April 28 - Confession time

Apr 27, 2011

OK. I have a confession to make.

Since I got my date, I have been out of control.  I have been eating and rationalizing it by saying "This is the last time I will ever eat this...".  Am I going crazy?

I will say the PMS may have played a role as Aunt Ruby is in town, but I am certain that the stress/reality of this whole situation has also played its part.  This how I have traditionally coped with stress.

My last three years have been very stressful.  In this time frame, my hubby has lost his job, my Mother and father both died, I have been the sole income earner in my home, one of my children became a mother (a eustress but still a stress), my hospital has re-organized the unit I work on and closed beds with the accompanying threat of job losses.  Add to that the usual everyday stuff and that equals about 80lbs. gained over the last 2 1/2 years.  Clearly I need a better way to manage stress and I need a vacation (WHICH I NEVER SEEM TO BE GRANTED ).

In one month I will be going on a leave of absence for medical reasons.  Although I am having surgery, it will also be the long awaited vacation ~ a desperately needed time to rest and get myself together.

Having said all of that I am putting a stop TODAY to the crazy out of control eating that I have been doing.  I am going to do the Atkins diet induction phase for two weeks until I start my Optifast diet on May 10th.  On May 8th, I will have my birthday/ Mother's day celebration and I will not feel guilty about having a small piece of sugarfree cheesecake (tried the recipe fot Easter and it was yummo) and Red Rocket chicken wings.

I don't know how much I weigh right now but I will take my measurements today and weigh myself at work tonight and check my blood pressure.

I know I will feel better if I do this.  I can't feel worse.

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