cool. I still don't feel like I have accomplished something terrific. I don't know what my problem is. I am almost at what I got down to with VBG. Give me about 15 more pounds and I am there. I can fit in my husband's jeans now. That's pretty cool. I started an exercise program last week. 3 times a week I do some aerobics and toning. Hopefully I will see the benefits in no time. I am worried I am getting in too carbs. I have been reading a lot on this site and decided to cut out all most all bad carbs. No bread or potatoes or pasta. I don't do a whole lot of them to begin with, but I figured if I cut them out it should help. I am worrying about that scale too much. I have a follow up with my surgeon in 2 weeks, that might be why. If she jumps all over me again, I am going to have to tell her that I don't have to put up with it. I think losing 40 pounds in 3 months is great. Don't you guys?!?!
1/2/03-Happy New Year and Happy Holidays! Time flies this time of year. Not much happening here. The holidays are a rough time of year. All the delicious stuff everyone makes. I did bake a great deal of cookies. I was really surprised that it didn't drive me crazy for the sweets. I have to admit that I have tried a bite here and there. It's definetly not like the old days when I would eat 6 cookies in the blink of an eye. A taste is all we really need right? I just keep telling myself "its only food". Its not like I will never eat again or ever have the opportunity to taste it again. I have to get this Christmas candy out of here though. You know, the Hershey Kisses or the holiday M&M's. A little bit is enough to make me want more, so out it goes.
I was really trying to get my self under 200 by the new year, but I didn't quite make it. I am at 205. That's nothing to sneeze at, I know. I am down 130 pounds in less than 10 months. All this time I have not realized my transformation. We were getting our camcorder ready for Christmas with my family, and the last tape in there was from last Christmas. My husband puts it on the TV. There I am, the huge beast of a woman. All 335 pounds of me. I was so embarrased. I had no idea I was so grotesque. I mean I knew I was really obese, but he shoots my image of me now and then I look at that, I could not believe it. I look completely different. I was just mortified. I couldn't believe I let myself look like that. Man, if I have a bad day and think I am struggling, all I need to do is look at that tape, and remember that I do not want to go there again. I still want to lose around 50 pounds more, and I will. I have to. I can't let myself go like that again. I promise, I will post some pictures, its on my new year's resolutions list!!! You want to know were my weight loss factors in at??....way at the bottom...because I know I can do. Those resolutions are always things we want or know we should do, but always have to fight for. I don't feel like I have to fight as hard. Yeah I help now, but I am doing all the work. I am eating right and trying to get my butt off the couch as much as possible. I could never have done this without the surgery though. I was suh a wimp. I feel strong now. It's very empowering I think. I have confidence that I never had before. I don't feel awkward in groups. I have women at work wanting to give me clothes and telling me how much they weigh because I am becoming like them not what I used to be...I am sure they would have never felt comfortable talking about weight with me before. I even had two people that work in my building whom I only know to see them, don't even know their names, stop me to tell me how great I look. It's odd....I just smile (widely of course)thank them for their compliment and walk away, thinking how weird it is. I have gotten used to it bit, but lately it's been happening a lot. Well, I swear, I am going to post some pictures. You be the judge.
11/11/02-Long time since my last update. Things have been insane lately. My last visit was not all that pleasant. I recently discovered that my scale is right on with my surgeons. Good for me, I guess. I thought it was still off over 11 pounds so I thought my weight loss was a little more, but it's still good for where I'm at post op 7 months...down 107 pounds! My last visit was 2 weeks ago. At that time I was 98 pounds down. The nurse asked me about exercising, I was honest, I do exercise but not enough, and I don't need anyone to tell me that, I am aware of my problem. I expressed some temptations to snack. I didn't say I do (all the time), I just want to. Honestly, I try to choose something healthy and full of protein. The doctor came in a immediately starting yelling at me. First for getting pregnant, how it's such a bad mistake. Well, I am not pregnant anymore, I lost my baby, and now I am back on the pill so I can make sure this doesn't happen until the time is right. Then she started yelling at me for not exercsing enough, how I need to be more disciplined. I have to be more commited to it. And then the lecture started on snacking. I can under no circunstance ever snack. If I snack I will keep my self from losing weight, I will eat around the surgery. Only at the very end did she remotely seemed a little bit happy that I have lost 98 pounds in less than 7 months. I was not too thrilled that I had to be yelled yet at like I am some dumb kid. I went to my visit hoping to get some guidance when I am facing an obstacle. I was honest and was trying to communicate with my doctor. Instead, I just get yelled at. So, I have been kind of angry with everything lately. That doesn't mean I have stopped trying. Yes, I have tried exercising more often and I did really count my calories on fitday.com. I found out I am eating around 800 calories a day. How am I screwing up??? For a snack (yes I said snack) I had a small cup (1/2 cup) of sugar free chocolate pudding w/fat free cool whip, pudding was made w/1 percent milk. That was like 2 hours ago, and I am still full. Does that sound like a bad snack??? I am so confused. I am not sure if my doctor thinks that scaring me will make me want to work harder, but actually it just made me not want to see her again. I've never had a problem with them before. I never heard anyone else say anything else either. Maybe she was just having a bad day. But, I am still losing. I am trying to push myself harder so that I can get under 200. I am only about 10 pounds heavier than my husband currently. I am weighing in currently at 228. I still see myself as 335. I can't see it!! Sounds silly huh?? I have to put some pictures up so that you guys can be the judge. I'll post more when it happens!!
10/6/02-Well, I know I would much rather post good or great news but unfortunately things have been kind of bad lately. My weight loss has been slow but I have some reason that I will explain that will put things into prospective. Almost 2 weeks ago I had the lab where I work run a pregnancy test on me. I hadn't had a period since July, which in the past was completely normal for me. But seeing as how I know that my body will regulate itself when I lose a large amount of weight, I was a tad concerned. Well, she ran the test and 35 minutes later called me with the results. I was pregnant!!! I couldn't believe it. You'd think that I would be ecstatic, it was my first pregnancy. But all I could think about was how was I going to lose the rest of my weight and carry a baby??!!?! So, I was beside my self. My husband was overjoyed. He wouldn't admit it at the time but he was. My mom was excited, she told me not to cry and that it would all work out, I would just have to try harder. I called my surgeon's office. THe nurse was not very happy with me. They tell all the patients to not get pregnant until at least 2 years post op. Well, things happen, I didn't plan this or do it on purpose, and I certainly wasn't going to do anything about it. So, I took a few days and thought hard about everything. I was scared. My husband was really great about everything. I was starting to get used to the fact that I was going to be a Mommy. Well, Thursday comes, I start spotting. My first ob appointment wasn't until the following Tuesday. The doctor orders me some blood work, tells me that this is normal that it happens sometimes, but that they'll check everything out to be sure. So, things kind of stay the same. Sunday comes along, and I start getting this bad cramps, they are much worse than my normal menstrual cramps. I call the doctor to see if I should be concerned. He thought if the bleeding was worse yes, but it wasn't so, we decided to see how I felt the next day and perhaps I would come in to see them a day sooner. Well, by Sunday night, I was in excruciating pain. I never had felt anything like this before. I made my husband call the doctor for me. They sent me to the ER. They examined me and ran blood work, and concluded I was having a miscarriage. This has been such a horrible week for me. In less than I week's time, I am pregnant and then I lose the baby. I know that there's nothing I did that could have caused this miscarriage. My OB assured me that my nutrition would not cause me problems with a pregnancy. As much as I was afraid of what was going to happen and how I thought I wasn't ready for this because of WLS, I didn't want to lose it. I feel so conflicted right now. I know I will be okay eventually. But now I feel like I really want to try and have a baby soon. It makes no sense to me. Our plans originally were to start trying next fall, which would only be 1 1/2 years,but that's what I wanted to do (too bad). But now, I don't know. All I do know is that this sucks. I don't know how to feel. I have lost about 100 pounds. My scale is always off so I am guessing. I don't have an appointment for like 3 weeks so we'll see when I hop on theirs. For anyone who knows me, drop me a line, I am kind of down right now and need some words of encouragement. Thanks
9/3/02-Okay I know it's been ages since my last post. But I have been terribly busy. My husband I just moved about 2 weeks ago, so this is the first chance I had to sit down at my computer. I was hell moving, let me tell ya!! It was so HOT!!! I have never sweat like that before. But I have to be honest, I could never had done this if it weren't for all the weight I've lost. I hauled butt, carrying box after box after box up and down the stairs. My body didn't give out like I normally would have after one flight of stairs. I wasn't fighting for air like I had 4 months ago. I felt good to work like a dog!! I am very proud of myself for a change. I wouldn't be surprised if I had lost 10 pounds in just those 3 days!! My scale and I still battle. I get on it maybe once every 2 weeks....when I am worried that am a eating wrong, and that maybe the scale will go up. According to my scale, when I remember the last weigh in at my dr's, I have lost a total of 80 pounds!!! But, if I take in to account the difference of her scale and mine, a should factor in an additional 11 pounds, putting me at 91 pounds!!! Amazing!!! I am not even 5 months post op yet!!! It's so exciting!! I am going to have to shop for new clothes soon. Fall weather will be here before you know it, and I have absolutely no cool winter clothes. I did try on a few things, and was surprised that I am disappointed that I am not in a smaller size. I don't have a reason to be disappointed, ya know??? I can't remember the last time I wore a 22 pants...one's that zip to boot!!! I must have really squeezed into those 28's I was wearing 5 months ago. I know the jeans were out of the question....the hurt like hell!!! So, know I were all these big clothes that hang on me. My co workers call me skinny minnie...They are great and do nothing but give me encouragement. I am just so proud of my self for change!!! YEAH ME!!! Having a problem with big time hair loss. See my message I posted on Q&A. I am super scared!! Well, I'll be back later with more great news.
7/29/02-GREAT NEWS!!! I had a visit with my doctor today. I always think I am on a plateau...turns out I am down another 12 pounds!! Takes my total to 73 pounds!!! It's amazing! I really didn't think I had lost that much. But, hey, would you argue with a scale that says you lost???? The doctor is VERY pleased with my progress. She says that for someone that's had a revision, I am exceeding her expectations. She said that it's good to be paranoid. I am always worried about what I eat. So, she said being paranoid keeps me on my toes, keeps me aware of what I am eating. I got the OK to take the hair vitamins.....I hate how much hair I am losing, it sucks. So, hopefully the vitamins will help
7/14/02-It's been a long time since I posted. I was on a plateau for a while, but the past week I have noticed the weight is pouring off again. Since my last posting I have lost another 12 pounds. Putting me at a grand total of 62 pounds!!! All in a little over 3 months!!! This is just so amazing. I have been feeling great. I haven't been sick in a long time. I am so happy. The only nasty side effect I am now encountering is the hair loss....=( I have very thick hair so I don't think I will go bald, it's just kind of scary to have this all happen. I am going to have to check on something to help stop it or slow it down. But, I heard this doesn't last forever.
6/23/02- Well, my illness is gone. Thank goodness!!!! It has worked out wonderfully for me lately. I used to get nauseated trying to get my fluids in, now I don't anymore. My appetite is so much better than it was a month ago. I feel great!! Since my bout with the flu, I have been on a plateau (at least I think so!!). Every scale I have gotten on says the same thing, so I am assuming I haven't lost in 2 weeks...BUT, last time I thought I was on a plateau I really wasn't. Just to be sure, I am increasing my water, exercise and protein. I am determined to make this a success!! This is the most important thing to me right now, and I didn't go through surgery to let myself give up when I hit a dry spell. Anything worth doing isn't easy.
6/10/02--This past week has been yucky for me. I hvae been pretty sick, diarrhea and nausea. It all started last Monday, I was nauseated, but I knew I should eat something, so I tried a small amound of cereal with a few raspberries in it!!! Big Mistake!!! I was SOOO sick!! I got terrible pains in my tummy and all short of breath...I didn't last long, but then the diarrhea started. I figured I was just dumping. But when it lasted until Thursday I called my dr's office. They didn't really have anything good to tell to help me with it, just to stay hydrated...DUH!!! So, by Saturday I was truly miserable. My mom was vrey concerned for me, so we had the dr paged. The on call doc was concerned about dehydration, but I thought I felt good enough to wait until Monday for an office visit. The last thing I wanted was to be admitted and have fluids pumped in to me!! Sunday came, I was still sick in the morning....but some how in the afternoon I started to feel really good. I wasn't nauseated anymore, and the diarrhea had stopped. By supper time I was really hungry for a change. So, I had some dinner, it didn't bother me. I was so glad. I decided to not go in for an office visit this morning, I really think it was a flu bug or something....My mom and sister both have the cha cha cha's!! I did however have a little bit of diarrhea this afternoon and was a tiny bit nauseated. I am still taking it realy easy, just to be sure. I have a strange pain that I am trying to figure out...It feels like something has torn....I don't think it's a hernia...there's no bulge...I guess I will just wait and see if it gets better or worse (yikes). In that time of being sick, I managed to lose another 5 pounds!! Taking me to 51 pounds down! My clothes are getting very lose and I am going to have to start getting rid of some of them! I guess, I should learn to slow down, and not take on such big tasks, I don't want to hurt myself.
5/30/02-GREAT NEWS!!! Well, first off, I think my scale is posessed..you'll see why soon. I had my 6 week follow up today. At my last visit, I realized my scale was 6 pounds too high, so since then I had always subtracted 6 pounds from what I would weigh in on my scale at home. The past month had been extremely frustrating for me. The scale quit moving at 4 weeks out.....Well, at my visit today I get on the scale....I had lost 15 pounds since last visit!! WOO HOO FOR ME!!! I have lost 46 pounds since surgery. That made my whole day....heck, my whole week!! I have decided I need to have a funeral service for my home scale......
5/20/02--- I haven't updated in a while, not much going on. I have managed to lose another 9 pounds....40 pounds down. I am proud of my self, but it seems like my weight goes up and down a pound every day. I am not really sure what I am doing wrong. I haven't added anything new to my diet...I am following my doctor's instructions. I have an appointment next week, hopefully they can answer my infinite amount of questions. I still can't seem to get all the fluids in. I am trying!! I plan to start walking once the rain stops. I figure that should help. I don't really feel like I've lost 40 pounds but everyone else notices. I guess I am just in a big hurry to drop sizes, look better and feel better.
I do have to say that anyone who thinks that WLS works all by itself is nuts!!! You have to work at this too. I still crave all kind of stuff, but I don't eat it. I am proud that I have this much will power and strength to resist things that I would have eaten in a second. It's amazing!! So, for anyone who's been told that you are taking the easy way out with WLS, tell them the facts.
4/29/02 Well, I am post-op now. I finally am around to updating my status.....long story. I would have to say the worst part about the hospital stay would be the back pain. Those hospital beds were not made for comfort!!! At least the pain meds helped that somewhat. I was in a total of 5 days. I was so glad to go home...but scared at the same time. I just didn't want to hurt myself and was scared of messing this all up. But, once I got home I was okay. My husband has been spectacular with me. He has taken such wonderful care of me. I counldn't ask for anything more.
The first 2 weeks of liquids was almost unbearable. A lot of stuff made me sick. I couldn't have anything with sugar in it....I ended up having so many visits to the bathroom if you know what I mean. So, I was stuck with sugar free jello and popsicles...that gets old really quick. Well this past thursday, I had my first post op visit. Besides the wonderful news of being able to move to the next phase of pureed food, I also had other wonderful news. I have lost 31 pounds already!! In just 2 weeks...it's kind of scary I think. I haven't lost anything since then. I am assuming my body is adjusting to the fact that I am able to eat now. But, I am not worried.
I have found some things make me sick and I hate the way it makes me feel. It makes me so nauseated and so, so weak. I think that's going to really take some time getting used to. I already know that if something makes me sick, stay away from it for awhile. I haven't decided when I am going back to work. The day of my post op visit, I did a lot of walking, went to visit someone else in the hospital, went to Wal-Mart. The next day, I felt so poopy. So, I guess I should just take it easy. I don't want to go back and then realize I am not ready. Right now, I think I will probably go back next Monday.....I thought I might go back this Wednesday, but I am not going to push myself. Well, I will try to update more often. Thanks for everyone's support!!!
4/8/02-UPDATE!!! Well, my husband just called me, turns out his dad needs a quadruple bypass. They are planning on surgery tomorrow at 6:30AM. My poor husband, he's a wreck. Turns out, if his dad's kidney functions are a little out of whack, and if they are still abnormal tomorrow before surgery, they may postpone it until Wednesday...MY SURGERY IS WEDNESDAY!!!! So, my husband feels torn, to be expected. He wants to be here for me, but he wants to be there for his dad too. I feel really bad for him, how stressful this must be. I pray that his dad is okay. They say that his heart muscle is surprising strong, considering his age, and that is a good thing. I am just going to say a prayer that everything turms out okay. That's all I can really do. Just do things as planned. Pack my stuff, pack my husband a bag (he's spending the week with a relative while I am in the hospital), and just pray that everyone, including myself, will be just fine.
/8/02- Well my surgery is in 2 days. I didn't think I would be nervous or scared, but I am a little anxious. I really, really am not looking forward to the pain. My family is being extremely supportive and intend on staying by my side through out the next few weeks. I am so greatful for all the wonderful message everyone has posted wishing luck. It's so great how a stranger can feel like a close friend. My husband is very concerned. I am not sure if he's going to be okay. He's so terrified that I won't be okay, but I have been assuring him daily that I am going to be fine. To make it more stressful for him, his father was hospitalized just 2 days ago and has been diagnosed with blockage and kidney damage. His father is very stubborn and doesn't like doctors or hospitals....I am surprised that they kept him there for 2 whole days!!! As we speak, he is trying to convince his dad to stay in the hospital, let the doctor's do whatever they need to make him well. His dad wants to go home now, since his feeling a little better. It's too much for him with my surgery being Wednesday and his dad now in a situation. I am more worried about him than me!!! Well, the next time I write, I will be on my way to the new me! Thanks for all your support!!!
Well, let me just start off by telling everyone a little about myself and my life. I am 28 years old and have spent practically my entire life overweight. I remember my childhood as a chubby little girl. All the times I came home from school crying to my mom about how someone was picking on me. My mom enrolled me in different diet programs to try to help me lose weight. She knew the pain I was going through, just wanting to fit in. Things never really changed much, we tried different things all through junior high and high school. People still mistreated me and I still felt like less of a person because I was overweight.
My senior year of high school, my mom found out about gastric stapling. We made an appointment and decided that this was what I needed to do. She was scared for me, but knew that I was miserable and wanted my life to be like everyone else's. She spent her whole life telling me how beautiful I am. All her friends telling my I am so beautiful. I never believed them. I assumed that everyone thinks fat is ugly. I thought so. I was so tired of being fat. I didn't go to my prom, no one wants to ask the fat girl in school. I had to change that. So, June 1992, I had gastric stapling done. By the fall, my clothes were just hanging on me. I was really encouraging and I was beginning to feel so good about myself for once in my life. My June the next year, I had lost about 80 pounds, it was wonderful. We went on vacation to the beach that year and I even wore a bathing suit!!!
But, it didn't last forever. Once the weight loss plateaued, I basically quit trying. I was happy, I had a boyfriend and I looked good. I wasn't a size 6, but I felt great. I got engaged, I started gaining weight slowly. I thought it was all my fault. By the time my wedding came, the dress I bought nearly a year before, was way too small. I was so depressed, I stood in my wedding gown and cried, "What had I done!" Well, the seamstress was able to alter it to fit me. That was in July 1995. By November 1995, my marriage was over, my husband decided he enjoyed the company of men more (Need I say more???).
So, all the turmoil in my young life, made me turn to my wonderful friend food. The weight just kept adding up. I figured I didn't have any other choice but to struggle with diets to lose the weight.
Then, about a year ago my mom took a temp job with the UPMC Weight Management Center. The doctor she works for does the psychological consults for the bybass surgerys. My mom, of course wanted me to get scheduled for surgery asap. But, I had one thing holding me back, I was getting married in September. Yes, I had found love again. He is my soulmate. I was too young before, and didn't know what I was doing. But, this man loves me whether I am fat or thin. He sees the real me. I am so glad I finally found him. Okay, sorry I got off track there, I'm getting all teary-eyed!!! LOL HAHAHA
So, we had a beautiful wedding September 15, 2001. Yes, I did where a big (size 26) puffy skirted wedding dress. Even though I am overweight, I still felt like a princess!!!....funny thing love does to ya!!!
Well, here I am about 2 weeks pre op. I get scared at times. I am always afraid that I am going to fail. I want this so bad. I feel like everyone will judge me, especially since I did this once before. I am so tired of being tired. I feel so lazy and I feel like I am 20 years older than I am. I remember what I felt like before, when I had lost weight. It felt so good to NOT be noticed. EVerywhere I go, I feel like every eye in the room is on me. If someone laughs, I automatically assume they are laughing at me. Especially in restaurants. Like people are thinking," wonder what she's going to order, probably 2 dinners!". Or God forbid we go to a buffet, I figure people are thinking I am going to pull my chair up to the buffet. It's terrible ya know?? I mean, I hate to go shopping. Especially with a friend to the mall. She is thin, so if we go into a store that she shops at, I am waiting for the saleswoman to say," I'm sorry, you must be lost, we don't sell tents here." I just can not wait for my life to be normal. I want to not be noticed. I want to feel good again. I just keep telling myself that I WILL SUCCEED. I have so many reasons why I have to do this. It's not to impress anyone but myself. I want to start a family. Right now, there's no way that could happen, my hormones are out of whack due to my weight, but when things get to a normal level for my body, everything works perfectly. I want a family terribly. I want to be able to go on vacation and wear a bathing suit again. I want to be able to ride a rollercoaster and not be uncomfortable. I want to wear a sleeveless dress. I want to go to my 10 year high school reunion and have my old classmates not be able to recognize me. Not because ten years have gone by, but because I have lost so much weight.
I don't know if anyone else feels the way I do. I don't really want much. I just want to be like everyone else. I don't want a prize. Losing all the prize, and gaining my life back is the prize. I won't be in pain anymore walking the stairs. I won't decline an offer to take a walk anymore. I think the only thing I worry about after I do lose the weight is, will I regret not postponing my wedding so that my wedding photos don't have my old extremely overweight self in them?? I wonder if my kids will ask who the big lady is in the pictures with Daddy??
I want to thank those of you have already wished me luck and are saying prayers for me. Thank you so much!!! I will let you all know how am I doing, my up and my downs!!
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
