ChristysJourney
fear of failure
Feb 01, 2010
So I am really glad that I have been tracking what I have been eating. This is helping to dispel the constant fear that I will not lose a significant amount of weight, that I will not reach my goal. However, there is this ever present anxiety that the surgery won't work and if it doesn't what does that mean for me, what does that say about me? I think I need to start seeing a counselor again! I did get out and walk the dog on a relatively flat trail today for about 45 min. That wiped me out pretty good, but more importantly it is one more sign that I am returning to my normal life (uhhh, minus the overeating!)I read a great line by one of my favorite authors, David Benner, the other day and it has been resonating with me. "Revelation usually begins...by God's revealing us to ourselves. Only then does God reveal the Divine self to us" I think that this fear of failure, that can be seen in other areas of my life, throughout my life, is so present to me because I just need to admit my weaknesses and give it over to God so that he can bless me with his Divine love. My fear of failing, of not being good enough or not meeting my standards, has put distance in my relationships. It also has played a major role in my weight gain over the past 10 years. I started feeling out of control of my eating and weight gain, I felt like a failure to myself and family, and eventually I just gave up and REALLY started putting on the weight.
I recognize that I am not a failure, in fact I am relatively successful. And ultimately I am worth more than the number on my pants will ever indicate. I want to enjoy this journey of weight loss and self-discovery. I want to learn to trust God through this process and regain some faith in myself. I think I have some insight into why I have been so weepy since surgery... I think I am finally feeling some emotions that I would have otherwise ate over. This blog is turning out to be a good outlet for these new emotions....
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About Me
Red Lion, PA
Location
27.1
BMI
Surgery
01/22/2010
Surgery Date
Oct 23, 2009
Member Since
