free4l1fe

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I'm feeling pretty good today. I had a protein shake today and it wasn't as bad. Someone on the forum gave me the idea of using soy milk in my shakes to make it taste better. I, instead tried non sweetened almond milk. It's amazing how much easier it was to get that shake down. I'm really happy I found something to help get those shakes down.

I'm now 25 pounds down but it really don't feel like I've lost any weight. Maybe the next 25 will show a difference, but I am still thankful that I am losing. Hopefully I will have lost another 25 by the time my mother in law gets here in June. She weighs 90 pounds soaking wet and is sure that all I have to do to lose weight is eat a salad every day.

Well, off to take a shower and get my day going :)

 Today kind of sucks. I woke up today 3 pounds heavier and I'm not sure why. I want to eat everything in site and everything not in site for that matter. Maybe I'm just bored and need to get out of the house, but unfortunatly my car keys have been missing for two days and its raining outside so in the house I stay. I need to tackle this head hunger so that I don't jeapordize my weight loss. 
I just want to sleep all day, but my sweet little 3 year old needs lots and lots of attention and stimulation. Maybe we'll go play in the rain puddles.

On a more positive note, I do believe my chocolate addiction is under control. I had a piece of chocolate 2 days ago. Normaly once chocolate hits my lips, I'm looking for another before I'm finished with the first one. But, this time I was over it before it was gone. It's HUUUUGE for me to say that. I really couldn't be happier about it.

Tomorrow is officially 2 weeks.
I went to my 2 week follow up appointment today and was cleared to eat pureed food. I might just be the happiest girl in the world right now :).  I was told before surgery that it was going to be a 6 week liquid diet post surgery. But today she told me that they tell that to everyone, but the people who have the band are told on their 2 week follow up that they are allowed to start puree.
I feel like the dark cloud that has been hanging over my head is gone. I never knew that the thought of eating pureed food would be the best thing ever lol
I'm still super sore at the port site, but it's getting better day by day. Driving is still difficult for my port pain, but I am SOOO much better than I was a week ago.

Up until today, I was really regretting having surgery because I was mourning food so terribly. But knowing that my life will start to get normal again feels GREAT!

It's day 9 and I woke up today feeling physically better. My port site doesn't seem as sore as it has been and I'm able to move more freely.
Right now I'm feeling pretty good about things. I usually am OK with this liquid diet until around 3, then I start getting bummed out. I am going to try and keep myself busy without exhausting myself so that food isn't the first thing in my brain.
Today, I get to pick my daughter up from the airport. Her class is back from Washington DC and I am so excited to see her. I am a bit nervous however, because this is the first time driving since having my surgery. I think it should be fine though.
It does stress me out that I will be driving by all the fast food places today. I so often stopped at them while out and about.

OK, time for a protein shake and the treadmill.

I was so excited at the thought of finally having protein shakes again. Instead of me loving it, I hate it. The shake itself is not terrible, but I'm sooooooo over "eating" this way, and it is just the beginning. I can't believe I have 6 more weeks of this before I can introduce mushies. REALLY?!?!?! How the heck am I going to go another 6 weeks like this???? I am so discouraged right now. I just want my life to be back to normal. I know I can never go back to "normal" for me because that consisted of eat whenever and whatever I wanted.
I'm just feeling down today and had to vent. This has got to get better......right????

Today marks my first week out of surgery! I think this has been the longest week of my life. I've gone through so many emotional stages.
-I've felt remorse for going through with such a drastic change, and putting my body through this. I've had thoughts of wondering could have I have just lost the weight on my own (yeah riiighhtt!!!).
-I've had thoughts of excitement for what my future holds with carrying less weight on my body, and all the stuff I will be able to do with my kids.
-I've had thoughts of mourning because I truly miss my best friend food. Food is my comforter when I'm sad, my way of celebrating when I'm happy. How am I going to deal with my feelings now that my rock is gone.

Tomorrow I finally get to add in protein shakes. I've only had water, broth, sf Popsicles, and sf jello for the past 7 days. I've gone from 295 to 279.2, but have a hard time getting excited about it because I've basically starved myself all week. I'm so afraid that once I start my protein shakes and then in 3 weeks mushies, that my weight loss will stall or that I will regain.

My biggest fear this entire journey so far, has not been complications from surgery, but of failure to lose weight on my part. I started counseling 3 weeks prior to surgery and will continue throughout my journey to help me deal with all the new feelings surfacing.

So far, as much as I miss food (I'm literally dreaming about it every time I sleep lol) I am still happy that I have this surgery. I know that with a lot of hard work physically and emotionally, I can eventually become a healthy person.