Cleopatra_Nik
1000 miles, 1 step...
Sep 25, 2009
I hear the WLS journey described in many ways, but most often I hear it referred to as a “journey.” My friend Pam entitled her blog “Journey to a Healthier Me” and others have talked about stumbling blocks on their journey. On the overall, I like the analogy but I wonder if many of us actually think of this process as a journey.
Let’s think for a moment about what a journey is. The idea is well reflected in some of the great literature of all time in the form of an epic. The structure of an epic is fairly simple—you have the “hero,” the protagonist, who sets out to do something. But of course the story does not end there (or else it’d be really, really boring). No…our protagonist faces challenges that take him/her off the path of their journey. To get back onto the path, they must learn how to overcome the challenges thrown his or her way. Often in dealing with these challenges, the protagonist gains some wisdom and learns some important life lessons.
Is that what we do? One might think the answer is yes. And that would be pretty accurate considering the fact that many of the obstacles we face we have to overcome in order to live…healthfully, un-healthfully, or otherwise. But in our thinking…in our heads…do we approach this thing as a journey…or do we approach this as a race?
I read every single post on the RNY board. And especially in the fears and concerns of new post-ops I see myself very clearly—new to the post-WLS lifestyle, not sure what to expect, anxious to see results, and wanting more than anything for it to work this time. When approaching my process in that respect I was thinking of my life as a race and not a journey. And I got frustrated when those challenges came my way. And I thought I’d failed a million times, gave up on myself a million times, said to myself “perhaps I am the one person in the world for whom this surgery will not work…”
Even now, when I can see the physical markers of my success (and, yes, my head is catching up…I don’t look at myself and see an obese person anymore. Chubby? Perhaps. Fat? No.) I still tend not to look at the overall picture. I see a clock ahead of me, ticking down, down, down so fast toward that 2 year mark—the point at which, in my brain, the carriage turns into a pumpkin and the effects of having had surgery go “poof!” As ridiculous as that sounds, that thought is pervasive and very real to me. Therefore, it has power over me.
What would life look like if I thought of this as a journey instead? Well, perhaps I would realize that ultimately I am going to be who I am—physically, mentally, emotionally—and that who I am is only partially tied to how much I weigh and what I eat. I might also start to move to a place in my life where an impromptu family gathering is not accompanied by complex calculations in my head of grams of carbs and fat and protein. Perhaps if this were a journey I’d look at exercise as something that makes my body feel good (because it does), gives me energy (does that too) and not necessarily as a means to an end of losing weight. Perhaps then I’d choose exercises based on what I like to do instead of what I think may burn the most calories.
Don’t get me wrong. In the beginning of this process you have to think strategically about things. It’s the only way to fulfill the requirements of your program. But I notice in myself that there are clear phases in the journey and that I’ve rebelled against all of them. There was the transition from being able to eat very little, to being able to eat more, to being able to eat substantially more. There was the transition from plus sized clothing to “regular” sizes. There was the transition from feeling the need to use my surgery as a caveat at meals and restaurants to being able to “pass” for normal. To be frank…these things freaked me the hell out! But these are steps in the journey. They are challenges. We must learn to adapt and learn from those challenges in order to move forward and continue on our path.
So this week I empower you to consider whether you think of this process as a journey or a race. If it is the latter, I empower you to consider what your thinking, your habits, your life would be like if you behaved as if this were a journey instead. Finally, I encourage you to arm yourself with knowledge about this process, so that when hunger comes back, when pouch capacity increases, when the intestines start to soak up more calories from your food, when weight starts to stabilize, you see these simply as new challenges in your journey and not signs of failure.
Have a great week.
