brezal_78
I am miserable! I hate my life and everything that it has become. I have no one to blame but myself since life is what you make of it. I have always been a big girl. In Sept 1995, I moved to Florida with my family. In 1996 at the age of 18, my weight toppled at 240 lbs. For the record, I am 5'2". I realized I needed to take a stand and do something. I started walking everywhere. I walked for hours in my housing development, to the shopping center, and even to work. I was fortunate to live close to my work. In months, I lost an amazing 80lbs! The funny part was, I didn't know I lost that much. Here I am thinking you know 20-25lbs at least. When I went to my doctor's appointment he said, "Heather you lost 80lbs. I am so proud of you!". At that moment, I felt as though I was on top of the world and nothing could stop me now! Or could something stop me? That same year, my parents divorced after 22years of marriage. Even though it was best for so many reasons, It hurt. I didn't get along with my "mother" and knew right off the bat, I wanted to live with my dad. Dad and I moved; unfortunately it wasn't a nice community. However, that's all we could afford . It was no longer safe for me to walk in my community nor could I walk to work. I now had to drive 25mintues to work. My dad set in the depression and I gained my weight back plus more. Who could blame him really? His world was falling apart. We moved from Jersey , divorced his high school sweetheart, his mom was dying, and his two sons wanted nothing to do with him. My dad would cry every night in his room. I could hear him down the hall. it was horrible. My biggest fear was coming home from work and he killed myself. That's how bad it was. Unfortunately, My grandmother past away. We tried to get back to Jersey to see her before she pasted on, but that didn't happen. Dad was devastated. However, good things do come out of bad. My dad received a small inheritance and we were able to move. I was so happy! Things were finally getting better for us. My younger brother came back into my dad's life. He was thrilled and his depression improved. In March 2004, I joined Contours. It was an all ladies gym and it was the best thing I could do for myself. I was going 3-5 times a week and loved it! I was back on my road to weight loss. Until my biggest fear came true. With no signs or warnings, my best friend and backbone, Dad had died. I walked in the door and there was dad lying on the kitchen floor not breathing. On my way to the hospital, I was pleading to God please let it be a scare. Please! Please!. The doctors at the hospital were working on him. The staff put me in a chapel along with my brother. I said, "No! You can't keep me from my father!" Staff members said it was best if I stay here and let them do their job. Doctors were not successful. Dad was pronounced dead 10:49am May 14, 2004 at the age of 53. The autopsy revealed massive heart attack. During this time, Contours closed down and I couldn't find another gym in my price range. Therefore, I stopped going. I enter depression again. I thought to myself, dad and I made it through hell. We finally got out of the whole we were in and this? This kills him? Only God knows why. Someday I will know. It has been a rough road the last 3 years, but I am ready for a change. I need to take charge! I don't want to be like my dad and die at 53 with so much unaccomplished. I am tried of this yo-yo cycle. Gaining weight and losing weight. Today I am at my highest weight ever close to 300lbs! I am interested in lap-band surgery but can not afford it. I live paycheck to paycheck along with bad credit. I don't know what to do anymore. I need help! I don't want to die!
