Blueowlb23

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Life got busy post-surgery for me and I haven't really posted or even browsed OH, embarrassed to admit this, since December... I no longer feel like a newbie to this whole post-wls/loser's bench club, but I'm by no means a vet, I'm still surprised and excited to discover new things about this life, my tinier stomach and ultimately this tool I've been given. I can't believe it's been over 7 months since my surgery date Oct. 27th. I can truly say that has been one of the most pivotal moments in my life.  Lately, "best decision of my life" has rattled around in my head, everyday for a different reason.  I' m more comfortable in my skin and truly feel like I'm not on the sidelines watching life go by any longer.  It's an amazing and exhilarating feeling. I feel blessed and grateful for all the support I've received with my family, friends and for all the inspiring stories of strangers I've read on here and watched on YouTube.

I've lost weight slow and steady since surgery, but I've had a lot of NSV's to balance out the slower moments of the scale... Here are just a few I wanted to preserve for posterity:

I trained for/ran and completed my first 5K race in 10 years in early-April (and weighed about 20lbs less this time than I did 10 years ago). I also managed to beat my time by a full 3 minutes and did I mention I was 10 years older :-)?!

I traveled on a plane in May for the first time since surgery & fit COMFORTABLY in my seat and had room to spare with the seatbelt. Last time I flew in April 2015 -- I needed to ask for a seatbelt extender and it was truly a low point feeling for me. 

During the same May trip I went to an amusement park and road on several roller coaster and again was comfortable (will admit I was nervous to go the night before -- because I hadn't been on a roller coaster fo about 12 years and also struggled back then in the seats and needed a belt extender) and felt well for lack of a better word, normal while doing it. I did throw up after riding too many roller coasters (tmi I know, but I've never really been a roller coaster person and battle motion sickness), but it was one of those times I wanted to do it to prove to myself how far I've come.

Shopping is probably one of the things that has felt most satisfying. Don't get me wrong, even at my peak weight in the low 300s I was a girl who LOVED and needed no excuse to shop, but it was frustrating most of th time). There were stores and departments I felt excluded from and I couldn't just see it, like it and try it on. I remember being a freshman/sophomore in high school in the late 90s/early 00s, and being embarrassed to tell people I was shopping at stores like Lane Bryant because I couldn't fit into juniors or "popular clothing stores... I of course got over that and was grateful for options like LB, but I longed to walk into any store and just try on something because it visually appealed to me and not worry about it not coming in my size. I am traveling along this journey still and am still ways from my personal goals, but taking a size large top and size 16 pants off the hanger reiterates to me that I've come a long way and I've made the best decision for myself.

I congratulate and cheer on all of the people who've traveled this journey to the loser's bench and wls ahead of me... You inspire me and gave me the confidence I needed to take control of something that felt out of my control and I wish all of you considering this major life decision clarity and confidence and calm in whatever decision you make for yourself!

And other misc. musings two weeks post-op from VSG...

I can't believe two weeks have come and gone. I had my follow-up with my surgeon and nut/dietician. They were really happy w/ my progress and I got to graduate to the puréed diet stage. Thank the Lord!! I really didn't realize how sick I'd be of liquids only after 2 weeks (weird but the full liquids actually stained my tongue a weird shade and left me wondering, is this normal?).  I'm so thankful for unflavored protein powder and fresh soups. I just can't really do more than one protein shake a day -- so soups w/ unflavored protein & sugar free Popsicles & water were my go-to's. 

I had a few freak out in my head moments after I was released from the hospital. The off and on bouts of nausea and gagging (never actually threw up) was messing with my head and making me feel overwhelmed but about 6 days post-surgery that subsided and my mind settled down as well.  

Tomorrow I'm heading back to work and I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit anxious heading back, but I've gotten two weeks behind me and about 16lbs down since surgery (wha?! Even reading others post on here, I don't think I truly comprehended the scale change so quickly) -- time is flying..

The night before and I can't believe it's here...

7 plus months since this all started and it's here. All the early doubts all those months ago, the creeping insecurities about whether I could do this, and now it's happening. Yes, I'm nervous and have had those fears that maybe this won't work for me or my liver won't have shrunk enough or this, that, or the other, but I just gotta block it all out cause the moment is here now...

Put one day of work in this week, which if I'm being honest felt like 5 days in one. Felt all anxious and hyped up, but trying so hard to focus on the tasks at hand. My mind was needing to be getting work done but the fact I'm going in for VSG surgery in less than 24hrs. kept creeping in. I still feel that sense of "am I forgetting something?" But I also feel really ready for this challenge and what this chapter will bring and really ready to succeed at losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight, which has been a real struggle for practically my whole life. So, with the last few hours I'll get all packed up for my hospital stay for the start of my trek to "the loser's bench" as so many here refer to it as. Being a loser never sounded so good!! Did I mention it's almost, finally here?!?!

Hard to believe my weight loss -- VSG surgery journey is at the 7 month mark and has almost made it through four seasons and to quote the song "Seasons of Love" Broadway Musical "Rent" approximately "525,000 six hundred minutes"...

I began the decision making process last winter (this past February). Had my 1st consultation and intro with my surgical team in spring (May)... Spent summer meeting all surgical requirements including: 3 months of medical weight management, medical testing, psych evaluation, etc. and last but not least receiving my surgery date. Which leads to fall, which also happens to tie with spring as my favorite season. Since fall began a few short weeks ago, I started and have almost completed my 1st full week of my pre-surgery 1,000 calorie diet and my surgery date is exactly 10 days from now!! Wow!

Looking at it all in terms of seasons kind of puts it all into perspective for me... To start this journey in a season where at least here on the East Coast extra layers of clothing are necessary, trees are bare while nature sleeps and many of us are longing for warmer months so we can shed some or all of those extra layers in order to bask in the beauty of nature, be it the extra sunshine, oceans, beaches or blooming gardens. I feel like this is a good metaphor for my weight loss journey. I've been living in a "winter" body for all of my 20s and this first part of my 30s, but now with help of this new tool I'm being given and way of life changes I've been making, I'm excitedly/anxiously anticipating and moving towards a spring and summer life. 

It all sounds beautiful on paper but, I know it's going to require my commitment and dedication for it to last more than just one season...

Hoping to journal on here from time to time. Will hopefully get something down again before my October 27th surgery date!!

~ B.C.