Down110
10/14/04 236
10/21/04 225
10/28/04 218
11/12/04 209
11/20/04 203
12/2/04 203
12/8/04 198
12/16/04 198
12/23/04 194
01/13/05 188
01/23/05 185
01/31/05 182
02/07/05 179
02/14/05 176
2/21/05 176
3/04/05 176
3/11/05 174
3/21/05 172
04/7/05 168
04/14/05 165
05/11/05 163
05/25/05 162
6/17/05 159
6/23/05 157
8/2/05 157
8/19/05 152
8/26/05 148
9/23/05 142
10/3/05 140
3/16/05 140
11/27/06 140
7/17/18 147
7/23/04 I have decided to pursue this crazy journey, so I thought I should start updating my profile. I'll start with my background: I am a 33 year old mother of 1 who can't keep up. My daughter will be two in September and I feel like she's almost more than I can handle. It's not because she's a bad child. She is a wonderful, normal 2 year old, but she is in the sad situation of having a morbidly obese mother. I want to run and play with her and roll around on the floor, but due to my size, these things are almost impossible to do comfortably. I want this surgery mostly for her sake. She deserves to have a healty mom who will be around to watch her grow up. I have been overweight my entire life. My mother started me on my first liquid diet when I was in second grade. What a sad sight I must have been carrying my little thermos to the cafeteria. She didn't do this to be cruel. She did it because she saw the effect that everyone else's creulty was having on me. Of course, the diet didn't work. I have spent my life going from one diet to the next. I've taken every diet drug under the sun (prescription and over the counter). I've lost the weight over and over again only to have it return. I did manage to stay thinner (around 160 pounds) for about 3 years. I maintained my weight by not eating. Not the healthiest choice, but it worked for me at the time. Once I started eating (not overeating, just eating normally), the weight came right back. I've never gotten over 240, but I'm sure that if I don't do something now, it's only a matter of time before 240 will also become a thing of the past. I now suffer from Insulin resistance, PCOS, joint pain, stress incontinence, heartburn, fatigue and mild depression. I don't feel sorry for myself. I just accept the fact that conventional dieting doesn't work for everyone. Some people need more intervention to maintain a healthy weight. Two years ago, my mother suffered a severe brain bleed. She was in a coma in ICU for eight weeks and has suffered some brain damage from the anuerism. She did survive, but has many health problems. I know that in the years to come, my father is going to need some help to take care of my mother. If I continue at this weight, I won't be able to care for myself much less anyone else. The scariest thing about my mother's health is that she had only been obese for about 5 years before her illness. The rest of her life, she had always been thin, healthy and active. If her health failed her in only 5 years of obesity, how much borrowed time do I have left before I have serious health issues? I've been morbidly obese on and off my entire life. My family medical history doesn't paint a very pretty picture for me if I don't take control of this now. I'm ready to move forward with my life. I'm tired of hiding in the shadows because I'm ashamed of my appearance. I want to dance with my husband again and help him to remember the girl he fell in love with. Hell, I want to remember that girl myself. So, here I go on my journey.
8/31/04
Wow, it's been a while since I updated. Well, I got my first denial from United Healthcare which was a surprise. The denial was based on a policy exclusion. Another surprise. I made sure there was no exclusion before I attended the first weight loss surgery seminar. So, I contact UHC customer service after I received the denial and was assured again that there was not an exclusion. Needless to say, I was very confused, so I contacted my HR Dept and got the legal plan documents for my policy. NO EXCLUSION!!! Surgical treatment of morbid obesity is covered if I meet Care Coordination Guidelines. I turned this over to my corporate HR rep and she is contacting UHC to find out why this happened. I should know something by Thursday and will update when I get some answers. What a mess. Anyway, on a lighter note, I think my husband has finally accepted the fact that I'm having this surgery (if I can get insurance approval). I told him that he could be supportive or not. The only difference it would make is in the difficulty of my recovery from this. He knows that when I make up my mind, there's no need in trying to change it, so he assured me that he would support me and take care of me no matter what I decided to do. So, that's one less problem to worry about. I'm just ready to have this insurance issue resolved one way or the other. If insurance won't cover this after I've exhausted the appeals, then I guess I'll just continue on the dieting roller coaster. I know it's a waste of time, but I can't sit idly by and do nothing. So doing something (whether it works long term or not) is better than doing nothing and hating myself for it. I need lots of prayers and good thoughts right now. I'll update with new any new developments.
9/8/04
The nurse at UHC who reviewed my request for approval was an idiot. I contacted my Human Resources rep about the denial and she got on the phone the same day. She contacted UHC to see why I was denied. Needless to say, I'm now approved and my surgery is scheduled for October 14. That's only five weeks away, so now the reality of it is starting to set in. I have a lot to do to get prepared and hopefully the time will pass quickly. I'm not really nervous yet, but I'm sure it will hit me as the date gets closer.
9/22/04
Well, only three weeks until my surgery and I guess the reality of it is starting to set in. I'm not really nervous, but I'm not really happy about it either. I'm very grateful that I'm blessed enough to have this new chance, but I'm also a little saddened that it came to this. But, I guess we can't all have great metabolism and life without food issues. So, I will thank my lucky stars and plow ahead. I do have to admit that I'm starting to daydream about the day when I can get back into the size 14 jeans hanging in my closet. I wasn't exactly thin when I was wearing those 14's, but I do remember feeling pretty good about myself at that size. Hopefully 6 months from now, I will be wearing those jeans again!!!
10/8/04
Wow, only six more days until surgery and I'm starting to get the jitters and doubting myself. The doubts only last for a few seconds and then I look at myself in the mirror or take a moment to list my body parts that hurt and those doubts go right out the window. I've researched this thing to death and spent many hours thinking about the 10,000 diets that I've been on that didn't keep me thin. This is the right choice for me and I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to go through this experience. I know that it won't be easy and that I will probably regret it for the first few weeks, but six months from now I hope I can look back at this profile and use it as a tool to keep me on track. I'm going to make a list of how I feel in my body today, so that I don't forget how fat feels.
1. The fat roll on my stomach sticks out further than my boobs
2. My knees and ankles hurt everytime I stand up from my desk
3. My ass takes up my entire office chair
4. My thighs rub together and get rashes
5. I have a fatroll on my back that hangs over the waistband on my pants.
6. I have heartburn constantly
7. If I laugh or cough or sneeze, I pee on myself
8. I sweat all the time
9. I get out of breath if I exert myself at all.
10. I can't see my own crotch
11. My wedding ring is so tight that I have a fat roll on my finger.
12. I have no sex life with my husband because I'm so disgusted with my own body that I find it impossible to believe that he would want to touch me.
13. I am embarrassed to go to any social functions because I feel like everyone is staring at me.
There are 100 others reasons that I hate being fat, but these are the ones that affect my life the most. I hope that six months from now I can make a new list of the things that have changed in my life because of this surgery and I hope that every single one of these is on my new list.
10/20/04
I am 6 days post op today and I feel very good. My incision is healing nicely and the soreness is less and less every day. I'm getting in all my liquids and haven't had any problems with food yet. No nausea or vomiting. Thank God for that. I start my soft diet today and am looking forward to something that isn't blended up.
My hospital stay was pretty uneventful. On the morning of surgery, I arrived at 5:30. They took me straight back, put me in a gown and started all the pre op stuff. The nurse had some problem starting my IV, but finally got it in. Then I got my heparin shot. This is where it got a little ugly. The anesthesiologist came in to speak to me and asked if I wanted the epidural for pain control. After several questions, I agreed that it sounded like a good idea. It wasn't. Having it placed was the most excruciating thing I've ever felt. I had an epidural with my C-Section a couple of years back and I remember it being uncomfortable, but this was sheer agony. I have a very high pain tolerance, but this had me in tears. I regret it and wish I had just gone with the pain pump. After the epi was placed, they gave me the happy juice and I told my husband goodbye and off the OR I went. I was in there for a little while and the last thing I remember them telling me was that the surgeon was running a little late. The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery and saying a little thanks to God for bring me through safely. I wasn't in pain, but I was very sore. Back to sleep I went and I woke up a couple of hours later in my room to see my husband and my sister similing down at me. I guess this was at about noon. My surgery actually started at 8:30. I smiled right back at them and asked if I could get up and walk. They laughed at me and thought I was crazy. The nurses kept me in bed until about 6:00 and then finally let me up to walk. It was somewhat difficult, but I walked from my room to the nurses station and back which they thought was fantastic. I just wanted to get out of that bed to relieve some of the back pain I was having from laying flat on my back for so many hours. It helped to walk and I felt a little more oriented once I was able to get up. The rest of the night, I was up and down walking and visiting with my husband. He was such a godsend and so helpful. I love him for taking such good care of me while I was there. The next day was about the same. I was up every couple of hours to walk and felt so happy to get some ice chips. My husband came back home that day to take care of my 15 year old stepson, so I was on my own, which was fine. It kept me up and moving which helped so much with the soreness. The next day (Saturday) I started getting clear liquids which went down fine. I had no trouble drinking and felt like nothing had changed, but I've always been a sipper anyway so it wasn't much of an adjustment as far as drinking goes. I walked at least every two hours and passed the time by watching TV or taking naps. I took a book, but was still too loopy to concentrate enough to read anything. My husband returned the next day (Sunday) and by then I was up and moving quite a bit. I think he was surprised. They had removed my IV and epidural that morning, so I felt like a free woman. I'm a smoker (I know..shame, shame)so I asked him to go downstairs with me so I could smoke. I hadn't had a cigarette for three days. I don't know why I didn't just leave them alone, but I didn't. So off we went. The walk to the elevators from my room was about half a block and then another half a block out the front doors, so it was a good walk for me. That night was a little rough because all the gas finally starting breaking loose accompanied by some loose bowel movements, so I spent a lot of time in the bathroom. It sounded like a severe thunderstorm coming out of my little bathroom, but my stomach finally got some relief from the bloating which was great. I have never passed gas in front of my husband for the entire nine years that we've been together, so I told him that I was making up for lost time. I kept hearing him giggle when I was letting loose. Men are so easy to entertain. I woke up the next morning (Monday)and got my walking papers and instructions. We left the hospital around noon and got home about three. The trip was easy for me thanks to the dose of pain meds that I took right before I left. Once I was home, I took a shower and laid down in my waterbed which was heaven. I napped on and off for the rest of the night and walked in between, so all in all things have gone very well for me. I weighed this morning and have lost 10 pounds in 6 days.
What a wonderful feeling. I'm still swollen and retaining a little fluid, so once it comes off, I think the loss will be greater, but I'm in no hurry. I just plan to follow my surgeon's instructions and let it come off at whatever rate it happens to come off. I have about 100 more pounds to lose to get to my personal goal, so if I reach that in 6 months, 8 months or a year I will feel blessed. Life is good and God is great. I feel like I have a chance to finally get healthy and that is the best feeling in the world. I'll update more next week.
10/28/04
I am two weeks post op today and down 17 pounds. I can't believe it. Still no nausea and I'm getting in all my fluids, but I doubt I'm getting in all the protein. I'll keep working at it. I can say that this is the best decision I've ever made for my health. I already feel so much better. The best part of all this is that I no longer think about food or trying to avoid it constantly. I eat on a schedule since I don't have hunger. I know that this may not last, but I'm trying to develop new habits while I still have the luxury of not caring about food. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and that I can focus my energy on something other than how fat I am. I know I'm still fat, but I also know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I may have to struggle for the rest of my life to lose the weight and keep it off, but at least I have a tool in place to help me now. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. Every day since surgery has been a good day for me and each day is better than the last. I finally feel hope for the first time in years and I feel like I'm going to find myself again on this journey. It's hard to explain, but I feel such a sense of peace and I know that I'm going to be okay. What a good feeling. I'll post again next week. I added my weight loss chart to the top of my profile.
11/12/04
I am four weeks out now and down 27 pounds. It's not record breaking, but it's good enough for me. I feel really good and haven't been nauseous yet. I started eating some more normal foods this week like hamburger meat and lettuce and it has really helped me to feel more normal. My stomach is still a little sore, but I think it's just scar tissue starting to develop along my incision line. My clothes are starting to get baggy which is nice. I can really tell the loss in my face and stomach more than anything. I'm not walking as much as I should, so my goal is to get busy with that. I don't have much else to report. Life is good and I feel better than I have in years.
11/20/04
Things are still going well for me. The only problem I have is not really wanting to eat. I don't have much of an appetite, so I have to remind myself to eat otherwise, I'll go all day without eating. What a complete change for me. I used to spend my days trying to avoid food. Now I try not to avoid food. I never thought the change would be this drastic. I do get hungry, but it only takes a few bites and I'm done eating. I haven't really had any trouble with head hunger and I hope that I don't. I have always been an emotional eater, so I'm trying to recognize the triggers that used to make me eat and make sure that I know when it's happening so that in the future, I can avoid the emotional eating that I used to depend on for comfort. It's easy now because I have no desire for food, but that will probably change and I want to be prepared.
This has been pretty easy for me so far. I prepared myself for a hard time and have been very pleasantly surprised at how smoothly this has gone. I just hope the easy time continues. Some of my food choices aren't the best, but when I look at how I used to eat, it's a total turn around and I feel that I'm doing just fine. I eat the same things that the rest of my family are eating, just in much smaller portions. I know that some people track every calorie, carb and fat gram, but to me that is just another way to obsess over food and I don't want to live my life that way. Doing that still makes food the center of your life and I only want food to be a small part of my life. I had this surgery so I could stop feeling like food was a burden and I got my wish. For now things are good. I'll update again next week.
12/02/04
Not much to report. I've been on a plateau for the past two weeks. I'm starting to get a little frustrated, but I know that it happens to almost everyone. I also know that I haven't been walking enough and I probably need more protein. So, starting today I'm walking on my lunch break and putting more focus on my protein. Hopefully that will jump start the loss again.
12/8/04
Still plugging along. Still no problems and the weight is starting to come off again. I'm down 5 pounds from last week thank goodness. I guess my body just needed a chance to catch up. I need to stop weighing everyday. It's too stressful. So, from now on, I'm only going to weigh on Mondays and chart it
from there.
12/16/04
Still at 198, but I started my period yesterday, so I am hoping that I have a few pounds of water weight this week and that by next week, I'll be down a couple of pounds. Time will tell. I am eating about 800 calories a day and getting in all my water. I don't count protein grams, but I try to make sure everything I eat is protein based, so I'm sure that I'm getting in at least the minimum 60 grams and probably then some. I feel wonderful and have more energy than I have in a long time. I am wearing size 18 khakis and an XL shirt today. The pants are a little loose and the shirt fits just right. I'm hoping to be in size 14's by my birthday two months from now, but that might be a little overly optimistic. It's just a silly little goal I set for myself before surgery, so if I make it, I'll be thrilled and if I don't, I'll just keep trying until I get there. I'll update again next week (hopefully a couple of pounds lighter).
12/23/04
Well, the scale is moving. I lost four pounds this week. Not earth shattering, but I'll take it. I haven't been eating as well as I should, so I guess I should be thankful it moved down at all. Yes, I ate cookies and cheesecake this week. Damn period always makes me want sweets. But, I did limit myself to only a couple of cookies and the filling of one very thin slice of cheesecake, no crust. Compared to pre-op eating I did very well. Pre-op I would have eaten 10 cookies and half a cheesecake, so I guess I shouldn't feel too badly. I have to get my ass in gear and start walking. I'm sure I would have dropped 10 more pounds by now if I had been exercising. Time to dust off the old treadmill. It's just hard to find the time. I get home from work around 6:00 pm and my 2 year old keeps me busy with dinner, bath time and bed time until at least 9:00. By then, all I want to do is enjoy a few minutes of peace and quiet before I go to bed, but I guess I'll just have to get my peace and quiet on the treadmill. Exercise is the only part of the program that I haven't worked to stay on track with. I have to change that and I might as well start now. Check back in
next week.
1/13/05
It's been 3 weeks since I updated and I'm down six more pounds. So slow. But, I guess 2 pounds a week is better than nothing and I haven't been walking like I should. I have been hitting the treadmill a couple of times a week, but I should double that if I want more results. My eating habits aren't perfect, but they are 100 times better than they used to be. I am wearing a size 16 now and hope to be in a 14 by my birthday five weeks from now. That's just a little more motivation to get my ass in gear. Small goals seem to work best for me. Long term goals sometimes seem out of reach, so I try to keep it in the short term and reward myself when I hit the goals. I'm only 2 pounds away from the half century club. Hopefully by next week, I'll
be there.
1/23/05
I made it to the half-century mark!!!!!!!! I weighed in this morning at 185. I'm so happy. Sometimes, I feel like I'm a really slow loser, but in all reality, I've lost 51 pounds in a little over three months. I could have never done that without the surgery. I only have about 40 pounds to go until my surgeon's goal so I guess I can expect pretty slow weight loss for the rest of my journey. I'm ok with that as long as it keeps coming off. I figure if I can get to goal in a year, I'll be pleased. Even if I can't I'll still be happy with my results. Of course I want to keep losing, but if the loss stopped today, I would still be grateful for the changes that losing 50 pounds has made. My health is so much better and I feel happy with myself for the first time in several years. I feel in control and strong again. I have my life back and I'm loving it. I'll post again next week.
1/31/05
Just a quick update. I'm down 3 more pounds this week. I weighed in this morning at 182. Slow but steady. I can't complain. Not much else to report. I'm still trying for those size 14's by my birthday. I only have about 3 weeks to get there. Don't know if I'll make it or not. Time will tell. I'll update again next week.
2/7/05
3 more pounds gone. I weighed in at 179 this morning. I'm thinking that I won't make the size 14's by my birthday. It's less than two weeks away, but that's ok. If I keep dropping 3 pounds a week, I'll be there in no time. And I already know that once I get into those 14's, I'll wish I could be in 12's. Always wanting more. I'm just thankful that I've come this far. I won't complain about it coming off slow. I'm only 29 pounds from my surgeon's goal and about 50 from mine, so at less than four months out, I can't expect it to all be gone in the blink of an eye. The rest of the journey will probably be slow, but it's ok. I feel so blessed. I'll update again next week.
2/19/05
Today is my birthday and I just wanted to report that my birthday goal to get into size 14's is accomplished. As a matter of fact, I surpassed it. I bought the size 14's thinking that either I couldn't get them on or they would be too tight. When I got home and tried them on, they were too big. I had to go back and get size 12's. God, what a great feeling. Life is good.
2/24/05
STUCK STUCK STUCK. Damn. I haven't lost a pound in 2 weeks. I know it's normal to get stuck, but it's still a little frustrating. I'll just keep on going along and increase my exercise to see if it will jumpstart the loss again. Other than being stuck, everything is going along fine. I do think that I've realized that I have so many issues that I need to deal with before I'll ever feel really comfortable with myself. I've always blamed it on the weight, but now I can see that there is much more to it than that. My husband gets really frustrated with me because I have a really hard time talking about my feelings. I tend to push him away or shut him out without even realizing it. He feels like he doesn't know me because I keep everything bottled up. I'm trying to make him understand that my self esteem issues are life long. I don't ever remember a time when I felt good about myself. I never even thought about talking to him about it because it's such a huge part of me that I thought it was obvious to him. I was wrong. I'm trying to find it in myself to let my guard down, but it's so hard after some of the diappointment I've faced during our marriage. I'm not going to give details about those disappointments, but I will say that they were devastating to me and I guess I've never really gotten past them. My husband is a wonderful person and a great father. But, as a husband he hasn't always done so well. He has broken my heart, crushed my ego and made me feel like I wasn't enough. I have forgiven him. Afterall, he's only human and as humans that's what we do. We make mistakes and hurt people that we love. I've always thought that most of our problems were caused by these things from the past, but now I can see that I'm hurting our marriage by holding on to those things. If I can't get past it, then I need to stop saying I can. I am praying each day for the strength to move on and let him back in. I want to. I'm just afraid. These are just random thoughts that I'm having today. I just wanted to write them down. Sometimes that helps me deal with things. I'll update again next week.
3/4/05
Still stuck. I hate this. After not losing for 3 weeks, that same old thought starts creeping in. Am I done? I hope not, but if I am, I'll still be thankful for the loss that I have. I'll update next week. Hopefully this stall will be over by then!!
3/11/05
Down 2 pounds for the week. At least the scale moved. I would like to lose another 10 before my 6 month check up, so I need to get motivated and up my exercise.
3/21/05
Two more gone. I weighed in this morning at 172. It seems so slow, but I know that I only have about 30 pounds to go before I will be fairly thin. I'm sure the rest of my journey will be a slow one, which is fine. I've always been a little impatient. I think to keep from driving myself crazy, I'm going to stop weighing everyday and switch to twice a month. Maybe that will help me stop feeling like I'm failing. I mean good grief 64 pounds in five months is pretty damn good, so I need to stop thinking that I'm doing something wrong if I don't drop five pounds a week. My brain knows that I'm doing fine, but that old self-hate monster keeps trying to poke her ugly head in and fuck up my good time. I really do need counseling, but I just can't bring myself to spill all the ugliness to a complete stranger. Besides, how long can you blame self esteem issues on your past. If you recognize that you issues, you should say screw the past and move forward. I don't think sitting in a cushy office crying into some Kleenex will help the past be any less painful or damaging. So, from this day forward I am going to feel like a great success and stop letting the past affect how I feel about myself today. Easier said than done, huh? Well, I'm going to try it anyway. I'm going to treat my husband like a husband for a change instead of like someone who is going to disappoint me. I'm going to treat myself like someone who matters and is worthy of feeling good about themselves and I'm going to be happy if it kills us both. I'll post on the progress. PS. I just had my baby girl's pictures made and I have added them throughout my profile. She is the love of my life.
4/7/05
Not much to report. Four more pounds gone. I was beginning to think that my weight loss was over, so I got discouraged and stopped weighing everyday. It was nice to step on the scale and see four pounds gone. I'm still eating well and staying on track for the most part. I do feel like I can eat more now than I could a couple of months ago. I guess that's normal, but sometimes I feel like I'm eating too much. I have to stop and look at the actual amount that I ate and then I realize that it's probably the right amount for someone six months out. I'm going for my six month check up on the 12th and I'll ask my nutritionist about portions then. I feel like I should have lost more by now, so I hope my surgeon isn't disappointed with my weight loss. I'll update again after my checkup.
4/14/05
Well, it's been exactly six months today since I had my surgery. I still can't believe all the changes that have happened in such a short time. I look back at my profile and the list of things that I hoped would change in the six months following my surgery and every single one has changed for the better:
1. The fat roll on my stomach sticks out further than my boobs
Not anymore!!
2. My knees and ankles hurt everytime I stand up from my desk
Not anymore!!!
3. My ass takes up my entire office chair
Not anymore. Plenty of room to spare
4. My thighs rub together and get rashes
No more rashes
5. I have a fatroll on my back that hangs over the waistband on my pants. Not anymore!!!
6. I have heartburn constantly
Not one episode of heartburn since surgery!!!
7. If I laugh or cough or sneeze, I pee on myself
This stopped happening after I lost about 30 pounds
8. I sweat all the time
Not anymore. Now I freeze all the time
9. I get out of breath if I exert myself at all.
I can walk, run, swing and slide with my little girl.
10. I can't see my own crotch
I can see it now.
11. My wedding ring is so tight that I have a fat roll on my
finger.
My wedding ring is so loose that it falls off.
12. I have no sex life with my husband because I'm so disgusted with my own body that I find it impossible to believe that he would want to touch me.
Sex life is still a little slow, but I think it's hormonal
13. I am embarrassed to go to any social functions because I feel like everyone is staring at me.
Not anymore. If there is something going on, I get dressed up and go!!!!
My life has improved so much and I'm so thankful for this surgery. I saw my surgeon on the 12th for my six month follow up. He is very pleased with my progress. I have gone from 240 to 165. I have lost 10 inches in my waist and 9 in my hips. I was having a hard time seeing the changes, but they took a picture of me for my file and when I looked at the new picture next to the one they took the week before my surgery, I almost fell over. It's the first time that I had a full body view of the difference the weight loss has made. I don't look like the same person. I still feel fat, but when I saw that new picture, I can honestly say that I don't look fat anymore. I look like a normal person. Sure, I could still lose some, but I don't look FAT!! I just look like anyone else. I blend in for the first time in my life and I LOVE IT!!!! I really want to lose another 40 pounds, but I'm not sure I even need to lose that much. I might look awfully thin at 125 because I do have a medium\large frame. But, even if I don't lose another pound, I am happy and I'm healthy which is the reason I took this journey to begin with. All the changes and adjustments have not been easy and there are days that I would love to fall head first into a cheesecake and not look back, but I would do it all again in a second. There are no words to describe the gift this surgery has given me. I have a second chance to be healthy and I'm going at it full steam ahead.
5/12/05
Well, only 2 pounds in the last month and that bounces back and forth. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get this last 35 pounds off, but if I don't I'll still be thrilled. My health is so much better and I feel great. I'll just keep doing and eating the right things and pray that I'm not done losing.
6/17/05
I weighed in this morning at 159. My loss has slowed to a crawl because I'm not exercising as much as I should. And of course my food choices aren't always great. I don't dump on anything fatty or sweet unless I really overeat, so it is sometimes hard to stick to all the healthy things. Overall I do pretty good, but once in a while, I eat junk. I can eat about a cup of food at a time now if it's not too dense. If it's dense like tuna or steak, I can eat about a 1\2 cup. I would still like to lose another 30 pounds, but I don't know if that's too much or not. I have fairly large bones and my collar bones are already sticking out. My husband says that he doesn't think I should push it past 10 more pounds. Hell, if I don't start exercising I won't have to be concerned about losing any more weight so it won't be an issue. I really need to look inside myself for some inspiration and get active. I'm probably only going to update about once a month from here on out since the dramatic loss period is over and I'm only losing a couple of pounds a month now. Overall I'm very happy with my results. I have a lot of loose skin on my stomach and hope to have it removed in another year or so. If I had to guess, I would say there's at least ten pounds of leftover skin just on my stomach. It looks awful, but it's pretty easy to hide under my clothes. My improved health is the best benefit by far. I feel like I'm ten years younger and I have energy to chase my 2 year old, clean house, shop and stay active. I still have absolutely no regrets about having this surgery and feel like it saved my life.
8/2/05
Well, I don't think the scale will ever move. I'm still at 157, but that's ok. My PCP said that if I had all the extra skin taken off my stomach, that I'd probably lose another 12 pounds. It's not a pretty sight, but I'd much rather have the saggy skin than have it filled back up with fat. I really wanted to get down to 125 and maybe I will, but if not, I'll still thank my lucky stars that I've come this far. If I don't make it to my goal, it's no ones fault but mine. I don't eat as well as I should and the only exercise I seem to get is chasing my two year old around. I know how I am, I'll get tired of whining one of these days and jump in full force and the weight will come off. I just have to reach that breaking point with myself. I have a feeling that it will be pretty soon. Other than not losing any weight, my life is wonderful and very different than before surgery. I'm happy, healthy and looking forward to the future. I haven't felt that way in many, many years. Maybe next time I update, the scale will read a few pounds less.
8/19/05
Just checking in to update my weight. I've lost another 5 pounds in the past 2 weeks. Nothing to jump up and down about, but pretty good at this stage in the game. I only have about 20 pounds left to lose, so I'm sure that it will take a lot of work to get rid of it. The surgery did it's job very well, but the rest of my weight loss will come from traditional dieting and exercise. I am actually starting to believe that I will make it to goal after all. I never would have believed it a year ago. I wanted to hit goal by the one year mark, but I'm not sure I'll make it. I guess if I get really serious about every bite of food I put in my mouth and work out like crazy, I could make it, but it's really not that important to me to make it by the one year mark. As long as I keep feeling great and staying on track, it doesn't matter how quickly the rest comes off. I'm just happy to have been so blessed and hope that I never take it for granted. I'll update more next month.
03/16/06
Well, it's been a long time since I updated. So, I thought I would check in. I'm still at the same weight as I was the last time I updated. 140 pounds give or take 7. I bounce that 7 pounds around like crazy, but if I see that scale go over 147 I start to panic and eat less until it comes back off. I don't have any particular eating plan that I follow. I eat what I want, just not much of it. I don't exercise enough and that is why I haven't lost this last 20 pounds that I wanted to lose. My husband and family don't want me to lose any more weight. I have rather large bones and they are already sticking out. They tell me that I look healthy now and I would have to agree on most days. There are still those days I look at myself and think that I look fat, but I have realized that the extra skin is my problem. If it were gone, I would be thin. So, until I can figure out a way to get it removed (probably about 10 to 12 pounds on my stomach), I'll just have to love myself the way I am. When I started this journey, I swore that I wouldn't care how much loose skin was left over if I could just get the weight off. Funny how time changes things, because now I am extremely bothered by the loose skin. It makes me feel like I haven't quite accomplished everything I wanted to. Sort of like I'm in limbo waiting for the completion of something that I can see the end of but just can't get there. Oh well, I am extremely happy with my results and the skin is just something that I may have to live with for a while. I tell myself every day when I get dressed that it's not the worst thing in the world. I could still weigh 250 pounds and be in misery all the time. I'm thankful for the surgery and I'll just keep on going and if I lose the last 20 fine. If I don't lose the last 20, that's fine too. I'm ok just the way I am.
11/27/06
Well, I'm still holding at 140 pounds which is a very comfortable weight for me. I would like to lose about ten or twenty more pounds and I'm sure I could if I would put some effort into it. It has been over 2 years since my surgery and I have not had any complications to date. I eat just about anything I want. I just stay away from sugar 99% of the time. I do have something sweet once in a while, but I always do it knowing that it might make me sick. I don't throw up, I just get the shaky, sweaty. pounding heart and then I have to sleep for a while. Eating sugar is like Russian roulette for me, so I just avoid it. I actually didn't remember my WLS anniversary this year until about a week after it had passed. I don't think about the WLS much anymore. Eating less is a normal part of life for me now. It's not really something I think about. I do weigh once a week and if I see an extra pound or two sneak up, I adjust my eating and cut back for a couple of days and the pounds disappear again. I really believe that the key to keeping the weight off is to keep track and take action as soon as you see a difference on that scale. Two pounds is manageable, ten or fifteen might seem overwhelming. I love my new body and my new life. I am much more outgoing and I never hesitate to try new things. When you don't have to worry about your weight drawing attention to you, it really frees you up to enjoy life. This surgery gave me my life back and I'll never take it for granted.
7/17/18
Holy cow. I can't believe it's been almost 8 years since I checked in. There really isn't much to report other than I'm still holding my weight between 140 and 150. When I say holding my weight, I mean watching what I eat very closely or I'll gain very quickly. At this point, I'm almost 14 years out from surgery so I eat like a normal person that hasn't had surgery. I can eat normal sized portions, but still have enough restriction to keep me from overeating. This wonderful tool still works after all this time. I still have issues with food and spend too much time thinking about what I eat and yes I still have food guilt if I feel like I'm not eating healthy enough. I still eat protein focused meals and try to avoid carbs since I will have dumping episodes if I eat processed carbs or starchy vegetables like corn or potatoes. I avoid sweets 99% of the time. If I want cake, I'll eat a bite or two and walk away. I have never to this day had any issues with this surgery. No nausea or vomiting ever and as long as I follow the proper eating guidelines, I don't get shaky, sweaty, pounding heart episodes. This surgery is still a gift that I will be forever grateful for.
Surgeon Info:
Surgeon: Mark R. Gibbs, MD
Insurer Info:
United Healthcare, EPO
Denied my request for predetermination by mistake based on policy exclusion. No exclusion existed. My HR dept contacted them and I had my approval within one hour. Requirements are a diagnosis of morbid obesity and a BMI over 40. When calling, I seemed to get the run around most of time. They would not provide any info to me over the phone and kept transferring me from one dept to the next. I wasn't impressed with their customer service. Once my HR dept got involved, the approval happened immediately.