2007 - Maintenance

Jun 30, 2009

May 20th~~~~~~

Another fun day in NYC yesterday at the 10th Annual NYC Tattoo Convention. 99% tattooed guys running around in thongs, women doling out spankings with riding crops, a guy with a screwdriver up his nose.

And me, finally "getting my wings" (along with flexing an improved bicep and, yes, posing in "the all-together"!!!)

July 10th~~~~~~

Not much going on. Enjoying battling the heat with a baldy cranium. So refreshing to not have sweat puddling on my head!

Waiting for new furbaby to arrive tonight. "And baby makes...FOUR"!!

Anyway, here's today's amusement, brought to you by myvirtualmodel.com. Had to finagle it a bit because the weight on the site didn't go all the way up to my preop weight.

August 20th~~~~~~

For those of you who may actually have been missing me lately, I am taking some time away from the Lapband message board for a number of reasons. One of them is an issue of health, which I hope a surgical procedure in the next month will eradicate.

I'm still READING the board, and am willing to jump in with a PM if someone needs help, so feel free to message me. It's not like I'm DEAD; I'm just not posting for a while.

Also, I am trying to get the "furbabies" to live in peace and harmony now that child number 4 has arrived. Her official name is Katie Scarlett O'Blackwell, but I have taken to calling her "Dr. Evil" and/or "Dr. Destructo." I know she's just testing the boundaries and learning (slowly) who alpha bitch is in our pack (that would be ME, by the way), but who can deny - no matter how wicked she can be - that this face is the true portrait of wide-eyed canine innocence?

And here's a quote for you, since I have been negligent in that capacity of late:

"Death is nothing and life everything. That’s all."

         ~~~ Brooke Astor, philanthropist, 1902-2007

August 22nd ~~~~~

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO ORDER FOOD IN A RESTAURANT

AFTER WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

- A Play in One Act

(NOTE: the bulk of this conversation takes place inside the head of a postop WLS patient. Although reading it may take but a minute, the actual thought process may run from a few seconds to a number of minutes.)

WAITER: Evening, folks. My name is Steve and I’ll be your waiter tonight. I have a couple of menus for you. (hands over menus) I’d like to let you know the specials for this evening: our soup tonight is lovely, rich Maryland she-crab bisque. Our salad is Cajun Mahi over Caesar Salad and our entrée is Chicken Piccata with your choice of pasta. Let me get your drinks and I’ll be back to take your orders in just a sec.

HUSBAND: Thank you!

ME (as WAITER hurries off):WAIT!  I don’t . . . need . . . a . . . drink . . .  (trails off.)

ME (perusing and thinking then, aloud,): Mmm . . . yeah. Okay. Anyway . . .

ME (beginning self-discussion): Well, let’s see – how hungry AM I, anyway? Lunch was five hours so, as the saying goes, “I could eat.” But not too much. Something simple. Something light. Cajun Mahi sounds good, but that’ll be too big and I don’t want to lug leftovers home. Besides, we’ve got too many errands to run, and I’ll end up growing E coli in the takeout container or something. Chicken? Uh-uh. Nope. What if it’s too dry and I can’t get it down? Or worse, it goes DOWN and comes back UP. Ew. No. And with PASTA? Forget it. Where IS the bathroom in this place, anyway? Dammit! Oh, okay. There it is. Better not be a “one-seater”! And I hope no one is in there, just in case. Hell, I’m not proud: I’ll run in the MEN’S room if I have to! I’m not barfing out in the parking lot again. Anyway . . . Hamburger? Steak? Not gonna happen. Maybe I can order something small off the kid’s menu. (looks, hopefully, at hostess) Nah, doesn’t look like that’s an option. She doesn’t look the type to bend the rules.

ME (to WAITER, as he runs by): Steve? Hi. Um, do you ever let adults order from the kid’s menu?

WAITER: Not unless you’re under twelve, honey!

ME (aloud, under breath): I knew it. Dammitall. (looks to neighboring table) And look at the SIZE of that “kid’s” portion, anyway! Dang!

ME (self-discussion continues): Okay, moving on! Breakfast menu? French toast. Pancakes. Waffles. Croissant. Too doughy. Breakfast specials?  Nope. Bacon almost killed me last time. And always too much extra stuff, and god knows, I hate to throw food away. Omelet? I could take the extra home, but it won’t reheat very well.  I guess the dogs could eat it, but they’re getting too fat as it is.

Maybe an appetizer: shrimp cocktail? Not bad size-wise, but is today one of those days when shrimp will “agree with me”? (rubs stomach, pauses, assesses) Mmm, probably not.

HUSBAND (seeing tummy rub): You okay, honey?

ME: Huh? Yeah. Fine. Thanks. (back to inner discussion) Potato skins . . . onion rings . . . French fries . . . fried clams . . . fried chicken . . . fried calamari . . .fried zucchini sticks . . . mozzarella sticks? Nope, too stringy. Anything NOT fried? Chicken Fried Steak? You gotta be kidding me. Oh! How about fish and chips. Still fried, but the fish would be good if I pick off the crust. Nah, the fries and slaw are wasted. Oh, how about a drink to take the edge off? Nope, I’m driving, and you KNOW that one drink goes right to my system!

Side dishes! Let’s see: mashed potatoes. No.  Rice pilaf: no. Baked potato: no. Pasta: no. French fries (again?) No. Steamed veggies? Okay, what’s in there? 2 kinds of squash, that’s safe . . . oh, no! Broccoli. Sigh . . . AND cauliflower. That’s great, if I can load it up with butter. Or cheese sauce. Or both . . .

WAITER: So, you folks ready?

ME (sighing): I’ll have a cup of the bisque.

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