donnafc

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Welcome to the new year. I can't believe that it has been so long since I have been here. I haven't been doing well. Drinking and eating just about everything and it shows. I am now at my all time heaviest. 187 as of this morning. I have made a bet with my DH first on to -20 wins. I have been back on the elliptical as of this morning and will start to eat what I should. We will see. I hope to be back at fighting weight by the time we hit the beach this year. I want to go back and read what I had written, curious as to when my last weight loss was and when I started to gain. Boys are difficult right now. Jon finally applied to UML last night. After Sam and I pressured him. Sam is spending more and more time at the house. She had a difficult New Years eve. We have put a couch down stairs and have a little area for her to keep her stuff. Still need to speak with the other adults in her life before she can move in. Marc and I are getting along like fire and water. Don't really like Jackie his girl friend, he is only 15 and acts all grown up and ready for the world. Just need to keep him balanced. Again we will see. His anger towards everyone and everything is really starting to bother me. I am not sure how to combat this. Have been married a whopping 22 years. We went out to dinner with Jeff and Gerri it was ok, had way to much to drink. I am looking forward to the celebration season to be over. I need to detox myself big time. d

I am so tired of being cold. It seems to be the on downfall that I can't get over. Living in New England and being cold in the fall is bad news. Just wait until winter hits. Right now it is in the 70's and I am wearing long sleeve shirts. I am still not loosing, but still not trying hard enough. I have asked the angles to help me get my strength back to get on track. My job is a mess, it seems that I am losing more and more responsibility. We are not doing much offset work any more and are becoming a mail house. --- great. Lots of money in that...it won't be to much longer before I will have to find something else, hopefully reiki will work out? d

2 years ago today at this time I was in surgery. Life changing to say the very least. I weigh in this am at 175. My lowest weight was 163. My bounce back highest was 180. I am doing my best to get back on track. I have to start exercising again. My boys are doing great. Jon is a senior and looking into UML. Marc is Marc and I will always love him to death even though he is so much work. Right now we are very into Crew. Both boys row and love it. Jon's class ring has crew and ROTC on it. Not hockey--that surprised me considering this is only his second season of crew. He should be varsity next spring and wants to row at ULML-- according to Jen he should be fine and make the boat. I am in the middle of a mid life crises. Offset for Spire is slowing coming to an end and I am still not sure what I want to do when I grow up. Not bad considering I am a 44 year old VP. My dream seems to be coming in that I want to own a books store in downtown Lowell. I can actually picture it. Names something along the line of Lavender/ Sage... I will be taking a Reiki class hopefully in December. From one extreme to another. Hopefully will be able to offer Spirituality for the power professional. ---- we will see have to go back to work in the printing bis for now.... donna

Ok yesterday wasn't a good day. I ate all kinds of snack food. I had a fight with DH the night before and actually slept on the sofa in our room. I just can't take his negative attitude towards the boys. Everyone is always screwing up in his eyes. I don't know how to get him to understand us more. Jon is working 11 hours a day and his is all over him about not picking up his room. The kid goes to work, pays his bills, does is own laundry and does most of his chores- ok so his room isn't spotless. Sometimes he does leave a cup around, but jess.. he's a good kid and he needs to lay off. So I ate everything in site yesterday, and I know that I will pay for it. Work sucks now and I am not sure what is going to happen. I got a review that was just below meets expectation that kind of shocked me considering how much time and effort I have put in. Not sure if they are just looking to lay me off????? We will see. I know that I have had to evaluate all the guys under me and recommend moving them or layoffs. I am more than likely on that list....It won't be to bad with DH making good money now. Maybe with all the pressure gone I will do better..... Didn't weight today, we were late for work. So I am in around 172 still. Again haven't been eating as well as 2 weeks ago..... but not doing horrible except for yesterday.... d

OMG, I just worked out for the first time in months. I was a dripping mess when I got off the elliptical. I feel great... Jon and I got to work at 6:30 so I knew I had to hit the gym. Just as I got in there Jonnie from variable came in and started working out. We joked about the fact that neither of us had hit the gym in months and today both went in. Lucky for me I had put my stuff on the elliptical first. I would have hated to have to use the tread mill. I don't do as well and get tired a lot easier. My DS was over yesterday, we talked about her Riki class, she went to a comune for the weekend. It so sounds like something I would do. Oh well tired more later d

Jon started working with me today (oldest son) he is working in the bindery for the summer. Lucky him... I am down to 168.5 yesterday and am thrilled. I am afraid to step on the scale again right now. I cheated on Saturday and a little on Sunday. Too much left over food from EOS collation. I am back on track and should be working out soon. Food wise I am having more trouble eating in quantity, which isn't a bad thing. Last night just before supper I had a large drink of crystal light. Then sat and only had a few bites with supper. Today I could only eat about 1/4 of my sub. --- in the near past I had been up to 1/2 plus a little more. Looks like just going back to basics was enough to kick start the eating habits. We spent the weekend painting the house. It is amazing to be in shape. The last time we did work on the exterior of the house I was terrified to be on the ladders. This time I was painting the kitchen window and the ladder wasn't settled right, and started to tip. Lucky my DH caught it, but really I didn't freak, just kind of figured I could jump out of the way. Oh well things are looking up, donna

So the other night I was at the boys Crew end of the year dinner. They were serving pasta and when I got to the food the person in front of me had gotten the last of the salad. So I looked everything over and realized that they had Chicken breast parmesan. That was it, I took 1/4 of a piece lucky no breading on top. It was good. I managed to stay away form the dessert table, and didn't drink with my meal. The next thing you know my kids are asking for there friends to spend the night. I was ok with that, I had the next day off from work and would be around. The sad part was I left the dinner in a hurry to make it to the supermarket before it closed. The thought of 4 teenagers and not enough food scared me. I bought 2 bags of chips, 2 1/2 gallons of ice cream with Jimmies and cones, oreo cookies, frozen pizza, bacon and stuff for french toast for breakfast, and of all things soda. In total there was approx. $60.00 in nothing but junk food. I was looking at the stuff as I laid it out at the register and started to think what kind of example and I giving my boys. My son's don't usually drink soda, My youngest drinks so much milk we have joked that we would save a ton of money if we just bought a cow. My oldest likes the 4/c and juice mixes. So now I had all this junk food laying around. The kids really didn't eat much. I ended up depressed about the day off and how I wasn't doing well and ate almost all of the butter pecan ice cream. Which made me dump and sleepy which made me more depressed etc round and round. Today is a new day, I had been doing awesome up until yesterday and now am trying my best not to beat myself up over this and moving on. Monday Jon starts working with me and we will be in work for 7:00. Hopefully that will get me motivated to start working out in the gym again. bye for now d

What I have learned about wls….. A long time ago when I went to look into this surgery. I remembered just wanting to be normal. I wanted to ride the amusement park rides, go in an airplane, not worry about what restaurant everyone wanted to go to. I just wanted to “fit” in. There was lots of if only’s If only I was under 200 pounds. If only I looked more like her… (Woman at work who is over weight with the confidence of all that is.) If only I could shop in a regular store. So what have I learned, One that this is normal being 20 pounds away from goal is more to normal than being happy with my weight. Most people I know what to loose more weight. I have learned that if I exercise everyday and eat only good things I will lose weight and be in general good health. If I cheat (and I have) I will crave the food that I cheat on more and more. That weight watchers toffee ice cream stick has 200 calories and if you eat three in a row (which I did) you have now consumed more than your dinner allotted and you have had no protein….. So am I happy yet, nope still 20 pounds from goal but I know that it is my own fault. I stopped exercising, Plans are in place just have to do it. Do I have a real sense of what I look like; nope still think I am way over fat. I am 5’8.5” and 170 pounds a nice size 12. But I am learning to take responsibility for who and what I am. I know that calories in and calories out make all the difference. I know what the right thing is to eat and what is wrong. On the day I ate the 3 ice creams, I scolded myself. Didn’t eat anything else and got right back on the wagon the next day. Am I perfect nope, but for the first time I am looking at all the parts that make this whole. Physically and mentally. What a long strange trip this has been. But the trip is far from over and being that I am only a young 44 years I have a lot more things in life to do. donna

Today I am back to 175- not sure if it is because its that time of just the fact that I ate this weekend. I had a few glasses of wine, I had cake and two cupcakes. I am very tired, we had a busy weekend. Friday night I went out for drinks with work, that was fine. Again I had two vodka and tonics.... Saturday we worked on the garage all day then had G and Jeff, Tara, Tim and Mary plus Mark Bridges over for a cook out. It was fun just sat around the fire telling stories. Sunday we were at the river all day as jonathan won the states for novice b boat, it was very exciting to watch. Fran and I were at the finish line and those boys screamed when they knew that they had won the gold. Monday Fran redid the back porch and I painted my grandmothers white hutch for the pantry. It was a busy but nice weekend. Right now I feel very tired and kind of bloated---- I need to get back on the elliptical sooooon...... d

I can't believe it I am at 170 today. Shocked is what I feel. My energy level is getting better. I am not falling asleep at dinner anymore. I have gone back and done most of the basics. I had found that by allowing myself little treats I had treated myself right back into eating very badly. So I can't cheat at all it seems. Now I am getting ok with that. I have started to drink more water and not drink anything for 1/2 hour after I eat. We will see if this can continue. donna