BreathingEasy

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So, here I am three and a half years out and finally returning to this website after probably two and half years. I've maintained my weight fairly well up until the past few months where it looks like I've gained about 20lbs. When I stepped on the scale and realized that I was heartbroken and sick. I immediately saw myself as a failure and I remembered back to all those times when I would step on the scale and bawl for hours over the number and feel like I should just give up. My mistake was I forgot who I was. I am a post op bariatric patient. I was so morbidly obese and dang near close to dead. I couldn't fit into clothes at the store. I couldn't tie my shoes. But I guess I just wanted to forget all that in my new happier and more free life. I am blessed, I have a wonderful husband, family that love me and more true friends than anyone deserves. But I had forgotten where I came from, and what I had put my body through. It's high protein, lots of exercise, plenty of water and no excuses. It's loose skin and not knowing how the world sees me. It's eating in restaurants and worrying about what people think of my eating habits. I remember back to all that and I feel so blessed for every single moment. Every tear, every scarred and saggy part of my body, my failed previous marriage to a man who couldn't accept me at a lighter weight and all the emotional and physical insecurities that come with extreme weight loss. So, I stepped on that scale and saw my worst nightmare, I saw that weight gain and actually felt blessed (after the crying, of course). I am back on course, I have truly been one of the lucky ones and I know in time the weight will come back off. I am grateful for the reminder even now three and a half years out.