She Lurksalot
02/04/07
OH is a kinda (read: exceptionally) scary place for me, I honestly think the support is important and I would like to think there is no intentional maliciousness however when someone posts their opinion or experience and gets ripped, put down or ridiculed for it and the post becomes a bash session I get upset and sometimes still process it as a personal attack and that is never a good thing.
My mom always said, "If you can't say something nice, keep your mouth shut". Well she could have learned volumes if she had practiced that herself.
I learned early to make do on negative reinforcement because it was what I got, (you can't, you don't and you'll never) and to get by stuffing my reactions and feelings back down inside of me to keep from hurting or causing pain to others, that alone cost me my childhood and in my mind made me responsible for far more than any single person, even an adult, should ever attempt to carry.
Stuffing feelings is still the foremost thing I think I am working on. I desperately would like to post on my profile some of the things that ultimately led me to WLS, I think it would be cleansing and I think it just might be a common thread we all share to some extent.
But I am afraid. It is still very difficult for me to think I might have anything worthwhile to share, so please forgive me when I shut down, friendship is a concept I want to embrace but mostly it frightens me. I am venturing out in bits and pieces and as long as no one comments I hope to continue a bit at a time.
12/07/06
Because someone (Thank you Lisa V.) on the April surgery board asked and because I have procrastinated frightfully on my profile.
This begins: I am doing quite well, since beginning this new and very intense portion of my life journey. In April of '05 when the doctors scales said I weighed 319 pounds. I faced the very daunting task of yet another expletives deleted darn diet. I had dieted fairly well and sucessufully starting at age 9 with my first physicians "diet" all the way to the second round of Optifast in 1999 through Kaiser and a few more fad diets to date, I lost weight but as soon as the doctor or nutritionist said well now you can do this on your own (yeah right like I haven't been here before) the weight would come joyfully clammoring back with each less than great or even good food choice bringing friends to fill those deflated fat cells.
My PCP referred me to Dr. Ken Fujioka, a weight loss and diabetic specialist (I was not diabetic but my mother and grandmother were both adult onset: mom at 58, grandma at 89) and my bloodwork put me at pre diabetic level. This was April, I thought about it...............
I met a lady in June who had had gastric bypass surgery a almost two years earlier and had amazing success with her weight loss, she encouraged me to look into a surgical option. I thought somemore about it........................
By August of '05 I had worked up my courage, called the weight loss clinic and made an appointment with Dr. Fujioka, even though "past experience" had been a poor teacher and I an even poorer student, this felt like something new, finally it wasn't my fault, genetics helped quite alot in the process. After working with Dr.F for three months and taking off about 18 pounds, I asked if it was possible that I would be a candidate for bariatric intervention and he said yes.
I was given a packet of instructions to begin working on the additional requirements (additional to the 6 months of physician supervised weight loss program) that would lead me to this new and exciting road in my life journey.
By the middle of February, I had been to 4 orientation meetings (One was required) and heard two very competent and dedicated bariatric surgeons discuss the options available in their practice, gastric banding and RNY. I had seen and talked to the nutritioist and the psychologist and had been approved as a good candidate for surgery. I had also been to 3 support group meetings (again, one was required) and now was ready to make an appointment with the surgeon I thought was the best choice for me.
This was a very difficult decision as both are equally competent and qualified. My first meeting with Dr. Matthew Brunson, at the end of February, confirmed my feeling that my choice was right for me and we jointly decided that my best option was RNY. At our second appointment in March, I passed a written questionaire of my knowledge of expectations, possible complications and results of surgery. He and his staff began the authorization process and my surgery was scheduled for April 18, 2006 (there were issues with the process, but those were overcome and so are not open for discussion).
Today my bloodwork is in the normal range for all components tested.
My weight has come down gradually, around 13 pounds per month for a grand total of 123 pounds.
I have gone from 4x in a top and size 28/30 pants to a size 16/18 top and I fit in most size 16 pants (Levis 16 is very snug in the waist).
Shoes have gone from being uncomfortable in an 11 wide to being somewhat comfortable in a 10 wide. For years I only wore Berkinstock or berkinstock knockoffs because they are so comfortable even if the're not a great fashion statement or office professional in style. In the early 60's I wore spike heels, I can do that now, even walk a few steps in them, but to actually buy a pair, it isn't going to happen in this lifetime.
If you are dissapointed that COMFORT is still my first name, oh well, this old flower child/hippy isn't ever going to be a top fashion model, even if cows eventually do learn to fly.
The only meds I am still on are 10 mg of Lisnopril for blood pressure and 150mg Propafenone to regulate my heart rhythms because I still don't handle stress any to well, gotta be good on the job even when the pressure is more than I can take, I support myself so there is no option, the idea of living without a roof overhead, running hot water, electricity and my computer are unacceptable alternatives at best and I'm too old to be adopted. I've been hosptialized twice since surgery, neither related to each other or the RNY: once because I went into atrial fib at work (stress) and couldn't get back into a normal rhythm and once for a lower GI bleed. (More than you wanted to know, well I'm finally doing this so...tough beans.) If you want more grizzly details, email me I may oblige.
I caught my first cold in so long, I forgot how nasty they make you feel. Actually stayed home from work Wednesday and today. Have an appointment to see the doctor at 2 to see if this is viral and what I can take or if it's bacterial and get a big shot of pennicillin or something, 'cause I am bitchier than usual, feel worse as the day progresses and it is no fun using PTO for staying at home alone when you are miserable and sick!
Well, that is the last and only chapter in this journey I have posted. It's way condensed and probably not complete, I made an effort not to whine, left out details that don't matter because they have worked out and it is still probably more than anyone wants to know.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Best wishes in your personal journey and may you find health and happiness a reward for your efforts in your quest.
Recap: I wish someone had told me I might qualify for this surgery many years earlier, and YES!! I would do it again in a heartbeat if it's not all a dream that I will soon awaken from.
And oh yes, my birthday is February 17th, I'll be 62.
