almost there

Oct 26, 2009

Well it has been a few months since my last post.  I am now down to 154 pounds.  I have had to buy some new jeans with in weeks of buying the last pairs I bought. At least I got them on the clearance rack. Only $9.00 a pair. But it still golls me.  I really do not like having to spend money all the time on clothing. The one thing that I do like to purchae though is new lacey bras and under clothing. It is an absession for me sometimes. But I guess I can chaulk this up to only ever wearing those huge granny panties. what a frag they are.My husband loves the new lace and such, and I love that he loves them.

I have so much lose skin that it sometimes grosses me out when I see it so I just tend not to look sometimes.  But I know that it is there and pray that one day I will get to have plastic to get rid of it and get those platic boobies to replace my tubesock boobies that I now have. 

I am still in school, but only have 4 weeks left. I have maintained my 4.0 GPA all the way through and have only missed a total of two days in the whole 9 months that I have been going. That was because of these blasted hernias that I have.  One I did not even know I had till I had lost so much weight. 

My PCP tells me that I am getting skinny and I just laugh at her.  I upon occassion see that really huge lady in the mirror, and everyone tells me I am insane to see it like that.  I guess we all go through that in this wild journey that we have undertaken.  Believe me I do not miss that old person. I love being able to keep up with my husband now days.  I can walk and not have to rest, I like to walk the malls and shops that we tend to go to now days. 

Oh one thing that is bothersome for me and I have just recently noticed because my friend noticed, is that men are looking at me. really looking at me and it is weird. Because I am deeply in love with my husband. And I know that he loves me also. Why he told me that lat night before I hit the hay for the night. Why is it that when I was fat they looked with disstain and now they gawk like I am a peice of meat for their dinner. It is so annoying.  I try to look nice all the time now, but this has me not wanting to look nice sometimes.
I dress with proper moral appropriateness, and I do it for myself not anyone else, so why do I feel so ashamed by these gawkers?  I like to think that they do not mean anything by it but now that I know that it is happening, I feel like someone who is going out looking for the attention and it is far from the truth.  I only want the attention from my honey, and I love it from him.

Anyways that is all for now.  If you happen to read my post I pray you enough. be blessed and happy.
Hugs, P

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