busyredhed
November 19, 2003
Well, Jim and I had the seminar tonight with Valley Surgical Associates. I actually saw a neighbor there. She is also considering the surgery. I was surprised at the amount of information we were given at the seminar. 7 patients lost out of 4000 was the statistic we were given by them. There were various reasons the patients died, but I was surprised to get this information. I had read on the internet that most surgeons don't give that information out. I was impressed by the wealth of information we were given. I walked out of there feeling very confident about having this surgery. Jim and I talked about the chances I have of losing 100-200 pounds any other way. I just don't see it. I have a hard time just losing 10 pounds. The surgeon pointed out that this surgery is ONLY A TOOL. This is the first time I realized that it was going to be a lot of work on my part and a complete life changing event. Not some magic potion that will take off the weight and keep it off. I have decided that I will have this surgery for my sake and for my family who deserves an actively engaged wife and mother to enjoy life with them.
November 26, 2003
I called Valley Surgical and scheduled my consultation appointment with Dr. Higa for January 14, 2004. They will be sending me a list of things I need to try and get done before my surgery consult. Boy, it's a lot. Let's see, I need a physical, all my medical records, a recommendation letter from my pcp, my most current lab work, pap smear, mammogram results, nutritionists report, psychological evaluation, 12 lead ekg, and he might want me to see a cardiologist after my initial consultation, but of course, I think I'm going to ask my pcp to send me for a stress test anyway, because I want to be safe. I have always had heart palpitations and I suspect I might have a mild case of sleep apnea, so I want to make sure.
December 16, 2003
Well, I had my appointment with my PCP today. He made sure that all my lab work was up to date. Did my physical, pap and started all my referrals. At least I've got the ball rolling. My doctor told me that he had actually gone down to Dr. Higa's to look into the surgery for his wife and that he had found that the patients they had lost with this surgery had a lot of co-morbidities and went in with a risk. It helps me feel a little bit better about the risk because I am still young and healthy except for a few minor problems. My BMI is my biggest concern because I will definitely have a lot of problems in the future if I don't have this surgery now.
December 29, 2003
Had my appointment with the nutritionist today. We basically went over my eating habits and what my eating habits would most likely be after my surgery. It was a quick appointment and she will be faxing everything over.
January 5, 2004
I had my appointment with the cardiologist today. He says that my palpitations are normal and that my ekg looks normal. He is very strict about sending an approval to a surgeon until he does everything which makes me feel very good about him. He is going to do an echo-cardiogram and a cardio-lite stress test. They did the echo today and I will be coming back Thursday and Friday to do the cardio-lite testing.
January 12, 2004
Well, I had my first appointment with the therapist today for my psych evaluation. I finished my cardio stuff last week and everything should be faxed over already. This is my last task on my to do sheet. She went over my family history and my post traumatic stress disorder that I had in the past. She wants to see me for another appointment before doing the letter. Wish me luck.
January 14, 2004
My appointment with Dr. Higa was today. I couldn't believe how nice he was. He asked me about my family, weight issues, my post traumatic stress, checked me out physically and then told me that I should start trying to eat better now instead of waiting until after the surgery. Then he asked me if I had any questions. I asked about blood clotting which is one of my main concerns. He says that they put things on your legs to keep your blood flowing during surgery. I couldn't believe how unrushed I felt. After meeting him, I am even more convinced that I want this surgery and feel very secure having him as my surgeon. He approved me for surgery, but the office still hasn't received my information from the cardiologist and I haven't completed my psych evaluation yet. I called the cardiologists office and they faxed everything over. Yay!! one more thing and they can submit for approval.
January 21, 2004
Well, I met again with the therapist. She still wants me to come back again. She says that she thinks I still have mild post traumatic stress disorder and that she is worried that I will be very stressed after the surgery. She wants me to come back and see her after the surgery. I don't have a problem with that. She wants to see me again before doing the letter. We'll see how it goes. She says there are things we can do during sessions to help the ptsd. I wish this would go faster. I want to get everything in so I can get approval from the insurance and get scheduled for surgery
January 28, 2004
Another appointment with the therapist today. She still wants to see me again but says she will work on the letter this week.
February 4, 2004
Okay, I'm now on my 4th appointment with the therapist. She had a few questions to ask me before finishing the letter. They were routine questions. She said that she really wants me to follow up before and after the surgery so that I can work on the ptsd which will make it less stressful for me to deal with the life changes that will occur after the surgery. I'm open to that. No problem. I'm a very strong person, but after reading how hard it is to deal with the changes after the surgery, I guess it can't hurt to have someone to unload on.
February 11, 2004
Yay, it's about time. The psychiatric evaluation was done and sent out and she approved me. What a relief! I called Dr. Higa's office and left a message for them to call me if they didn't receive it within a week.
February 19, 2004
Well, Michelle from Dr. Higa's office called me today. She got the psych evaluation and was preparing to fax everything to Blue Shield for approval when she noticed she didn't have my physical. I told her that I had done it in December and she said that she had gotten everything except for the information on the physical. She said she would call over and have them re-fax it to her. I told her to call me if there were any problems. Damn!! I thought it was all there. I hope they get it faxed over quickly. The quicker she gets it sent to the insurance, the quicker this will get done. I am so nervous now and I just want to get it over with. I know I have to have this surgery because there is no other way to get this weight off, but it still is a little scary and the wait is nerve racking.
February 23, 2004
Well, today I had my first bad day. I found a page which listed different people that had died either right after this surgery or for various reasons other than surgery. I started to panic . I found myself so stressed out thinking about what Jim and the kids would do without me that by last night, I was in tears. I'm not afraid to die. I quit being afraid of that a long time ago. It's just the idea of leaving my children and Jim. I can't imagine not being there for them each and every day. I decided to ask god to please help me make the right decision on this. Well, I guess he answered. I went to WalMart this morning and ran into a friend of mine from baseball and she looked SO GOOD!! When I asked her if she had lost weight, she told me that she had surgery and guess what! Same medical group, same hospital and we talked for about 25 minutes about her experience. I felt so much better after talking to her. The conversation reminded me of how much less risk is involved in having the surgery laparoscopic instead of open incision. Well, I am feeling much better now and am ready to plow ahead. Once again I am reminded that if I don't have this surgery now while I'm young, the risk factors only increase and if I don't do something now, this weight will eventually kill me.
February 29, 2004
Well, here I am on the last day of February. I am starting to get very anxious. I haven't heard anything from Dr. Higa's office this week, but I'm hoping that when I do hear form them, it will be to tell me that I'm approved. Anyway, I'm bursting with curiosity here and I think I'll call them tomorrow and find out what my status is. I want to get this over with so that I can start losing weight and be healed and get over the initial fatigue before the hot weather gets here. My kids have the whole summer off and I want to be able to completely enjoy it with them. I talked to someone who had their surgery there and they told me that it takes 4-6 weeks before you get in for surgery after the insurance approval. Oh well, all I can do is weight(hehehehehe).
March 3, 2004
Today I was so frustrated. I finally heard from Dr. Higa's office today. They wanted to tell me that they hadn't received my physical and history yet from my PCP. I told them that it had been faxed, but she said they didn't get it and she had called over to ask for it again. She was going to submit to the insurance for approval without it to get the ball rolling but pointed out that they will need it before approval. OMG!! I just wanted to pull my hair out!! This will be very slow with almost a week and a half turnaround between phone calls just for me to find out that they still haven't received something. I actually called my PCP and told them to go ahead and fax it, but that I wanted a hard copy because my plan is to drive down to the surgeon's office(1 hour away) myself just to physically hand it to them. Well, this afternoon, my PCP's office called to tell me that they had actually called over and gotten a different fax number to fax it to and had already confirmed she had it and that it is now going to be submitted in full. It's about time! Now I just have to wait. She said it could be 4-6 weeks, but that Blue Shield often times will take less time. I hope so. I'm still extremely nervous though.
March 13, 2004
Yay!!!! Yay!!! Yay!!! I'm approved. I got two letters from Blue Shield this morning. One said that they needed a cpt code within 45 days in order to review the request or it would be denied. Then I opened the second envelope and OMG!!! It said it was 100% allowed. I'm so excited!! I'm going to call Dr. Higa's office Monday first thing and see when they are going to schedule me. I am nervous, but so excited that I'm approved. I wanted to have this done before Summer and healed so that I wouldn't have to heal in the heat. Yay!!!!!!
March 15, 2004
I called Dr. Higa's office today and talked to Marlene. She hasn't received the approval letter yet, but I faxed her my copy. Looks like I'll be having my surgery at Clovis Community. She said it will take a couple of days for the scheduler to get back to me with my surgery date, but that they will get back to me. The wait is on!!
March 19, 2004
Dr. Higa's office called today. I have a date. April 13th at 12pm. Pre-op appointment and testing on April 7th, and post-op appointment on April 21st. I can't believe this. I am so nervous. I hope all goes well. I have had a cold for about 10 days now, but I suspect it might just be allergies. I'm going to go see my PCP next week so that I can get this taken care of before surgery. I really want to be healthy. I've already started preparing for this. I've cut down on my carbs, stopped drinking my diet pepsi, no alcohol and cut down on my sweets. I think I've even shed a few pounds. I just can't believe this is really going to happen.
March 22, 2004
I had a panic attack last night from stress. I started thinking about anesthesia and the idea of being put under and it just made me nervous. Before long I was in tears which actually is a good thing. It relieved my stress and I feel better this morning. I don't want to be a baby when I go in to have this surgery. I hope I don't start crying there. I think I'll be ok though. If I cry now and deal with my fears now, I'll be in better shape the day of the surgery.
March 24, 2004
Ahhhhhh!!!!! I've been postponed!! Well, I got a call from Denise at Dr. Higa's office. Seems his rotation has changed so they had to postpone my surgery until 4/20/04. Oh well. My pre-op is now on the 14th. My surgery is the 20th, and my post op is the 28th. It actually works out better for my scheduling, but I just wish it was over.
April 16, 2004
Well it's been a while since I last posted on this page. I am now 4 days before surgery. I have had a problem with allergies since the end of March. Last Friday my allergies turned into a full blown cold with chest congestion and all. I went to my pre-op praying that I wouldn't be postponed and that the cold would pass. I am at the tail end of it now. Just a little bit of congestion left. I'm hoping that it will be gone by Monday. I think I still have some allergies going on with the post-nasal drip. Hubby went out for me last night and bought all my post-op diet stuff for the first week. He got Sugar Free Jello, Sugar Free Popsicles, Broth, Chicken Noodle Soup(of course I'll have to strain it), Juice and gatorade. Now I just have to get over this cold and I'm ready to go.
April 18, 2004
two days to go. My cold is gone. I am left with severe allergies. Thank Goodness my PCP prescribed Flonase for me. I got the call on Wednesday and went to get it, being a little skeptical as to whether it would really work or whether I just had a cold or allergies. Guess what!! Yay!! Happy Day!! It works!! Now I just have to call Dr. Higa's office tomorrow and make sure I can take it the day of my surgery and while I am in the hospital. I'm packed and ready to go. My only problem is dealing with my feelings regarding my children. I know nothing's going to happen to me, but now I feel some guilt setting in about leaving them the day of surgery. What if I don't come back? If something happens, it means that I just walked out the door one morning and didn't come back. I don't know how that would affect them. Oh, I've talked to them about my surgery without getting them too worried, but it just seems so open-ended to leave one morning and not come back. Oh, I'm thinking on this too much. Of course I'm gonna come back!! There is no way anything is happening to me because I'm not leaving my kids. Okay, enough rambling. I'm going to breakfast with my hubby and children this morning so I'd better get ready.
April 24, 2004
Well, I'm home now. I went in Tuesday for my surgery. It was weird being put out, but it was pretty quick. I woke up with severe pain in my chest and thought I was having a heart attack. They gave me my faithful demerol button to stop the pain. I had terrible pain the first 24 hours. It hurt in my ribcage and chest from all the air. It was awful. I then started walking which felt better. They immediately started me on Jello,icees,broth and juice. I was in there until Thursday afternoon once I could go without the catheter and could walk around on my own. However, that's when things got weird on me. I had a panic attack Wednesday night in the hospital. It was awful. I couldn't sleep at all. I didn't make the connection at the time that they had just taken away the demerol and switched me to vicodin. I then came home on Thursday and had another panic attack at bedtime. I couldn't sleep at all. I just knew that the minute I laid down to close my eyes, I would die. My adrenaline was pumping, heart pounding, sweating. I don't wish this on anybody. I mean, I've had panic attacks in the past(like 16 years ago), but nothing this bad. I finally called the surgeon's office Friday morning and they told me to call my PCP and have something prescribed for my nerves so that I could get some rest. I mean, I was exhausted because I couldn't sleep. I went into to see my Doctor and I just started bawling. He was so helpful. He evaluated my symptoms and then said that he didn't think this was a psych episode. He thinks that I am coming down from the demerol and surgery at the same time with a body that is in shock over its new rules. He felt that this would pass very shortly so after consulting with Dr. Higa, he prescribed me ativan to relax me before bedtime. I'll tell ya. I took it last night and I slept better than I have in days. Granted I still woke up a few times but other than that, I slept great! Anyway, I am not in a lot of pain. Just a little weirded out worried about when my new anatomy will heal. I haven't felt sick yet(knock on wood) and all my plumbing is back to fairly normal. It's just the emotional stuff I can't handle. I can't handle the normalcy in my household. My kids yelling at each other, my husband yelling at the kids, my daughter asking me 10 times for the same thing hoping for the answer she wants. Those kind of things that never bothered me before, bother me now. At least the board has helped me realize that I am not alone and I am not weird. Well, I'll check in after a few days and let you know how I am at that point.
April 30, 2004
A lot has happened since I last wrote in this journal. I began feeling better over the weekend. I think the demerol is out of my system. I cleaned some house, went shopping at wal-mart and bought a treadmill. I can handle the kids and the general noise of the house now. I only had to use my ativan twice since Friday. The last time was Sunday and here I am Friday and no worries. I went to my Post-op appointment on Wednesday and I couldn't believe my eyes. 22 lbs. gone in one week. Of course, I can't feel it. Jim says he can see it in my face. I just can't see it. The doctor said that my stomache is still swollen and that it will go down soon enough and I'll see the weight loss. I'll just be patient. I was put on soft food and after my third week, I can start introducing fruits, vegetables, chicken, fish, etc. Just not steak, bread, rice, pasta yet. I immediately went to Taco Bell and got a pintos and cheese. It tasted sooooo good. I only got to eat about 4 bites, but it was great. Jimand I went shopping for my new diet which now consists of low carb protein shake mix, bananas,cream of wheat, split pea soup, refried beans, cheese, eggs(hard boiled with mustard only), sugar free yogurt, cottage cheese, crystal light, sugar free french vanilla non-dairy creamer(for my coffee), diet raspberry tea and sugar free/fat free jello pudding in chocolate, vanilla and pistachio. At least I can eat something other than jello, popsicles and broth. It's a little difficult and nerve racking to try and figure out when I'm full. I had a mashed hard boiled egg tonight for dinner and I think I took two bites too many because I started feeling a twinge of sickness. It passed though and I felt a little fuller than I would like. After about 20 minutes, it passed though and I was ok. I also have to get used to drinking 20 minutes before my meal and 20 minutes after, no exceptions, ever!! I've been getting back to my regular routine of getting the kids to school, cooking, cleaning and laundry. It's been very nice. I feel like myself again. I was really lost last week. I hope things continue to go well. I go back for another appointment in 3 weeks. I'll update again soon.
May 5, 2004
Hi, I'm back to check in. It's been 5 days since I wrote in here. It's been pretty non-eventful so far. I've been running my errands, living off of refried beans w/cheese and Franks Hot Sauce(good stuff), Cream of Wheat, Cottage Cheese, Mashed up egg with mustard, a little bit of pudding, crystal light, water and a protein shake everyday with a banana in it. I had a bad event on Sunday. I made the mistake of eating some split pea soup which was on my list of good things to eat, but I experienced my first dumping experience. It was awful. I think I'll forego the pea soup from now on. Once it went through me which took half the day, I was okay and went back to eating the beans and cottage cheese. A friend from the board came over to visit and she is having the surgery too. I hope I didn't scare her. I am having a hard time right now. I have made all our favorites all week for Jim and the kids and OMG, I wanted a bite so bad. Once dinner was done and served and I was able to eat then I was okay. I'm still having pain around the one incision. It's a pretty large area. I have read that it is muscles healing and nerve endings healing. I am not too worried right now, but if it still hurts by the 17th, I'll tell the surgeon. I am also still bloated, but my pants are loose. My scale only reads up to 300 lbs. so I can't tell how much I weigh now. Of course, maybe that's a blessing. I don't want to obsess over the scale. Everyone else says they can see it in my hips and my face and neck. I just don't see it, just feel it in my pants. I had a panic attack last night. First time in over a week. I think it was the stress of dealing with my son. He ditched school and then backed into a pole with his back door slightly open and it bent it so that it has to be forced closed. It will have to be replaced, but he's buying the new door. It wasn't a happy discussion last night. We took his car away for a month and now I'm driving him to school. It seems that I can't handle too much stress at this time. I hope it gets better. I'm sure it will once I can eat real food again and am healed up and my nervous system gets back into the swing of things. I just have to learn to de-stress and take care of myself. I'm no good to my kids if I'm falling apart. I'm getting in about 32 minimum ounces of water now. Maybe a little bit more. Some days I get 48 ounces. 32-48 is right on target for my surgeon's requirements so I think I'm doing okay. Well, I'm gonna go now. Got a lot to do today.
May 11, 2004
I haven't written since the 5th. The week has been kind of boring. I was getting pretty sick of the soft foods diet. Sunday was Mother's day. We couldn't do the usual so Jim and the kids cleaned the house spotless for me and did dishes and all. Jim even rented a steam cleaner and did a shampoo on the carpets. Saturday, we went to look at home models. The kids drove Jim crazy so we came home early. I had to take my ativan again on Saturday night. I just feel weird. My stomache feels empty a lot and lately I've been more hungry. I can only eat a little and then two hours later I'm hungry again. Today is my first day on solid foods. I started out with a serving spoon of cottage cheese and 3 canned peach slices. I left about 1/3 of the cottage cheese and one peach slice. I didn't necessarily feel full, but I felt satisfied and I didn't want to puke. I then had a protein shake at lunch time and then a handful of wheat chex in the afternoon. Not sure what I'll have tonight, maybe some chicken salad or something. Or Vegetables. I'm not sure. I have been very tired the last few days. I think lack of nutrition is really getting to me. Hopefully my energy will come back up as I can eat more solid food. More protein.
May 18, 2004
I had my 1 month Post-Op appointment yesterday with Alice. Okay, drum roll..... I am officially down to 314. That's 35 lbs. gone. I should've been more excited yesterday, but I wasn't feeling well at all. Sunday I made some Salmon, but I must've made it too dry. I ate one small bite, chewed it real well, but it wouldn't go down. It got stuck in the stoma and OMG, did it hurt. I was frothing at the mouth and kept trying to get it down, but it wouldn't go down and it hurt so bad, like I had some big huge air bubble in there or something. Anyway, Jim called the surgeon and he said just to relax and it would eventually come up or go down. It took about 45 minutes for it to go down. I felt so much better......for a while. I tried to eat some Tuna salad later. It went down, but I felt every bit of it. I seem to feel my pills going down more than usual. When I went to my appointment she said she is a little concerned that I might be developing a stricture. We'll see. I am going to go back to clear for today, then onto soft, then to solids again and see how I do. It could just be irritated. My stomache hurt the rest of Sunday and all day yesterday until last night when I finally ended up in the bathroom for quite a while. Today I feel better, but will still do the clear liquids to be safe. I don't have another appointment for 2 months so now I will spend the next two months trying out different things to see what I can eat and hoping that I go down a few sizes. hehehehehe.
May 24, 2004
I have had a very busy week. I think I did okay until the weekend. I'm still getting used to my bowels working. I went to Felicia's open house on Thursday and found myself wanting to leave asap. I didn't want to use the bathrooms there. Not to be too graphic but things don't exactly move quietly anymore, especially in a public bathroom that echos. Friday I ran a lot of errands and went shopping. I bought a lot of things I can eat. I made the best casserole on Wednesday. I made this chicken and potato with cheese casserole. The chicken was so tender and everything went down so well and my pouch loved it. I wanted to eat more, but I actually felt full. Saturday I went to a birthday party at the roller rink and had no problem saying no to cake and punch. I'm so proud of myself. Of course, once I got home I was starved so I had a piece of deli turkey and some mozzarella cheese. One slice of each filled me up. I've been trying to get my protein in, but unless I take some benefiber or eat quite a bit of melon, I end up constipated which isn't fun. Sunday just like last Sunday wasn't a good day. I was doing great. Had some cold chicken in the morning and it went down really well. I had some low fat clam chowder on Friday night and it tasted great so I had some left over and I heated it on Sunday afternoon for lunch. Within about 10 minutes of taking 3 bites, I felt like something was stuck. OMG!! I chewed it!! and chewed it!! I don't know what happened, but before I knew it, I was in the bathroom thinking it was going to come up. It almost did and I hate that feeling. I ended up Verping up froth with the taste of the chowder. It finally passed and I drank some crystal light. I waited about 5 hours and tried some more chicken which was a big mistake. First bite and even chewing it real well, it got stuck. Of course, if I had done my research I would've realized that my stoma was probably swollen and I needed to go back to liquids and soft for 24 hours. This time, it passed fairly quickly after almost throwing up. I went on liquid and soft foods until Tuesday morning which was hard because I was so hungry. Now I'm scared to eat. I had some burrito meat last night and was so nervous about it getting stuck. I got heartburn after the first bite. I think it might have been nerves though. I was able to eat fruit, cucumber, tomato and the beans. In the end it settled fine. I'm a little concerned that I'm not eating enough of my solids because I'm scared that it will get stuck. I'm not going to call Dr. Higa yet, but if it happens too many times when I know I've chewed real well and eaten slowly, I might have to call them. Anyway, my scale is almost on the 300 mark which means I think I'm probably at about 310 or 305. My jeans are beginning to feel terribly loose. Yay!! I can't wait till my scale can read my weight.
June 17, 2004
Well, it's been a while since I updated. I've been pretty busy. I've had baseball going on for both of my boys and a lot of other things going on with appointments and such. My mother came to visit and we had a great time. I even went to San Francisco with her and it was so fun. I am down to what looks like 294 on my scale. I don't know how accurate it is but I think it is about 5 lbs off so if I allow for that, then it's 294. I have gone now from a size 32 to a size 28. I can even fit into some size 26 pants. I've gone down a whole bra size too. I swim in them. LOL. I can eat a lot more variety of things now even though I still have to stay away from fried foods, breads, steak and sugar. I've found that I can eat just about everything else. I went out and bought a shaved ice machine and sugar free mixes which is really good for my sweet tooth or even when I just feel a little dehydrated and get tired of drinking water and crystal light. I also found a low sugar cranberry juice which I bought but haven't tried yet. I love cranberry juice and didn't think I would be able to have it again. I still have a month to go before I go back to the surgeon. I can't wait to see what the scale says when I go back. Wow, 8 weeks and 55 pounds gone. It's great. I'm all healed. No real problems. I do my treadmill about 20 minutes a day and feel guilty if I don't. Things are really getting much better.
June 27, 2004
I have not posted in 10 days so I figure I'll update. I am now down to 286 lbs. according to my scale. It is really noticeable in my face and upper body. I am down from a size 32 to a 26/28. I can really see the weight loss in my hips now. Of course when I take my picture and compare it with my February Pic the hips seem a little big bitter. I think it was the effect of the black jeans back in February. Also, I have the ugliest legs.LOL. Anyway, I am really feeling much better about myself. I am noticing so many things. For instance, I can sit in my desk chair without pushing the sides out. I can drive my truck without hitting the seat belt on the side of the seat. I have had a few people that have commented on how much I've lost when they haven't seen me for a while. I go back to see the surgeon's office on the 15th of July. I wonder what their scale will say compared to mine. I can eat quite a bit of things now. I am still not eating fried foods or bread or steak. I am wondering if that includes roast beef. I don't think it does, but I am going to ask. I have been missing juice, but I found a great light cranberry juice which only has 10g of sugar per 8 oz glass. It tastes so good. I'll have 4 oz in the morning or evening. That satisfies me. I have eaten 3 french fries. one this last weekend and 2 about 2 weeks ago. I am not beating myself up over it though. I find that if I want to taste something, all I need to do is taste and I'm satisfied with that. For my meals though, I concentrate on my protein and vegetables. I've had mashed potato a couple of times, but it is just about a tablespoon just for taste with my meat. I am surprised how much sugar free stuff I'm finding. SF Jello, fudgesicles, popsicles and of course my SF syrup for my hawaiian ice machine.
July 19, 2004
I haven't written in a while but a lot has happened. I am now down to 272. I am wearing a size 26 or 28 depending on the piece of clothing. I am able to eat more than I did before but I have actually vomited twice. I am finding that I can't eat foods that are very greasy or chicken breast or any meat that is too dry. I also have trouble with nectarines and plums along with spinach. Everything else goes down fine. I went to see Alice in Doctor Higa's office on Thursday the 15th and she said I'm doing great but should see a slow down and some plateaus in the weight loss. But..... she also said that I would continue to shrink because my body has to catch up with the weight loss. That made me feel good. I was kind of bummed out though because she says I still can't have any bread, rice, crackers or whole wheat tortillas. I was at least hoping I could have the tortillas. Oh well, maybe next time. For now, I'm just happy that I can eat more of a variety. I have been still doing my treadmill at least 4 times a week for about 25 minutes and it helps. I actually feel guilty if I forget. Oh, I also found out that I'm lactose intolerant. No sugar free ice cream for me. My son is going to Iraq in August which has been a stress on me. I was very upset because he actually volunteered to go there on temporary assignment. I'm resigned to it now since there's nothing I can do to change it. I think I'll continue to be stressed out until he gets back to the states. I've been very busy with 2 of my kids in summer school and the other one in summer ball. The only one not doing anything has been my 12 year old and she's just been hangin around with me, actually doing my treadmill and I've been working with her and watching how much she's eating. I don't want her to end up looking like me at my age. It helps because she sees what I'm eating and she eats the same thing. I'm hoping that it's not too late to change her eating habits. Anyway, I've gotta go now and get the kids ready for school.
August 25, 2004
It's been over a month since I've posted to my page. I am now down to 251 lbs. I hit my first plateau at the beginning of this month. I was stuck at 265 pounds for almost two weeks. Then it seemed like overnight I dropped 3 pounds and within the last 2 weeks I've gotten down to 251 lbs. I suspect I've hit another plateau because I've been at 251 for 4 days now. I hope this one doesn't last two weeks, but oh well. I'm down to a size 26 now depending on the material. Some 28s still fit me depending. Others are just too big. I haven't gotten sick in a while. Foods are going down so much better now. My oldest didn't go to Iraq. He fractured his hand a couple of weeks before leaving so he wasn't cleared obviously. I have to say I am more than relieved. The new school year has started here so I'm back into my normal routine. It's been very weird lately. I didn't realize how much I turned to food until lately. When I'm bored I think about food, but I can't eat it. I think before I would just grab something to put in my mouth, I just didn't realize that until now. It's getting very difficult to be creative with cooking. I'm sick of the usual stuff I make and I since I still can't have anything with bread, tortillas, rice, pasta etc., it gets old. What I wouldn't give for just a half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I am allowed 2 whole wheat crackers so if I'm really craving then those will satisfy it. I could do better on my exercise. I do the treadmill when I can, but I don't always do it and shame on me. I just have to work harder. I will post next month. I am so curious to find out where I'll be at come Christmas time. hehehehehe.
September 16, 2004
It has been a difficult month for me. My staple foods that keep me from eating the wrong thing are getting a little boring and it is hard. I am trying to come up with new things to eat. I am determined to stick to what my surgeon has told me. I have hit two plateaus since the end of July. I was stuck at 265 for two weeks and 250 for two weeks. When I lost I lose fast and when I plateau, I plateau for a while. However, on this last plateau I actually lost two inches during the plateau, then I lost 10 lbs. in a weeks period. I am now down to 239 lbs as of this morning. I am so happy. I am out of a size 28 and now into a very comfortable size 26 and I can actually see the difference now. I haven't been sick from any food for the last month, maybe even longer I think. I have felt food have trouble going through the pouch once or twice, but it only lasts a couple of minutes and then it passes. It's usually my own fault for not chewing too well. I also have noticed this summer that the heat didn't bother me so much. Oh, and I feel so light when I walk. I can see now how hard it was to carry so much weight around. I feel very lucky that I got this surgery when I did. After Blue Shield Florida announced it would stop paying for this surgery in 2005, I've heard rumors that Blue Shield California is going to do the same thing. My husband got a transfer with his job so that he is working closer to home which is really nice. His co-workers threw him a barbeque and gave him a gift certificate for Applebees. We are going to take the kids and go on Saturday. Problem is that I haven't been out to eat since the surgery other than refried beans from taco bell, chicken from el pollo and chili from Wendys. I don't know what I am going to eat. I have been putting this off, but I'm going to have to do it sometime. I guess I'll just have to order carefully and chew very well and eat very slowly to see how it goes down. My hair is falling out. It was really bad at first, but now it's still bad but not as bad. I hope it stops soon. I will try to post here every month with an update.
October 7, 2004
I am just checking into my journal here. I am down to 229 lbs. today which means 120 lbs. gone forever. My dining out experience at Applebees went well. I got the oriental chicken salad and it was very good and went down very well. It lasted me 3 meals LOL. I hit another plateau when I got to 235 which seems to happen every 10-15 lbs. or so. The scale is now moving again and I am in a loose 26w. I can't believe it. I started at a tight 32, almost 34. I had a bad day last Friday, my son got suspended from school for using some very serious bad judgement and ditching with his friends. Then one of them brought some pot with them so my son just went right ahead and joined in. They got caught and the story goes on from there. I spent 3 hours at his school dealing with paperwork and talking to the vice-principal and I wasn't able to eat. I had been cleaning all day and hadn't eaten since the morning. By the time I got out of there at 2pm I was starving so I cheated and had a Taco Bell taco which I have been craving for soooooo long. I put the hot sauce on and everything. I could only each just over half of it, but it really was a treat. Then the next night my husband tells me that he wants us to order pizza. You've got to be kidding me!! I didn't want to risk it so we didn't. I feel like I cheated once and I can't do it again. I promised everyone that as soon as I'm allowed to have it, we will order pizza. Signing off. LOL
November 20, 2004
It's been over a month since I wrote in this journal. I have had a few problems and have been very busy. I have been having dizziness and what my doc calls "air hunger". He thinks I'm lacking enough salt in my diet. They ran blood tests and checked for blood clots which I'm happy that they were normal. I also have now a urinary tract infection. I didn't want those horse pills because I can feel the big pills in my pouch so I asked for liquid. OMG!! It is rancid. Now I know why my kids didn't want to take the stuff. My weight loss has slowed down a lot. I have only lost 10 lbs in the last month. Even my pictures don't show that much of a difference. Of course it doesn't help that I've had some low carb tortillas and eaten a few tacos at taco bell. I also have not really been exercising. I need to start that back up. My resolution is to start Monday. Anyway, other than a few minor hiccups.... I FEEL GREAT!!!!! I've got another 47 lbs to go before I hit my personal goal of 165 lbs. As of today I weigh 212 lbs and I'm happy as a lark. I really hope I get there. I just have to stick with this. The holidays are here and I found a lot of sugar free recipes for pies that I'm going to make. I'll only be able to enjoy a few bites, but that will be enough to satisfy me I'm sure. The key is for me to enjoy a little without going overboard. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I am really looking forward to decorating and enjoying it. I can't wait.
December 13, 2004
I went back to the surgeon's office today for my checkup. I weighed in at 207lbs. I'm actually 203, but they weighed me with tennis shoes, jeans and a sweat jacket so that accounts for the extra 4 lbs. Anyway, even at 207lbs., that represents a 68% weight loss per the doctor's office. She told me that she wants me to lose another 10 lbs. I want to love another 30 lbs. though. I hope I can between now and my 1 year checkup. I am now into a size 20. I can't believe it. From a size 32/34 to a size 20. I'm amazed. I don't get labs done until I go back the next time, but she is going to run a few extras because of my dizzy spells. It could be lack of salt or protein. She just told me to make sure I get in my protein and salt and water and take my vitamins religiously. I got a thigh master and butt master. Hopefully it will get rid of some of the left over flab on my outer and inner thighs. Other than that, I only have a small amount of loose skin around my belly button, but no panni. Yay!! Definitely not worth any plastic surgery. I don't want to have any other kind of surgery at all so I am very happy about that. Anyway, I'm going to go. I've got a busy week. My kids have a Christmas program this week and I have to finish my shopping for stocking stuffers. This is my favorite holiday and I'm enjoying it as a much much thinner person. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
January 16, 2005
Today is January 16 and I am down to 192 lbs as of this morning. I am really surprised at this since I haven't really been careful watching my carbs in my diet. I still eat small portions, but I eat crackers, SF Cookies sometimes and even a little pasta and thin pizza crust. Still, I am losing. I am very happy with my weight and if I can just get down to 180 I will be so so happy. Christmas went very well and we all enjoyed the holidays but I am very happy that it is over. It was a little difficult passing up some of my favorite goodies. I haven't been feeling very well lately. I need a root canal and I have been in tremendous pain. I go to the dentist tomorrow. I have to say my new addiction is Starbucks SF NF Vanilla Lattes. I have on about 3 times a week. I also have Cafe DaVita instant Sugar Free Cappuccino in mocha and vanilla for when I am at home. They are very good especially if I flavor them with some dry non-dairy creamer and a little hazelnut, english toffee, or extra vanilla torani sugar free syrup. I have been trying to get my protein in so I'm still doing my shakes and I am going to start back on my cottage cheese and yogurt and cheese sticks again. I also try to get meat often mostly through chicken, turkey or pork. I can eat ground meat very well and I can also eat roast beef, round steak cut thin and stew meat as well as shredded beef in tacos. I found the low carb tortillas at Savemart and they are great. I can eat a whole soft taco. My eating out choices for fast food which I don't do too often are the southwest chicken pita from jack in the box or the southwest chicken salad, even though I can only eat a small portion of the salad, crunchy taco or bean cup from taco bell, chicken from el pollo loco, chicken nuggets from McDs, chicken strips from Kentucky Fried chicken or a fish sandwich from any of these places. I haven't tried any of the wraps yet from subway, but eventually I will. I just have to be careful not to let myself eat too fast or get too hungry between meals or I will end up throwing it all up. I have to say this has all been worth it though. I feel much healthier and have more energy now that I can eat more carbs. I'm not getting dizzy anymore because I'm taking in enough salt and water. My pants size fluctuates between a 16 and 20 depending on the cut of the jean. I am actually wearing a size 16 right now and it feels great. I can't believe it!!! My only pair of 20s feels a little loose, but still wearable. My pant size has gone from a 34 to a 16-20. It's amazing. My shirt size has gone from a 4-5x down to an XL. My bra size has gone down from a 50dd to a 40c. I've lost so much weight and inches and I am enjoying my life much more. I also don't have that feeling every time I go somewhere that people are looking at me because I am fat. Funny though, when I look in the mirror, I still see me as being fat, just not as fat. Some days I look at myself and don't see that much fat at all. I guess it's just in my own perception of myself. My family keeps telling me that I look so skinny and I know they are right that I'm much thinner but I just don't see it sometimes. Oh well, things are getting better and I will see myself better as time goes along. I guess that's all for now.
March 16, 2005
It has been exactly two months since I wrote last. I am down to 178lbs as of this morning. I posted two new pictures on my other page. One is a front view and the other is a side view. I really need to do some situps. I don't know if they'll do much good though. I've never had a flat tummy. It runs in my family. I am still plateauing for a couple of weeks and then dropping 2-3 lbs. The weight loss has really slowed now. I am officially wearing a size 16. It feels weird to be able to shop in the ladies section instead of the plus size section. I can't say I've been too careful lately. I don't eat that much, but I do eat bread, pasta and other carbs. I also get in my protein though through food and my protein drinks. I can eat more now. I can eat a whole piece of chicken and vegetables along with a few bites of potato or rice. I can eat a whole sugar free muffin and a whole half a sandwich followed by a few corn chips. The ability to eat a little more is really noticeable. I also don't have a problem with a lot of the foods I used to. However, I still can't eat ultra high fat foods or really greasy foods. It makes me dump. I can eat a fish fillet at home or even from burger king or McDs, but if I get one from Long John Silver, it is covered in grease and it makes me feel sick. I can eat sausage as long as I have drained the excess grease off of it. I can eat a hamburger as long as it's a small one. My hair is really coming back now. The ends are really thin from before, but the new hair growing in is soft and pretty. My nails are not paper thin anymore either. I do have some loose skin but not as bad as I have seen other people. I'm using shea butter and cocoa butter to help it spring back and I am drinking a lot of fluids everyday to hydrate my skin. I'm going to give it a couple of years before I decide if it's bad enough for me to do something about it. I think I might want a breast lift, thigh lift and a tummy tuck. We'll see. I don't have a lot of loose skin at this point by a long shot, but still it is noticeable to the point that I really don't want to wear a bathing suit or shorts that shows my inner thighs. I feel so good about myself. I am so glad I did this. It has been well worth it. It has improved my health, activity level, self confidence, self image and most importantly, it has helped strengthen my marriage and my family. I can participate more than I could before and my kids love it. If you are on the fence about this surgery, I have to say "Do It"!! It's well worth the sacrifices.
May 16, 2005
I am over a year out now and feeling pretty good. I just got my labs back on Friday and guess what. My cholesterol went from 210 down to 143. My LDL went down from 153 to 93 and my HDL went from 25 up to 37. The only bad thing was that I am severely iron deficient so he has me taking 65mg iron twice a day. This has been so worth it. I'm still not sure if I want to do any plastics yet. So far I don't think it will be necessary if I can get my skin to tighten just a little on the inside of my legs. I'm just wearing Capris this summer. LOL. I can eat most anything but I still can't eat much sugar or real high fatty, greasy foods. I can eat fast food depending on how it is cooked. For example, I can eat McDonalds Chicken Nuggets but I can't eat Burger King Chicken Nuggets. I think it's the way it is cooked. So here's my official list of vitamins now.
1 Flintstones with Iron Chewable twice a day
1 Viactiv Calcium twice a day
1 65mg iron supplement twice a day
1 1500mg biotin per day
1 60mg zinc per day
1 B-12 2500mg sublingual per day
and of course 'm still taking my thyroid medicine.
My hair is coming back nicely and my nails have gotten stronger. I'm feeling better than ever except for these stupid allergies. All in all I am so thankful for this tool that has been given to me.
August 6, 2005
It's been a few months since I have posted so I figured that now should be the time. I have been so busy. My oldest is getting married and it's been a busy summer. My kids go back to school next week so things should get back to schedule. I am now down to 160lbs. and I have been getting dizzy sometimes. The doctor says that's normal. I hope it stops soon. I have to eat on time or I start to feel very bad. Other than that, I feel very good. I've definitely got my energy back and I'm eating more carbs to help with that. I cut my hair short. The old thin hair was still at the bottom of my neck and you could see through it. It looked terrible. Hopefully I won't have to cut the length again. I have noticed all of a sudden that I can eat more than I could before. I can eat almost a whole piece of steak. Not a large piece but a fair piece. I can also almost eat a whole hamburger. I can eat 2 small slices or 1 large slice of pizza even though I don't do that too often. I still stay away from pastas and rice. I can eat them with no problem, but since my cholesterol dropped from 210 to 143, I think I should stay away from them so that it doesn't go back up. I can tolerate a little more sugar now, but I don't push my luck. I can also tolerate dairy in moderate amounts. The doctor tells me that I shouldn't get below 150 lbs and that I need to build muscle, so I joined the gym and am working out. It's really fun. I like weight lifting and I can tolerate the situps. I hope it will help tone my skin and muscles and bring some of my elasticity back along with the moisturizing. I will hopefully post a lot sooner next time instead of waiting so long.
December 6, 2005
I haven't written in so long and I don't know where to begin. I have had what I describe to be a hellish 3 months and it is ongoing. In September I hurt myself weight lifting. I injured my neck and I developed carpal tunnel and cubital tunnel. During this time before they diagnosed the problem, I was in a lot of pain and concerned. I couldn't even lift my neck and my arms and legs would go numb. I stressed out for almost a month not knowing what was wrong. During this time I lost my step-dad to cancer and a war started between my family over the estate. Of course, I was caught in the middle of it, getting phone calls from everyone about it. My son also got married and is having a baby. During this time I was planning for everyone to come up for thanksgiving including my dad and brothers and also for a small post-reception for my son. I began having a lot more symptoms that I expected. I would get chills, hot flashes, my body would hum and I would panic over it. I lost my appetite and would feel sick when I ate. I was losing my hair in clumps and dropping weight just as fast. My doctor finally decided that I was having anxiety attacks(which I haven't had in 18 years) on top of my injury and so the musical medication merry go round began. I was put on xanax xr for a couple of weeks and then abruptly taken off of it because my insurance wouldn't cover it. I was then put on Paxil cr which made me extremely depressed and agitated, then I was put on a beta blocker which lowered my already low blood pressure and I started having trouble catching my breath. They put me on Klonopin temporarily when I was on the beta blocker in order to justify the xanax xr to my insurance company. Finally they approved the xanax xr. Then I started cognitive behavioral therapy and was told that I should cut down on the days I take the xanax xr. I saw a PA in my medical group and she decided to put me on zoloft and then have me taper off of the xanax xr. Well, the zoloft had the same effect as the paxil. It depressed me and I couldn't eat or get out of bed and I cried all the time. I wished I would just be put out of my misery. She insisted that I continue it, but I took myself off of it and after a few days I felt better. I also found out that my father is dying of brain cancer so there's another added pressure and my son and his new wife came to stay which just made things worse. Needless to say, I have been stressed out to the max and have dropped 10 lbs since the beginning of November. I have started telling everyone to leave me alone with their problems and that I can't hear them because it frustrates me. I have been calling and checking on my dad when I can since he lives so far away. After 3 weeks of my son and his new(extremely rude and spoiled) wife living here, I finally told him that he needed to take her with him when he reports to his naval base and just rent an apartment for them until housing becomes available. I can't deal with the 4 children I have left at home and still everything else. The last week or so I've been feeling a little better and began tapering off of the xanax xr and I can go a day or two without being anxious too much, but after that I start having what I think are withdrawals and end up having a panic attack so I take one. My hubby says that I need to taper off a little slower so I am going to do it. The withdrawals I can handle up until a certain point and then I can't take it anymore. If I don't take one, I turn into the mother from hell with my kids and I can't do that to them. I went into see my surgeon yesterday. I am 20 months out and he hasn't released me yet because I'm not stable. My ideal weight is 149 according to the bmi charts and I am now at 153, but he said that due to the size of my frame, I am actually underweight so he ordered some more blood tests. He wants me to put on 20 lbs. of muscle(how am I going to do that) and eat more animal protein instead of more protein shakes. No wonder I feel so icky all of the time. Please god help me and give me the strength to get through this and please let me start 2006 as a better year. I'm going to continue with my therapy and taper off this medication until I don't need it anymore. I am still not regretful that I had my surgery, but I don't want to lose anymore weight and I want to feel better physically and emotionally. Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.
Dawna
April 13, 2006
I haven't written in months. It's been a rollercoaster. I updated my picture on the pictures page. In December, Jim came down very sick. He ended up almost dying from what they thought was pneumonia. After 7 days in the hospital, they sent him home with antibiotics for bacterial pneumonia and pleural effusion from it. After 2 weeks, he was even worse and had a collapsed lung. They sent him to a thoracic surgeon this time and they found that he actually had severe San Joaquin Valley Fever. He had fluid in both lungs, but mostly in the left which had collapsed the lung. They had to open him up from the back to the front and expose the lungs to clean out the fungus and then kept him in for 10 days while they confirmed the diagnosis and put him on antifungal medication through the IV. He has been out of work since December 11 and just went back last week. He is still very sore from the surgery and still has wheezing but is getting better. He will have to be on medication and be followed up for the next year or two and then have yearly blood tests to make sure he is still immune to the disease. Needless to say, it's been a very stressful time. I am still going through therapy and have also started bio-feedback therapy to help me with the stress that the last few months have caused me. It turns out that a lot of the symptoms that were bringing on my panic attacks are partially from peri-menopause and also from severe dumping syndrome. I can eat more, so I can consume more carbs. When I have eaten a lot of carbs throughout the day, all it takes is a sugar cookie or something with white flour and white sugar in it to send my sugar skyrocketing which makes me tired, and then drops dramatically so that I have sort of a hypoglycemic reaction. I then get really dizzy, shaky, disoriented and the worst part is that I sweat profusely to the point that I soak my clothes, hair, everything and when it is real bad, I can't even communication well enough to tell someone to get me a piece of cheese or something. I just have to be extremely careful now and remember that while my pouch might be able to hold something, it doesn't necessarily mean I should eat it. I have to really monitor what I eat throughout the day and eat more protein than carb. I really can't tolerate sugar at all. Sugar alcohols are okay as long as I don't eat too many of them. My PCP has been no help. He understands nothing about this surgery and actually suggested that I might need to eat more sugar. LOL. Dr. Higa saw me in January and said my bloodwork was fine, but I still hadn't stabilized. Well, I see him on the 26th of this month and I know I've stabilized. I was all the way down to 145 in January and now I'm up to 158 today. I fluctuate between 157 and 160. I have to be really careful now though. It's been a rough year. I hope it gets better. I almost lost my husband twice and my body isn't cooperating with me. I guess the only way to go now is UP.
