So what I lost weight, whos cares.

May 23, 2010

So what I lost weight, I look good on the outside but on the inside I hate everything and everyone.  This surgery has made me a bitter ass and I hate it.  I can't eat due to scare tissue pain or just scared of food getting stuck/foamies.  All I eat is chili and protein shakes, sometimes some unfried shrimp.  Been told by my surgeon that my stoma was 20mm, so it is dilated.  I am freaking mutilated and can never eat a steak or drink coke again.  I should have stayed fat and taken my chances of dieing in my 50s like the so called Dr's said I would if not for the surgery.  Now for the rest of my life I get to watch other eat while I drinks a freaking shake.  Whoever gets this surgery is a dumb ass, I know I did it.  I ride my bicycle because it is all I have left, my only outlet, the only time I feel normal and not in surgery related pain.  I ride everyday without a rest day, I ride 300 to 350 miles a week.  For a so called rest day I ride18 to 20 mile ride day.  Hopefully I will get hit by a car or maul nutrition will slowly kill me.  But really I don't think so, I am the new and improve body wise person so this will not happen.  My hair has even changed color.  It is now a Blond red color, even my arm hair has gone blond.  This surgery has had some kind of profound effect on my body and has messed up my mind.

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