ChiTownKat

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Tomorrow it will be 3 months since my surgery - I can't believe how fast the time is flying by. I still pinch myself each morning to see if this is all really true and not a dream. I used to wake up and grab the fat on my stomach and swear to myself that today I was going to be "good" and only eat whatever food allowed for the diet I was on that day. Now I wake up and marvel at my shrinking body. I am down 65 pounds and 4 sizes!!! I never get sick. I can eat everything except untoasted breads and sugar. Hurray!! Those 2 demons got me to my 285 lb starting weight and I consider it a huge blessing that my body has now rejected them. At first I grieved alot for my old companion - bread. I could have lived off of crusty warm baguettes, and now I never think about it and am not even tempted when the basket is brought to the table. Whoda ever believed it? I still have a hard time drinking water. It feels like drinking gravel, but it is getting a little better. I have no trouble with crystal light or iced tea, so I usually stick to those. Exercise is still an issue for me, not for any physical reason (my knees and ankles are soooo much better). I just hate to exercise - period. I'm still working on that one. I have my 3 month post op check up with MD today and I am hoping he will order some labs, I would like to be sure the numbers are still looking ok - especially my BUN and creatinine clearance levels because of my struggle to get my water in. Bottom line - I feel GREAT, look better than I have in many years, and am already feeling much more confident and comfortable in my own skin!

Ok, much to update. I developed an infection in one of the surgical incisions. I paged surgeon right away - can you believe the man met me in the ER on a Sunday afternoon to assess the wound himself??!! Unheard of. I can't say enough about what a skilled and responsive surgeon this guy is. Anyway, he cleaned out the wound and started me on ABX. It looks and feels much better today. He also had the nursing mgr for the hospital phone me yesterday to discuss the unfortunate experiences I had during my stay. she was very apologetic and interested in hearing all of my concerns/complaints. I got the feeling that she was really invested in adressing the concers I had. I met with the NUT yesterday and I will be able to start back on protein shakes on Friday. I'm getting a little tired of decaf tea and 1/2 strength Crystal light Peach iced tea, but that's all I've been able to tolerate since the surgery. No nausea or vomiting, but everything tastes concentrated, just too intense. I'm a little worried about moving on to the next phase, everything's been going so well....
What I find so strange is that I have not put a single morsel of food in my mouth for 2 weeks and have NO, Zero, Zilch hunger.... How is that possible? My energy is bounding back to an all time high! I'm having a hard time just sitting around and watching TV or cruising the internet. I think today I'll start adressing alot of the little tasks around here that I've been ingnoring for so long.

Now for the body changes I've experienced 29lbs lost in just 2 weeks...HUH? Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming. The pain in my ankles and knees - GONE! The pitting edema in my lower legs - GONE!  The discoloration related to the poor circulation in my lower legs - Gone! I cannot believe my feet and ankles look normal again and with only 29lb gone. Whoda thunk it? I'll post again after I start eating the protein shakes again...

First of all I want to thank all of you for your support and well wishes...when I began this journey I pretty much presumed it would be a personal one and I wasn't expecting to receive the outpouring of support I've been blessed with in the last week. Wow! what a difference it makes. 
Now for the surgery... I checked into the hospital at 8am with my possee -  I couldn't believe 6 of my friends and family members showed up to wait it out with my partner, who believe me needed it! I kept telling myself I can back out up until the time I'm unconscious, but then I kept reciting my goals and kept my mouth shut. At around 9:30 Dr Cahill popped in to say everything was a go, my IVs were started, a quick round of kisses and I was off to lala land. 
Waking up in the recovery room I remember 3 things, 1st I was freezing, 2nd I rubbed my hand over my abdomen to see if I had been converted to an open, and 3rd the intense pain in my left shoulder. I remember saying please fix it...it was excruciating.
Now, I was expected some pain to the surgical site, but this pain was in my Left shoulder tip and my L lung. I couldn't take a deep breath, there was no relief sitting, standing or lying. It just didn't make any difference. Pain meds brought no relief. I was told it was either gas or the JP drain was pressing against my abdomen causing referred pain to my L shoulder and side. Everyone kept telling me just walk to release the gas and this pain will subside within 4 or 5 hours. HELLO!!!!! 24/25 hours, much walking, passing gas and still no relief. I could not sleep for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. My oxygen saturation rates kept dropping, so they kept sending in the respitory therapists who basically said suck itup and get the incentive spirometer up to 1500. No way/ NO how.... Then they were worried it was cardiac related, so now we have the EKG techs and more blood draws for cardiac enzymes. It was weird, my BP has never been over 128/80 and suddenly all my readings were 160/100s my heart rate was up to 120s and now I developed a fever. WTF????? I kept saying this is all pain related, get the damned JP drain out of me, but because I was stil draining a moderate amount of fluid, they pull no drains before their time. Wed morning Tony, Dr Cahills nurse came to finally pull that JP and you could have scraped me off the ceiling. It felt just like a gun shot wound to the shoulder, I screamed, I heaved....ah, then the pain started to dissipate. Unfreaking believable. I had never taken that kind of pain into consideration when I signed up for this endeavor. 

Now I'm back home with minimal incision pain, but still a sharp pain to my L lung. The loratab seems to be working just fine for pain relief and I am only using it about every 10-12 hours.


Will somebody please tell me this gets easier.......my friend asked me today if I was planning on having platsics somewhere down the road. I asked her if she was crazy. Right here, right now I don't want to be under the knife for any reason ever again. I'm hoping that like childbirth this pain will be a distant memory softened around the edges by my pleasure with some favorable results.

I usually cope with these types of feelings by eating or shopping, but I'n on my pre op liquid protein diet and shopping is pointless since I'm hoping to be slipping out of my 22/24s sometime in the near future. I've been cruising this website for the last couple of weeks looking for inspiration and courage.
some of the stories I've come across fill me hope, others leave me in terror, doubt and regret. But after reading dozens of stories, I've decided that this journey is unique to each partcipant and no two have travelled down the same road. So, I'm packed and ready to start my journey. In my bags I've loaded my fears. my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my guilt, my shame. I'll see which ones wil be making out of the bag