cera75
I have struggled with my weight nearly my whole life. I started struggling the most when the summer I turned 11. That summer I went to stay with my grandfather, who was severely overweight. Since I came from a family who was very poor we rarely had anything “yummy” to eat in our home. Visiting grandpa’s house was a special treat for me as it was out of state and only me. I felt pretty special. Grandpa’s wife was a vegetarian and grandpa wasn’t. Grandpa would take me out to eat in the late afternoon and then tell me “now, don’t tell grandma Mimzie we ate this… we wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings and not eat the dinner she prepared.” So, of course, we’d go home and eat another dinner. That summer I hit 109 lbs. I remember being devastated that I weighed that much, however I kept eating my two dinners a night. This was my first experience “sneaking food”.
By the time I was 16 years old I weighed 198 and was wearing a size 18. I was miserable as most teenaged girls are who are overweight. By this time I had learned sneaking food was not a good thing and had stopped doing it. I had tried several times to lose weight, and had very little success. Anything I lost, I’d gain right back. So, the summer between my sophomore and junior year I decided to eat very little. I would only about a meal and a half a day and exercise like crazy. I remember doing 250 sit-ups each night before I went to bed. I was able to reach 133 lbs, but still felt “fat”.
I ended up pregnant near the end of my senior year, and I’ve never been thin since. I had my beautiful son, but lived with his father who always told me how fat I was, how horrible I looked, and so on. I started gaining weight again even though I was walking three to five miles two to three times a week. Sometimes I think I gained weight because of the food choices I had. It’s not that I went out to eat, it was that I was poor and the only foods you can afford when you’re poor are high carb, high fat foods like hamburger helper and macaroni & cheese.
After I left my sons father weighed about 235. I was 21 and decided I needed to lose weight. Myself and my best friend decided to try everything we could to lose weight. Any diet pills, eating plans, you name it. But, as soon we stopped the I went up to about 245.
Being overweight is exhausing. It's emotional. It's draining. I hate it. I cry often about wishing I could do something about my weight. I feel like a failure. I feel like it's all my fault, that if I could just be strong enough I could do this. I could do it on my own. I've tried so may diets and eating plans. I've tried to excercise but have limitations due to my weight. It's horrible.
There are so many things about being overweight that I hate. My number one is the thought that I won't live as long as I'd like and be there for my family. That, and the fact that I want to be active to enjoy life with my teenaged son. I want to run, play, and jump around. It breaks my heart when I can't do these things with him. It breaks my heart that he worries about my health and that he's embarrassed of me. I know he is, we've had this discussion. He's never sent it meanly...just out of concern. And, I understand as if I were him... I would be too. My last thing ... is I hate feeling like people are staring at me. I don't even know if they are... I just think they are.
Now, here I am, 32 years old, married, and nearly 270 lbs. I have tried nearly every weight loss diet there is. I’ve joined Curves, the gym, and so on. I’ve done ever fad diet possible such as the grapefruit diet and the liquid diet. And I’ve never been able to get the weight down and keep it down. I’m miserable, I’m in pain and I’m ashamed I ever let myself get this way. Bariatric surgery is a scary thing for me. But something I’ve been thinking and praying about for the past three years. I know four people who’ve had the surgery and one of those four who nearly died from a bowel blockage afterwards.
But I think I’m there. I know I’m there. I’m ready. I’m sick of feeling this way, but I’m scared to death. I always question myself. Have I tried hard enough? Am I simply taking the easy way out? No, I don’t think I am. Surgery is a scary thing. It’s permanent. I know most of the risks. But I also know the risks of staying at the weight I am now. I know how I will probably die of a heart attack. How I’ll be in a wheel chair by the time I’m 60. So I’m ready. I’m ready to make the change. I’m ready to move forward. Yes, I’m scared to death… but I’m so incredibly excited!
GOALS
1. Attend the informational seminar regarding surgery. achieved 09/13/07
2. To get my surgery approved. achieved 03/05/08
3. Lose enough so I can travel & sight see.
4. Start an excercise program. achieved 06/02/08
5. Have my wedding ring sized smaller. (ok I haven't done this, but it needs to be done!)
6. Shop at Victoria's Secret. achieved 10/27/08
7. Wear high heals. achieved 01/15/09 (comfortably!)
8. Cross my legs. achieved 07/13/08
9. Cross my legs and wrap my foot around my calf.
10. Buy all clothes at a regular store, not plus sized. achieved November 2008
11. Go skydiving.
12. Be able to tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. achieved 09/14/08
13. Weigh less than my husband. achieved 05/13/08
14. Have my chest be larger than my stomach. achieved 06/23/08 (it's officially 1/4 inch bigger!)
15. Sit in the Rose Garden seats comfortably. achieved 10/10/08
16. Use a public restroom comfortably. achieved 09/12/08
17. No longer take pain medication.
18. Look down and see my feet.
19. Join a softball league.
20. Wear a size 14 jeans. achieved 09/19/08
21. Run a mile.
22. Walk up three flights of stairs without being winded. achieved 09/24/08
23. Wear a size 9 jeans.
24. Run a 5K.
25. To no longer wear a necklace extender. achieved 07/16/08
26. Weigh 240. This puts me at only "obese". achieved 05/06/08 (weight 238.5)
27. Weigh 233. I haven't weighed this in over 7 years. achieved 05/20/08 (weight 232.0)
28. Weigh less than 200 lbs. achieved 09/09/08 (yea yea yea!!!)
29. Weigh 180. This puts me at only "overweight". achieved 01/20/09
30. Weigh 150. This puts me at "normal".
31. Acheive my goal weight of 140 lbs.
32. Play tennis with my son.
33. Paint my own toe nails.
34. Have my thighs not touch.
35. Buy a large sized shirt. achieved 10/04/08
36. To see my colar bones. achieved 08/22/08
37. To be able to buy clothes at COSTCO. achieved 09/27/08
