CuddlyBluePanda
Life
Oct 15, 2010
I haven't really done much on here, I know. I haven't gotten the hang of the health tracker or half the time I don't know the Nutrition facts for what we eat. I'm just busy trying to figure out how to get help to get Gastric Bypass.I started having pain in my left side the 4th of September and it got so bad that I was sleeping in our recliner because if I lay down flat I wake up in extreme pain and I was refered to a doctor who basically treated me for some things then said "oh well can't help. Go to this OB/GYN." So I did. I was told last Friday the 8th by my new OB/GYN that I NEED Gastric Bypass. My PCOS has my body so whacked out that I'm not gonna live to see 40 unless I get Gastric Bypass done. I have been big all my life and tried repeatedly to lose weight and when I do, the next week I gain back twice as much. My endometrium thing was at high risk for cancer too. She put me on a medicine that's an estrogen-less birth control, no placebo weeks, and that will help keep stuff under control, if I don't take the medicine- I'll get cancer. She also said that in order to do anything, have babies in the future and to fix anything I'm gonna need to lose the weight. I told her I walk and she said that even though I'm doing that, it's gonna do me more harm than good.
We don't have the money for me to get Gastric unless I save up the money everyone sends me as gifts and things and I really don't know what to do. :(
Monday I had to go for blood tests. So couldn't eat for 8 hours before the test. I had dinner at like 6pm Sunday so that meant I wouldn't have eaten from then til 9am, equaling about 14/15 hours. To make it worse I had so much on my mind I couldn't sleep. Laid here in the recliner playing through everything I found out Friday, playing through being turned down for Gastric Bypass, having the surgery and dieing in the middle of it. Lately that's all that's been on my mind...dieing.
My anxiety has me dreaming people coming into our home and killing us, every little thing scares me, the dark, loud noises, dieing. I don't want to die. I can't die yet. I'm only 22. If I don't get this surgery to help me out then that's what I'll do and won't live to see 40. I'm just gonna keep gaining until I die without it. I don't know how to get the $500 besides ask people for it. I can't get a job-Nobody wants to hire a fat chick. We basically only get what BJ gets for unemployment and that is just enough for bills and groceries. Dad doesn't have it, he says he'll see if he can borrow it from my aunt and uncle.
We went by DSS like his girlfriend suggested and apply for help. I explained my reason and she said that Medicaid stopped paying for Gastric Bypass back in March. I couldn't help it and I started crying and told her why I needed it- Not living to see 40- she went ahead and filled out the paperwork and is gonna see if they can get it for me anyway because of PCOS, Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Weight and stuff. She said they'll probably call me and want to refer me to a doctor about it to see. I don't really see me getting it because the people who determine this stuff are jerks. Dad's gone through so much trouble getting his disability and SSI for his back and stuff it's not funny.
I know this isn't my fault. I've always tried to lose the weight but it all comes back worse. I just feel like it is. Everyone used to call me lazy and tell me I eat too much and I was gonna die. Well guess I am, just not that way.
