d3martin

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Just got home today from a week vacation in Las Vegas.  Jeremy and Billy and their families were with me.  We had a lovely time visiting each other.  Billy had to leave on Friday so I didn't get to spend as much time with him as I would like to have.  But...I'm going to Korea in December for 2.5 weeks.  We're going to stay in Korea for 2-3 days then go some where warm for the rest of the vacation.

For the first time in many...many years, I've put on a swimsuit and not felt utterly shameful.  I actually walked down to the pool without a wrap or towel around me to hide the fat.  Of course when you've been as fat as I was, no towel or wrap is going to cover you up!  Didn't get to spend as much time in the sun sitting by the pool as I'd hoped to though.  It was usually windy and chilly.  

I flew home on 4/11/08 via the red eye to Sacramento.  I haven't been on a plane sine 2006 and that was Cabo San Lucas.  It was a crowded flight and I was squished in the isle seat with the seat belt barely fitting me.  I was so afraid to see what was going to happen this time.  The flight was full and I had a window seat.  Please God....let the seat belt on US Airways fit me!  To my surprise...it not only fit, I had to tighten it up because it was too BIG!  What a great feeling this was!  As it turned out the person who was supposed to be sitting in the middle seat never showed up so the flight was very comfortable.  And...I was even able to cross my legs with room to spare.  This has never happend to me before.  I'm sooooooo happy!

When I got up this morning I weighed myself and to my surprise, I'd lost 4.5 pounds!  It just keeps getting BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was such an AWESOME day for me!  My son and his family came from Korea for his 20 year high school reunion.  He graduated from a small christian school which also happens to be the same school I went to.  Once a year the school has an "alumni weekend" and depending on the year you graduate, you may be the honored class.  They do a roll call to see how many classes are represented.  I joined my son at reunion and what a surprise I got!  I've lost 65 pounds and it's quite a difference for me.  I had on this really cute black polk a dot skirt and black knit top.  On my feet I wore black platforms (3 inch heels) that had polk a dot bows on the toe and heel.  Anyway...I felt really good!  I walked up to the gymnasium wth my daughter in-law and immediatly was greeted by a former classmate.  Ron and his wife were very good friends with me in high school and in college.  Ron has put on quit a few pounds and when he saw me, he was so surprised!  He looked me up and down and almost didn't know what to say.  Moments later the most popular guy in our Sr. class who had the dreamiest eyes walked up to say hello.  He never gave me a second look in school or college.  I said hello and we all shook hands.  Duane just kept looking at me as tho he should know me.  I said, "you don't remember me do you?"  Told him my name and the look of surprise on his face was worth all the words he couldn't say!  He steped back and took several more looks up and down the anatomy!  I was not over weight in high school or college but at my 5, 10, 15, and 20 year reunion I was grossly overweight.  So seeing me 65 pounds lighter with a new hair do (cause mine is falling out), short skirt and high heels, took these boys by surprise.  I gushed for a few moments and said, "excuse me boys, I need to sign in".  What a moment!  I wll never forget this day as long as I live.   So this is what it feels like when you lose weight!  If I never loose another ounce (god forbid), I could die a happy women. 

By the way...I graduated in 1972 and one of my son's former class mates told me I looked better then some of the women from the class of 80!  Best compliment I have received and a very long time.

Someone asked me the other day if I ever get hungry and I had to stop and think about it.  No...not really.  If I don't eat at regular intervals, I do get a pain in my pouch area, just under my breast/diagphram area.  I went on to explain that I used to eat for pleasure but it seems now I just eat to survive.  I used to like to take BIG bites and I didn't chew really well.  I liked the feeling of the food sliding down my throat and I liked having that full feeling.  (not stuffed, just full) Now it's a struggle to eat three times a day.  It takes a long time and I chew until the food is practically liquid in my mouth.  Don't get me wrong...I don't miss eating the old way, I just don't find the pleasure in eating anymore.  I still lke to go out with people and eat but I find more comfort in being with people or talking then I do in eating.   I went to lunch with come co-workers a week ago.  We went to this grungy, nasty, little dive here in Sacramento.  It's called SQUEEZINN.  It's a burger joint that was featured in Sacramento Magazine and on the Food channel program Something, dives and diners.  It was voted the number 1 best dive in Sacramento.  The place is old and crusty but the employees and work area appear clean.  The line to get into this place is always out the door.  Any way, they really do have the best burgers around!  I had the "squeeze burger".  It's a 1/3 lb beef patty with grilled onions, lettuce, tomato, and pickles on a bun.  They put cheese on it and it spreads about 2 inches out around the bun.  Anyway..everybody was enjoying their burger and I nibbled the cheese until it got to the burger.  I ended up taking my burger back to the office and I eventually ate 1/2 the patty, the condiments and tossed the bun.  The flavor was delicious but I didn't really enjoy it because it was just too much trouble to eat it.  I don't know if this will last but I certainly hope it will until I get to my goal.  

I've lost 64 pounds and everyone tells me I look so different.  I can see the difference but it's still hard to believe it.  I'm now down 4 sizes from a 24 to a 16.  I haven't been a size 16 for about 30 years.  

All these years I saved my wedding dress so I could maybe try it on again some day and show my husband Billy.  But since Billy has passed away it seems wrong to do this.  But because I'm so courious and need to satisfy this couriosity, I'm going to give it a try.  I"m waiting till I'm down another 15 pounds for a total of 80...then I'll try on the dress for the last time.  I think I'll probably give it away.  It's supposed to hold good memories but since I can't share them with Bill, I don't want to hold onto the reminder of what's not here. 

I'm loving being thinner!  People are amazed at what they see.  I'm shopping again and taking such pleasure in it!  

I found a pair of platforms with about a 3 in heel.  I haven't worn 3 in heels in about 25 years.  They were so cute though!  The platform and the heel had polka dots on them and there was a small bow on the top of the shoe and at the heal on the strap.  I just had to have them but it seemed pretty extravagant to buy them if I had nothing to wear them with.  So back up stairs to try and find something.  That was easy!  I found a black polka dot skirt and a black top.  Now I had a reason to purchase the shoes.  So back downstairs to get my whimsical polka dot shoes.  I wore them today to church and what a surprise it was to everyone there!  People told me they had never seen me dressed like this ever!  These were good words, not hurtful.  And it's true...most of the people in my church didn't know me when I was a lot smaller.  

I feel so good.  I feel younger and stronger and healthier.  Now if my skin would just feel younger and tighter .  

I was driving in the car the other day and noticed I had a lump on my right arm.  When I reached over to touch it and see if I had bumped it, to my surprise it was my wrist!  I hadn't seen my wrist bone in years!  

Oh the little pleasures we experience when we choose to change our lives.  Thank God for another chance in life!

Just after I had WLS, I went shopping and found this really nice pants suit two sizes smaller than what I was currently wearing.  It was marked down to $25.00 and I decided I just had to have it!  Even if it never fit, it cost less then 2 meals out and Lord knows, I've spent a lot of money over the years on high calorie meals out!

I'm currently down 50 pounds and I keep trying on this pant suit but no matter what, the pants just don't fit!  The jacket is fine but the pants just keep fitting tight around my tummy.

Saturday I needed something to wear so I pulled out the pant suit again and decided to give it a try.  I held up the pants and thought...here we go again!  I looked closely and noticed the labels were sewen into the front.  WAIT ONE MINUTE!  I had the pants backward!  Instead of zipping in the front, they were supposed to zip in the back and all this time I'd been trying them on backwards!  I put the pants on again and this time they fit me like a comfortable glove.  This was such a GREAT surprise to me and one of those weight lose moments I will never forget!

I had a semi-crummy Valentines day.  It still bothers me to see people get flowers knowing my sweet...sweet husband isn't here to send them anymore.  On top of that work has been somewhat stressful this week.  Meetings, staff issues, budget decisions, etc...I didn't eat well so decided to slice up the power bar I had in my desk drawer and call it lunch.  I was so good.  Cut the bar into many tiny pieces to nibble on.  However, due to my feeling stressed out, instead of nibbling, I gobbled.  Result...I felt sick.  My boss told me to call it a day round 3:15pm.  Got home and the sick feeling had begun to subside.  Never want to feel that again!

Today I went to Costco and bought a roasted chicken.  Brought it home and decided to slice off a small piece.  Popped it into my mouth and not paying attention to what I was doing, I chewed it maybe 5-10 times and swallowed.  I almost immediately started feeling sick and my chest felt like I was having a heart attack.  What was I going to do.  I never was one to make myself thrrow up so I figuered it would just have to pass.  The pain and nausea got worse and worse.  Tried laying down and that was absolutely the wrong thing to do!  I ran to the bathroom and stood over the toilet bowl dry heaving and drooling but no throwing up.  I looked in the mirror and was surprised to see this painfully anguished image looking back at me!  OH MY STARS! So this is what it's like to have food stuck in the opening of your pouch!  I'm 74 days post op and it's the first (and last I hope), time that I ever want to be so unconcious to what I put in my mouth.  I kept thinking something was wrong with me because I hadn't had any bad effects like others. 

So from now on I watch every little bite to make sure I don't have that episode again!  On top of it, I paniced so bad that I had to call my friend Nancy who had gone thru surgery 3 years ago, to see what I should do.  I remember Nancy getting sick from time to time and all I could think was that she'd have a resolution... and she did!  Wait it out and be more careful next time!  By the time I got off the phone with Nancy I was actually feeling much better and my chest didn't hurt.

WHAT A ROLLER COASTER RIDE!

Last evening I was on the main forum board and people were questioning the fact that they aren't loosing or are only loosing about once a month.  This of course is everyone's concern since this is one of the signs of failure we've all felt in the past.  I thought about all the times I started a new diet and lost a fabulous amount of weight the first 2 months.  Then all of a sudden something happened...no more big losses.  I began to stray and be discouraged.  Within another month, I was back to my old eating habits and gaining back my fabulous loss plus more.  So you see, this is what all of us WLS patients think about when we go for 3 weeks without a loss.  We know we're doing the right things; high protein, low cal (600-800 per day), plenty of water, excercise and the list goes on.  But the fear that something has gone wrong or we've stretched out our pouches, or we're eating too much again nags at our heads until we think we're going to go crazy.  I just try to stay focused and tell myself that in all the years I was fad dieting, never did I loose 43 pounds in 64 days.  My body needs time to rest and cope with my new changes.  I need to let the "body brain" think about what is happening inside of me and not let my "head brain" drive me nuts.  

This morning I woke up and as part of my ususal routine, I weighed myself immediately after toileting.  I had lost another pound.  GREAT!  maybe my body brain is realizing it's OK to start the losses again...I'm not going to starve.  (Thank God my body brain looks out for me).

And now after a hearty 1/4c of veg refried beans and 1/4 c of egg substitute, I'm going outside and work in the yard and sweep down the pool.  I love this new me!  My mind is clearer and my body is healthier.  My life may be longer and for that I thank God every day!

I was so happy to see that my daughter logged on to read my profile.  One of the reasons I write is so my friends and family can see my progress.  People are begining to ask me if I've lost weight.  I just reply, "maybe a little".  I kinda like the mystery of not telling the full story and have people wonder what I'm doing.  I went to my 2 month doctors appointment and was so excited to see that I was down 43 pounds in 64 days.  Here's some even better news!
- Pre op I was taking cholesterol medication for a chol level of 277.  I'm no longer on the medication and my chol level is down to 186.
-My fasting blood sugar the day of surgery had risen to 150 and I was on insulin while in the hospital.  I'm now at 86 fasting
-My blood pressure was at 168/90 and rising.  My blood pressure is now hovering at around 120/80.  The other day I took my BP at Wal-Mart and it was 96/72.

I feel great!  And I'm begining to look at my reflection in the mirror again.

Note to Nikki...Thanks for your words of support and love.  You probably don't remember me weighing under 200 pounds.  I can't wait until I do so I can share some pictures with you.  And you keep up the good work too!  Your a beautiful women!  Love, MOM XOXOXO

It's been quit awhile since I posted.  I've been back at work since 1/7/08 and it's been very busy.  I've been working long hours and have missed going to the gym.  I was determined that I was going back and I did today!  What a good feeling.  My knees had started to hurt again and now I know I"ll never be able to not excercise if I want to avoid the knee pain.  DARN KNEES!  I had a good Christmas.  I didn't feel deprived at all.  I ate about 3 TBSP of food and I chewed and chewed for ever to make sure it would slide thru the pouch.  Everyone else loaded up their plates and were done in record time. It took me 45 minutes to eat 3 TBSP!  I was soooooo excited!  This is the first time in my life it wasn't about the food.  It was about being with loved ones and I had a ball!

Before I went back to work in January, I took the time to hang up all my clothes that I'd packed away because they were all too small.  Since 1/7/08, I haven't worn the same thing twice yet.  (Well...maybe a suit jacket)  Now most of all those clothes are too big for me.  I'm trying to wear them as long as I can but I've had to replace a couple of pairs of pants.  I went into the store wearing a size 22 and ended up walking out with a size 22 and 20.  I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't disappointed.  I really thought I'd be in a 20 or 18.  Everyone tells me that the store I was shopping at has sizes that run smaller.  I knew that but still wanted to see a big difference.  I know I've lost a lot of inches.  It's very obvious when I put on my clothes and when I look in the mirror.

I have several things that remind me that I've lost wait.  
-    When I bend over in the car to pick up something from the floor on the passenger side, I don't have to grunt and puff.
-    When I take a shower, personal hygene is much easier.  (use your imagination)
-    Puting on panyhose is so much easier!
-     I can cross my legs!
-    When reaching down to tie my sneakers, I don't tie them to the side anymore.
-    I felt a rib today!
-    I was able to bend my leg and clip my toe nails without a struggle.

There are so many things to be thankful for but of all the things I've listed nothing compares to how thankful I am that I'm alive and getting healthy.

I'm down 41 pounds and feeling GREAT!

Daisy...

It's now been two weeks and 2 days since my surgery and I'm down 22 pounds.  I'm on full liquids/pureed food now.  I got so confused about what I was and was not able to eat and I knew I had screwed up all last week.  I went to see the doctor today and had several questions written down for her.  I saw the NP instead but she's very helpful and tells me not to worry so much.  I was afraid I was eating to much, drinking at the wrong times, and generally just not meeting my challenges very well.  I'd lay in bed at night and recap what I had eaten during the day, the time frame for eating, and whether I had eaten too much.  As it turned out I was told to eat tuna or salmon so I did, but I didn't put any mayo in it so I could hold back the extra fat.  According to the NP, I need to use a little mayo to give it more of the consistancy of pureed food.  My next mistake was thinking I could eat a little chicken as long as I masticated it to death.  It took me about 5 minutes to completly chew each small bite to the point of mush.  As it turned out, I wasn't supposed to eat chicken unless it was whizzed up first.  I'm allowed to have soup but I wasn't sure if it counted as meal or as part of my liquids.  I did strain out any noodles so now I know it's counted towards the liquid.  I bought some hot and sour soup and it had seaweed and other things in it.  Tonight when I ate some, I whizzed it up! Not quite as pretty when it's blended!  The NP helped me to understand that I can include a lot of things as part of my liquids but I'm so afraid of stretching out my pouch by over filling it with liquids.  About 4 days ago my shins hurt and my toes were curling up due to loss of potassium.  It was becoming quite painful and I got out of bed to see this there was anything I could take that would help to reduce this problem.  As I was searching the fridge I ran across a jar of Vlasic pickle chips.  I sipped about 2-4 tablespoons of this stuff and found that I actually liked it!  It did help my leg cramps so I can only assume that both my sodium and potassium were depleted.  I then proceeded to eat a pickle chip.  Mind you...I chewed and chewed and chewed until it was liquid.  Later I was worried that I may have damaged my new pouch by putting something sour and acidy into it.  When I told the NP what I did, she didn't seem to be to concerned but I assure you...this is the last time I drink pickle juice.  Anyone else have a pension towards salty tastes early on?  Am I crazy or what?

Well at least now I'm on the right track.  I never have any problem getting my water in now.  As long as it's icy cold and I use a packet of flavor enhancer, I have no problem at all.  Another thing I was worried about though was that I was only supposed to drink 1/2 cup of liquid per hour with a total of 48-64 oz in 12-16 hours.  Again...don't want to stretch out the new pouch!  Per the NP, it's ok for me to drink more in an hour just don't gulp, which I never do anyway.  I also found out that I can drink V8 juice and count it towards my liquids.  Again...the kinda salty, tangy thing.  I am limiting myself to only 8 oz per day just for the vegetable factor.  

There are so many things one has to come to terms with when they make the decison to have the RNY and some times it seams a bit daunting.  But I know with practice and care, I'll make it through.  OH yes...last night we went to my mom and dad's house to celebrate mom's 80th birthday.  It was a great time for all of us to get together and celebrate the life of a beautiful and wonderful person.  Mom's been an inspiration to all of us and is truely my model for a great parent and grandmother.  We had cake and ice cream and to my amazment...I wasn't even interested in the food... at all!  What a delight to not have the feeling that I was missing out on anything.

My journey is going to be long and not always easy but I'm so looking forward to the rewards at the end of the rainbow.  

Daisy...