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I GOT APPROVED!!!!  It has been so long since I posted.  I got approved on March 2 and I think I was in total shock.  They scheduled my surgery on March 14 so I really didn't even have time to think about it.  I couldn't believe it.  After getting denied the first time, I just thought I would look like this forever.  I don't think I felt that happy since my son was born.  The feeling was so good.  So, the surgery went really well and I was home 2 days later.  I took 2 weeks off of work and the pain was bearable.  The only problem I had was trying to have a bm.  I know it sounds gross but I just wanted to pass gas or have a bm really bad.  I had stomach cramps but once I was able to go to the bathroom I felt so much better.  I had a home nurse come over and she couldn't believe how good I was doing.  The food was really hard at first because so much of it is in your head.  You feel like you want something but you really don't.  Getting in my water is still tough.  I am almost 12 weeks out and I can eat normally.  I just eat smaller portions.  The first time I could eat chicken, I was so happy.  Now, that is my main meal.  I have not got sick but I have felt like I got stuff "stuck" a couple of times.  I think it was because I ate to fast.  This is the best thing I ever did for myself.  It is so nice to be at work or go out and not feel pressured to order anything because someone else had it or have the temptations that I had.  I can take my son to Dairy Queen and not order anything for myself.  I have never felt like that.  It's great!!  I was 235 when I went in for surgery and I am 188 now.  I feel really good.  That is 47 lbs!!  I think when you get to this point you just want to be conscious of making the right decisions about what you are eating because you can control it.  That is all I wanted.  I knew what to do, it was fighting the temptation that was hard.  You know, I am still in shock just talking about it because it is just such a wonderful feeling.  After my approval, I debated in my head about if this was the right decison and what I would be giving up and I said to myself that it was food.  It wasn't like I was giving up a family member :)  It has just been great so far and I want to start tracking my progress.  I just feel great!!!

Well, I went to see Dr C yesterday and things went great.  I really hate to get my hopes up but everyone at the office was very upbeat and positive.  When I spoke with Dr C, she said she didn't see any reason why they would deny me and i was an excellent canidate for the surgery.  That made me feel really good.  Now, I am just going through a mix of emotions.  I am scared, worried, nervous, excited and on and on.  I don't think I have ever felt like this before.  My weight did go up and I also have sign of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).  I seen my gyne today and he said more than likely I have it.  I am getting some medication to control by acne and my periods.  I feel like I just want a makeover.  I want this surgery because this summer I want to look good.  I want to get my hair and nails done, buy some nice clothes and enjoy myself.  It is soo hard to do that now.  I hate going clothes shopping and I hate going out looking like crap.  I am just so nervous.  I hope they get back to me soon and I will have a date!  In a way I was glad that I had the 6 month diet because it gave me time to think about the surgery but now I am ready.  The wait is killing me.  Well pray for me and wish me luck!!!!!!

Well of course my appointment has been moved again!  The Dr is extending her materity leave for 2 weeks and I might not get an appointment until April!!!!  I asked if I could see someone else and Karyn, her assistant, told me that the insurance company would want me to see the same person or they might request the whole process over again which includes the 6 month weight management class.  Well on Friday I got a call and they had an opening for Feb 26th.  Thank you!!  They told me that they would be able to submit my paperwork that day because I really just need my weight re-recorded.  So until then I will just be a basket case and saying lots of prayers....until then....

Well, I was supposed to have my next doctor's appointment on 1/22 but no one bothered to tell me that the office moved and the surgeon was on materity leave!!!!  Thank god that I am paranoid all of the time and I wanted to make sure my appointment was still good and that is when I found out that they moved.  She apologized and the quickest appointment was for 2/5.  That is the first day that the Dr will be back.  She is just giving me a physical and checking my weight.  I asked when my paper work can be sent back in and she told me that day so hopefully I will know something by the end of that week.  My son's birthday is Valentines day so I hope I can be happy by then.  I also need to control my eating because I didn't want to gain to much because it might look funny to the insurance co.  I first gained because I quit smoking.  I did good on my month weight management meetings but then I got the denial, ate some more and now I am just very nervous so I will have to keep that in check.  Please keep your fingers crossed and I will update soon!

Well I recieved my first denial. Let me tell you how devistated I was. I was trying to keep a back up plan in case this did happen but all of the emotions just came out and I couldn't help myself. All I kept thinking was, "this is how I am going to look for the rest of my life". It was like the light and the end of the tunnel was gone. So here I go again with New Year's resoultions that I can never meet and the first one is always lose weight. I did however get some good news. I decided to appeal and when I called my insurance co, I just asked if we could re-submit the paperwork now since my BMI qualifies me. She said that would be fine. I would just have to see Dr Courcoulas again to get weighed. I see her on 1/22 so I figured that I had to wait all this time, what is another month? I would probably have to wait longer for an appeal process. I am turning 30 tomorrow and I am really not looking forward to it. I wanted this to be my birthday present but it didn't work out that way. I am trying to show them that I am serious about this and I am not looking for an easy way out. After nearly 10 years of trying, I can't do it. I need this "tool". I want to go swimming in the summer and go to the beach. I want to go out and enjoy myself. I don't do that now. I just feel like I am letting my life slip away and I am missing out on so much. Well, I am going to think positive about this but in the meantime try my best to stick to a healty eating pattern and I hate water so that will definitely be a task to overcome. I know you have to get your fluids it and I have to learn to start doing that. Well all I can do is wait and keep learning everything I can.

Well, I had my final nutrition consult and everything well super!!!  We talked for a good 45 mins and she was very informative.  She thinks I will be approved but you never know with these insurance companies.  She said that I was right on the borderline.  I weighed in at 222 and I am 5'2 so I am just over 40 bmi.  She thinks I will know something by Dec 15.  I am going to call then.  She will have all of my paper work by the end of next week and when I called the office they said they have seen approvals as quick as 48 hrs so I will probably call before then.  I am just so excited and I hate to get my hopes up but it is so hard not to do.  So hopefully with all the Christmas hype, time will fly by.

Well, it is a waiting game now that is driving me crazy.  I had my 5th weight management class and now I have to wait for the nutritionist to call and schedule an appointment.  I am thinking that they should submit eveything in the beginning of December and I should know something before Christmas.  I am just going crazy.  I really just want the month to end.  I have told a couple people about the surgery and they were in shock that I was even contemplating it.  Why?  Why should I wait until I am over 300lbs before I decide to do something?  Right now my BMI is 41 and I am morbidly obese.  Doesn't that qualify me?  What if I don't look like it!  I sure do feel like it?  I am only 5"2.  I should not weigh 224!  Plain and simple. I try and try and why should I wait any longer.  Every year it seems to be the same thing.  I want results and I am not using this surgery as a cure but as a tool and no one but my sister in law seems to understand.  Oh well, guess I am just having a bad day. 

Well, I am really struggling today.  I have my weigh in on Nov 6th and I still have not lost any weight yet.  The nutritionist wanted me to lose 4lbs and I am just having a horrible time with it.  I try in the morning, but then I get so hungry by the time I get home from work.  Now, that I ate all day, I just feel so sick.  I have my last weigh in, in December and I am just going crazy until then.  I also had my last physologist appt and she faxed everything over to the doctor that night.  So now it is out of my hands.  Besides, the losing the 4 lbs, I have done everything I can.  I just hope and pray that they approve me. 

Well, it has been a while since I updated.  I went for my weight management class and I gained 4lbs.  I was so upset.  I didn't want to gain anymore weight.  The nutritionist was already on my case about being borderline and now I am gaining to much weight.  I told her that I would lose 4lbs by my next meeting and I am really struggling to do it.  I know I have to though.  I have been feeling really depressed lately.  Someone took some pictures of me the other day and I just looked horrible.  I felt awful.  None of my winter clothes fit me and I hate going to work looking like this.  I also hate to get my hopes up about the surgery and then have them deny me.  I will just have to keep postive and pray that everything will go fine.  I go for my last psycologist appointment on Monday and then I will be done with everything I need except for the regular 2 week testing that needs done before surgery.  I just have to be strong and hang in there!!! 

Well it has been awhile since I updated.  I had my weight management class on Monday and the nutritionist didn't think that the supervisor that signs off on the classes would recommend me.  I gained 5 lbs since my last visit.  She said she recently had someone come in that had alot of health problems but their BMI was only 33.  I told her that mine was 40 now and I had gained the weight because I quit smoking.  She actually had to bust out her little calculator because she didn't believe me!!!  She said well as long as you stay the same weight there shouldn't be a problem.  I can't believe she didn't believe me.  I am really sick and tired of people telling me that I am not big enough.  Someone asked if I was getting the surgery done and I told him yes.  He said that he didn't think I was big enough to have it done, I just looked "pleasantly plump".  Yeah, like I want to look "pleasantly plump"!  I just can't wait until December just to see if they approve me.  I will just have to be patient and wait.   I know that there is pain and it is going to be hard work but I am ready for it.