Chelle40D

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Ao, I finally did it.  This has been a long journey for me.  I've thought of surgery often always backing out or deciding against it because I kept thinking I could do it with diet and exercise.  And I did do it...then gained it back. 

At 3 days out, I have more pain than I thought I would have and am really tired most of the time. Today is my first full day home and I will get in about 36 ounces of water and 48 grams of protein.  I think that is okay for my first full day.  I will continue to push up the water and protein.  Follow up is Friday, March 28th.

I am looking forward to so much.  I have no skinny clothes or memories of being within a normal BMI range.  The immense amount of things I have not done because of my weight is crazy to me when I start thinking of all the things I am looking forward to.  Mostly, with more energy and more opportunity to do things, I think my entire family will change.  I can't wait to have more energy for my kids.

So I decided to tell people.  I knew I would do it.  I'm still weird about it and don't want to talk about it.  Or maybe I do

Overall, I am still a stressball.  But I am planning it all out, like I do with everything, and overthinking everything and I will be ready.  No backing out this time!  I've got the protein powders, the prescriptions are ready to be picked up, and I have told many close friends (who even offered to bring meals for my family!). 

One more week until the pre-op liquids only for 2 days! 

I have a big mouth.  I have trouble keeping things to myself.  I like to share information.  This is not to say I am a teller of secrets of others.  No, that I am pretty good at.  But my own business?  I share it.  Even if I don't wanna.  I do it. 

So...WLS?  Who to share it with?  I've already shared with more people than I thought I would.  But I want to share with more, but I don't. 

The truth is that I don't want to have this surgery.  I want to eat right.  I want to exercise.  But at 38 years old and over 20 years of being over 300 pounds, my body and my brain have decided they want to be over 300 pounds forever.  Even when I fight like crazy and lose 50, 60, 70 pounds like I have done a handful of times, I gain it back in under 2 years.  My knees hurt.  I go sledding with my kids and I end up in physical therapy.  My doctor has talked to me for years about surgery.  But I still don't want to.  But I do.  But I'm scared.  Scared of what people think of me.  As if doing the surgery admits that I am fat.  Ummmm, duh.  I've been over 300 pounds for most of my life.  Stupid.  Scared of the food I will no longer get to eat.  Again, duh.  That's what got me here and keeps me here.  Scared of the MONSTER I might be to my family while they eat and I can't. 

I need to tell people because I need them to try to understand.  I need the support and the prayers.  I may need them to feed my family when I just can't.  I need the encouragement that I am doing the right thing (even if they don't think I am).  So, overall I need to discern the friends that will support versus the ones who will whisper about it together when I am not there.  But none of them will probably do that...it's in my head....maybe. 

So, for now, here I go.  I am doing it even though I don't wanna, but I do.  Pre-op on 2/27 and sleeved on 3/18.  Oy.