dollfce03
http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wfHCSjT/">http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wfHCSjT/weight.png">>
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide y ou with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.! LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you are a reason, a season or a lifetime. 
I chose to put this song on my profile becuz it has gotten me thrugh alot of bad times when ever i was feeling down or having a bad day and i hear this song it just makes me wanna dance,its a feel good song and god has gotten me thrugh so much in my life.this song is so true if you dont know god find him!!!its an awsome feeling to know him and what he has for you,its a hard road with great rewards,,,,,god bless you all and keep the faith!
iam 30 years old and have 3 children 13,9,5 i have been over weight for like 10 years now and am starting to have alot of problems becuz of it! i work for hospice and i love it,but it reminds me just how short life is and time flys by so fast if i dont fix this problem now soon my life will be over and it would of all been pain and sickness,i want to enjoy what life i have left.i cant wait to go shopping without having to stop or take a pain pill to get thrugh the day,
12-13-05
well my coworker had the surgery monday and she is doing great!!
i guess she is becoming more then just a co-worker she is becoming my friend and iam so exited i found her,all thing happen for a reason and i belive some how god made this possible all of it.
i see how well she has done she feels good and she looks great.makes me feel alot more confident about mine coming up in
14 days.wow....i cant wait but yet i can ,make sence?heather directed me to this web site even and i have done so much better just having this avalible to me.....well goodnite.....
12-14-05
well i came across this memorial website on here its so sad to read these stories and makes me start to think the worse,i know iam doing the rite thing but iam so scared of what could happen to me i dont want to leave my children without a mother!i guess after reading all that makes me face my own mortality and i dont like it..
12-16-05
well 12 days to go and im still questioning it,i have gotten so much support from this web site i dont know how people got thrugh with out it.iam so worried iam not going to know what to eat afterwards and eventually i will just starve to death,i know stupid it was just a thought my fiance keeps getting iritatated cuz all i talk about is the surgery i dont blame him i would be tied of it being the topic of every conversation but its all i can think about soon it will all be over and all my anxietys will be over and i will be on the loosing side i think i will go to church this sunday and get saved again i need to put all this in gods hands and make myself rite with him and then i know i will be ok!!!!!!!im going to stop babbling now
12-21-05
i havnt poster in awhile ive been so busy on the message boards
wow i have really gotten great feedback,the surgury is getting closer and iam getting really freaked out i knopw this is normal but i really hate all this stress iam putting myself thrugh,my stress is reflecting on my kids and this is not good iam always saying what if so they pick up onit then when they say what if i lash out at then not in a bad way but i forget they are like little sponges that absorb every thing we say and they also hear everything we say
so the only time i can really express my fears and anxiety is on here "thanks guys your all wonderful"
well i had my pre op appt monday and i did tell my doc i was having really bad stomache aches wich i thought was due to stress
he said this was not a good thing and i have an aapt tomarow to get my tummy scoped to make sure i have no ulcers brewing i wouldnt be suprised if i havnt given myself one!
every thing about this whole process has toatally fally into place i even picked what date i thought would work best and i only told my mom and a few days later she called upwith the same date i said and this doc dosnt even do his surgurys on wednesdays only monday and tuesdays so they really had to work to gte me squeezed in by the 1st of the year so i feel like its all happend for a reason and everything is falling into place but yet i still freak out from time to time its getting closer i dont know if i should be writting my kids letters incase somthing happens to me,i work for hospice and i help alot of my patients do this but boy its hard when your doing it yourself iam a basket case my grandma is so sweet she is borrowing my the money i need down for this and today she bought me the prttiest night gown and robe my whole family has been really supportive,until i start in with my what if's again then they also second guess it but then i say oh i will be ok.its ok for me to second guess it but no one else lol
my sis says hey ill go in your place to bad shes pregnant with twins or i might let her just kidding, well enough rambaling it is 3am and i have to be scoped at 9am goodnite and god bless you all
please forgive all my misspeald words i think its got to be nerves
what the hell i will blame everything on nerves lol
12-22-05
well my test come back ok i guess i havnt heard from my doc yet but the one who did the prcedure said i only have stomache erosion and should be fine .he gave me a few samples of prilosec and i was on my way i went to my primary doc today to get a pap its been awhile and iam having some female problems she gave me zoloft& klonapin for my anxiety
i also went to the chaplin at my workk today and tslked to him for awhile it helped relive a little stress we prayed and i asked jesis back into my life the chaplin did ? why iam going thrugh with this and said i just wasnt big enough for this but if only he knew how my body felt!i told him to strap a 100lb bag of dog food to his back and keep it there all day and see how he felt!!!!!!!iam finally all ready for xmas broke as a joke but hey xmas only comes once a year i still keep thinking i better make this one real good just incase!6 days left and iam sooooooo freaked out from time to time but yet exited my angel jodi told me how gordus i would be next year at ths time i hope so!well off to bed i have a busy last day at work tommarow
IF GOD BRINGS US TO IT
HE WILL SEE US THRUGH IT
tx ramona for that comforting message i will nevr forget that one!
12-24-05
happy xmas eve everyone!!
well my nerves are bad today i keep freaking out over every little thing, i keep crying what the hell is wrong with me?i should be celebrating my fiance and kids probably really dont want to be around me rite now and i dont blame them i really want to enjoy the holidays with my family and savor every min i get to spend with them but instead iam ruining it for them,,,,,,,,iam awful and should stop writting rite now and just calm down!
12-24-05
ok iam a little more calm,my family is all coming over in an hour or so i wonte take long time writting this just wanted everyone and myself know iam cccccccaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllmmmmmmmmmmm...
12-25-05
made it thrugh xmas it seems like you spend so much time rushing to get shopping done hang lights and put up decorations and it comes so fast and its gone just as quick as it came...xmas lights are so pretty i think we should always leave them up all year long.
i hope everyone remembers the true meaning of xmas to its so easy to get so caught up in the madness of preparing for the holidays i myself am guilty of this too!iam really trying to change this,i need to be strong with the lord and put all my fears and anxiety at gods feet and he will carry me thrugh!!for the most part iam at peace with myself and my desision but i still am human and have my moments............i started packing my bag tonite iam bringing 2 pairs of jammies,hygine stuff,slippers socks my own blanket and pillow,just to make me feel a little more comfortable.
lotions and lip balm,i also packed people magazines ans my weight loss book that doc oakley gave to mee .......i sure wish i had a lap top lol
iam hoping to be up and walking as much as i can iam scared to just lay in bed i hear the sooner you get up the better!!!
i got alot of nice gifts this year and i really enjoyed waching my children enjoy all the fun too.....i hope iam here to celebrate like this next year i just keep thinking what if iam not.am i wrong for feeling this way or do alot of people go thrugh this?????ok enough babbaling for tonite good nite everyone and please pray for mee!
12-27-05
my 9 year old dtr wants to rite me a letter..........
dear mom i hope you are ok in your surgery and nothing goes wrong will pray for you and i am happy for you that you will live longer love your daughter aubrie
my kids dad just came to get them since i will be going in at 6am my 5 year old and my 9 year old were both crying and my ex had to bring them back for a few minutes .this is making it so hard rite now i dont want to do somthing wrong and have my kids not have a mom,even though i know this is gonna be better for me in the long run its just so hard getting thrugh this emotinal part.i will rite later after i calm down.......
12-27-05
well here iam again iam feeling so with drawn from everything rite now i keep asking myself what are you doing?iam terrified and i dont know why maybee of what iam putting my kids thrugh or maybee iam scared of the complications involved i guess i wouldnt be human if i didnt have all these emotions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have such supportive people in my life my phone hasnt stopped ringing my cousin from texas even called not to mention the many others my mom has called a few times to see if i was sleeping yet!and told me to get my butt to bed wich i agree but its so hard to sleep rite now plus my tummy is still rummbaling from the icky drink to clean me out!!!!!!my kids keep calling crying and it is really upseting me they dont understand this i dont even know if i do at this point!please dear god let this all work out let me be ok and let my kids be ok.....i want to thank all of you who have supported me thrugh this youve been wonderful i will post as soon as i can just keep praying for me i hope someday soon i can help someone else going thrugh what iam goodnite and god bless us all
| How to make a brandi k |
| Ingredients: 5 parts competetiveness 5 parts self-sufficiency 5 parts energy |
| Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of caring and enjoy! |
1-1-2006
well iam home all went well i did experience alot of pain more than i thought,well i guess i was so worried about everything else that i never focused much on the pain it was in my back so bad omg i kept yelling this was not worth it!!!!but the good news is it gets better every day but this is all i can post for now due to the pain of sitting here thanks everyone for you emails and phone calls and all your support,,,,,,,,,,,i made it im a loser!!!!
happy new year all!
1-2-06
uhg i cant get used to writting that 2006 thing yet!!!!!!anyways im doing pretty good im able to hold my protien drinks and water down i havnt been sick at all just the normal stuff i guess! ive had alot of help from my kids and fiance they have been great! ive lost 10lbs!ive never lost 10lbs in 5 days so i cant complain.my kids and fiance go back to work tommarow so iam on my own and kinda nervous about that im sure ill do ok but i have been getting so lite headed and sob sometimes im sure its just my body ajusting to all this but it scares me! i was able to eat 1 ounce of fatfree cottage cheese today it was really good and i felt fine after eating it i cant wait to eat other things as time goes on my friend heather gave me a book on recipies after wls so i think that will be fun!ok well i better go for now!
1-11-06
it will take me awhile to get used to ritting 2006!well iam 2 weeks out today with no problems to speak of most of it is in my head!i was doing real good with the protien drinks at first but not now they dont make me sick i just hate them no matter what i do with them!i need to try diffrent ones besides vanilla!i see my surgon tommarow for the first time and today i went to my family doc for a pap test and according to her scales ive lost 15lbs since the friday before surgery now its all starting to seem worth it!i still have a long ways to go but its a real good start!my kids are doing great and have been so helpful of course they have their moments like all kids but for the most part there good iam eating a regular diet now wooohoooo,today i had a little peice of super moist turkey with a tablespoon of patatos and gravy and two slices of cooked carrots and i was stuffed,its hard cuz like before the wls the food was so good you just went back for 2nds or 3rds just cuz you could now theres no way in hell i could!wich is a good thing may frustrate me but its good!i was in kmart yesterday and little ceasers used to be my favorate untill and i saw this skinny little women sitting there devowering a whole pizza to herself and this anger come over me i just wanted to pound her for being such a skinny little bitch and still eating a whole pizza but iam over it lol
it will all be worth it soon,well i better go for now i will try to post more i know iam becoming a slacker! i spend most of my pc time on the message board i found very informative info there,ttfn!
1-12-06
well i went to see my doc todayand explained to him i was having these terable pains in my sides,he wasnt concerned at all as he isnt concered with anything i tell him!after i left his office i went to the er and i have a massive infection in my kidneys dont know whats up with that but i hope i will feel better soon i just feel like now that hes done the surgery iam on my own boohooo
i dont have much to say rite now i dont feel good so i will post more in a few days!!!
1=18-06
well i think im feeling better just tierd alot iam starting school on the 25th i took a few weeks of work and decided to change my whole life! iam tierd and burned out on being a cna doing everyones shit work!so i will be going to medical assisting school i hope when i look back on this year everything would have been worh it,iam so frustrated ive only lost 20 lbs and i cant eat much without feeling as if its stuck,my clothes still fit the same i just dont notice any change yet well i will post later
Future Update
1-25-06
WELL DIDNT THINK I COULD JUST GET AWAY SCOTT FREE!
i have been throwig up for almost two weeks now not cuz i feel sick but cuz everything i eat gets stuck in my chest and comes rite back up,i finally went into to see my gastroligist today and low and behold i have a stricture OUCH! well he also said i had alot of swelling inside too so he gave me some shots of steroids to help with that but was only able to strech the stricture out a little bit this time i will go back in 2 weeks for the second streching i felt so sick after this procedure but it went away in time back to the liquid diet for me for a few days then soft puree again i was supposed to start medical assisting school today but the procedure lasted way to long and the had to rehidrate me so now i have to wait till next month to start so i will go back to my job for a while i have so many medical bills rite now i dont know what to do!and they just keep adding up how do you all deal with this?well i better go for now i will post later i have lost 24 lbs and today was my one month anniversary but the scale hasnt moved in over a week wich is also depressing me im sure it gets better but sometimes i cant help but ask myself what have i done i hope i look back on this in 6 months and feel diffrently goodnight all!
me and my kids!
2-09-06
hey all its been awhile since i posted ive been dealing with this stricture had to go in for a 2nd dialation it wasnt near as bad as the first.....2 days after i went back to work i slipped and sprained my ankle and hurt my back,im wondering if its time to slow down a little liffting these hospice patients and dealing with death all the time is making me depressed or somthing i woish there were other ways i could keep my job just minus the physicall part of it i want to go back to scholl for my medical assistant but iam so affraid of failing
im loving the penut butter balls this is 3 times i made them in 2 days my kids are even eating them wich is a good thing!well im down to 206 now almost 35lbs gone forever i hope well anyways off to bed its the strangest thing but iam tierd all the time! goodnite oh family i love you and i thank you all for your support eveyday
2-15-05
hello,well things are going pretty good iam still off work im getting really depressed being home all the time im so glad the weather is getting nicer!the two little dogs you keep seeing in some of my pics belong to my grandma and aunt this big guy you see in the pic is my big baby!i keep saying soon we will be twins with the saggy skin and all lol!iam six weeks out today and i started out weighing 238 and iam down to 202 some days its 204 yes ive become a slave to the scale!but iam doing better then i used to!i feel so terrible two girls i work with had to wait until after the first of the year for their surgerys they jumped thrugh all the hoops did everything they were supposed to and since i just had mine on dec 28th our surgon thought it would just go rite along they had their date and everything,so anyways after all their waiting and going to the nut and phyc the surgon submitted everything over to insurence for approval and bc/bs of conneticut,sent back a fyi and said no more weight loss surgery no matter what the case effective jan 1 2006 i cant belive they put an exlusion in their polocy i feel terrible for them i couldnt imagine to get that far and then to have that happen our insurence was so good about doing mine and i had a feeling i needed to do it by the 1st of january or else this would happen my surgon did mine on a wed wich he usually dosnt even do surgeries on that day he dose them on mon and tues,but he knew i was so worried about a change in the policy that he snuck me in and did it by the first iam so glad i did it when i did but i still feel terrible for my friends from work.....
im doing much better since my last stricture dialation eating better and more of a variety but i still have to be careful about chewing i still struggle with that one sometimes you think i would learn by now cuz it hurts like hell when food gets stuck!!!!!!! iam still considering going to medical assisting school its only 8 months and it would be so worth it im just so affraid of failing i somtimes have a hard time helping my kids with thir homework how will i ever pass a course in medicall terminology???ive learned alot working as a cna for 5 years but im burnt out on it i love my job i klnow some of you probably think iam crazy for doing hospice care and i thought it was crazy at first but it were my heart truly is i know i have touched so many lives and been a big asset to these peoples lifes i have lost quite a few people who i really had a strong bond with and thats so hard when that happens and it get emotinally draining but on the other hand its so rewarding and i have been so honored to be a part of these peoples lives,you think alot of the times that you are there to help them but in alot of situations they help you !!
but if i go to school i give up that job and that kind a work????but if i dont do somthing diffrent i will completly ruin my back and everything else iam getting older and just cant quite move like i used to!!!!not only that but it seems like the smaller i get the weaker iam i guess its cuz iam not throwing all that xtr weight in to everything i do! my ultimate goal is to be a hospice rn but i feel like i should of started on that a long time ago theres no way i can do 4 years of school rite now i need to be working soon!!!!!!and the only things iam good at is hair,makeup and taking care of sick people!and yes all my pts are well groomed have their nails polished with little diamonds on them and all,i wish i would of listened to my family and did somthing with my life when i was younger.....anyways enough whinning tonite i have alot of desion making to do goddnite everyone and thanks for reading my storie with love..........
3-18-06
WELL ITS BEEN AWHILE HU?SO I CANNED MY JOB AND THE MEDICAL ASSISTING THING IT SEEMS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER HAS GONE ON LATLEY I THINK I HAVE SLIPPED INTO THIS MASS DEPRESSION AND IM NOT QUITE SURE HOW TO FIX IT LETS JUST SAY IAM NOT MYSELF ANYMORE BEFORE I WAS ALWAYS ON THE GO YOU COULDNT STOP ME NOW I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT ANYTHING IAM SOOO TIERD ALL THE TIME AND IAM NOW HAVING DIZZY SPELLS WERE IAM ACCTUALLY PASSING OUT IAM SCARED TO EVEN DRIVE ANYMORE,I KNOW ITS ONLY BEEN ALMOST 3 MONTHS AND MAYBEE MY BODY IS STILL GETTING AJUSTED I CANT WAIT TO SNAP OUTTA THIS MY DOC GAVE ME SOME LEXAPRO I NEVER TRIED THEM BEFORE SO I WILL FAITHFULLY TAKE THEM THIS TIME EVEN IF THE MAKE ME FEEL WORSE FOR AWHILE SOMTHING HAS TO GIVE SOON!!! IM ALMOST DOWN 50LBS BUT ITS TAKEN ME AWHILE TO GET SOME OF THESE NEW CHANGES ON A SCEDUAL I JUESS I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN OVER NITE BUT IN THE REAL WORLD WE HAVE TO WORK FOR IT FOOD IS NOT MY DOWNFALL I HAVE TO FIGHT WITH MYSELF SOMETIMES TO EVEN EAT SOMTHING BUT I HAVE GOOD DAYS TOO I STILL DONT REGREAT HAVING THIS DONE I JUST AM SO HURT BY THE PEOPLE AROUND ME MAINLY MY FORMER EMPLOYERS WHO MADE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT MAYBEE ITS JELOUSY I DONT KNOW BUT I HATE ALL THE BACK BITTING THAT GOES ON THERE I SPRAINED MY ANKLE ON FEB 3 AND WAS RELEASD TO GO BACK ON MARCH7 BUT THE COMPANY SAID OH WE JUST DONT HAVE ENOUGH HOURS FOR YOU RITE NOW I CALL BULLSHIT I HAD A CASELOAD OF PATIENTS WHO STILL ANTISIPATED ME COMMING BACK AND SUDDENLY I HAD NONE I REALLY FEEL LIKE THEY WERE PUSHING ME TO QUITE OHWELL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON I GUESS AND GOD WILL PROVIDE LIKE ALWAYS,I HAVE MORE MEDICALL BILLS THEN I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH BANKRUPTCY HERE I COME LOL WELL I WILL RITE aGAIN WHEN I HAVE BETTER NEWS OH I FOUND THE BEST CHURCH TODAY IT WAS AWSOME I WENT UP AND GO SAVED SO I KNOW GOD WILL GET ME THRUGH THIS CHAPTER OF MY LIFE AND I WILL LOOK BACK AT ALL THIS AND LAUGH BUT UNTIL THEN IM HANGING IN THERE JUST EXISTING!!!
7-6-06
well hello all its been awhile snce my last update,well im getting married july22 i made all my bouqets and floral arrangments and stuff and im in asize 14 dress wow and its form fitting i will post pics after wards im feeling a little better theses days or elses im so used to feeling crapy!!i moved into a new house this month i also had a lump removed from my neck i was so worried it was summthing bad especially when doc said they had to send it to john hoppkins cuz they didnt know what it was here!but after about 2 weeks of waiting doc finally called and said it was a bnine tumor THANK YOU JESUS!!!my sister had twins on may 25th,they wernt supposed to be here till july 3rd so there were complications and one baby had surgery on his intestines and spent several weeks in picu but there both home and doing good now,i dont feel like im doing so well oin my weight loss i know im still losing but i just dont feel like its fast enough i keep getting stuck for like 2 weeks then ill loose a couple lds then nothing??? but iam damn happy with were im at almost 80lbs gone im in a 12 jeans in junior and a large top i dont have to shop in the plus size anymore its like a whole new world over there in the regular sizes i never like trying on clothes now that i cann wear smaller clothes i spend like an hour or longer in the dressing room nobody likes to go shopping with me anymore ohwell i dont mind going alone lol well i better go for now!!much love and god bless!!
july 22.2006
today iam down to 158 and i got married to my boyfriend of 4 years and i fit in a 12 dress yippee!!things are good and iam leaving for las vegas in an hour for our honeymoon
 238 me before going in hospital,calling my mom and grandma to see were they were,yes i was a little early!and scared to death |  |  148 me and my neice!! |
10-23-06
well now that i have tranferd all my old stuff over i can start on the new,i think i have a real mess going on here i will fix it in time,i met a girl at my new job and she is going to her first apt on oct 30@3;00 she is going to see my surgon iam so exited for her shes a great girl and im glad i found her,yes you heard right my new job,iam working in an assisted living facility i was really not to sure about it at first but my co-worker is wonderful my boss is great and the resident i cant say enough wonderful things about them!!it feels good to be back in the real world again im glad im over that little depression spell i was having,and boy was that tough!!!married life is great nd time around is defanatly better then the first,the kids are still doing good and i really dont have anything to complain about at this point in time wich is great!!!im down to about 143 now and im happy here i dont want to get to thin,id love a tummy tuck at some point but im just glad the weight is gone,i think 130 is a good weight for me but im affraid i might look to sickly then and i still want to look healthy lol,
10-24-06
Did i forget to mention what a great secret pal i have thanks to this oh group,she has sent me the most wonderful things all marilyn monroe and it seems to come when i need it the most i could be having the worst day then i come home and have a package at the door and wow the most amazing things i have never seen before i just want to shout ouyt to her and say thank you so much i dont know who you are but you r in my prayers and i think about you daily love you,,,,always Brandi
