Brenda D.

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frustated at myself - not watching my diet, thought i would never have to worry about that word again, however i do.  Guess my stomach is so stretched now, and I have to get a grip on it.  Asking prayer for me.  I have come too far to gain this back.  I was given this gift and now I have destroyed it, Lord please help me find my way back. 

Wow, I can't believe it's been two years this month since my last post.  Geez.  I have gained 15 pounds back, started playing wii and walking during my lunch hour.  I will lose it again.  Just gotta start the basics again. Gonna start getting back on line here at obesityhelp to remember how this all started.  I am so thankful for my surgery and the additional years it's giving me with my family. 
My mother had a major stroke in October 2008 and lost her speech and has a peg tube and can not eat.  That's humbling.  When you sit there and watch her pour liquid through a hole in her stomach or try to write her thoughts down on a piece of paper and can't write  a sentence let alone spell a word, it's very humbling.  But we are thankful that she is mobile and has her senses and can take care of herself except can't communicate.  She's trapped in her body.  Smoking caused all of this.  I still remember begging my mom to quit smoking, she said if you lose 100 pounds, well I lost 100 pounds and she has now stopped smoking only because she can't.
She has to have a caretaker with her to drive her, take her to appts, communicate for her and make sure she is ok.  Thankfully she is in speech therapy but losing hope. 
So with this said, I hope anyone that reads this can see that food addiction took a toll on my body, and smoking has taken a toll on my mom's.  They say that once you have addicting behavior that we can substitute our food addiction with another, please noone pick up smoking or drinking as their addiction.  Try something positive, try knitting, walking, writing letters, anything but something harmful to our bodies or someone elses. 

Wow, how time flies - it's been awhile since my last post.  I am still doing great, haven't gotten sick still, thank goodness.  I have found a job, started last Monday.  I am just two blocks from my work, less pay than  my previous job, however I have so many benefits and 25 miles closer to home.  I have had a few wow moments this past month.  I went shopping for some new clothes and I thought I might be in size 18 since I was in a size 20 before, and I tried on the 18 and they swallowed me, went to a size 16, they looked pretty good, took them home and realized I should have tried a 14, can you believe it?  

My family keeps bragging about how good I look  and how much faster I get around, it's true, I feel  so much better, I have lost 55 pounds since October 23rd.  I am having a problem getting enough vitamin  b, bought a megavitamin B today.  I can't wait until I get into ONEderland, just 5 more pounds. 

Well i just hope this is encouraging to some people and to the people that is thinking about this surgery, please know it's a life changing experience but also know it's a very serious surgery and you have to have the support of your friends and family.

God has blessed me in so many facets of my life, I have a wonderful husband of 25 years that says he is seeing that girl in me that he fell in love with in high school, (I still have 60 pounds to lose too) also, two beautiful children - a 19 year old son that is the best and a 16 year old daughter as of 25 minutes ago.  We are on our way to the bowling alley to pick her up in her new car, can't wait until we get to see her face.

Thank you everyone for reading my page, Good luck to everyone.

Well I can't believe December is almost over and I haven't posted yet.  It has been a good month for me, We went to Arkansas for the holidays and family saw me for the first time since my surgery.  They were all so happy for me and said I was looking great.  Just can't wait until what they say next Christmas, lol.  I have had a couple of episodes where I had to lay down, but nothinig to major.  I finally have my energy back and feel good.  I have my first interview on Thursday for a new job, I am nervous but excited.  Just another part of my life that is changing, and I am excited for that area too.  
We joined our local community center to excercise as a  family, we have used it too.  Praying we will stay active.  That's all for now, Happy New Year everyone, it's great being on the loser bench with some great people.

Wow, can't believe I have made it this far - 32 pounds gone forever.  I can see it in my face, I know I have to learn how to upload pics, I will work on that this weekend.  I had chicken last night, everything went fine, today I had turkey and deviled egg.  YEAH.  Still trying to get all my liquids in and protein.  It's not easy at this point.  I guess some of it is fear.  But for the most part, just not hungry.  I will be leaving in a week and a half to go see our son graduate from basic training in San Antonio.  Looking forward to seeing that little stinker.  He's such a great kid.  Well hubby has been great through this whole ordeal, been so understanding, and great.
My daughter Holly - 15 going on 30 has also been great.  I sure missed her while I was in the hospital though.  Not sure if I posted on my hospital stay, hated it, hated losing the control.  I know I was a good patient, but by the time I left, I was losing my patience.  Never once, did anyone try to help me clean up or walk me, just let me lay there and used me as a pin cushion.  Geez, but that's over, thank goodness.  Well, going to watch the Batchelor show, ooooohhh love that show. lol.  Take care everyone.

Brenda

Hey everyone, I am a l i v e.  lol.  I made it through, wasn't for sure there in  ICU the first night, my little nurse man kind of scared me, he said my blood pressure was dropping dangerously low, so that was fun.   However, everything gets better  day by day.  Oh I cried, told my husband what in the world did I do to myself, but like I said everyday gets better.  My hubby has been great, he doesn't mind anything except the shots, not to crazy about having to give me those shots, however, we just have a week left to do those, he will manage, he tough soldier man, lol.  I heard from our son today that's in basic training, it was wonderful hearing from  him, he said mom, send me as much mail as you can ok?  I said ok son, he told me like three or four times, he sounded so seriously lonely.  
Well, it's almost 11:30 on Sunday night, can't believe I am still awake, my time has been missed up, took a nap about 2.5 hours today, so that's probably what is going on, and I have discovered SUGAR FREE POPSICLES, I couldn't seem to get all my liquids in but something about those popsicles, helps so  much making me feel  better.  I am going to try and be at the support meeting next Saturday in OKC - the psycotherapist I met is suppose to be talking there.  

Anyway, I am getting off here and writing one of many letters to my son.  Take care everyone and keep the prayers coming for me.  Thank you friends.

Well I have lost 14 pounds on my liquid diet so far this morning, surgery is tomorrow morning - getting a little anxious but ready as I guess I will  ever be.  I even wrote my family each a letter, you know just in case.  I have never had surgery before and just want to cover all my bases.  I am going to treat myself today to a pedicure.  My hubby has taken off all week to be with me, my teenage daughter wants to be there with us tomorrow, guess I will let her come.  My son is at basic training and I really miss the little stinker.  Well I have lots to do today, so I better get off here.  I am going to try and update my ticker, not sure if I can figure it out but going try.  Thanks to all my OH friends on here and please keep the prayers coming.
I will see you all on the other side ...the losers bench -

Well today is Saturday - went to a support meeting, was educational and I really feel they have been helpful just like this site.  I met a new friend Luanne, she is a sweetheart.  I am glad we will have each other to go down this road together as well as so many others.  My surgery date is growing closer, my son is leaving Tuesday for basic training, and I am sure going to miss him.  My family consists of my son Tyler - 19, my daughter Holly - 15 3/4 and my hubby of 25 years David.  They all support me through this journey.  I am excited and at the same time nervous.  I told my best friend Kathy this past week and my minister at church, they seem to understand my reasonings but even if they don't they assured me they will be praying for me and helping me through this time in my life.  
I read the memorial page today, shared a little with my husband about  my fear of dying due to complications in surgery... however, my fear in dying morbidly obese seems greater.  
I wore my cpap machine last night, I was overwhelmed a little and then realized that it was helping my heart and not making it work so hard, so I got through it.  Hope tonight goes better.  
Heard some women got to get rid of their cpap after they lost their weight, I hope I am one of the lucky ones.
I resigned from my job, my last day is Oct 17th, just hope I have no holdups with my surgery date and insurance. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Well I got a date - it seems like everything is going fast  = my date is October 23.  I am so excited.  So much to do before that date.  I went to the nutritionist today, wow a lot of information and just another example of knowing this is going to be hard work, but well worth it. I went to Walmart today and got the vitamins they suggested.  I want to start getting in a routine before surgery.  

I go get fitted for my cpap on Monday evening.  I am not looking forward to it, however, I am looking forward to feeling better and more rested.

A long list of comorbidities includes:  high blood pressure, sleep apena, knee problems, fatty liver, anxiety and depression - too many not to get rid of.  I am going to do it, and know that I will be leaning on this web site and my friends and family for support.  I told two ladies today about this web site and they hadn't ever heard of it.  

I am resigning from my job on Monday - yeah - it's not going to be pretty - however I am giving three weeks so they should be happy about that.  Keep your fingers crossed - my primary doctor's office are moving offices this weekend and I don't want them to hold things up.
I need to get some more information to get to Kim  so they can get my papers sent in to my insurance.
See ya later. 

Well I met with Dr. Ivy yesterday, it was such an eye opening experience.  He said so many things that were so right on the money.  I mean I already knew what a lot of my problems were, but how he made me recognize so many things.  He made me feel very comfortable and it was nice telling someone that didn't know me at all about my life.  

I go next week to have my preop stuff done, they tell me I got by pretty easy not to many tests to do.  So I am thankful for that.  The next week is my sleep study, I am apprehensive about that somewhat due to being claustrophobic and all.   But I am sure I will be fine.

Until next time.....