Success through struggle - a co-survivors journey

Nov 22, 2009

For those that don't know me, at one time in my life OH was the epicenter of a typical day. A place where I could confront my crazy head-on and hold myself accountable. Through the many friends I have made here, I found courage and strength I never knew I had before WLS. My journey on OH has ended up impacting me in ways I never knew it would, and I finally feel comfortable enough to share about it now if you're interested in continuing reading.

Last month my 31 year old husband was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of testicular cancer that metastasized to his lymph nodes and lungs in a matter of 5 months. After an array of extensive testing, it was the conclusion of multiple specialists that if we didn't start chemotherapy immediately, he would die within three to four weeks time. After having a mediport surgically affixed under his collarbone, we were ready and all bets were off. Would the chemo work? Would my daughter grow up with a father? Will he make it? Nobody knew for sure.

The first two days in the hospital I was alone for the majority of the time, sitting bedside to the only person in this world who has loved me through thick and thin, no questions asked. You would think being catapulted into despair would drop kick you back to where you've always turned, that being food. It was readily available 5 floors down through labyrinth-like corridors, just waiting to be explored and claimed.  

Amazingly, I had no desire to.
 
See, one thing I couldn't have ever imagined happening was having a wow moment sitting in the oncology ward of a local Dallas hospital. Part of the grieving process of my old life consisted of anger - but anger I didn't even know I had. I became enraged at all the time wasted I spent in idle SSMO while my healthy and active husband sat next to me waiting for me to get my head on straight. At that moment I hated every single Little Debbie that passed my lips, every milkshake I thought I needed, and every double cheeseburger meal that I allowed to steal precious active time with my spouse and child. Idleness. What a bigger thief than cancer.

So after encountering this newfound wisdom, and having years of experience living a healthy post-op lifestyle, I made it a goal to not regain any weight through this ordeal because we all know I could if I didn't care enough to keep trying. I have a good enough excuse to not care anymore, right? I mean come on. This isn't fair. I didn't sign up for this. I have every right to eat any Ding Dong and Dorito I can get my hands on. Yeah, not so much. 

Anyway, I will be a co-survivor when my husband goes into remission in 2010. I am claiming a cure because testicular cancer has an incredible cure rate, even for stage III cancer like his. But I'm also claiming survivorship from mental obesity, by not allowing traditional pitfalls like hardship and struggle to thwart my success. What good would it be to have him get his life back, only to waste it again because I couldn't keep my head in the game?! What a great disservice it would be not only for myself, but to his survivorship. I have learned that not only do I deserve more, but so does he. And I'll be damned before I give cancer one more thing from my life.

So please. If you're pre-op, post-op, non-op - stop the crazy with food. If you're like me and think age makes you invincible, think again. Put the bad food down. Don't waste another day eating something that is stealing, or could steal, precious time away from you and your loved ones. When you want to eat, think of all the things you can and will be doing when you just stop the crazy with food. It took me too long to get to that point, and I can never reclaim those years back. Learn from my mistakes. It's just not worth it in the end, because you never know where your path is going to lead. Fight back the food demons and stay on track. It's way bigger than sticking to a food plan, just for the sake of sticking to a food plan.

Stay strong, think strong, live strong -

Jenny

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