4 weeks out

Nov 16, 2013

It's Saturday morning and I'm 4 weeks out and finally have a day off after 9 days in a row of working.  I woke up with the worst headache ever, but I am still so happy this morning.  I am so thankful for this surgery.  Still on liquids and I'm fine with that, only recently okay with it.  My ticker says I have 72.2 pounds to go until I reach goal, and for the first time in my life I am okay with this.  It doesn't  feel overwhelming to me like it has all of my life.  I feel like I finally have a fighting chance to do this.  I think that's what is so amazing about this surgery.  It helps to get your head in the game.  Whenever I dieted before I would feel like it was pointless, I am fat and always will be.  The only negative thing, which I've chosen to ignore, is eating around people now.  I feel like everyone is watching what I'm eating and how much I'm eating.  I can eat a half of a yogurt and I think they expect me to take 2 bites and be like I'm full I can't eat anymore.  I can eat a sf jello pudding, the whole thing, and be full.  Not sure what the difference is.  It's weird though because sometimes I can only eat half and other times more.  I'm trying to slow down and listen to my stomach more so I don't overeat my sleeve.  That's hard to change because that's a life long habit.  

Chocolate doesn't tempt me anymore, I know I'm still early in this game, but it's a nice relief.   Before I started the weight loss preop phase I would buy a bag of reese peanut butter cups and hershey bars, and would just sit down and chow on them like there was no tomorrow.  I do want meat, chicken, roast, all of it, but as I eat my oatmeal or yogurt I am comfortable and content with what I have.  It does get boring though. lol  I do want to find a therapist at some point to help with my food issues.  If I didn't have the candy before I felt, I don't know, overwhelmed, like I needed it to get through the evening.  Who the hell needs candy like that.  Obviously some issues there!  

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