cella
Hi everyone! I am so happy to be here with such a great group of people. I am a 38 year young (refuse to use the word old even when I am 80 :), all in the mindset) of 3 children under the age of 7. I am married to my absolute best friend. He is the love of my life.
My journey to WLS is a long and tedious one as many of yours was. I will be honest and tell you that it took me a while to get to the place where I was ready for this step. I am not proud of this, but, I was a very judgmental person when it came to Weight Loss Surgery (WLS). I had a lot of prejudice about it and the people who did it. I always thought “that is the easy way out”, ” that is only for the weak”, “only for people who are 400-500 lbs and bedridden”
How did I change my mind? Well…I consider myself a strong person. If I want something, I go after it. I am an over achiever. I did well in school, sports, and in the corporate world. So, when I started gaining weight..I thought it would be a breeze too. If one could win an Oscar for most diets tried…hands down, i would have to buy a new house to put all my Oscars in. I was great at losing, but, it kept coming back as to mock me. I treated it like a competitor or something “Oh yea..you want to come back on my body…then, you are going to have to fight me”
I have lost the fight in a major way. I had 3 children, 5 major surgeries in the last couple of years and one of which was a hysterectomy. My nemesis (aka fat) came back to bite me with a vengeance. Not only did I screw up my metabolism with all the dieting, I had to deal with hormones and thyroid problems. I thought in my head that I can just use will power. I could “Will” it away. I could do anything if I set my mind too it. But, it was the one area in my life where I achieved no success. I felt like I had betrayed myself and failed. I am not good at accepting defeat.
Slowly, I started researching WLS. I am obsessive when it comes to researching something. I have to know everything about it, statistics, you name it…I have to be over the top at that too. I just couldn’t come to grips that I had to admit that I had failed. I stopped looking into it. Because I listened to other people, media about how I could do it on my own, how surgery is so bad for you, if I just dieted one more time and put a little “umpfh” behind it, then I would be just fine.
Then, I spent a lot of time talking with other people who had had surgery and that they had all felt the same way that I did. We aren’t a bunch of lazy people looking for an easy way out or a magic pill. In fact, the strength that it took to even attend my first seminar was huge. After much soul searching and “food therapy”. I realized that it was not about being weak that took me to Duke WLS. It was pure strength and humility to say “Hey, I need a hand up”. It is not the easy way out. We are the ones that have to deal with surgery, emotional changes, food changes, serious lifestyle changes, exercise, vitamins for the rest of our lives. Yea, for some people…that is what they do every day. But, there is a group of us that have busted our asses to fight the good fight.
WLS is just a tool to help me kick that fats butt. I am a fierce competitor and I will do whatever it takes to make this work. I don’t consider myself as a failure anymore. Sure, I didn’t always make the right choices. Maybe it has to do with my genetics. But, you can rest assured it wasn’t for lack of trying. I gave it my best and WLS is just going to be an extra ally to help me continue fighting. I am not going out of this world leaving my children behind because I couldn’t fight obesity by myself. I am grateful to have an ally to fight this with me.
This is just the beginning of the next battle. But, I can promise you that I will do everything to win it!
I am sorry for everyone that I made judgments about before who had WLS. I never knew what courage and strength that you had. I am sorry for not understanding your past, your hurts, your struggles. I never knew that you had tried so hard. Please forgive me.
Never pass judgment until you have walked a mile in that persons shoes. If you haven’t had those struggles…no one has a right to tell you that it is wrong.
