Crabadams72
Back to me.
The title above best describes where I want this journey to take me. There was a time in my distant past when I was a normal sized HOT young woman. At that time I thought I was fat! LOL! I had the body that Jennifer Lopez flaunted back in her "fly girl" days. Yep! I was that chick. 36-24-38. Hubby was all over himself because he felt like he snagged a hottie. Little did he know that I was killing myself trying to maintain that body. I was spending my 2 hr break between college classes working out. My diet consisted of a small bowl of cereal w/milk, a salad for lunch-or a Mc Donalds cheeseburger and some small portioned meal for dinner. I was around 131 at 5'5 in those days. Back then I wore a size 10/12. Hips--grrrr!
Marriage came quick and my oldest was born. I was put on Depo-Provera after he was born. I swear this crap stunted my weight loss and the number started inching up quickly. I went up to 172 with my son and never got the weight off. The best I could do was in the 160's. I was really giving it my all and in those days I went to the gym after work every day trying to get back down to the 130's. Never happened. My daughter came along in 1997 and my delivery weight was 197. She was 7 pounds 3 ounces and I did not lose a SINGLE pound the day after she was born!. How in the hell did I deliver a baby and not lose anything?
So, my weight steadily crept up during the 2000's. I will admitt that the beginning of that era was very rough. I was going to college on a part time basis and finished my Bachelors and Masters Degrees during that time. I had some lean years where the jobs were lacking or barely there. My dad died from Leukemia as I stood there over his frail body feeling helpless but reieved that he was no longer in pain. My husband and I relocated from Ohio to Maryland and then my mother passed away from complications of diabetes in 2009.
The death of my parents taught me lessons. I think of death as a spiritual and freeing thing for those who have passed. I pray to God and talk to him daily--even though I am not consistent in attending services I feel God's love all around me. I felt it when I was in the room with my mom and dad after they passed. I also knew that there was a message for me to do something about my weight after I lost my mother. She struggled for 20yrs, trying to control her blood sugar levels. She would have hypoglycemic drops and in 30 seconds just be completely out of it. I found her passed on more than 1 occasion. She had been admitted to the hospital in August 2009 with a blood sugar reading of 1100 (normal is 100). She recovered and was released a week later but I think the damage was already done. She had a few more attacks and on the evening of Senator Kennedy's funeral she went to bed and never woke back up. My sister found her breathing deep and shallow and called 911. She was admitted and put on a respirator, 48hrs later they told my sister and I that she was brain dead. She passed on Sunday September 6th as we were in church praying and crying and releasing our sorrows.
I come from a line of big women. "I" refer to us as the Aunt Jemima crew. Looking at old photos my maternal Grandmother, Aunts, female cousins, mother and now my sister and myself--we are all big. Funny and sad at the same time but I can look at a woman and predict if she will get fat/obese at some point. My mom was hoping I would be more like my dad's skinny side, and for awhile it did look like I was on that path but I too got fat. I am trying to prevent it in my children but they are "thick" kids and it is like pulling teeth to get them outside and active.
Fast forward to now. I went to my OBGYN in Sept 2010 and was 243. Errr excuse me? Really? Me? Uh huh. The previous yr I had gone to one of those B-12/Adipex mills and lost like 15 pounds and was spending $150 month for minimal results. My head was not into it, I wasn't dieting or exercising. Nor was I looking in the mirror. Something about that 243 hit me though. I knew a girl that admitted she was 245. In my mind she was FAT!. So my being right up there--that woke me up big time. My first thought was another diet but one night surfing youtube I searched WLS. The band piqued my interest at the time but I quickly changed over to VSG after coming here to OH.
I went to a seminar on November 17, 2010 and started the work needed to get approved by insurance. My surgery date is June 10th and I am so excited!. My left knee and right hip ache at the strain my weight is putting on them. My yo-yo dieting has given me gallstones, I have gastritis and gerd and found out I carry h-pylori. Yeah--I thought I was a healthy fat chick. Diabetes was just waiting for me to gain another 5 pounds--I could just feel it. I could also hear my mother's voice telling me to lose weight.
Back to me is where I want to be. Slender, able to move with confidence. Loving the fun of shopping in normal stores, wearing cute shoes, and feeling sexy and healthy.
