blueeyes3025

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as of today I weigh 150 lbs, I have lost 100 lbs in the last 8 months. I look at my self in the mirror and can't belive the image that is in there is me. its an awesome feeling to know I can buy regular clothes, run around and play with the kids and not get tired, excercise, and just enjoy life. This journey keeps getting better and better.

I live inside this outer shell, inside living a life of hell
Strangers words & ugly stares, makes me believe no one cares
In a world filled with pain & terror, what is reflected in my mirror?
Who is that? Where am I? Things are bad, I want to cry.
The answer is near, problem solved. Now watch me as I evolve.
From caterpillar to butterfly, now the world just dances by
No painful words or shameful tears, I've added to life better years.

 

Last week I was 6 months out and 90 lbs down. Today i bought size 6, yes i said it Size 6 pants. 6 months ago I never would have belived any one if they told me I would be this size, and this weight. this Journey has been incredible!

 

The Journey

I chose to go on a journey
The most important one in my life
It started out in a hospital
But was not with stress and strife

I began with much thought and soul searching
It was not so easy to do
I entered into it joyfully
With positive thoughts thru and thru.

It took me down long winding pathways
Places I've never been to before
But entered with great expectations
And I knew that I want to learn more.

My life had been full of trials,
Prejudices and grief
It was time to turn the tides of disapproval
And to swim towards the shores of relief.

This journey was not going to be easy,
No magic bullet that would make everything right.
It takes a great deal of planning,
Support and positive insight

Everything that I ever had lived with,
Would have to be changed overnight
The newness at times overwhelmed me
But I kept my eyes on the light

The days passed by ever slowly
And I wanted results right away
But anything worth having takes time
And Rome wasn't built in a day.

 didn't embark on this adventure
For anyone other than me
This trip was granted by heaven
The results are for all to see.

Some days brought joy and contentment
Some days were filled with fright
When ever I consumed the right item
It filled my soul with delight

So on and on I traveled
But no road weary person was I
I adored hearing the compliments
That lifted my soul ever high

Now whatever road my life seems to travel
Where ever I choose to be
I stand tall and slender
From this gift that was granted to me

I am now 20 weeks out of Surgery, and 76 LBS Weight loss. This have been moving slowly here the past month but the weight is still coming off. I have slacked off at the Gym which is more then likely the reason. Been working way to many hours at work at least 60 or more a week. So needless to say I am beat by the time I get out of work, and go home make dinner for the Hubby and the kids, and then try and clean up the house a bit.  Hopefull this madness will die down in the next few weeks and I can get back in to my routine and start working out again. 
any ways just wanted to give a quick update, and Wish everyone a Happy Easter. 

14 weeks and 61 lbs down, this is awesome!! I feel great. the weight has started to come off slower this past month, losing only a couple of pound a week. Its been a little disapointing, because I know how little I eat and how much I go to the Gym. How ever I also know I have to remember that I am still losing and I feel and look better then I have in many years. I am actually only 40 lbs until I hit my goal weight, and I never thought I would get this close.  I guess there will be times that will be tougher then others, but I am determined to get there and stay there. 

Yesterday I was two months out and 45 lbs down, I HAVE A WAIST!!!!!  I know that sounds funny, but its been years sience I have had a waist you could see anyways. I went a couple of weeks ago and bought me two pairs of 16 jeans, and today they feel really loose, I an think that I might have to go and size 14, I don't ever remember being in that size ever.  In feel better than I have in years, this is all so awesome. 

Well, it's 3 WEEKS TOMMORROW, NOV. 20th, 2007 since I had my Lap RNY.  I'm feeling much better, but still lacking in variety for foods.  That's the saddest thing for me as we approach the holiday.  I read postings on how people that haven't had their surgery yet are going to make it through the holiday..and I can't help but think... You've got it easy!  At least if you eat too much....you can go run it off....or something....but for me... I CAN'T eat too much....and I'm dying to eat some TURKEY, CRANBERRY SAUCE, SWEET POTATOES, DEVILED EGGS, POTATOES SALAD.  It's a head hunger really....but food was a way that I expressed my creativity.  I love to cook, adore the Food Network this time of year...and am feeling very much like I lost my best friend.  It is a mourning that I'm going through I think.  You feel like the one thing you could count on...is something that has been taken away.  Yes, it's all for the best...but it's the way I'm feeling.  Can't deny your feelings right?  

I'm handling it okay, I have taken tiny bites of turkey and had a few mashed potatoes last week, during a luncheon, used gravy on the turkey to make it go down easier. I have been cooking.  We have decided to go to a dear friend of mine, house for Thanksgiving, which will make things so much easier for me, however I have volunteered to make my famous potatoes salad, deviled eggs, corn on the cob, 2 cherry cheese cakes. I guess my husband will have to taste test everything huh?  SMILE.  He would love that. I have been trying to prepare meals for the rest of my family but it is difficult for me to get enthusiastic about preparing meals.  So they have been doing a lot of convent meals, like frozen pizza, and burritos. I am working through it though..... But it's tough when you can't eat the same things they do.

WHINE WHINE WHINE......smile.  Sorry, but it is a rough time of year for me.  I am so glad to that I'm feeling better, and that I've made it a month....I've lost 24 pounds, that I know of...because I'm not weighing myself today. I am tring to weigh myself once a week on Tuesdays.  I have been so emotional lately, everything makes me cry, whether its something happy or sad, I am worried that I might have to go back on my paxial and welburitin , but I know that makes it hard for the weight come off, I get over it all really quick though. But I have found my self jumping the gun with the kids. Getting angry at them for not doing what they are supposed to, but going over board in their punishments.  

 I already see the evidence in my face, my neck, my shoulders, and definitely in my thighs and stomach.  It's quite remarkable how losing 24 pounds can make a world of difference.

So I'm going into Thanksgiving feeling very grateful for modern medicine, for support of friends and family, and for the miracle that is our body.  I am grateful to God most of all, for giving me the tools to make decisions that will save my life.  Giving me a life that I can share with my family, and my children, and hopefully the ability to continue this journey in the best possible way.  Full of hope and promise.

I'm THANKFUL.  

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!

Letter to my Body~I found this and thought it was funny and cute had to repost and share...No idea who the author is...

Dear Neck,
I am sure that God only intended on me having one chin, the other 2 are not necessary and will have to find other places to live.

 

Dear Arms,
I appreciate the fact that you think I should be able to fly. However these bat wings growing under you will never get me off the ground.

 

Dear Thighs,
I  know that you are close, like family, but do you have to rub together? It is not necessary to touch at all times.

 

Dear Back,
I am not planning on having a litter, so there really is no reason for you to try and grow breasts back there.

 

Dear Feet,
I know you are still there because I can walk, I will being seeing more of you soon.

 

Dear Taste Buds,
Ahhh I have loved you well, but it is time to shake it up a bit. That sweet tooth will just to have to find comfort in things besides chocolate, gummy bears, and ice cream. You may grumble, but we all will be better for it in the long run.

 

Dear Body,
Sorry it has come to this, but some of you will be smaller soon, and some will be gone altogether (Fat, this means you). Turns out that to be healthier and live longer some drastic changes are going to be happening soon. I know there will be times that you will fight me, but please remember I am bigger than you and I will win. (Muscles, back me up here... I may not have seen you in a while, but i know you are there.)

 

Please remember that we are in this together, I only have one of you, and you only have one of me.

 

WOW the last few weeks have been a rollercoaster, from having surgery in El Paso, 6 hours away from my Kids and my friends, to stepping on the scale this morning and seeing that I have lost 24 lbs. 
Surgery was Tuesday 30 Oct. Everything went great, I really had no pain, just felt like I did a sit up marathon. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days instead of the usual 3 days because my iron level dropped a little and they wanted to watch it. I then had to stay in El Paso for the weekend so I could do my follow up on Monday to have my stapes removed. 
I have been on full liquids for the last two weeks, and will stay on them until the 30th of Nov when my next follow up appointment is. My only issue is trying to get the 80-100 grams of Protein in, plus my 64 oz of fluid, plus eating my three meals. I don’t have the room for all of that. I feel like I have to choose sometimes, either eat or drink my protein and fluids. I am still not making that 64 oz requirement, I may get 40-45 oz a day, if I am lucky. My protein hasn't been that big of a problem, I found Nectar; it gives me 23 grams of protein in 5 oz, instead of the 10 oz most others do.  
I went back to work 1 week post op. I started out working half days than finally moved up to full days yesterday. it hasn't been that bad since I work at a desk and type on this computer all day.  Any ways that been my first two weeks, I will post new photos as soon as I take some.

As I contemplate having gastric bypass surgery, I get pretty overwhelmed trying to wrap my brain around all that is involved.  It's impossible to be 100% prepared for everything that will change in my life, but I'm a planner, so I'm going to try my best anyway.  

Things that I expect to change:
-My relationship with food
-My appearance
-My physical ability
-My relationships with other people
-My self-esteem

My biggest fears:
-That I won't be successful and this will be the ultimate failure
-That my marriage will be damaged by the emotional and physical changes that I'll go through
-That my skin will sag and I still won't be confident in my physical appearance
-That I will be judged negatively by the people close to me  

Things I'm looking forward to most:
-Being a healthy mom
-Being able to wear shorts and be comfortable in them
-wearing a swim suit comfortably
-Not being winded after climbing a flight of stairs
-Not being intimidated by the gym
-Being smaller than my husband...maybe
-Not constantly worrying about what people are thinking of my size
-Being able to sit or stand for long periods of time without being in pain
-Buying normal sized clothes and having more variety
-being able to get outside and play with my kids
-ONE chin
-Going for bike rides with my husband and kids
-Being confident enough not to take everything to heart 

It's hard to truly explain just how much my weight effects the rest of my life.  I guess it seems like it's cast a shadow over everything else and there's no way that I can really experience life while I'm held down by so much extra weight.  It's not about being thin--it's about being healthy and having a normal life.