DawnSkwartz

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Oh. My. Gosh. (!!) I got on the scale this morning and it said 286.4 ... meaning I've lost 105 pounds! Holy cheetos! I did it, I broke the 100 pound mark and am now in the 200s. I haven't been there in over a decade. Wow. Doesn't feel real yet...and, yes, I re-checked my weight 4 more times just to be sure. The scale said 286.4 every time. Yay me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. What a heck of a month it's been. Job hunting sucks. The teaching job I thought I had in the bag fell through at the last minute. So, I applied and got hired on full time at the place I was temping at. I think the Universe is telling me it's time to give up on the world of education (I taught 3rd grade for 5 years) for a while. Education in Arizona is such a mess right now. Budget cuts, teacher layoffs, no money, no supplies, crazy big class sizes, teachers scheming against each other to hopefully survive the next round of layoffs....yeah, not my cup of tea. So, I'll use my business degree and stay in that world for awhile. And spend time finishing my book.  And it'll be a best-seller, and they'll make movies of it, and I'll be disgustingly rich, and never have to work again, and ....... yeah. Something like that.   How's that for a non-scale goal?

Anyway, weight loss has continued, in fits and spurts. This morning I weighed in at 313 = 79 pounds down! Sweet! Not too much more and I'll be under 300. Such a strange concept. I haven't been that weight since before I met my husband 11 years ago!

Tomorrow I go back to the surgeon's office to see if I'm developing a stricture. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been having some problems tolerating solid foods that used to not give me any problems: scrambled eggs, chicken, other meats. Regardless of how fine I chew it before swallowing. Oh well, I guess of all the "complications" that could develop, a stricture is the "best" one, since it doesn't require surgeyr to correct. (They just stick a balloon down your throat and S-T-R-E-T-C-H the pouch opening out a bit. Oh, that sounds like fun! NOT.

And...I finally got around to getting some progress photos developed and put up here. I'm glad I did because I can FINALLY "see" my weight loss. Looking in the mirror, I can't see it, even though I KNOW I'm smaller. But being able to compare pictures side by side, I can see it now. It's not a major change yet, but it's something!

Maybe ya'll can evaluate for yourselves and send me some reassuring comments.

Okay, so here are my progress photos for now.....what do you think? IS there a difference, or am I fooling myself?

Sweet! I made my third mini goal today.....at 331.4 I am officially 1/4 the way to my goal of 150! This all still sometimes doesn't seem real. When I get below 300...jeez, I haven't been there in over 10 years! I know I'm losing weight and getting smaller, but I still can't "see" it yet. Wonder when it will feel real to me?

Funny how our mental ups and downs don't always match our physical ups and downs as we go through this whole transformation process of WLS. I got on the scale this morning and weighed in at 336.2, which means I've now lost a total of 55.8 pounds (surgery was 1/10/11). That's really good, right? Counting from when I started my pre-op diet (12-29-10), I've averaged a loss of just over 5 pounds per week. Prior to WLS, I would've thought that was totally awesome, maybe even "too fast", but now.......now I have to really work at not comparing my rate of loss to everyone else's. There are plenty of people out there who have lost more than me, faster than me, and sometimes I feel like I must be doing something wrong if I'm not losing as fast as they are. (Oh no! I'm not being "perfect" enough!!) Then I have to remind myself that every body is different, with different pre-op and post-op issues, different metabolisms, etc. And when's the last time I lost almost 56 pounds in under 3 months?! That would be, umm...NEVER!  :-) But still, it IS hard to not compare myself to others. Why do we do that? Argh. How come I just can't accept my accomplishments to date and be proud of myself? Oh. There it is.....being proud of myself. Hmmm. Such a strange, foreign feeling. I really don't have much experience with feeling proud of myself. Maybe that's why I feel a bit "disconnected" from my success so far.  *sigh* Sounds like a topic for tomorrow's meeting with the counselor. *grin*

Yay! Finally, after a very slow week that threatened to be a stall, I lost 1.6 pounds to make my 2nd mini goal of 50 pounds lost! Sweet! I can't really "see" the weight loss yet but other people say they can. I do know that I'm down from a 7X to a 5X shirt and have had to get new nightgowns....my old ones were falling off of me! My knees and ankles don't hurt anymore and my truck's steering wheel "almost" doesn't touch my tummy anymore......before, it practically cut me in half. All good "little" signs. So, now on to mini goal #3: weigh 331 pounds = 1/4 way to goal. Just ten pounds away.....

I did it, I did it, I did it! I made my first goal marker! I weighed in today at 348.8, just below my goal marker of 349. So, I am now "officially, technically" closer to 300 pounds than 400! Wheee!  Now, just about 6 more pounds and I'll be at my next goal marker of 50 pounds lost! That will be awesome! The last time I lost a 50 pound chunk of weight was over 20 years ago, when I was a teenager. (Jeez, I'm getting old). Anyway, just wanted to share my happy moment today!

Okay, so I've decided on some baby step goal markers. I'll focus on each one, one at a time, instead of freaking out over the fact that I need to lose over 200 pounds (OMG!). So, my little baby step weight goals are:

1. 349 = I'm "officially" closer to 300 than 400
2. 342 = I've lost 50 pounds
3. 331 = I'm a quarter of the way to my goal of 150
4. 299 = I've broken out of the 300s and into the 200s
5. 292 = I've lost 100 pounds (oh my God, I can't even imagine this right now)
6. 271 = HALFWAY there!
7. 249 = I'm "officially" closer to 200 than 300
8. 242 = I've lost 150 pounds
9. 210 = I'm 3/4 the way to goal of 150
10. 199 = Holy Cow, I'm entering "One-derland"!
11. 192 = I've lost 200 pounds (that's like losing a whole 'nother overweight person!)
12. 150 = I'm a SUPER SEXY STAR at my goal weight of 150!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so close to my first goal marker right now, it's driving me nuts! Just one more pound and I'll have met my first step!

So that's my plan. And I'm sticking to it.

Yay! Almost 37 pounds lost so far! I'm almost at 349, and then I can say that I'm "officially" closer to 300 than 400 (I started at 392, yikes)! I know these little milemarkers may seem silly to some people, but it's these little baby steps that keep me positive about my remaining journey. Trying to comprehend "I still have to lose almost 200 pounds" is quite overwhelming. But, being able to look at it as "I'm just that much closer to my next marker", makes it feel much more accomplishable. So, how do you move a mountain? One pebble at a time. 

Sweet! Counting from the weight at which I started the pre-op diet to now, I've lost nearly 30 pounds! ...And I'm GOING to count the weight I lost during the pre-op diet, 'cuz it's weight and I lost it! Now wouldn't it be awesome if I could lose 30 pounds every month? I know I won't, but hey, it would be pretty sweet!

I don't want to jinx myself but....this hasn't been too hard so far. I haven't had any problems with nausea, vomiting, dumping, or pain. I'm tender but I wouldn't call it pain.

I haven't been hungry at all during the day but the funny part is......alot of my dreams at night are now about food!   How hilarious is that! I found a way to cheat and eat McDonald's, brownies, fudge, etc and not suffer any side effects.......I do it in my dreams! Sometimes, though, I do still yell at myself in my dreams ---- "No no no, don't eat that! Dummy, now you're going to dump or puke!" ---- 'cause I REALLY hate throwing up.  Even when I know I'd feel better if I just let my body go ahead and throw up, I'll fight it. (In the past). But I've had zero problems with that since surgery. Thank goodness!

I think I've done so well so far because I've followed my doc's guidelines obsessively to a T. Eat (well, "drink" right now since it's the full liquid stage still) really slowly, small sips, no water with meals but drink water constantly anytime else, move/walk/exercise as much as possible every day (I do a slow walk around the block twice a day...I'm sure the neighbors think I'm weird), and keep track of my food/meals and meds.

I worked up a really easy and convenient tracking sheet in Word, if anyone wants to use it. I just plug/write in the numbers as I have each meal and total it at the end of the day. Those of you who have fancy I-phones, maybe you could store it on that. My doc loves it and says I'm the most organized patient he's ever had. I think he really means I'm anal-retentive when it comes to details and organizing information, but he's being nice. :-)

So, so far, I'm down 22 pounds. Lost 12 in the pre-op diet and 10 more in the 10 days since coming home from surgery. I think that's pretty good progress! :-)