Chapter 1 "Am I doing this right?"

Apr 10, 2010

So I finally set up my page on OH and I am currently setting up some goals.  I love technology, but sometimes I have moments where I find myself asking if I am doing this right.  I will admit that i am a little intimidated by what I see and what I am reading.  Here are people who have gone through what I am going through and they have started their new lives.  I feel like the last person to know about this and I am trying to catch up or at least know what I am doing.  But the truth is, I have no clue...none what so ever.  I have to tell myself to take baby steps.  I actually done a lot already.  I went to a class given at my local hospital about a Dr. who does bariatric surgery and i have heard the pro and con's, I even went out and bought an idiot's guide to weight loss surgery and I have read some of it.  The bariatric surgeon sent me home with homework regarding what steps i need to take in order for me to have surgery.  I had to take a couple of test: stress test and a test called an upper G.I. (my doc's recommendation).  I did not do the thyroid test yet, but that is next on my list and I am now on the depo shot for birth control.  So I know I am committed to doing this surgery.  On Monday I am going to make an appointment with "the pro" (Bariatric Surgeon) and see what comes next.  A little nervous about this all, but the truth is I am tired.  I am tired of feeling this way.  I am tired of the person who I have become and the person who is itching to get out.  The one that wants to go and rent a kayak or go out with friends and not be winded because we parked so far away, or the one who loves music and dancing and cant even get through one song with out feeling like they are going to collapse from lack of oxygen.  That is the real me, not this happy on the outside yet sad on the inside, confident yet self conscious about her weight person.  I don't want to be the super model size thin, however I wish I could look like them.  I just want to be healthy and have kids and look wonderful.  So here is to the beginning.  It's going to be an adventure and ready or not, here I come.

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