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I am sitting here wanting to write in my blog, but I really have nothing to say. Everything is slow motion. My emotions have been tripping lately.....hmm.......ok I do have something to say or discuss.

Am I different since surgery?

Never mind......I don't feel like going into it.

The top thing on my agenda now is my concert September 27th......it is entitled  "A NIGHT OF INTENSE PRAISE".  I didn't have a concert last year, so I am starting to get excited about this one. Really I want to record again, but I am not in a position to do that right now. More than anything I want the Spirit og God to dominate....take over....that service/concert. Secondly, I want the music to move everyone to their core. I had my first rehearsal yesterday with the singers and they sound really good. I work with choirs and singers all the time and usually it's really work, but these singers are different. We rehearsed for about and hour and a half and I never broke a sweat. So I believe they will be incredible by the 27th. I have my first rehearsal with the band tomorrow, hopefully that will go well. They are all good players, most of them I have worked with. But I've learned that being good is only a part of it all. Your work ethic goes further than your talent. I'll save that for my next workshop teaching.........Anyway, I am looking for a great concert. I am doing something real different. There will be no emcee and no offering raised that night. Donations can be given after the concert. That is a HUGE thing because trust me, the concert isn't free to put on.
Ok, I am done talking I guess.........
I may have changed a little, but I believe it has very little to do with wls. I digress! Peace!!!!

In May of 1995 my wife and I decided one morning to go to an amusement park. Six Flaggs Great America in Gunee, IL. We were celebrating our 3rd year wedding anniversary that weekend and just wanted to have some fun. So we went. I hadn't been in a while and was excited about a new ride called the "Batman" ride. We got to the park and stood in line for almost 2 hours to ride this ride. Finally the time had come.......I step into the rollercoaster after Tracy. When I sit down, I notice that I don't quite fit. I tried to squeeze my hips in, but no luck. OK so I figured I could pull the bar down and everything would be ok.........NOT!!!!!  I did not fit.....with everyone watching I had to get off of the ride. It was not a good feelings. After that I never went  or wanted to go to Great America.

June 28th 2007 I had Gastric bypass surgery.......life changed forever! Going to great America and getting on the batman ride became a major goal of mine.

Aug. 7 2008, my company's picnic was held at Great America..........I've lost 184lbs.........This was my opportunity to erase and change the story. Ny wife, 3 children, neice and I went. I hated the long lines!!!!!!!! I got on a couple of rides that were really cool and actually got the nerves to................BUNGY JUMP!!!!!!! Yep, my oldest daughter and I did it together (everyone else was too scared). Now that was major because being over 400lbs, you NEVER trust anything to be able to hold you up.......but I'm no longer 400lbs. I am 260 something. But still.....it really plays on your psyche. But we did it, it was one of the scariest things I've ever done, but I really like it. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's accomplishing a thing inspite of fear! So we are about ready to go home, but I saved the best (or worse) for last.......Yep, the BATMAN ride!
So we go to it, but the line is an estimated 90 minutes long!!!!! OH NOOOO!!!! I am not standing in another long line! But unlikein 1995, they have a model seat in fromt of the rides entrance. This tells me they must have had more than a few people to not fit (I don't feel so bad now). So here's the moment of truth......can I fit or am I still too FAT!!!!!!!!!!

5...4......3..........2................1.......I sit........I'm in.........I reach for the harness........I pull down and "CLICK" I FIT!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually fit!!!! \

I have overcome GREAT AMERICA!!!!! I am  a winner!!!!!
Thank you Jesus for a change in my life.......now if I can just get the side effects of this change in order I'll be alright (and I'm not talking physical). PEACE!

Wow, it doesn't seem like it's been a full year, but it has. God has been good to me. I have lost 184 pounds as of today (I am at the gym and just finished working out). I spent my anniversary weekend with my BAF family, that was cool. I don't really know what to say other than I thank God for life!!! When I was considering surgery a friend told me to go get my life back (she had already had wls). I didn't think I'd lost my life and honestly can't say that I had, but I now understand what she meant. A healthier me is a better me. I can be better at everything I do because I am healthier. I cannot express the role my family has played in my success so far. I've had nothing but support from my family and my friends, for this I am grateful. Alot has happened in the last year..........Once again, I can say I AM WINNING!!! 
264 pounds today, still shooting for 250. I will get there eventually, by the help of God and good old fashion work!!! Faith without works is DEAD!!!

1 mile.......11:56     No incline, but so what?????? And when I got off I did another mile and a half on the eliptical (how ever you spell it). I feel real good right now (I am still at the gym). But the weight is not moving. I weighed in at 270, but so what.  Now it's not as much about losing weight as it is about getting as healthy as I can. But don't get it twisted, I'm still going to make it to 250, maybe even 240 before it's all over. And once I get down, maybe I'll get this skin cut off. Then I'll be ready for my speedos!!! LOL!!!!

As I sit here in the gym after working out, I am glad to say that I am still winning in this weight loss battle. I am not where I thought I would be at this point, but I am still on top. The other day I ended my workout weighing 269lbs. I am excited to get out of the 270's. But today before I started my workout, I was at 271..........Aarghhh!!!! (In the words of Charlie Brown). But I'm yet encouraged!!! I've been working on cutting down the amount of time it takes me to walk/jog/run a mile. I am happy to report that I am down to 12:55. That is a BIG accomplishment for me. My ultimate goal is to get it down to 10:00. I have been jogging with an incline of 2.0-3.5, so I think that if I did no incline I'd probably hit 12:30. Yep, I am winning!!! And you know what??? If you are reading this and you are working things out.....YOU are winning too. We all have different journies and will all have different results. But whether it's 20 pounds or 200 pounds, WE ARE WINNING!!!!!! We are more healthy and more than likely feel better about ourselves or our accomplishments. So congratulations to you, congratulations to ME, WE ARE WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks to all who've encouraged me along the way......

Well, well, what do I have to say today? Not much. I've been stalled lately, stuck between 276lbs. and 278lbs. Well after working out today I weighed in at 273.9lbs. I know I should just say 274, but I deserve my .1lb. LOL! So I guess things will start back moving. I've really been trying not to eat wrong, but it's been hard. I'm still eating the gummy worns at least 3 times a week. I've been in denial about my cravings for m&m's (plain), but I have been doing better with that. The funny thing is that I've never been a candy eater or a sweets person. I've always liked gummy candy or a pice of cheesecake here or there, but not often. On the upside, I've been doing good with the carbs. Whereas I used to LOVE macaroni & cheese, I almost never eat it now. I still love pastas, but I only have that when I go out to eat at a restaurant and that's not often. So I am confident that I am winning this battle. Oh and it is a battle, I realize that I am in a war. I'm trying to stay focused and not get complacent because I get a compliment here and there. I am glad that I've lost alot of weight, but I am nowhere where I should be. I am doing more weight training now which I think will be a good thing and I am feeling it too. I think I'm starting to see some definition in my arms, but maybe it's just my imagination, LOL. You know the mind is a powerful tool, you can trick yourself intro believing almost anything you want to.
Summertime is coming and it is usually very busy for me. I normally do alot of performances during this times at churches, festivals, conferences, etc. So I am looking forward to seeing how being in better shape will effect what I do. All in all, I am in a pretty good place I guess. Inwardly I am still wrestling with this and that, but I guess I will be ok. In a few days my wife and I will be celebrating 16 years of marriage. 16 years is a long time to do anything. She has tolerated me for a long time, LOL!!!! Actually I'm not that bad to live with. If she can put up with my schedule and with me gaining 200lbs. since our wedding day she deserves a medal or something. Ok, I'm gonna stop talking now before I start sharing too much personal stuff...............Sometimes, I can go on and on and on and on!! So having said that, I guess I am done for now. Until next time......Chow!!

Well, it's been almost a month since my last post. My weight loss has slowed tremendously. I am just down to 276. That makes it a total  172lbs. I have not been doing good with my diet. I have to find some more good foods to eat. I'm tired of eating the same stuff, as a matter of fact I'm just kind of tired period (that's a whole different story). I have been messing up alot lately with...............gummy worms! Yep, I like those things. But I'm gonna cut it off soon
Emotionally...........it has been very interesting. I think I am more introspective. I'm trying to discover why I am the way that I am or why I do the things I door think the way that I think. I've determined that I am in a mid life crisis (I think). I'm sure I will work through it, hopefully with minimal damage.
What has been interesting is that lately I have been hearing "You look like the old Darwin", "You're starting to look like the Darwin I remember", "You look like an old picture I have of you". Everywhere I go I am hearing this. Even "Now this is the REAL Darwin". All of that is good. The only think I don't like about that is that, the old Darwin was a different person. I like that guy a little better. Maybe I can bring him back. Cut my hair, start wearing more suits, and all of the other things that Darwin used to do. The only thing is that what made Him what he was is how he thought. As a man thinks, so is he. So I can do all I want to look the same, but it wouldn't matter because I am not the same.
OK, I THINK I AM OFFICIALLY VENTING..........
Family...........My wife is well. She is very tolerant with me and very supportive of my vision (what ever it is). So I appreciate her very much for that. My children are growing up fast. I am learning how to be a parent to teenagers..... Y'all pray for me. I want them to be invoved with different things, but that also means keeping the parents busy. Running here and running there...just thinking about it gets me tired. And I still have to do the things that I do.  Oh well, I am learning. They are very important to me and they are a priority to me. I want to see them reach their full potential and develop into productive citizens. I want them to have a good education, develop good communication skills, get a good job (or start their own business) marry good people and raise good children. I want them to love God with all of their heart, and serve Him.
I have met and talked to some cool people on this site. I am considering going to a meet ~n~ greet sponsored by those from the black american forum, aka.....BAF. I'd love to meet several people from the site. So we will see. Ok, this has gotten long, but I am in the mood right now. 
SEPTEMBER 27, 2008............I WILL BE IN CONCERT!!!!!! I'LL TALK MORE ABOUT THAT LATER. It's gonna be good, I can feel it. I wish YOU could come (whoever you are, lol). Ok, I'm gonna stop here. I think I've said enough. So until next time......C ya!! I'm not going back to re read this, so I hope there are not many typo's.

Hello people (whoever you are). Today is March 24th (I think) and I will be at 9 months on the 28th. The weight loss is getting slower. Maybe it's because I haven't been doing much. I have not been consistant in working out and my eating has been kind of bad too. I indulge in way too much junk. A couple of days ago I ate some eggs and grits. Everything was fine until I took one sip of lipton green tea. Then my stomach immediately started hurting. To make a long story short, before it was all over I threw up 4 times. It was no fun. I think I just ate too much. I'll know better next time. And even though I've had all of those things before, the combination of the three just didn't work out. Other than that, all is well. 
I am excited because I am starting to prepare for a concert on September 27th. I may even make it a recording, I am not sure. Nonetheless, it's been a while since I've had a Darwin Jackson event, so I am glad to finally feel the inspiration to do it. I'm sure I will talk more about it as the time approaches. Maybe some people from this site will come, we'll see. 
Anyway, I'm going to end this now. I am about to go to the gym right now. I've got to get back on track. The last time I was at the gym (about a week ago), I weighed 279. I'm still shooting for 250, but I know it won't happen by mistake. By the time I reach 1 year I plan to be where I want to be...........between 230 and 245.
Off the subject................someone asked me where I want to be in 5 years and I didn't have a definite answer. It made me think...........hmmmm...........I need to have an answer to that question. I'm doing alot of self searching these days.

285.......that's my latest official weight. It's coming off slower, but it's still coming off. This week I've gone to the gym everyday and I plan to go today or tonight too. I think it may be time to get a personal trainer. I need to build muscle tone. As a matter of fact I want to become a sculpture!! Maybe I am reaching too far, but I've discovered that the more you lose, the more you want to lose. The more you get in shape the more you want to get in shape. The more compliments you get....yep, the more you want. So I guess the thing I have to do is stay focused on doing this for my health or else I think it's easy to get side tracked and become kind of driven by vanity.
Having said that, I am only 35 pounds away from my latest goal. Wow! I remember telling people after I first had surgery that I would be satisfied with 270, but that's not true anymore. I won't be satisfied until I see 230lbs!!!!!!! Yep, 230!
I frequent BAF often (maybe too often) I enjoy reading what the people have to say. I've never been a real needy person, atleast not when it comes to people I hardly know. But I have become attached to that site, I gotta get more self control, lol. I've met or talked to a few people from the site and everyone has been cool. So if any of you read this blog, thanks for just being around and sharing your journey. I guess that's all I have to say for now. Until next time..........C ya!

Well, I don't have anything to say, I just wanted to write. Everything is going ok. I have alot going on with me, mostly emotional things. I am trying to sort through it all, I'm sure I will. I haven't been to the gym in a minute, so in that respect I am not doing well. But the weight seems to still be coming off. I may even be under 290, I know I'm close. I guess that's it for now. Maybe next time I'll post something a little livelier (Is that a word? Is it spelled right)