deelight152
May13th Still here still struggling but finally got a grip! I am doing the biggest loser at my work and I have lost 2.9 pounds the first week. I am making better choices and finding things I love to do like walking the park with my kids and roller skating. I love my boxing class but my husband works till 4:30 and when I get him which is almost everyday I can't make it to the class. I haven't gone to my 3 year check up but I will be there before summer is over. IWhen I win the biggest loser at work I am going to use the money to make the trip to see my surgeon. I wish I was closer soI could get there. I am loving salads and greek yougart. I have learned if I stay away from bread my stomach loves me. I only drink 1 cup of coffee a day then I only drink water. I will be posting more so I can reflect more on me!
Jan 5th 2010
Where to begin! I am still at 230 and I have to lose 35 pounds by April so I can go to my 3 year check up. I never went to my 2nd year check up. I was too ashamed of not being further along on my journey. I have come so far but have so much further to go. I need help. I hope one day to move back to chicago if I could find a job. I am working 2 jobs right now looking for a 3rd job to make ends meet. not much more to say Happy New Year I know this Year will be better then the last.
SEPTEMBER 27
Well It has been a while and I feel like I am back on track. I just ordered some more protien. Got myself a new workout I am boxing now! I love it! It is soo hard. I sweat buckets and my heart rate is out of control for a full hour I get my ass kicked. It is soo hard. I just love the challenge. I can do push ups now I can do push ups on medicine balls and all sorts of crazy stuff. I weighed myself today and I have lost 5 pounds. I am 230 I need to lose 45 more pounds. My goal is to lose 45 by end of april . I never went to my 2 year check up was too ashamed to see my doctor. I want to be back on track and at my personal goal for my 3 year check up.
July 20 2009
It has been a while and not even sure where to start. I am sliding down a crazy path and can't seem to find my way out. I am now 235. I feel like a complete faliure. I am so dissappointed in myself I can't even look in the mirror. I spent 10,000 out of pocket to get my life under control and now I am back sliding. I am so embarressed I have not even gone for my 2 year check up because I don't want to look at my surgeon in the eyes and see the dissappointment in his eyes. I wish I was back at stage one only liquids. I can eat now and It scares me. I don't know what to do. I had a hernia repair with skin removal and my stomach looks like a beach ball because I am not doing what I should. I am so lost and scared and don't know what to do about it. Yes I am still healthier then I ever was. I am happy for that. I still need to lose 50 pounds and I don't know how to do that. Then to top it off we are so broke. Our bills are so behind and my job is only 2 times a month. If I could find a job anywhere for at least 13.00 I would be willing to move. I think I am eating more from the stress. I started smoking again and I hate it! I hate the taste the feeling but I am so stressed I can't quit. I am a complete wreck so if anyone has any idea what I can do Please help.
Feb 22 I have had the worst tooth pain ever!! I had to have a root canal and then I just got a sinus infection so it is putting pressure on teeth and I have been in so much pain I have been sobbing. I called the pharmacist and he said since the pain pills and Tylenol is not helping I really need an nsaid which as you know we shouldn't have after surgery. So I called my surgeon and he said no more than 500 mg a day and to eat with it. It helped so much even just taking 200 mg at a time helped with The pain. I also started taking sudafed to help with the pressure. Today I am trying Tylenol for the pain because I don't want to go 3 days with aleve. I hope the worst is over because if my tooth still hurts next week Iwill go back and just have the tooth pulled. I thought once you had a root canal there would be no more pain because the nerves are severed? Man this has been the worst 2 weeks of my life!! This hurt more than my surgeries and even both my kids!!!! and I have tattoos and piercings too!
Anyway I weighed myself today and it said 221 which is awesome I am getting back on track! I use this machine at school called a cybex total trainer I think and each day I add 5 min to it. I am up to 55 min and I can do it!! The first 10 min I just want to quit and the last 5 min I am SO happy I did it! This week I am aiming for 4 days of cardio I didn't get to last week because of this tooth but the pain is tolerable enough to work out. I might go in the morning for cardio and then before my class at night go in for some weights. I really need to work on my thighs. I know the skin will hang but maybe just maybe with weights I can define them more. I use my binder at night and when I am doing cardio I put my high waist girdle and the binder on to keep the stomach in and the thighs from brusing me when they swing.
Feb 1st GO STEELERS!!! HAPY SUPER BOWL
I weigh 225 today. I have not had a drink for 2 weeks and I have done cardio 4 times this week. My bindders came and these ones are too big uggg I have to streatch it from one hip to the other and it still doesn't really feel tight? I might send the 2nd one back for a smaller size, I am just glad to get it! I am waiting for my protien and vitamins to get here so I get really get back on track! I am going to have a glass of wine tonight with the super bowl.
oh I also found out there 40 shots in a bottle of vodka and 120 calories in each shot.. I was driking a bottle a weekend and drinking it with a gallon of crystal light that is 2 pounds a week end . Now I truly see how I gained 6 pounds!
January 26 2009: Where do I begin... I fell off track. I have never been so dissappointed in mself then sitting in my surgeons office for my check up and finding out I gained 6 pounds. I was mortified and embarressed. I never felt more like a failure then at that moment. I respect my surgeon so much and knowing all that he did for me to save my life.
too have him tell me I need to exercise more and up my protien that was a huge wake up call.
I was driving home and I was thinking of what was I doing wrong? I figured it out and it didn't take that long. I have done what they call switch addictions. I have switched from a eating addiction to a drinking addiction. I have been drinking a bottle of vodka with a gallon of crystal light every weekend. I use to drink the vodka with pineapple juice and figured out that is why I was getting so sick. I then switched to crystal light. I didn't think of the calories in vodka. I was drinking so much that I would black out. I can not remember half the nights when I drink. I am truly blessed that I drink at my house, after the kids go to sleep so I wasn't at a bar.
Well the most important part of a promblem is knowing you have one. So I am no longer drinking. I will only drink when I go out with my friends which is only once a year. I will also pace myself. There is no reason for someone to drink that much in such a little time.
Today I am going to the gym at 10am I am going to do cardio for at least 45 min and then my upper and abs. Tomarrow it will be the same but with lower. I go to college 3 nights a week so I will work our atleast 3 times a week there in my gym class. I will also workout the rest of the week when I can. I am upping my protien and when my tax return comes I will buy 4 tubs of protien and 2 new binders. The binders I had stop closing and I had to throw away.
I am going to update more on here so I can keep myself accountable.
November 23
I am now 213
I still have not lost any weight,but I can see it! I put my pants on the ones that were size 28 and tight on me and I can fit my kids in them with me lol. I am now seeing the swelling starting to go down and now none of my pants fit at all. Of course I don't own a belt so I spend the whole time pulling my pants up.Maybe after Christmas I will be able to afford some clothes that fit? Or at least a belt
I am going to my brothers for thanksgiving this will save me money. Instead of spending a whole week worth on one meal.
Oh my friend gave me her roller derby skates that were too big for her so now I roller skate everyday in front of my house .....One day I will be on a roller derby team I only hope it is in Chicago when I get to move home...... one day!
Dee
October 29th Happy Halloween upcoming!
I went to my surgeon yesterday to check on my hernia repair. Everything is doing good. my surgeon is awesome! I was scared but after going there and talking to him and Dr Roberts I felt so much better again. I go back on wed the 5th for my check up and to possibly get out the drain. My friend Andy came with me and will probably go back with me next time so I don't have to drive 5 hours by my self. I lost 5 pounds from the week before, that makes me very happy too.
Well I am now 209 and yesterday for the first time in 10 years I put on a size 16 pair of shorts that I wore the first time me and lee went on our first date. I am still swollen and it hurt by the drain but I put them on and I zippered and buttoned them. I called my husband in to see then I took them off. My kids were so happy for me they gave me a big hug! I fell normal! I no longer feel like people are looking at me.
I go Tuesday at 1 pm to see the Dr. My stomach didn't close all the way right in the middle and it looks like there is an eye in there. i can put my finger in there. I sent pictures to my surgeon and he wants to see it on Tuesday. I don't know how they will fix it. I think maybe with a few stitches or glue? I think I was feeling too good and did too much and pulled it?
I am officially 155 pounds lost!! That's like losing my husband without a divorce lol!!!
October 18
I weigh 217 today! I feel so awesome right now. I had my hernia repair done on the 8th and I feel so great! I truly have the best surgeon in the world. He amazes me everyday! He treats me like I am his only patient and he never rushes you. He always answers your questions. His office staff is awesome. the only thing he is missing is me working for him! lol I have one drain left and half the staples. I go back on the 30th to remove the other drain. I have the best husband and best friend ever. My best friend rach let us stay at her house while I was healing and took such great care of me! She changed my bandages and helped me without even a grimace. My mom almost puked just looking at the staples my rach was so great about it. My husband took her place when we went home. He is awesome as well but rach is gentler lol I wish I could move home and be closer to rach and then maybe one day I could work for my surgeon. I know it is so expensive to live in Chicago but I just miss it there. I go Monday to take a drug test for the post office. If I get the job it will be so awesome I will be a mail carrier and get to exercise everyday at work. It is only part time but it is 18.50 an hour and if I get to become full time I will get 25.00 an hour. will post more later.
October 05
Today I weighed my self and the scale said 221!!!! I almost fainted. I am so excited! I leave Tuesday night for Chicago and on wend morning I will be saying good bye to my hernia. I am so happy. This is an emotional week for me! I packed my bag and I am packing the kids today. Only thing I will have to do Tuesday is get all the kids games and pack my husband up! I will keep you guys posted ASAP if I am not up to it I will have my best friend rach post.
sep 21
I got to see my surgeon last week for my 18 month check up. He was very happy with my loss. He always makes feel so good. He really is the best Dr out there. I can't say enough about him! I am getting ready for my Hernia Repair Oct 22! I am so excited I can't even wait!!
I lost some weight! I am 223 today down 4 pounds since last time. If I keep this up I will hit my goal when I have my tummy tuck done next month. Well lots of things are goin on in my home my mother just lost her job and so things are really stressed out here. I am going to see about getting my Hernia Repair pushed up so while she is off she can help me with the kids and stuff like that. I am so excited and nervous at the same time!
aug 24 well this week I really got serious I started with walking 2 1/2 miles a day and this week I am doing 2 1/2 when I take the kids to school and then 2 1/2 when my husband comes home so I am kicking up my cardio and working on my arms and abs. Goto love the ipod. It keeps me going.
I am at 228 I go from 227 to 229 so maybe just maybe with the kick in cardio I will lose more. I have 3 weeks till I go for my 18 month check up to see if I am ready for my hernia Repair I was hoping to be at 200 then have it then I would be at about 175-180 after, but I just don't think that is possible. right now I think most of my weight is the hanggong skin.
I talked to a plastic surgeon and for a breat lift with implats it was about 7000 but for a thigh lift it was over 9000 sorry I would rather have my girls back and wear spanks for the rest of my life lol.
I must admit I feel so much better about myself. I am a big girl still and that's ok I wore my very first pair of levis this week I didn't know they made them for big girls. hello now I see what the big deal is they are so comfortable. I wore it with a tank top. I just have to add i have never in my entire whole life worn a tank top. I felt good it wasn't a tight one and everyone said it looked nice. I walk with my head held high. I smile more and say hi to people when I walk the park. I love the new me. not only did I lose the weight I found me again. well a happier version of me. I find myself now going crazy being in the house. I have to clean or go to the store or walk the park. I can't just sit and watch tv like before. I still watch one life to live but I record it then fast foward the commercials so it gets done faster. I have energy I never had before. I want to get a bike and rollerskates and do stuff outside. who knew.
highest 364
dos 349
today 228
total loss 136
Aug 11 something inside me reignited. I am on a mission! I have till November 11 to lose the weight and get ready for my tummy tuck. I am ready to kick some ass! I have wii fit and it says I weigh 234 my scale say 227 that's a big difference and that means I have a lot more road to get over before November. I know I may not be able to get to 200 before but I am aiming high!! So with that being said I am doing 2 protein drinks a day and 1 nice well rounded meal then I am going to try soups and things that are filling but less calories cut away from refined sugar no more chocolate or junk foods! I can do this. I am needing some roller skates and walking will be my new favorite thing to do with my time. My kids go back to school this week so I have more time for me and me wants to get in shape and lose weight! I have so many videos and exercise equipment and walking places I can do this!! I will post once a week with how I am doing.
july 27th scale said saturday 226 I was so excited but on sunday it went to 229 that's ok I feel awesome I look better then ever. I have my self confidence back and for that is priceless. I am still a big girl I am ok with that.
july 21 OK the scale said 230 today and that is OK one pound up and down is alright for me. I am having issues emotionally lately I was put on wellbutrin and it has made me so mean and angry. I swear I almost divorced my husband this month because this medicine has made me a mess. I took it for 6 week because they sometimes it takes that long for new med to kick in. well It was actually a side effect agitation. I was severely agitated. So they are putting me on a new med call prestic or something like that I will have to see how it goes. I am feeling better now that i am on my thyroid med again and I go riding with my daughter everyday. Well I use my sons power wing lol. I am so ready for my tt and hope to get a thigh lift soon too. you can see in my pictures I have one with me in my bathing suit. I am happy with it. I an slowly learning to love me for me. baby steps.
July 13th Hello today is a fantastic day!!! I lost 4 pounds this week!! yep either the scale was being very nice to me or it is breaking? I will take it and I don't weigh my self again until Sunday. I am not a slave to the scale! Went out yesterday to one of my closest friends house for a pool party/BBQ. I had so much fun me lee and Dave hung out in the pool till 5 am . The best part part about Dave and Mandie's house is it's OK to bring your kids with because at dark the kids go inside and play and the parents hang out outside. I got in the pool but had no swimsuit so Mandie gave me one of hers. It was a size 16 it was older and stretch but I don't care it fit. It was a one piece I felt really uncomfortable because of my belly and thighs so I put a pair of sweat shorts over it. There 6 of us in the pool and I was OK with it. I feel great today! I am going to walk the park later today and I am looking for a pair of roller skates. I have nice new pavement by my house I can practice skating while the kids ride their bike. get ready for the roller derby!!
July 6th 2008 I am still itchy finished the predizone yesterday and i have a couple more days of the antibiotic. I thought the rash would be gone but it is still spreading on my belly itchy along the way. The boil on my arm and back of my leg was staph. I then took the kids to their Dr and they both had staph as well. so they are on antibiotics and bactrim cream.
Who cares about that I lost 2 more pounds. I feel good on the inside minus the itchiness. I am starting to look for a surgeon to do a consult for my thighs. I have the best surgeon in the world who will be doing my tummy tuck. See everyone should go to Dr Frantzides not only is he the best bariatric surgeon . He also does tummy tucks too!!!! I went to the roller derby yesterday me and Mandie had so much fun! and on the 4th we had a blast we went to Mandie's step dad and blew off fireworks and hung out with some of my friends I don't see very often and the kids got to swim and play. I had a drink at the roller derby the bar upstairs gives you any drink for 2.00 with your ticket so we grabbed a drink and talked to a player about possible recruitment. Mande wants to join in Aug. I would like to do it maybe after my tt and thigh lift. Even better if I get the honor of working for Dr F They have a derby in Chicago as well. It is a lot harder to get in but hey life gives you challenges do you take them or say maybe one day?
June 29th 2008 help I am itchy and have a rash everywhere!! it is on my belly in 14 spots and on my thigh as well it is on my yoo hoo on both sides. I am swollen and itchy I could rip my skin off! I switch now too antibacterial body wash . I have tried vagasill powder nope I tried monistat 7 nope I tried butt paste(diper rash med) nope I am now trying tanactin. So I am also taking benadryl to help ease the itchy. I also have a boil like thing on the back of my leg that is the size of a golf ball that has popped at least 4 times but still wont go away I sleep on a heating pad to help get it to come to head. I feel like I am falling apart !! I have more weird rashes on me right now then in my entire life combined!!! I have a rash on my thumb that I thought was spider bite that I itched and popped and now it is bubbly. I also have a bite on my inner elbow crease that is now kinda swollen and hurts when I close my arm! I feel terrible anyone have any suggestions? I am calling my doctor on Monday but which one do I call? I think it is all associated with the hanging skin! Dr Frantzides please let me have this done sooner!!!! I might be dead by November of full of weird rashes!!!!!
I have not had a drink of booze since June 7th! man with all that is going on with me and my son I could use one and I have a half a bottle of vodka but I am not drinking anymore! I feel great except for the rashes!
June 22 2008 I lost another pound and now I am 236 I really think adding my protein drinks back and not drinking alcohol is working I also have a 24 oz cup from the zoo and I add 3 tablespoons of diet Lipton peach tea and fill it up with ice cold water and with that it is 15 calories but I am getting over 64 oz of water in now plus 2 protein drinks 20oz each. I started a new medicine which is suppose to be for my anger issues but it makes me agitated which is odd why would med for anger have that as a side effect? Oh well hopefully it goes away in a few weeks because if not I might be divorced lol.
June 12 2008 It has been a few weeks and I really haven't had much to say. Me and husband fighting alot because we are not making enough money for the debt we have. I have been trying to find a job and no one seems to want someone who hasn't worked in 8 years. I also need to work from 6pm because husband works days. I wish I could move back to Chicago and work for Dr Frantzides then I would finally feel like I am doing something I love. I would be so happy working with people who are and were in my shoes. Helping them get prepared for surgery and being there for them with the questions of what will happen. I am at 240 lbs I bounce from 238 - 241 I think the stress of being in debt is depressing me so much that I am grazing. I am trying to catch myself and If I am hungry I mostly stick to protein which is all I crave any way. i have 20 pounds of hanging skin on my belly and I am thinking I will need/want a thigh lift after that and there is probably 5 pound hanging there.so I will be 20 pounds light by Christmas but I want to be at 195 which is my goal. so If I can lose at least 20 pounds by November I can reach my goal My 22 shorts are big they are little stretch so right out the dryer they fit nice not snug but perfect but after about 10 mins they are too big and I am always pulling them up. I will be back to updating more often. I also decided I am cutting out alcohol completely. I have a problem where I drink so much that I black out I don't do it alot but at parties. I am embarrassed at my behavior and I know I piss off my friends as well. I am going to stop social drinking because I don't have the common sense to say I have had enough or to pace myself. Which is good because I drink only vodka with pineapple juice and thats alot of sugar in the juice. I stopped my protein drinks but I feel sluggish now so after about a week I am buying them back. in order for me to afford them I am no longer getting my nails done which is 20.00 a month and I am not buying vodka which is another 20.00 a month. That was the only 2 things I spend on myself well and my chiropractor which I might have to cut down to 2 a month and save 40.00 there as well. I hate not having money. My mom says if we can't make ends meet here in st louis how will we in Chicago? Well My husband is super waiter he could get a job at fine dining or a hotel and he can run circles around anyone he rocks! I wont move to Chicago unless I am working for my surgeon so we both will have jobs. If you can't get a job in st louis then why stay? OK much love
I did not jump on the scale this week! I had a holy communion to go to so I went shopping to find something to wear. I found a shirt at jcpenny that was a 2x and fit really nice and layed perfect real flowy. I also bought to pairs of shorts for summer and I had to get 22s I also can fit in xl shirts like rock shirts which makes me really excited. I hate the fact I am still in a 22 I have lost 122 pounds and went from 28/30 to 22 I feel terrible! everyone on here even who started around my size and height are in 16 it boggles my mind that I am only at a 22 so yes once again dee is super negative!!! oh well so thats why I didn't go on the scale I am on strike!!! I feel better and healthy but I also feel like I have this goal and it is soo close but I just can't grasp it!! I want to be 195 I am not looking for super model I don't care if I get in to a 10 or 9 I want to be healthy and I would like to get to a 16 the size I was when I met my husband. I know I will lose 20 pounds after the trummy tuck but I atill have 20 pounds to lose before that! SO I am going back to basics. No sweets only water except for one protien drink no more vodka and pinapple juice till I lose that 20 pounds or a special occ and then it will be one drink. watch my carbs stick to protien and vegg. I will start back with my weigh in next week this week till sunday I am on strike!
dee
1 year check up with my doctor!! It went very well I was really scared I would disappoint him. He was very happy with my results he calls me his super star! I will be having my hernia repair and tummy tuck in six months! My back hurts but my doctor knows best and I trust him with my life so if he say wait 6 months you better believe it I will wait! I got to see shar before my appointment and she look amazing! We have come so far in a year! I am me again. I feel alive and healthy and happy truly happy! I am going to step up my exercise and try to get this trikk bike thing for the summer fun with the kids for cardio! In 6 months I hope to be much closer to goal want to lose 25 pounds more by the time i see my surgeon not sure if that is reasonable with weight slowing so OK maybe 18 pounds. I will up my sit-ups too so my tummy tuck will be a go! Thank you Dr Frantzides!!!!!
surgiversary Today !!!!! April 2nd
where I am at with loss/weight I as of today am 240 lbs I wish I was smaller of course but I really feel I have 20-30 pounds of hanging skin on my belly so I am a lot closer to my goal then I thought!!! :)
what am I most proud of That I am healthy! I no longer have sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, I only take my depression med and it is half the dose as before I was on 6 meds. Most of all I know I am going to be around for my family
what has been the hardest struggle for me it is snacking. I get bored or walk pass the candy bowl I grab a couple. I don't dump. I try to make smarter choices though. I will eat half a peppermint patty then a snickers bar.
what do I plan to accomplish this year I want to have my tummy tuck this year. I will get to my personal goal of 195. I would like to get into a 16 again anything smaller is a bonus. I can wear 20 and they are getting baggy. I have a size 16 shorts that I know can get all the way up but I can't get the button to the hole lol. I know If I had the tummy tuck they would fit with no problem.
Announcements today is national autism day!!! of course for me it is autism day everyday!
April is autism awareness month!
Sunday march 30
Well I didin't weigh myself today because yesterday was my daughters birthday and the night before I had a pitty party about my kids growing up and drank a half a bottle of absolute vodka so I am sure I didn't lose!!
I feel like I am struggling but I asked my husband to hold my stomach and tell me how much the access skin feels like he said at least 30 pound maybe more. I don't know if he is right but if he is then that would put me 15 pounds from goal! I have to go on the 7th to my 1 year check up I am going to ask about the tummy tuck to get the excess skin off because of the damage it is doing to my back. I now have a portable stem pad machine That I use 2 times a day for an hour each and my back still hurts. The weight in the front is pulling my back out of allignment. I hurt!!!! Well I hope I can have it by the end of summer? I wish sooner but my husband doesn't get vacation till after july 21 maybe the first week of aug or something? If my surgeon thinks i need it sooner I will come up with a plan to do it!!
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March 20th I am still moving along! I can't belive it has almost been a year! I feel like I just had surgery. The best thing happened last night I tried on my size 16 shorts. No they didn;t fit but I pulled them all the way up and could zipper a little. They are tight but thoes shorts were the shorts I wore on my first out of town date with my now husband. I was still 242 I really do feel the inches comming off. My stomach is getting a little smaller I do sit ups till I almost puke. I am still using the total trainer 5 times a week I love it soo much! I put on a cd in the garage and go to town. I know I will stick with hit too. I was using it in the winter freezing with gloves and numb fingers. I go next month for my 1 year check up I am going to beg for a tummy tuck! My hanging skin is getting in the way. I bet I have at least 25 pounds of skin there. It keeps pulling my back out of wack. It also when running with the kids it hits my legs I know TOO Much Info but I keep it real here.
March 9th I finally am seeing the scale move after a while of nothings! I now weigh 242 thats 107 pounds from the day of surgery and 122 pounds from my heaviest. I have been sick this whole week! I have never been sick for an entire week before and so tired I swear I can sleep all day a wake up have a drink of water and go back to sleep. I think thats how I lost 3 pounds by being so sick and no energy. Well today I am just going to suck it up and go workout at least for an hour. I feel weak without working out. I got my camera stolen at the holiday inn in cillinsville il So I don't have pictures now to update my progress! I am really pissed about it. Holiday inn told me too bad its my word against theirs so sorry you lost your camera but we can't be held liable. I was in tears my camera is part of me my exspression my true way to see if I have lost weight or not. Everyone knows the mirror still shows you at your heaviest! The sagging skin is really starting to bother me. It pulls me foward and throws my back out. The back pain is rediculas. I go twice a week to the chiropractor and by the time I get there again it is out of wack again. The muscle spasm in the back kill me but the muscle relaxers make me useless and tired I can't take them. I bet when I get the tummy tuck I have about 20pounds of excess skin. I wish I could so it now even though I still have 50 pounds to take off . I go to my Dr April 10 for my 1 year check up and well see what he says. I probally have to weight till christmas for the tummy tuck that way it will be over 18 months.
Feb 24th no loss will actually a weighed my self mid week and gained 2 pounds, but today I was back at 245 still want to lose at least 50 pounds I worked out 6 days for an hour and I feel awesome! I do see more curves all ready and my 20s and feeling loser just a bit in the legs of course I could be streaching them out?? NAW I think the inches are comming off! I will keep busting my butt on the total trainer. I just love it!!!!! so fun! I need a loss next week or might go mad mad i tell you lol
Feb 17th Ok yeah me Finally 1 pound loss!! I got my total trainer and I love love love it! I do 1 hour so far four days and it is fun and I am sore but loving it! I go into my freezing garage and pop in my cd and workout with no interuptions it is the best feeling to know I am finally doing what I need to do! I am havinh my first brown bag party and my bestest friends are comming in from chicago I can't wait this will be a great night!
feb 9th I have not lost a pound in a month! I feel shitty It is my own fault I have not exercised. I am feeling overwhelmed and trying to find a way out of my 1 year check up! I am way to ashamed to see my surgeon and the dissapointment in his eyes. I had to buy some underware and clothes for v-day thank you hunny and I am still in a 20/22 jeans but a 22/24 underware. I have major body image promblems right now and while I feel more confident I still feel like biggest person in the room. Most of the time because I am the biggest one in the room. I know I have done good and losing over 100 pounds in 10 months is great but I still feel like a loser(not the good one) ok here I go self pitty. maybe next week? I am still wanting my goal to be at 225 by april 11th
jan 24 Here is a surprise no weight loss this week. I am OK with it because I have lost so much weight and at least my body can catch up before I lose some more. I have a full plate right now. I have 2 INTERNET classes and then I go to school 2 night a week and I also babysit my niece 22 hours a week and I have my kids and I just started selling brown bag party products which is adult toys and novelties. So if anyone wants to host a party you get 20% in free products. I can go to Chicago area st Louis area and in between. I am nervous about it. I know I would never had done it 100 pounds ago. I now feel normal I mean I am still big I wear a 20/22 jeans and 2x/3x shirts but I can walk the mall or pick up my kids and not care what people are or are not saying. When I was bigger I felt like everyone was talking about me and laughing now I feel like I am just like everyone else yesI am plus size so what 70% of the country is. I can't seem to get to the gym! I have a membership at a gym about 25 min away but by the time I get there I then have to wait because they are so packed. ugh so i give up and leave. I have a handful of videos and yet don't do them! why can't I get the motivation I need? Maybe I need to get a personal trainer? I did try that before but the trainer was for 15 mins and I felt like I was not getting enough help 15 min whats that by the time you warm up we do 3 machines and times up that stupid! There is a new gym opening but it is also for mix martial arts and boxing I don't think I could work out with all those hot buff guys. ugh so frustrating does anyone else relate?
Jan 14 no weight loss this week but hey 4 lbs last week rocked! This week i started back walking at the indoor track got around about 6 times and started itching so bad i couldn't Handel it I also got hives. Well looked on line and I have this thing that when you start to workout and get your blood pumping by running or walking mostly you start to itch and get hives it has to do with circulation and taking oxygen from the surface or something so I need to find a better exercise like elliptical or stepper or something beside walking very fast lol I remember now that when I was losing the weight before and I had lost 75 pounds I was walking the park and I would itch so bad I would scratch almost till I bleed. Have had that happen in a while haven't walked in a while like that. I got some new exercise videos. I went to the gym and when I went it was so packed there were people waiting for the machines I wanted so that's why i went to the track to walk and whammo itch fest. I did roller skate for about a half hour I was so proud! I am really going to try out next season for roller derby if i don't get it thats OK at least I tried :) OK I am doing this 5 pouch test to get back on track and it is killing me!! I am hungry the first 2 day you only get liquids and I am feel so sluggish with out meat! I crave meat night and day!! Some people crave chocolate or chips me i crave chicken and steak meat. I find it hard to get satisfied with drinking my protein.
Jan 6 Finally I did I am under 250!! Wow I feel great today!! I feel healthy but best of all I feel lighter!! took the kids to chucky chesse and I played with them most of the time instead of sitiing at the table watching. I finally feel like a normal person! Yes I am still fat and thats ok. I feel like when I walk into a room now people are not looking at me with disgust. I know that seems weird but for me I just want to do my thing and be left alone and feel like that happens know. I re joined the ymca well I upgraded back to fitness center. I will be going there when I don't have meadow and on thoes days I will do some kind of cardio. Yeah kids go back to school tomarrow!!! I start classes on the 14th I am taking 2 night classes and 2 internet classes. I have never taken an internet class so I hope I can keep pace.-
December 16th no loss again!! I can't hardly walk my back is killing me the pain pill my doctor finally gave me makes me so tired and then I feel like I am on heroin for 12 hours I can't exercise. I know I shouldn't be bitching but it is really making me mad!!!! I want to exercise I want to lose weight!! I hate that i can't. I am scared that with the weight loss slowing down and me not able to exercise i am going to gain the weight back! I am freaking out!!!! I am now getting rashes under my c section line from my belly hanging. I got some medicated powder to help it hopefully that works. I really need a girdle maybe that would help my back? Christmas is here and I am broke right now I have bought 2 gifts for nick and hope. and It is so close to christmas!! I need slippers!! lol we got 7 inches of snow last night so me and hope tried to build a snowman, It didn't work so we made snow angels instead now I have wet spots on the carpet and I need slippers for my feet! anyway I had a goal to be under 250 by my birthday well that didn't happen!! mother in law is visiting but she is being cool right now. She is thinking about paying off all our debt except for my medical bill and then we would pay her like 300.00 a month that would be soo awesome like a brick would be taking off my shoulder. Will see though talk is cheap!!!!December 9 2007December 2 2007 March 10 2007
New Years Resolutions
1. To sign up for club fitness by the end of this week. I went there but the price is crazy and they don't even have changing rooms so I reenrolled at the ymca So that still counts!!!!!
2. To drink 64 OZ of water everyday.
3. To lose 46 pounds by April 11th
break down
lose 12 pounds in Jan
Lose 14 pounds in feb
lose 16 pound in march
lose 10 pounds in april
4. keep my calories under 1300 hopefully this is the right amount will have to research.
December 30 Wow what a week!! No weight loss but some realizations taking toll! I am still the same person I was before surgery! I still crave food in stressful times. I graze all day and I need to find a constructive way to stop this! I have been so stressed with my back hurting all the time and hardly sleeping from it. My daughter getting lice and giving it to me. Babysitting meadow who screamed for hours and hours finally I took her to the doctor and she has a double ear infection plus she is starting to get teeth not in yet but you can see them and that is making her mad too. I forgot how hard it is when a baby cries and you can't figure out what to do to stop it. All in all though I feel like a whining bitch with just a bunch of excuses. I feel like a failure even though I have lost 114 pounds. I feel like I am on my way back to old habits. This is why i am writing it here to gain my accountability back! I will be getting the gym membership this month and I will be working out like a fiend. I need time for me! My kids need to go back to school because I am going crazy!! Wow I was so sad when they went back to school now I am so happy OK it is official I am now a true parent in every aspect lol. I will just work through the back pain and just deal with it. I have come to the realization that the back pain is now a way of life so I just have to suck it up!!! I now can eat almost anything and in bigger quantity. I can eat almost a whole McDonald's double cheeseburger OK minus the bread. and there is left over meat. I no longer can eat leftovers. If I reheat up something I get sick real bad. I can't do turkey. I am trying to regain my eating habits and no more sweets Christmas is over no more excuses! My goal for this week is to get my membership and watch my food!! Write down everything that goes in my mouth. I want to be under 250 by next Sunday!!!!!
December 26 Merry Christmas I lost 2 pounds!!! My daughter got lice again at school and I am really thinking about home schooling her! ugh I hate this !!! I ate alot during the holidays and I am ready and willing to get back on track!! I grazed A cookie here cookie there things like that. I am really excited to say I got my grades back and I got all B I have never gotten all Bees!!! I got a b in English holy crap that rocks!! So my GPA is 3.0 I am super excited!! Mother in law is going to pay off out credit debt including my surgery bill now that was a Christmas miracle!!! We will pay 400.00 a month foe 5 years but we will be debt free except for our car. Best of all I think lee got the new job which means health insurance cigna I have to see if my surgeon is in network if so I will only have to pay 20% for my tummy tuck/hernia repair. I realized something pretty great this year. I had to do some last min shopping because A few things didn't get here in time in the mail. I was OK being in a crowded places with angry people I was OK it was amazing! I never thought my weight was making me so miserable OK I knew it was making me miserable but come on what a difference!! I am waiting for my YMCA pass to go to regular family without fitness center then I will be going to club fitness which is almost walking distance and 24 hours Mon-Thurs. I think this will really help me with getting my exercise in!
December 16th no loss again!! I can't hardly walk my back is killing me the pain pill my doctor finally gave me makes me so tired and then I feel like I am on heroin for 12 hours I can't exercise. I know I shouldn't be bitching but it is really making me mad!!!! I want to exercise I want to lose weight!! I hate that i can't. I am scared that with the weight loss slowing down and me not able to exercise i am going to gain the weight back! I am freaking out!!!! I am now getting rashes under my c section line from my belly hanging. I got some medicated powder to help it hopefully that works. I really need a girdle maybe that would help my back? Christmas is here and I am broke right now I have bought 2 gifts for nick and hope. and It is so close to christmas!! I need slippers!! lol we got 7 inches of snow last night so me and hope tried to build a snowman, It didn't work so we made snow angels instead now I have wet spots on the carpet and I need slippers for my feet! anyway I had a goal to be under 250 by my birthday well that didn't happen!! mother in law is visiting but she is being cool right now. She is thinking about paying off all our debt except for my medical bill and then we would pay her like 300.00 a month that would be soo awesome like a brick would be taking off my shoulder. Will see though talk is cheap!!!!
December 9 2007 not weight loss this week. Not a surprise I can't hardly walk my back pain is so severe. I can't go to the chiropracter untill I get a referral and my new drs offices didn't send it assholes!!! Well I changed my classes again no more floral and no to welding. I am taking early childhood classes and looking into getting a job as a teachers aid and then even continue school to become a special ed teacher. I was blessed with a great teacher for my son maybe one day I too can help someone else. I still want to work with my surgeon and will take that overall though.
December 2 2007 Happy anniversary to me! I have been married 7 years yesterday. I didn't think we would make 2 so we are still going strong. I had to switch my PCP because of insurance and got all my records from my Dr. I was looking through it and found my cardio clearance before surgery and their scale had me at 364 so I was even bigger then I thought. It also means I have come even further. Today is my 8 month since surgery and I am 2 pounds from one of my goals. today I weigh 252. I am very happy with my results and I will be taking a new picture today to update my profile. I wore a size 20 jeans yesterday for the first time and they were not stretch. I was in a size 30 jean well my 28 wouldn't even zip or button and I refused to get a bigger size. I can still fit in 22 and 24 with comfort too so it still depends on the brand. I just had some more blood work done for my PCP and I had him check my B and iron because I am so exhausted lately. Well I an thinking again about taking welding so I am going Tuesday to my brother in laws job to try it out to see if I like it or hate it before I change my class schedule. christmas is almost here and I have bought only some of my kids gifts. I got nick a new ds and 5 games and hope a ds with 5 games but now I need to get them some more stuff even though that stuff is exspensive they are little kids and 6 things under the tree that all could fit in a shoe box. Hope wants board games and a real fish nick wants this lab thing that make smoke bubbles and a tommy 20 nerf like thing. Nick is in his first school musical (the 2nd grade class ) and he has speaking parts! He has come so far!!!! ok till next week.
November 25 2007 Happy Thanksgiving. I did not overeat this year! I actually found out I can't eat turkey my belly does not like it and it made me so sick i had to lay down for 4 hours and I only ate one bite. Lateri tried mash with turkey gravy and got sick so I learned me and turkey is a no no. I went to the movies tuesday for a screening of enchanted (I won 4 tickets) well it was at a really nice theater that has the cup holder arm rest that move, well last time I was at the movies I could not put the cupholder down all the way because I was too wide.This time I put it down with room to spare and I crossed my legs with no promblems and people were able to get thorugh too. I was so excited! I did not lose anyweight this week but I know I wasn't gettiing enough calories in or water. I upped my protien drinks back to 2 a day as of yesterday. i am kicking my exercise up a notch this week as well. I will do turbo jam everyday while the kids are at school. and then take sat and sunday off. I also have to go to school and exercise before I fail the class well I have a d but come on this was suppose to be an easy A.
November 18 I did it I finally made the century club I have now lost 102 lbs. It was hard and took longer then I was thought it would but I did it!!!! This week rocked not to much to talk about. My back hurts but it is manageable right now and i am getting the hang of turbo jam. I still want hip hop abs so I am asking for it for my birthday or christmas. ok see ya next week.
November 11 What a week School is going well and I lost a pound! I am having body issues right now! I feel very ugly and bigger then I was before surgery. I don't feel sexy or confident and I noticed I have been back to walking with my head down. I am not sure why I feel this way all of a sudden. Maybe because I have stopped taking all medications except vitamins. Maybe it is from doing turbo jam and feeling my thighs swing back and forth and my stomach thumping around. I don't know maybe it is just that time of the month? I did get a zit any way I am very excited I lost a pound so I have now lost 99 pounds but dam when will I get to 100? I am doing turbo jam it is really fun but sometimes it gets too fast and I get lost lol. I do the 40 min cardio jam. I am looking into getting the hip hop abs I think that would be a riot!! ok not much more to say maybe next week I will be in the century club??
November 4 2007 Hell yeah Finally The dreaded scale moved!!! Today i am 259 i am so close to my next goal!!! I can almost touch it!! I need 2 more pounds for 100 loss I wanted to do it by my 6 month but thats OK when it gets here it gets here. My back is hurting so bad and thanks to my screwed up governor I can't go to the chiro without a referral from my PCP. Well he changed all the insurance and I had to go get a new PCP and the soonest I can see him is November 27. I can barely walk but I am just fighting through it. I did the turbo jam learn and burn yesterday and half of my the firm tape cardio burn. I was too sweaty and out of breath to finish. Today I will do one in the morning and one afternoon instead of right after another. So I have these little demons screaming my name Halloween candy ahhh make it go away!!! I am trying my hardest to not look or think about it!!! I hear it calling my name but I am trying to remember losing weight feels better then a piece of candy!!! I am going Monday to get one of my goal tattoos!! I am so excited. I am trying to come up with enough money to get both (one for my son and one for my daughter) I am 40 bucks short so I am hoping Dave will give me a deal for doing both at the same time. I have another demon on my heels!! Pot I have back pain so bad I just keep thinking if I just smoke some pot it will make it go away! Well Lucky for me I have no connections anymore (it has been over 10 years) I don't want to go down that road!! Maybe if I had some kind of pain pills but once again I can't do that till I see my Dr on the 27th!! Anyway no more negative vibes I am finally in the 250s!!!!!!! i am SO happy today is a great day!!
October 28,2007 I am at 96 pounds lost, but hey I feel great!! My back still hurts and my Dr told me no exercise last week so I did like he said. This week I pulled out my firm tapes and I am going to start that again! Last time I did it I was bigger then now and it was really hard. I think I will do awesome this time I love challenges. My mom is starting nutrisystem she would like to lose 43 pound so she is going to try it for a month and see how she does and if she like it she is going to stick to it. Halloween is almost here. my kids are being batman and bat girl lol. Next year i will dress up with them. Getting ready to register my classes for next semester I am taking an office class and floral design 3 and greenhouse management. I love floral design it is so much fun. I want to work for Dr Frantzides more though. I want to work with patience who are going through what I am or have. I want to give them hope and share their pain and excitement!! If the Dr doesn't hire me that is OK I will find a job at a florist or something or maybe a wholesaler. OK hopefully more news next week.
october 21,2007 Well I lost no weight this week and my back is hurting so bad I can bearly move. I can't find a pain manegment that accepts my insurance. I just want somthing to numb the pain!! It make is really hard to exercise. I worked out 3 times this week even though the pain is awful. I can't do cardio right now so i am lifting weights. I can't sleep or sit or stand. I am slowly screaming inside!! Now I see how phil anselmo from pantera got addicted to drugs because of his back pain. I am not using drugs but man if I knew it would stop this pain I would! Sorry this week the pain hurts too much to be upbeat. I did cut down a tree yesterday and that was pretty fun. It wasn't the whole tree just a huge branch that snapped from the storm. The tree bent my fence and it was sitting on it so I cut it off it was awesome!!! I am so tired!! I can't sleep with the back pain.
Oct 14 2007 WooHoo what a great week!!! I have so many things to talk about today. I went to see my surgeon for my 6 month check up. I lost 94 pounds and feel great he said I am doing great. He said to keep up the great work and make sure I give the extra 20 % because weight loss will start to slow down. Today I weighed 261 so I am so close to 100 pounds maybe next week? I went to the pumkin patch with my kids and I went on 2 rides and I fit!! I went down the big slide with the burlap sack. I also went to the hang glider ride which just went up and down and around. I also this weekend did the walk for autism with my best friend Rach. On the way home from chicago me and the kids went to the park and played at the rest area. I fit down the sprial slide!!! Hope gave me a big hug and said mommy you fit. And then we ran around and played it was so great I was in tears. And the icing on the cake.... I gave my surgeon my resume and told him I wanted to work for him. He said I would be the next person he hires. It may be a couple months which is good because I will have to relocate my family. The ideal time would be summer so the kids finish this school year. I as so excited!!! I hope next week is as awesome as this week!!!
Oct 7 2007 grrrr no weight loss this week I am not happy about it! I upped my cardio to 50 mins a day and watched my carbs and upped my protien and lost nothing! I really wanted to lose 100 pounds by my check up and didin't oh well. I feel good so I guess thats all that matters! Not much to talk about this week will update after my dr appointment to see what he says!
Sept 30 2007 Finally I lost more then 1 pound! I lost 3 pounds. I am so happy with that! I really am trying for 100 pounds buy the 2nd but saying that the second is in two days, I didn't make it. Thats OK though! I am working out everyday for at least 20 min usually longer. I actually am using my gazelle. Weird I use it more now that it is in the garage then before. What a crazy week. I got a speeding ticket on Tuesday and that sucks. 81 in a 65. I got lice from my daughter and if I can't get rid of it I am shaving my head!!! Yesterday my daughter and her best friend decided to hang from the garage door and broke it! Thankfully my hott neighbor fixed it for me :) I told my mom my neighbor is great at everything so he must be bad in bed!! LOL No man is that perfect!! I feel so much better lately! I am working on one of my goals. My goal is to be well enough to do the autism walk in St. Louis. I am so happy to say that I am ready for the walk. My best friend in the whole world is coming with me! It will be so great! I am going to up my exercise to 2 times a day for now on. I will commit to going to school everyday to workout. I will then that day work out on my gazelle. I want to see numbers fall off the scale again! I am so close to another goal of being under 250. I am still waiting for my pell grant to get here so I can buy some clothes. hopefully this week it will come so I can pay off my mom.
09/23/07 let's see I have lost 1 pound so I am 9 pounds from my goal for my six month anniversary. I am finally getting alot of use out of my gazelle. If I am not at school then I use that. So I am getting at least 30 min a day of exercise. My eating habits need some tweaking. I would rather eat a protein bar or drink then eat. I seem to snack all day instead of well rounded meals. All in good time. I love salads now they are so yummy. I don't like cheese on them or bacon or croûtons. basically grilled chicken, lettuce, and onions. I still eat my spicy schwan with chicken once a day that is pretty much my meal. I also buy peanut butter crackers and put jelly on them and that is one meal as well. I feel sexy again. I mean I don't care what people think and when I look in the mirror I feel human again. I go to school and I park at the last parking lot so I walk to class. It feels good not having to find the closest spot because I can't walk. I wish I had money for clothes. I found a cute corset shirt from torrid and I want it. I think that speaks volume for my self confidence. That is the one bad thing. Having no money I can't even go to goodwill. I am comfortable in a 22 right now pant. I can wear a 20 but there are tight on the hips. I so need a makeover. I look sloppy if I am not at school. I have one bra that fits right and some shirts. i have one pair of shorts and one pair of slacks. I do have one pair of yoga pants too. I might have to buy clothes instead of my tattoos :( I really want my tattoos. I talked to Eric (Tattoo artist) and he wanted 300 bucks no way. I talked to Dave at another shop who is more talented he said 150. I will have 200 for my self but 40 of it has to go to the direct TV bill because yesterday I bought the UFC fight and it was awesome!!!
Sept 16 2007
Well this week had many up and downs!! I have been sick all week. I only exercised 1 day because of it. I threw up a couple times and that really sucks. I did lose a pound. So I am now down 90 pounds :) I reallywanted to be down 100 pounds by my 6 months but I don't think it is possible. I will get close I think. Maybe by my 6 month check up on the 11th? I had a great exsperience for me. I had a field trip and needed something to wear. My mom threw down some clothes to try on. well one pair was pull on jeans size 18. I fit them on!!!! They were tight in the stomach and hips. I got them on and could sit in them. I tried on a couple 1x and they were the same way. she had a pair of 22s and I tried them on and they were loose but comfortable!!! I was very excited because the last thing I bought was a size 28. I still haven't shopped the only thing I bought so far was the bra size 40D I also liked that because it makes me feel like my boobs are not as small as I feel they are. Well hopefully this week will be better. I will be exercisig more and realy watching what I eat. I really want good numbers this week!
September 9 What a week! I am finally working out everyday at school! I love it! It feel really good and I get this huge smile on my face while I do it. I wish I would of lost more this week, but with the exercise I am sure I gained some muscle. So I have lost 89 pounds! I can hardly believe it! Have I told you how much I love my surgeon? I had a WOW moment. I went to walmart and bought a bra. it was a 40d and fits perfectly!! It is sad to see my boobs leave but it feels great paying 9.00 for a bra. That is officially the first thing I have bought clothes wise. I really need a breast lift when I have my tummy tuck. I am going to see if my surgeon would allow another surgeon in the or when he does the tummy tuck and then I can get some new boobs. I am almost smaller then wally! That is one of my goals. I couldn't pick my husband because he weighs 165 and my goal weight is 175. I am so glad I had this surgery!! see ya next week!!!!
Sept 2nd 2007 Happy Anniversary to me!!! 5 months already!
Well this has been the weekend from hell!! Where do I start oh how about my daughter brought home a surprise from school... LICE yep I am so glad I have been checking her head everyday. They did a check at school and she was fine. I check everyday and I found one and had no idea what it was. It didn't look like lice that I googled. Well that night I checked again when she fell asleep and found 3 more AHHHHHHHH So I get dressed at midnight and I am off to walmart to get ready for my big day!! Well It took me 4 hours to do her hair and I only found a total of maybe 20 bugs and I didn't find nits? I found 3 grown bugs and the rest were babies. I caught it early. Well I spent the whole day vacuming and cleaning all the blankets and today I have to clean all the clothes in the dirty baskets. So tuesday I have to call the school and tell them and then wait till I can see the nurse so she can check her head before she can go to school again.
Then there is my car! I was on my way to pick up my kids from school leaving my sisters. The car starts acting like it is going to stall and then the check engine light come on and starts flashing at me. Well my neighbor next door I ask him about it because by now it has grey smoke comming out the talepipe. My engine is shot!! Well he is soo super cool (my neighbor) said he would replace the engine for us. So him and lee go pick up an engine from the salvage yard. It only has 11000 miles on it so that is awesome! he is going to work on it and fix when he has time. So it might be a while without a car but It is alot cheaper!!! weight loss no weight loss this week. I am ok with that because I have been on predizone for the week and that makes me hungry the whole time so I am just glad i didn't gain. I have to go for a MRI because of my back so my exercise has been lessend. I am just riding the recumbent bike for 30 mins. I am going to up the days and go for 45 min. I want to lose 100 lbs by my 6 month check up. I have about 5 weeks and need to lose 14 pounds I think that is very possible! school is hard! I am strugling with accounting but my neighbor ashley said she can help. my grandma might be visiting today so I really need to finish my laundry and vacume the house one more time. heres to a better week!!
March 10 2007I met with Dr Frantzides I left in tears of joy and yet a calmness over me. I have the best surgeon ever and really he has the best employees ever!! I left feeling like they are my family and life line. The Dr has the best disposition. He doesn't pity you! I didn't feel ashamed. I am now having surgery on April 2nd with the best surgeon. I am so confident in him I already know I want him to do my tummy tuck in 2 years because I have a lot of hanging skin. I actually have to thank GOD He knew I had to go through all the bad stuff to get to the good. I went through SIU clinic in Springfield 3 years no luck. I went through Cori No luck closed. I went with U of C and they lied Said 4-6 moths and I waited 8 months and then found out I was 40 on the list still. So that is 5-10 more months. Then I found Dr Frantzides. I met him on march 8th and I have a da
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