The new normal pt. 2 - Coping

May 12, 2009

I talk a lot about trusting the surgery, seeing the changes in yourself, emerging with an identity intact with which you are comfortable.

Now let’s talk about when the shit hits the fan (yes, as a Christian woman I do swear from time to time when I feel that the swear word is the most efficient word I can use).

Life is messy. Maybe you lost your job. Or your dog died. Or your mom died. Or your husband/wife wants to divorce you. Or your car broke down. Or you only have 32 cents left in your bank account and the mortgage is due. Unfortunately life does not have an “easy button” all the time and you have to deal with that even after having come through a dramatic weight loss surgery.

Unfortunate also is the fact that for many of us, those life stressors are what drives us to eat things we are not supposed to eat and behave in ways we are not supposed to behave.

Why do we do this?

I have a theory: food is comfortable. It tastes good. That doesn’t change. Even in a world where people, places and things (along with our respective relationship to them) can change, what tastes good has always tasted good and always will. So when we are stressed out we need something familiar. We need something to feel good. Eating feels good. We are hardwired that way and, frankly, there ain’t a damn thing we can do about that short of lobotomy. So what do you do?

I could give you a list of things you can do instead of eating but we’re all grown folks. I’d rather talk about how we approach these situations rather than dictating to you what you should do. My mom always taught me there is a lesson and a blessing in every hardship. I would go even further and say there is an opportunity. Yes, in every hardship there is an opportunity, no matter the severity.

Universally I can say the opportunity is to use the tools in your toolbox. And all of us have a toolbox whether we know it or not. We don’t have to be superheroes. There are people who will help us if only we put out the call. There are things we can let go of if only we had the courage. Learning how to not only be strong but to be vulnerable, and vocally vulnerable, is important when trying to cope. Others cannot know you are suffering if you are suffering in silence. And if they don’t know, they can’t help you.

So this week I empower you to utilize your tools to deal with the adversities of life. Food is for fuel and for enjoyment. It should not be the thing that makes our world right when things go wrong. It should not be the line between insanity and calm. The real work of this surgery, the hard work, is finding what truly is that great corrector…that clear line…and using the tools in your toolbox I have every confidence you have the ability to figure that out for yourselves.

Have a great week.

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