debbie2800

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My Day is in  2 days. I am so tired mentally and happy at the same time. It saddens me that the one or two people that I want/need support from i didn't get. Here it comes down to the witching hour and they barely have any words of encouragement. It's been such a long journey by myself. Maybe I will update my post later Maybe I will feel better once my Spirits are lifted. I give everything over to God. He knows all and He soothes my wounded Spirit and Heart. 

 My papers went in for approval on 2/18 and I am still waiting on approval. I started the semi unrealistic pre-op diet and hopefully my surgery will be on March 7th or 8th. I don't really have any support from most family or friends its almost like they are just putting up with me. lol Been tired since I started the diet but really hungry so that is a good thing. I am so tired of all of this ..very tired of the aggravation. I know I have something to look forward to but dang at what cost. 

My primary Dr. did not want to write the letter recommending the surgery. He said they(surgeons) don't pay them to do that so I wrote the letter. I finally wrote this Damn letter and now I get a message after all these months that he wants me to see a kidney Dr first! SERIOUSLY!!!!!! WTH. I know i know i know this is for my own good but this is something I should have known about when i busted my ass running around to all these appointments.     SMDH!!!!!!! 

 It has been awhile since I had anything to say. Needless to say I took a month off from Doctor  visits. Next week I will bring my letter to my primary for the final letter of recommendation. I believe that is all that is left with the exception of whatever reports are missing from the doctors. The last few days I had been taking the advice from some folks in the support group and started looking at the hundreds of YouTube videos on the various stages of pre-op and post-op surgery. It has given me a bit of hope and resurrected my faith and helped ti put me back on track. My biggest issue is eating ..having to eat on a time table, Ugh The excess skin that is freaking me out. I am sad that I am on this journey alone. Although my friends and family know they are noticeably silent on the subject. Out of all of us only one other person has had surgery(lap band). Raised by Southern women we didn't realize until it was almost to late that the weight would be an issue in our 40s and would affect us differently than it did our moms, aunts and grandmothers. My partner is so consumed with his own issues that sadly who won't even realize what I have done until he see the weight loss lol. Another story all together. :-) The Psych doctor had asked me what I was looking forward to after the surgery and I couldn't really answer because I had not thought of it. I always  thought I was pretty just big. Never had problems with making friends or BF but there was always that one issue. Fat. If I had to answer him I would say that I want to blend into the crowd. Sit comfy on the train, bus or plane without the annoying glances of folks contemplating whether to sit next to me and possibly suffer or stand and wish that they got to the seat before me. I'm done for now. it's 3am and my brain has just stopped..Peace :-)        

 While I am waiting around for all this paperwork to come together I have been reading the forums. It is wonderful to read folks experiences. All though I am happy it's scaring me and almost pissing me off to know that I may have to do more prepping for this surgery, I see the various denials from different ins companies which is to be expected. I like my surgeon but I don't want to get jerked around that I need more of a weight history or more medical issues in order to be approved. I have been blessed to be a big girl who did not have any medical issues into later in her life(late 30s early 40s) was with God's Blessing.  The biggest issue I had was the inability to carry a child which in itself is enough. I am trying to keep a cool head because I don't want to push myself over the edge.  i guess now I need to ask more questions of my surgeon and insurance company. I don't want to waste time and freaking money only to have to do it all over because of someone else error.       

 This is my last month of visiting doctors. I hope and pray that all the paperwork that is needed has been submitted to the surgeon. My brain is fried. Between work and running to visits I have no time to breathe. I have spent a crap load of money in co-payments and although I have my dietary guidelines I haven't even begun to at least train myself how to eat.  Busy at work and at home. I am just feeling overwhelmed by it all. Just want it to be over. Among other things.