bnixon

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I'm seven days away from my live altering surgery.  I'm beginning to feel nervous and apprehensive.  I'm questioning my decision as to why I'm having this done.  When I was a month out, I felt very confident that this was what I wanted to do, but today, I'm not so sure.   I all of a sudden feel that the change will be too much for me to handle and that I will be sick all the time and throwing up and all that.  My family will look at me a say, I told you not to have this surgery, but you went ahead with it anyway.  Now what can you do?  I'm just afraid that I won't be able to understand what I'm suppose to eat and drink.  I read and it says drink plenty of water, but how will I be able to do that with such a small pouch.  I need to ask questions of my dr when I see him on the 1st, but I don't know what to ask.  For the first time, I'm feeling really scared and alone.

I'm offically 13 days away from my surgery, and I feel really nervous. I have been having this night mare about the dr. opening me up and seeing that my liver has not shrunk enough and sewing me up and sending me home to do the diet over.  That would be just awful.  I think maybe I've lost a few pounds, my clothes fit a little looser but it may not be enough for the surgery to progress. that is what I'm most afraid of. 

I have three weeks to go before my surgery, and for the first time, I'm getting scared.  I'm afraid that my doctor won't keep me out of work long enough for me to recover, given the amount of lifting and stuff I have to do on my jobs.  I'm afraid that I have not stuck to my diet well, and I'm afraid that my liver will be so big that he will look and see that and sew me back up without the surgery.  I'm just getting scared of a lot of things.  I'm scared that people will see me differently and i'm scared that I will not like the new me, I'm scared that I won't every get married again, I'm scared that i will have all sorts of new complications that no one has ever had, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared

I'm still struggling with this preop diet.  I opened my dutch chocolate shake mix yesterday, and it is better than the fruitty kind, but still not the best.  I was at my PCPA today also.  She is as excited about my surgery as I am.  I'm just ready to get this over with so I can live a little better and feel better.  I know it will be slow going, but I'm up for the challenge.  I want to post some photos but don't know how.

10-12-2007 I'm still struggling with this diet, and I'm 3 weeks from my surgery date.  This is very frustrating for me, but I know that it's something that I have to try to do.  I think I may have lost a few pounds, but maybe if I continue to do what I'm doing it will become more noticable.   I know this time will go by very fast, and if I don't keep trying I will lose this time and risk the chance of not being able to have the surger because of a large liver. 

I'm three weeks out from my surgery, I started the protein shakes diet.  Man is it tough to do.  Especially in the mornings.  But somehow I manage to get that shake down.  I think I've lost a few pounds, nothing to jump up and shout about.  I seem more tired now since I started the diet.  I don't think I'm sleeping at night.  I remember waking up all during the night.  I guess it is because of the sleep apnea.  

I have a visit with my PCP next week on the 16, and an appt with my dermatologist on the 17th.  I have begun to break out in something all over me, on my back, backside arms, stomach and everywhere.  I don't know what it is.  

I faxed a note over to my dr yesterday requestion certification of time off so I can turn that in to both my jobs.  I hope I get this back in time, I don't need to be out sick with no money coming in.   I'm far enough behind now and it will be that much harder to catch up if I don't get my paperwork in so I can get paid.  LATER!

I'm trying to do leave paper work for both my jobs so I don't go in the poor house while I'm out sick.    No one seems to know what to do on my FT job, even though people have been out sick before, when you ask a question, i get this blank look and to call so and so to see if they can help.  It is awful here that you can never get help when you need it even though the folks who work here have been here since Lassie was a puppy! No matter what question I ask, I can't get an answer.  Anyway, I guess I'm just grumpy and ill.  I have to start this diet tomorrow and I 'm not looking forward to it at all, but I know it is what I have to do for my surgery to be successful.  I'm looking forward to the rest from the stress of both jobs, but I know I will be worried about this bill and that bill.  I pray that I can get things managed until I'm on my feet.

I went to the four hour nutritional class at Lexington Medical Center in Columbia, SC yesterday, It was very difficult to find for me and I was about 15 minutes late, but I made it.  The class was very interesting and there were about 9 people there.  We got tons of informaiton, but it got kind of confusing on some parts of it.  I have to get on the post-op diet fast, so the nurse told me about the vitamin shoppe on Harbison and I went by there and got the protein shake mix.  I just know it is goingt to such,but I am determined to stick to this.   I also purchase a bottle of the Isopure just to try.  It is ding dong expensive.  But anyway, I' m feeling really good.  I'm not nervous or anything right now, but who knows how i will feel by the end of this month.  I may be a chicken again!! 

I have a date, its November 6, 2007.  I'm so excited, this has been the most amazing and easiest thing.  I will receive a packet from the dr. office that will tell me all about my nutritional class schedule and all that.  But I can't believe that I'm finally going to do it. 

I'm so excited, I got my approval letter in the mail Wed. the 19th.  I got approved after the first letter.  How cool is that.  I have to call the dr. office to see what I have to do next.  I was thinking this would be a long drawn out process for me, but it is turning out to be a very good part of this journey.  I sure hope everything else goes this smoothly.