BigBlackMama

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    I've come to see my weight gain as a blessing!! Sii I've been separated from my partner of 10years for 5months now and It hasn't been easy , but worth it...  I was with with my partner since I was 18yo and we had 3 beautiful children during that time. We purchased a home and everything seemed so promising but I haven't been able to drop this mommy weight with my last pregnancy and its been over 2years!! Since then I've spent so many nights alone, endured verbal and emotional abuse because I gained weight!??? People are so cold and "my body" became all I'm worth. My weight has completely taken my confidence and social life. I avoid going places with people who knew me before I was fat to avoid criticism or phony complements, even if i don't hear it. I locked myself in my home for over 2years now and became nothing more than a mother.There was times my partner would verbally abuse me to the point I would loose my vision because my blood pressure was so high. He hated "me" I was still the same person he fell in love with inside, but  he didn't see that anymore. I mean He would spend hours away from me on the Internet chatting and exchanging explicit photos with random woman and I better not dare question it without being the blame! He would look up at the ceiling or have to damn near meditate when we were being interment!! Some time I would see him sneak out of bed to get to the literally hundreds of porno movies he purchased since I've been over weight, and thats IF we slept in the same bed that night!  meanwhile the verbal and emotional abuse had spiraled out of control and I realize it was all because he wasn't attracted to me anymore!  My children are the only people who don't me judge and treat me differently and thats All that matters to me now,. I admit, I have allowed "people" to take advantage of me or it might be I care too much about how others perceive me or treat me, but I know first hand the difference between being "fat" and "slim" and how society treats you differently. I was deemed unattractive and It's to the point I almost don't know who I am or my purpose anymore.  I dont expect this WLS to be the answer to my ALL, but it is a tool and I', well on my way to a healthier me!!!

3 weeks ago I Googled WLS and learned of the different types of procedures. Well last week I went to my seminar and yesterday I had All my pre-op testing and was scheduled for my "tentative" surgery date, March 11th! So I'm sitting here with only a few steps to go and it's all too real! I mean its definitely what I want to do so are these nerves normal or am I jumping in too fast???

TYPED IT ALL UP AND THE STUPID COMPUTER CRASHED!! DAMMIT THIS IS TOO MUCH for a stressed out fat mom!