dlatreset
Testing the waters...
Jun 20, 2008
I've knocked around a whole lot on this site, but haven't posted anything yet. I guess it's about time to get my feet wet, so here goes...
I've been struggling with weight since my preteen years. I've never considered myself an emotional eater, or a chronic overeater. I just go through long periods of time where I really don't want to have to bother with making smart eating choices. I want what I want when I want it, you know? I also live a pretty sedentary life. I work at a desk, and come home after work and flop from exhaustion. It's a recipe for distaster.
I haven't really shared my desire to have weight loss surgery with anyone other than my husband and sister. I don't want to have to wrestle with people over whether it's a smart decision to make or not. I've been knocking around the idea for years now, and last year I finally realized that I had dieted my way to fat.
Ironically, if I had never attempted to lose weight, I might very well be at a healthy weight right now. I've lost 20, 30, even 40 lbs., only to gain it back with some to spare. Somehthing in my psychology revolts against what feels like deprivation. I have to break this cycle once and for all.
I went to a seminar at Centennial Medical Center in January, and started my manditory 6-month weight loss monitoring in February. If I had one wish, it's that I would have done this weight-loss monitoring thing long ago. When you finally come to the point where you know you want to act, the last thing you want is someone telling you you need to wait 6 months to.... I'm not really sure. Maybe to convince the doctor you are physically incapable of losing weight. We all know that's not true. I'm not really sure what the song and dance is for, but I've got 2 more months of it, and I will rejoice when it's over.
I had my physical today, and I think I'm pretty healthy. Haven't gotten the bloodwork back, but I don't expect anything out of the ordinary. I guess that can be a good thing and a bad thing. I really haven't had to deal with any of the physical side-effects of being overweigt until very recently. I don't have high blood pressure, my knees don't hurt, I can easily climb a flight of stairs, I can fit into (most) chairs without a problem, although that's rapidly changing.
My husband is not thrilled about the idea of me having the surgery (Gastric Bypass). Fortunately, he loves me the way I am. Unfortunately, that happens to be 248 lbs. I think he'd love me as a smaller woman as well -- it's just the unknown he doesn't like. He's not a chubby-chaser or anything, I think he just wants to see someone familiar when he looks at me. I think the change will happen gradually enough that we'll both adjust to it over time. He's doing his best to come to terms with the fact that I've made up my mind, and I feel that this is what's best for me.
ANYWAY, today seemed like a good day to log my first entry. I've only got 2 months of weight-loss monitoring to go, and I can finally see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. I can't wait to begin walking the path to normalcy.
I can't wait to be comfortable in my skin for the first time in my adult life.
