Beverly D.

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I didn't know I would be able to see my twin in this life time. I'm speaking of people unable to walk and sit because they are carrying around an extra stomach. Yes, I have an extra stomach on the right side. It seems I just woke up one morning and it was there.  I have always been on what I may call the Beyonce side. Maybe my curves were a little larger, but they were managerable. I can't believe how I have let myself gain so much weight. I need oxygen to breathe, I can barely walk because of the severe pain in my lower back and both knees. I have a multitude of medical problems that are caused my that old man "obese". I have tried diet after diet when I was more mobile. It's not my eating that gets me into trouble, It's the time and the portions that I eat. I'm not an old person compared to todays standards. I should be living better. feeling better and  doing better. I have always had the thought of gastric surgery since the early 90's. I think it was bascially new at that time. I even had a surgeon that would do it for me when I got ready. My primary doctor always vetoed it when I asked about it. I think now it was good because at that time so many mistakes were happening and I didn't like what I saw most of the time since I am an RN. I ready again, I have a new primary doctor and I'm ready. I'm so scared, not afraid on dieing, but afraid of being a burden to my family if something should go wrong. I can't keep living like this , well not living, just existing. I've made my home into a prison because I'm too tired and too ashamed to go out. The one and only thing I have is my faith in God. God doesn't want me to live like this. It's no one's fault but mine. I did this to myself and now I have to do this for myself. Pleae pray with me and for me. I need this tool for me to live.  I'm considered disabled now. I need two total knees. I'm so ashamed when I see people much older that I walking and talking and I get out of breathing going to the bathroom. I've made one step to having the surgery " I'm going to believe it's going to come true", I aske a person to take me to the May seminar on bariatric surgery. Please pray  I don't lose my gusto.