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I realize that I am lucky...lucky for many many reasons.  One reason I want to focus on today is looking at weight related topics of discussion from both sides of the spectrum.  I can look at weight related topics of conversation from several angles, from being morbidly obese to now being within healthy weight ranges, and being more healthy.   It's so very important to be able to look at issues from multiple sides, whether or Not you've been on all sides yourself, but giving that benefit of hearing all sides is something that I believe is a learned skill today.

There are so many times people get caught up in being very very sensitive to topics they are incredibly passionate or emotional about, this goes for every topic out there.  We see this with politics, religion, lifestyle, etc.  We as humans fight and defend very strongly things that are of value and important to us.  However, we see all to often others forgetting the "other" perspective to a topic or another opinion or outlook OR just simply being so overly passionate, that they become utra sensitive to any surrounding arguments/opinions/outlook/perspectives.   But one must remember that because they have been on both sides of a story/topic/argument, doesn't mean that they have all the answers and that their experiences/knowledge reigns supreme.

I realize that because I have been on both sides of the weight scale, I don't have all the answers, but I can offer different perspective.  I

I recently read an article on OH.com about obesity killing America, Pretty strong topic, eh?  The article was written by an OH member, Jeremy.  I think that Jeremy's article was written well, he's pleading to people to take a look at what is happening to ourselves. Some members that read that article got very upset with Jeremy's "use" of words....But in reality, You can Not sugar coat absolutely everything when it comes to weight, weight loss, obesity topics...you just can not.  Facts are facts, and if you make it sunshine and roses, the point does NOT come through as clearly as if it were written to be a "wake-up call".  It's terribly frightening to know that our children are faced with not living as long as my generation or my sister's generation.... TERRIFYING at best...how can that be sugar coated? How can that be put into kind, soft, caring, loving words... How can that be re-written? I believe there is more of a sensitivity because many feel helpless, frustrated, or possibly ashamed or guilty.  I lived helpless and ashamed, I would look at everything and find the offense in it, I became so overly sensitive with everything that I alienated almost everyone in my life!!!  That was not a life I was going to live anymore.  

I commend Jeremy for his article, and for those that took it the wrong way, I besiege you to look at it from another side, take personal feelings out of it, Jeremy is not personally attacking anybody in his article, far from it.  He is simply stating that action must be taken now, and he is right.  He is not scolding or being hard on anybody, just merely pointing out that the issue in our country is a desperate one.  If that doesn't do it, Watch Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution....you can watch full episodes on the internet.  You talk about jaw-dropping.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate lunges and squats in my 5 years on here??  If not, this is my official notification to all that I HATE lunges and squats, BUT, they do the trick with toning and strengthening, so let them continue!

I will continue strength training, and I'm still working through my physical challenges, and I have set a goal... a rather crazy one, but hey, it's a goal! 

I have not worn shorts since I was little.... even after surgery, I have REFUSED to wear shorts.  But....I think it may be time to set a new goal, overcome a new challenge.  So by the end of the summer, I want to be in shorts.  

I must admit, this goal feels so much like goals to lose weight I made to myself years and years ago pre-op...but I have a drive to perservere!  This is my new life, I have new inspiration, and have made PERMANENT Changes in my life that will help me to succeed!


On a side note:  The following does not relate to WLS, but I needed to type this somewhere, and my blog is the proper place.  I have noticed some activity on the main board of late that has been the buzz of the community.  The activity relates to the topic of the "daily posts" particularly the so-called devotionals/reflection/spiritual and how heated these topics get.  I personally feel that as soon as it's assumed that people shouldn't read posts posted publicly... a person's human right is being trampled on.  When one or a group says...don't read this....don't look at this.....if you post it...It's Fair Game for everyone.  Period.  If one makes the choice to not read what's written, that's a private personal choice.... if they do read it...they should not be brow beaten if they comment for or against the topic at hand.  ANY group or person that pushes for people to NOT read or go into their threads, are hypocrites at best.  Arguments hidden behind quotes and sarcasm, have no validity in my opinion, none.  If you are going to hide behind quotes and judgements, criticisms, insults, then how can anybody give you any credibility?  There are so many that are willing to explore each side of each argument, we are intelligent human beings, but when you stereotype a certain group...you instantly are put into a category yourself.....  And since there is one group that so profoundly tells others to not go into their threads and stay out or block them... these are the same people that are begging society to be more "open-minded" when it comes to evolution and creation.... can we say hypocrite?  You are asking people to ignore...turn the other cheek....which is the premise of your problem with the biggest group in world.  However, what could I possibly know about anything?? I'm not worthy to show my argument because it would be instaneously shot down in some form or another, it would be judged, drug through the mud, and then re-criticized, made fun of and then I would get a colorful cartoon comic to try and offend me or purposefuly insult me....and they want me to respect them?  lmao.  Wow....  One QUESTION.... I can shut it down right here....How did time begin?  Where is your proof for that?  It HAD to start somewhere....and there has been absolutely no proof as to where time started......

Dont' step on my rights...and I won't remind you that I have them!

Tomorrow is gardening day!!  I am growing my own veggies and planting some new flowers!  YAY!

It took a friend saying "You really should come walking with me after work" to jumpstart a movement within myself.  I jumped at the opportunity to go walking with her, but in the back of my mind, I hesitated, not knowing what my back could handle, HOWEVER, I did it.

I walked 2 1/2 miles in less than an hour, that's a HUGE step for me, and regardless of the pain, it felt AMAZING to get my ass up and MOVE.  

Being inspired after my walk on tuesday, I have been doing more activities this week, and it has felt wonderful.  Pushing through the pain and finding a comfort level is something I have made my goal for the next month....it's very important to have a goal....as this recovery is going to be in stages for sure!

I feel good!

I have been preaching to my family and friends for years about this "proverbial breaking point" that every human has, and will hit when a certain situation(s) that they are faced with overwhelms them to the point of breaking.  

This breaking point comes when the person can not emotionally, physically, mentally handle anymore, and they snap....They make a change that NO FORCE on this Earth or within the Universe can stop them from making whether it be a change/choice.  It's that point of no return, no going back, action has to happen now.  I have always thought that it had to do with a survival instinct that we humans have within us, somewhere.  I believe it to this day.  

I think so many of us go through many of these proverbial breaking points...many of us went through this with the decision to have WLS.  There isn't a force that was going to keep me from the goal to be healthy, whatever it took, I was going to do.  

There have been mutliple discussions recently on the boards regarding the after years of WLS...what happens after the honeymoon is over.  Undoubtably, some stay on the path of being extremely regimented in their plans/routines, some follow the guidelines and follow the "basics" while sometimes coloring outside the lines, and some do fall backwards, in a constant struggle to get back up again.

With a mix of all three scenarios, you find success in Each one, yes.  So to me, if one finds their balance....and Everyone is going to be different, isn't that success?  To be able to live a full, happy and healthy life, knowing limitations, knowing what you can and can't do, experimenting, satisfying desire, but in a healthy, balanced way....that to me is success. 

EVERYONE post-op has that one experience of sitting among a group (usually at holiday time) tortured with options of what to eat, what not to eat, what's "bad", what's "acceptable".... and many times we will face judgement from others about what we choose to put into our mouths, and nobody judges us the more than we judge ourselves, that's one lesson I've overplayed..beating myself up way too much.

BALANCE:  I am a huge advocate of balance.  Finding that balance.  Most of us are food addicts, emotional eaters, or have other issues that affect our weight andmetabolisms.  It's such an "complex set of variables" and a Very sensitive issue.   We have to have the one thing that has come close to ending our lives early....  so we must find our balances.  

Some are able to eat sugars, some are not, some can handle protein shakes, some can not.  Some can eat meat, some can not.  Some can handle stopping when full, some can not.  Some drink with their meals and find success....others, can not.  There are THOUSANDS of us trying to find our balance.  We will never all fit into a Cookie Cutter Mold, no matter what medical discovery is invented.  

Within finding balance, comes hardships.  There is NO manual to tell you how to handle a devastating injury or degenerative disease, most of us are not prepared for those obstacles, especially after finding success.

I'm touched to read the stories of my fellow veterans who have succeeded like myself, but have found a physical/medical struggle in their pathway that took them completely by surprise.  This includes myself.  But this doesn't mean we are failures, this doesn't mean we are less that human, or not worthy of being called a Success. 

I am inspired by those who have been met with those obstacles of life that are struggling, because it means we are human beings.  I am human.  I'm proud of where I am, I'm proud of what I have been through and continue to go through.  I'm proud of my fellow veterans that are fighting too, through all the criticisms, judgements, etc.  

Our journeys continue.....for that search for balance. :)

It's time to come back, to the place where I belong (I won't start singing folk songs I promise, "west virginia, mountain mama"....)  

It's been too long, I've been away, dealing (or maybe not?) with the "funny things life throw at you" moments/situations.  I'm putting it out there, myself, again.  I just turned 29 years old, this is rough.... I remember being 23, scared outta my mind to have surgery, it was my last chance to see this age, and here I am.  I made it, and I've hit my highs...and definitely the lows of the past few years.  HOWEVER, offering absolutely no excuses, I made it.  '

I look back at one of my last posts I made last year and reflect.  It's funny to say that my back pain has worsened since that post, but I'm fighting, and like the day I had surgery, I'm NOT Going down without a fight.  

My spinal doctor sidelined me from all activity....do you know what that does to a former obese person who longed to be active in her life?  It's not short of devastating I can promise you... and I'm 29 years old.... yeah, I do not wish this condition on anyone, but life has sent me it's gift baskets throughout the years, for sure.  

So I put it out there, I have fluctuated in weight... to an incredibly dissapointing 176 currently... I wonder as I stare at the scale, what the F**K happened to me, and then I try to bend to pet my kitty cats, and realize exactly what happened.  I can't bend over, I have to brace my hand on the sink, balance on my right leg, bend to the right slightly to reach down as I wince severly....  I know the answer to what the hell happened to me, I pretty much broke the supports in my spine.... Yup, that'll do it.  A boat can't sail without proper strong sails, can it?  It will blow over in heavy storms, bodies are alot like that too.  But we are as strong as our sails are.  I need new sails..... but why can't some super glue and duct tape fix me??  Why injections, shots, therapy, pain meds (which I do NOT take often unless I can't walk)

But you know my positive?  I have, considering my condition, remained in fairly good health, I'm proud of that.  I still keep my food amounts, sugars, carbs and everything in check!   It's my new lifestyle.

I still find myself talking to others about my surgery, and how it's still thee absolute best decision I ever made for myself....I tear up thinking about it.  

I'm a human being, I am woman, I am a success story, EVEN through my severe back pain issues, I survive! :)   How's that for excuses?

Easter Candy is EVIL

When do you make the decision to come out of a downward spiral and be back in control?  How do you know you are going to stay on the right pathway? That answer would be worth millions to many people.  As a recovering food addict, the biggest problem we face is that food is our downward spiral but food also is a necessity in life.  No other addict can understand how this feels.  You have to have the one thing that could bring you down into the depths of hell and for this, we can never be cured of our addiction.  Cause we have to have food, but it's food that is our biggest problem. Today I sat at my desk and realized, my new job in contributing to my food addiction.  In my old job, I conquered many challenges because I set up a system/routine for myself.  Not to mention I was incredibly active in my old job, I walked a lot, ran around alot, was up and down a lot..... and it kept me going.  In my new job, I literally sit all day.  I don't have a lot of reasons to run around a lot.  With this inactivity, I have noticed my appetite has gone haywire.   When I was running around all day, I had small meals to keep up with the high activity, however, I don't run around all day in my new job, but my appetite has remained, it has not decreased.  It's a fight. 

I am fighting back.  I did a 45 minute low impact workout in tonight, felt good up till the end, I'm still fighting through the pain, I keep believing that it will get better.  I'm not going to give up.

On a side note, I'm a little miffed at a poster who accused many of us that are BOTT'ing as having too many excuses... well I have one thing to say... "Just Wait" when life kicks you square in the balls, you are gonna have to sink or swim or float.  Some people lose their will when that kick is really hard.  Can we blame them?  How can we know when we don't walk in their shoes??  We need to support each other, not BASH those who are reaching out for help.  We can support one another, and that was the premise for this board years ago.  I do want to see it stay that way.

I'm heading to bed.   Night night!

Oh yes, that joyful time of the month.... just oodles of fun isn't it?  Last month I went through a fluke 3 week loonngggg cycle, two boxes of tampons later, I thought I had anemia.  Lord only knows what's in store for me this month.  But so far, bloating and cramps are on the menu, I'll take a side of sleepiness, moodiness and potty problems to go.  

 

Let's see how far I get tonight.  The short term goal is just making it through the work day and not eating my chair. 

 

A dear friend told me about ExerciseTV on Demand, and last night I decided to check it out and OMG, LOVE IT!!!!  There are things on there for every style of workout preference, everything from Legs to Abs to Butts to Yoga to Pilates to Tai Chi!  YES Indeedy!  They feature 10 minute workouts, 20 minute workouts, walking workouts... the whole kitten kaboodle.  Very very cool.

This can truly save people a lot of money.  I know I've spent a pretty penny on workout DVDs to keep changing things up.  Now I can just go to this channel and choose what's right for me.

I did a 20 minute workout, low impact, and it felt great.  No pain.... that's truly a blessing.  No pain this morning either.... I think I've hit gold. 

I'm still working on strengthening the muscles in my front, legs and back to support those discs that are so fragile.   This week after getting up and just trying to move 20-30 minutes everyday in my living room, I feel stronger and have less pain.  So there .

Oh and I underwent a big acheivement yesterday, for the 3rd time this month, I've said NO to buying girlscout cookies.    

I'm fightin and I"m figthin back hard.  I refuse to go down quietly, if I go down, I'll go down swinging.  I've spent the past few evenings in my living room doing some form of exercise, whether it be walking in place, floor stretching, something, anything that my back and bones can handle.  A sweet member sent me a website for exercising with back pain, and I've read it and re-read it, and have incorporated those exercises into others that will strengthen my abs (to support my lower back), my legs that will help hold me up, etc. 

I'm starting to get back to squats and lunges, but have to start back slowly with those, they put pressure on sensitive areas but I've got to try. 

At this point, just gaining strength is a huge goal for me.  It's a wake up call to see that something that I did so easily a few months ago is an amazing struggle... I really really hate it. 

I'm not going down without a fight.  I absolutely refuse.  That promise I made to myself 3 years ago, is one I will not break.