Amy M.
Weight loss and relationships
Mar 04, 2015
I also posted this in the VSG forum, so I apologize if you're reading this twice.
When I had my psych evaluation pre op he warned me that he has seen many instances in which massive weight loss negatively impacts relationships. I didn't even think twice about it because my boyfriend has been the most supportive out of my entire circle of friends and family. He remains my number 1 cheerleader to this day. What I did NOT expect was for my weight loss to negatively impact my friendships.
I don't have many friends. I'm one of those people who has a close circle of friends that I've had since I was a teenager. My very best friend, whom I've been friends with for about 10 years (since I was 17) has always been there for me. However, we have had one of those relationships where we sometimes feel competitive with one another. For example, I have the better relationship with my boyfriend but her job pays just a little bit more than mine. I have a house and she rents a small apartment but she has a better car than I do. I have a cuter face and she has better hair (just kidding). Anyway, we have always been bigger women, but I've always been bigger. A few years back we both went on Atkins together and I lost about 50lbs and she lost about 35 (she was smaller than me). We would plan meals together, work out together, etc. Weight loss has always been an even ground with us where no one was ever better than the other.
Until now.
We had a couple's night on Saturday. We went to her house to hang out and play some cards. I hadn't seen her since I was about 3 months post op so I was expecting a huge reaction out of her. But she barely even noticed. My weight loss wasn't brought up the entire evening until I finally got sick of the avoidance and started to talk to her boyfriend about my success (he had recently lost about 140lbs so he understood my situation). Once I mentioned how much happier I am now he congratulated me on my success and then mentioned that my friend had also lost about 45lbs herself. I said it was fantastic! She didn't even look at me or react when I said this. So I didn't mention it again the rest of the evening.
The next day she's texting me telling me that I'm a show off, that I'm self absorbed, that I act like I'm "the queen of the world" and that she can no longer relate to me. She said that she has no interest in being in a one sided friendship and that my weight loss has gotten to my head so much that I've changed. W-T-F. I haven't changed in the slightest. I was in such shock that I didn't even know what to say. The next day her boyfriend is texting me and told me that she was hurt that I didn't notice that she lost 45lbs and that she's a bit jealous that I'm losing weight faster than her and she hates that she has to "lose it in a different way." So this gives her a reason to insult me? I get it...she was expecting me to shower her with compliments on her weight loss. But doesn't this sound a bit hypocritical when she didn't even comment on the fact that I've lost over 100 pounds?! I was crying on the way home from her house that night because I was expecting her to be happier for me. I've had bigger reactions from strangers at work! Besides, when her weight loss was mentioned I DID compliment her and she didn't even acknowledge me. I'm not going to beg her to allow me to give her a compliment.
We are going to dinner on Friday to "hash things out." I know she's going to be expecting an apology from me. But I feel as though I don't have anything to apologize for. If I don't apologize, our friendship could be over. I would hate for that to happen but at the same time, do I really want to be in a friendship where my so called "best friend" just constantly brings me down and rains on my parade?
