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OK; so my Birthday is quickly approaching! And for the first time in more years than I can remember the one wish I have wished for more years than I can remember I finally have. I’M HEALTHY, LIVING, AND LOVING LIFE! I don’t really know how I feel, to finally have what I have wished for, for soooo long. It’s funny sometimes I look at pictures of me and CANT believe it’s me. I not only look different, I feel different, I think different, I move different, I believe different, I talk different the bottom line is GINA is different and with that there are some good and some bad. However, I’m me and I’m learning to continue to accept the changes in not only me but the people around me who are accepting me and who aren’t. So happy Birthday to Gina!

Can you look in the mirror and truthfully accept your emotional role in the lives of the people in your life that you love, there are 6 categories:

The Narcissist –Their motto “always me first” everything is all about them

The victim – Their motto “poor me” and unable to take responsibility for their actions

The controller – Their motto “I know best” obsessively try to control and dictate your words and feelings

The Splitter or Borderline Personality – Their motto “love you/hate you” having a sixth sense for knowing how to pit people against each another and will retaliate if they feel you have wronged them.

The drama queen – Their motto “the more the better” exaggerates everything

The complainer - Their motto “find the negative in everything” Will always find a reason to complain

To be a crackhead or not!

Who would have thought ANYONE would say I look like a crackhead! Do I feel insulted or complimented? I don't know how I feel. It's funny because when i look in the mirror I still see that sad "FAT"girl looking back. I understand, comprehend, and acknowledge that I have lost weight but the exact amount is questionable. What I see and what everyone else See's is TOTALLY different.
I mean, I love me and I love the change my body has gone through. I just sometimes have a hard time seeing past and weighing out and through the insults and the compliments.
Example:
OMG
You look like a stick
Your head is so big
WOW, now that is what a woman is "suppose" to look like
you almost look sick
how much more you plan to lose, don't you think you NEED to stop!
You look better than before
You looks like a totally different person, you are really pretty
I could go on, which ones are compliments and which ones are insults?

Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing that I have done. Having surgery has been the BEST decision I have made in a long time. I just wasn't prepared for the "World ~ and their thoughts, views, and comments. When I first started going through the process to have surgery I started saying my JOURNEY, I never knew how true that statement would become reality!!!

My affirmation of my rebirth and transformation ~ The Phoenix in modern times is used to symbolize hope, life, and the ability for the body and soul to be transformed and saved no matter what happens. These mythical birds typically represent rebirth, and as a tattoo they may symbolize that a person has gone through something difficult and survived. Truly appreciating & loving life but mostly APRRECIATING & LOVING ME!

How is it the ones I thought I knew so well has become such strangers? Is the deceit within me or within the ones that I use to hold so true and dear. My heart still beats non-stop, my passion is still undeniable, and my love continues to be everlasting. The only true change is my exterior. Did you find comfort in my misery? Joy in my torment? Content in my loneness and isolation? A sense of power in my weakness and fears? How do I continue this journey ALONE? I thought my support system was unbreakable and eternal. I put my faith, my success, and my trust in the hands of people who PROVED to be inadequate and unreliable. In people who are proving they are only capable of loving me on their terms, as they need, when they need, and how they need all while being oblivious to my needs, wants, and sacrifices. But guess what? I’m OK, I’m still surviving, maintain, and achieving. How sweet it COULD have been for us to have shared this together. I think about all the time, energy, effort, and LOVE I invested in you and really believed that our friendship, connection, and love could and would stand the test of time. Believe it or not, I don’t regret a thing! All MY life lessons, good or bad are footprints engraved in my storybook. A storybook that I have used to make it this far without you, a storybook that has taught me the true meaning of FRIENDSHIP, TRUST, LOYALITY, COMPASSION, HAPPINESS, STRENGTH, LOVE and A STORYBOOK THAT HAS SHOWN ME HOW TO ACCEPT AND BE OK IN MY OWN SKIN!!!!!!!! But most of all a storybook that has shown and proved UNCERTAINTY IS THE ONLY CERTAINTY!!!! This is to taking back, having, holding and never ever again giving away the key to MY HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I look at a picture and just stare at it. There is something familiar about the young lady in the picture.  If I look really hard she bears a slight resemblance to someone I once knew someone who seems to be and hopefully will be gone forever. Deep in her eyes I see myself, the person in the picture is me, the old me but none the lease me. I have gone through such a drastic change within the last 6 months that I barely recognize myself. When people go to my facebook page they are amazed and shocked at the difference. And I find myself saying if you feel like that and you’re only looking at me, how do you think I feel because it is me. I thought I was ready for this journey but every day brings on a new set of challenges and a new discovery of who GINA really is. I have been hiding behind the weight for so long that once it started to shed I was left exposed, vulnerable, and alone. Now don’t get me wrong!!!!!! I don’t regret nor would I change having the surgery. I just would have invested more time in loving me and preparing me for the changes that were and are ahead of me. But thanks to my Boo~Bear and my Best Friend Toni I am going to make it. I am learning to live one day at a time and to look into a mirror and/or a picture and know that though the outside has changed the inside is the same but better. I am stronger, more determined, more appreative of myself and dedicated to learning to love and the people around me harder.

Well it has been a minute and I have become one of those people that I didn't want to become. That person who spends all there time on the site before surgery and forget after. Well I am going to do better. I have been trhough a lot in the last month or so. The weight lose has been something that is hard to explain. I see the change but still find it hard to grasp. I have really changed in the last couple of months and that is for the good and for the bad. I have learn to love myself more and enjoy being me!!!! However; there are times that I question why I had the surgery in the first place. I know the obvious that I need to lose weight but why was I unable to do it without surgery. Don't get me wrong, I don't reget doing the surgery and believe me I know that was the best decision evert but sometimes I am overwhelmed with emotions. Anyway the new weigh in is drum roll please..............................................................................................................................................210. WOW, can you believe that I am 210 lbs, and I offically wear a size 16 go me!!
I'm starting over and loving me!!!!!!

Well it has been a minute and I miss OH!!!!
Well were do I begin, I had to go back to the hospital twice and be admitted. It was so hard! I thought I was doing something wrong and I took it very hard. But the worse part was that everytime I went it and came out I had gain 10 pounds so within this month I lost the same 10 three times. I was so fustrated. But I think I am in a good place now and I am really happy. I am now at 230 and from what everyone else is saying looking GOOD!
Most days I don't see it, It is going to take some getting use too. One thing that is really driving me crazy is not having anything to wear. EVERYTHING I OWN IS TOOOOO BIG and my friends and family don't hold there tongues about telling me not to wear that agin! But I guess if that is the worse I am happy.
Well I posted some new pictures a month out. It took so long because I didn't feel like I had lost weight and was a little bit ashamed but I have and it is what it is.
Well I am at work and have to get back I will be updating soon. Have Dr. Appointment with the best Doctor in the world Dr. Rashid in the morning so cross your hands that everything goes GOOD!!!!!  :0)

It has been a minute since I last posted. Since that time I have had the surgery and have been trying to deal with all of the emotions that come after surgery. Where do I start, surgery was not bad at all. I had plan for the worse and got dealt a pretty good hand. I did have to deal with gaining weight (water i guess) during the time at the hospital. I went in 260 and came out 269 I was devastated for several days. With all the planning for surgery I don't think I planned enough for after surgery. It is really a mind changing event. I have realized how often I ate because it smelled good or other people around me were eating.
Anyway it took me a couple of days after surgery to pull my self together and after having and getting over buyers remorse I am proud of my decision and my progress. As of today I am 244 pounds but what is better than that I have lost A LOT of inches in various places.
My thigh's have gone from 31inches to 26 inches,
my calf's have gone from 18inches to 15 inches,
my arms have gone from 19 inches to 14inches,
my neck has gone from 15 inches to 14 inches,
my waist has gone from 49inches to 47inches
and my hips have gone from 54inches to 50inches.
So my body has done some major changing in the last almost 2 weeks with all the emotions that I have been dealing with this has been one of the best decisions that I have had!
My journey has truly just Begin!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost forgot I will be posting new pictures next week

Today I am feeling a slew of emotions. I had my pre-op appointment yesterday And I was overjoyed!!! Then I thought about it "this is the last appointment before surgery on Tuesday" WOW, I have had a LONG JOURNEY and through the journey I had to evaluate myself and accept issues that had been long buried. The funny things is everyday I begin to wake up and love me harder!!! One thing that I had to realized going through this process was as drastic as the outside of me might change the inside will still be the same, and if I don't learn to REALLY love me I will continue to see the same person in the mirror. When I realized and accepted that fact the journey got easier and became more of a learning and healing processes then something being mandated by my insurance company. As I get ready to put my life back in the hands of my father and he guides Dr. Rashids hands through this surgery I have faith and belief that the rebirth of the new Gina started months before the first cut was made!!!!